Aww, I really liked both of these! This is gonna be hard to vote on.
Shen: you surprised me with the colours! This warm palette feels different from your previous comics but I think it works really well. Though the ending felt like it needed maybe one more panel to wrap it all up, I wasn't too bothered by it overall, I really liked their interactions throughout the comic too, you had some great facial expressions! I love how it went from happy to total panic ahaha, the amount of chaos they caused in a short period of time was really entertaining :D
Hobbit: I'm pleased with how your writing has improved, the story had good flow and it was easy to follow this time round! I love how Meredith is so sweet towards Boom, makes me go awwww<3 Glad to see you using colour again, the transition into bright neon colours were really fun to look at! also it's really cool to see Boom showing off her powers in this comic, makes me wonder what she's truly capable of when she's super serious :0
Thank you all for the wonderful comments! I just wanted to say thank you and that I worked very hard on this comic and am so happy with how it turned out- it was my most productive comic! Going to edit this a little later with some small responses but I wanted to say thank you so much for reading. Crits are very much welcome and I appreciate them.
Great use of 3 weeks!
Shen: I'm not a fan of the monochrome zombie colors, I imagine that's a running-out-of-time issue. I also think you should have gone with some different color schemes for different scenes, like, warm inside the pizza place (since most artificial lights are warm) and cool outside (for natural daylight), or visa versa (fluorescent inside, sunset/sunrise outside), and maybe another shift of color to something colder when their powers go out of control before bringing it back to warm. This can be easily done too by playing with the color balance of a whole page after you've done the colors and see what works. I can see if you wanted a limited palette overall but I feel it's a bit too limiting. Storywise I would have liked to see one more gag to finish off the comic; most of it was pretty funny.
Hobbittastic you're on a roll since SRT and it's great to see more completed stuff from you! There's a very clear upgrade in your art style in general from past comics, and the colors changing with her vision. I would have done a little more with the black skies so they're not so empty. It's cool to see Boom's growing magical prowess (those secret lessons with Abbas are paying off what) Now on to finishing Year of the Magical Girl!
Hobbit, thanks for fighting me! oh my gosh i LOVE the colours on yours!! i wish i could get away with such a neon palette! i like how it started with Lily putting SRT away, lol! And Boom wants to try necromancy in both of ours! i was worried for a moment that Boom was gonna be a WAY better necromancer than Lily on her first try- since its like Lily's ONLY thing lol- but then it was just an illusion, you scamp! Boom and Meredith's relationship is so sweet too, it was nice to see! Thanks for battling me, i had fun!
Really stellar work from both of you for only two weeks. Way to bring it and go out swinging!
ANIMESHEN- I dunno why Magic Pizza is a hilarious title for a pizza shop, but it is. It just seems really amusing these magical girls would be THAT snooty to only frequent magical establishments. Though I gotta admit, I wish the writing on your storefront wasn't so slapdash. It really throws me because as I read on, you add this great cracked detail to the street where the zombies erupt only to kinda scrawl the buildings the further out you go. I guess I'm confused by the mix of nice and rushed. You did say you were pressed for time, so maybe that's it.
The interior of the pizza joint was really great. Way to really give the place personality with that overhead lighting. I think you really hit home the funny withthat super girly juvenile confrontation to fight. Even Satin getting a little irkedo n Lilyfeathers behalf was a nice touch!
FREAKY FRIDAY PREMISE! Well at least inspired, right? It was cool to see the two of these girls trying to make their adopted powers their own and failing miserably. Gads, I totally laughed at page 8. Great panel showcasing the crazy. Poor Merrick! I love how overall your comic is so warm and inviting. Though I will admit it may be too warm. Just seemed highly over saturated, but maybe that's just me. Speaking of things that're just me, did Meredith turn into a giant on page 11, panel 4, or is the door just too small?
It seems overall you seemed to capture Booms childish personality, Meredith's Maternal side and made this a really fun encounter. Nice work! :)
HOBBIT- Gads, your comic. The colors, dog, the COLORSSSS. Really, love 'em or hate 'em, they really made an impression. Such a psychedelic acid trip of graveyard frivolity! I'm working off seeing your WIPs first, so I'm glad to see you added more personality and pizazz to the establishing shot on the first page. I wouldn't be a good critiquer if I didn't ask you to really punch it up for next time. You're there, but that environment is still looking too clean and polished. It's a graveyard- really muck it up! Is it well maintained? abandoned?
I can't get over Boom and Meredith's relationship. Right out the gate, from page 1 to 2, I'm fulla squishy feelgood feels with how maternal and caring Meredith is. Booms silly 'aww, feeling the luv' expressions are super amusing too.
That changeover from the mundane to fright-sight is really in your face. Honestly, I can see the comments here ranging from super love to super loathe. It really leaves no room for middle ground as I think it's impactful. I personally am hinging on whether this required shadows, but seeing as there's so much going on, I wonder if that would've just cluttered things. Nice nod, by the by tying-in the recently completed SRT with Lilyfeather returning them from whence they came. Whatta freaky portal! Page 5 totally is giving me nightmare before Christmas vibes with the festive lighting and simple shapes that make up the scene as they're all sucked in. Really nice visual!
I dunno if the dialogue between Boom and Lilyfeather was supposed ot be really weird, but I think it works. Especially in this blacklight poster day-glo world. The off kilterness works for me. Especially the exchange on page 10. tiny babies and adults abound and are lies, I tells ya! Its cool to see in contrast to Shen's comic, Lilyfeather is down with teaching Boom necromancy and they summon the undead. That ground is driving me nuts though. If he's coming up through the earth, there should be more than cracks. The earth should be raised up, buckled and shifted a bit to really make that protrusion work. Then again, maybe you're trying to bring across the fact its spirits phasing through the earth instead of solid things? I got that impression with Boom's fairy zombies. Still, DUDE. Fairy zombies! Can we expect more creepy high fantasy shenanigans apt pupil Boom? Guess we'll have to stay tuned :DD
These were both pretty equally charming.
I like Shen's setting, and got a laugh out of the part where they both start screaming and running around. And I like how Hobbit went for the apprentice's trial scenario.
Nice work!
Hobbit: Fantastic use of varying color schemes and so much play on neon! ( I love neon.) I'm a fan of the glowy green ghost and fairy zombie designs. Very fun stuff! The character interactions were also nicely handled, and Lily's expressions with Boom's ability gave me a good chuckle. The first two panels on page 5 were my absolute favorite. Love the motion going on with Lily sending back the dead.
My only critiques to you is to keep busting out more background elements! We know they're in a grave yard for the most part, but adding little things like a night sky and some faded out details in the distance would've made them more complete. There were times I wasn't sure were Meredith was positioned because she was set on a pitch black panel. The organization of the speech bubbles on page 6 were a little confusing. I think this could've been remedied with Boom's speech bubble being more underneath Lily's first bubble and then have Lily's tucked underneath hers for better pacing.
Shen: Great choice of perspective shots and colors. Top of page 4 is probably one of my favorite examples of both. I would've loved to see Meredith have more interaction time with Lily, but the ending pretty much tied it all together when she confronted Boom about the dangers of necromancy.
I guess my only other critique (and it's super small), is Boom's first engagement with Lily. It was cute and funny that Lily would overreact to her saying her dress is ugly, but I dunno I would've liked to see a different approach other than the classic "insult the opponent and take em outside" technique.
But hey you both got some solid entries out of this! Good job you two!
OH MY GOD THESE COLORS ARE SO NICE GWAAAAAAHHHHH. I love how Shen's is very comfortable and soft warm colors while Hobbit's is colder, loud colors. The contrast is amazing when you look at both rounds together, and I heavily encourage you both to keep this up!!!!!!!
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