I have no idea what just happened. Who are Myra and Yvonne, and are they supposed to be from Heratik's backstory or Audrey's backstory? Or both?? Did you guys just invent a new backstory involving your two characters??? Why am I so confused right now????
On the plus side, I do really like your characters (both Heratik and Audrey), and I want to get to know them more in the future. I think you just tried to tie a long and complicated backstory into your comic, and it wasn't something you could really accomplish in a single comic. I look forward to getting all my answers cleared up in other comics hahah!
Kozi- Thank you!! I definitely wanna work on something smaller and simpler next time, because that'd be easier to handle without like... accidentally going too far and needing too much context. Especially since her ability is so weird....
Hobbit- I agree!! I prefer varying body types a lot too, and I should do that next time to REALLY highlight the illusion. Like, as said-- an illusion is confusing to register and it sure as heck doesnt help if other parts are confusing too.
Again i'm really sorry for my first round and i'm admittedly pretty ashamed at how much I screwed up the story orz I'm getting help with writing though, so hopefully I can write something better and more concise next time!
Syraxis- I feel like the setting is really pointless only because it doesn't serve any purpose. Also you break the 180* rule on page 1 and 5. Your character's design makes it really hard to see clear poses of it which makes the over all action hard to read. Also I have no idea where Gray and Hunter are physically in relation to them. The background makes it seem like they are inside a building but the setting is an outdoor concert? Try working on doing a variety of poses (esp Audrey). Other wise I think most of the textures are nice and you seem to have a good grasp on coloring.
Mortooncian- Look at these colors!! The backgrounds in this had a lot of nice effort and the palettes are great. Here where some of the problems start:
One big problem is you don't draw the three girls with enough variation in design (though Yvonne has a lot more in difference than the other two but it's mostly her clothing). For a good while I thought Myra and Audrey were the same person until I asked around. Apparently Audrey is pretending to be Myra but there is no reason they need to have such similar designs. If she is pretending to be another person then switch up the design!!
http://raptorific.tumblr.com/post/90369159266/a-new-test-for-character-design-the-babs-and
This link is a little more what I mean. Yvonne, Myra and Audrey all have super similar body types and faces. Myra and Audrey look like the same girl in different clothes.
I get having a mystery past and holding stuff for secret- but you have to give me some information. I feel like everything is left up to "this is background stuff you'll learn later" but that's more suited to a webcomic than a set amount of pages these comics tend to be. With Boom and Meredith I wanted to keep their "plot" stuff in Void but realized it was too much backstory info that would need to be explained before reading the comic for me to use and not confuse anyone. The story doesn't have a clear motive and I'm not sure why anything is happening or who these people are. It started with tag but ended with dinner?
Hay hay guys! Grats on getting through your first battle together. WHOO!
SYRAXIS- Really nice rich colors were the first impressions I got from your pages. Everything looked so vibrant and fun despite the fact it was night. I like your establishing shot with the concert, but rather wished you'd given the roof more personality to realize it was a roof. It wasn't until the non sequitur cameo of Hunter and Gray that I realized they were on top of a building. Totally thought it was a square dirt hill. Another thing I noticed was that your linework was very thin. There doesn't seem to be any variation in your linewidths to pull your characters from what little background/environments you had. Though what you DID have looked pretty good. I especially dug the last panel on page 6 the best. I notice you two did a collab battle which is awesome for a first rumble, but I feel you may of gotten the sort end of the stick when it comes to engaging story. Not much happens here apart from a game of tag and what little plotpoint hints you dropped (like the mention of Myra) don't make much sense when your comic stands alone without your opponents.
Still that's not to say Syraxis didn't look danged cool. You definitely showed off some pretty neat looks and on the spot grisly mutations in order to chase down Audrey. Even Audrey herself looked positively charming. Its clear you're very comfortable drawing them both and your appreciation for them shines from page to page.
MORTOONCIAN- What a color asplosion! Its also very evident you had fun once things took a turn for the Tron. I really like the technological, near pyschadelic look to Audrey's...possession? Intervention attempt? Not sure what its called, but its danged neat. I'll have to admit in that this battle feels like reading the very middle of a comic series and knowing nothing about who's who or why they matter. Seeing as y'all did a collab battle, maybe it would've helped if Syraxis had a flashback, or dream or some establishing moment for the reader to be introduced to a character and also explain why we should care about them. I mean, they looked cool so I wanted to get to know them, but then we had to figure out why Heratik was mad, then sad, then embarrassed. It was all just a jumble I wish I had more answers than questions.
I had to re-read your fighters bio because I'm not quite sure I fully grasp her...mind reading? Memory review? How does she chose which memories to tap into? How are the names/memories parsed by way of what would be important to her/Heratik?These are all supah nitty gritty queries I know its too early to get answers for, but considering the big question mark this comic left me, I feel Audrey is definitely a character that needs context to better understand. Least for me!
AAAAA Thank you Pyras! Admittedly, I was a bit overambitious with this-- Ive been told to kinda scale down and simplify what I wanna do with comic-storylines, and make them more cohesive. Which in thinking about it is supremely important; since Audrey's powers are a bit bizarre, I should make everything else as clear as possible!
Thank you!
Alright good sparring match you two!
Syraxis: This comic is a little on the passive side and the low page count when factored into the 4 weeks and the amount of actual content that happens doesn't add up well. I would have liked to see more happening.
mortooncian: epic effort here, I've got no complaints with colors and art but as far as narrative, I have absolutely no idea who any of those characters from Heratik's memory are; there's enough context clues to figure out his relationship with them, but having just met Audry and Heratik I wanted to learn more about those two themselves, rather than these characters that I'm not even sure will or will not matter in future comics.
As new artists, I have some thoughts that you can take if you'd like concerning your stay in void:
syraxis: I am concerned that the incredible intricacy of your character's design, followed with your extremely precise and thin linework, is going to be a crutch for you when you start taking on real battles. Considering what you could muster in 4 weeks, which isn't too much content-wise, you want to think of ways that will help you draw faster so that you don't end up with incomplete stories on tighter deadlines, as well as compressing some of what you write so you get more bang for each page.
mortooncian: I would suggest to avoid relying on background characters and past history with Audreymeyda (something I'm gathering would be a thing based on all the other elements of her character sheet). More important than who she was for most people here will be who she is, and if you're going to be doing the standard "following the canon of the victor", and given the variety of characters on void, your character's story is going to evolve in ways you may have never imagined, that might make too much clinging to your extra ideas stifling. It's fine to pepper those ideas in over time, little by little, though.
Hope all this helps and once again welcome to enterVoid!
Double first battle hype!
Will Syraxis' bebladed biohazard encounter a truly odd Audrey? Or will mortooncian's adorable devil find herself in a Hera-raising tik-uation??
Find out right here, on August 12th!
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