BOTH sides of the story here suggest Beo really did kill Gray, but like, I know she was harder to kill than that: it took like all the heaviest hitters on the site to finally kill her. so don't feel too bad, Beo! hindsight is 20/20 i guess
Stormcrow: I thought that sort of grey tone was a good choice. Really nice to look at and really approachable coloration. I think there should have been more intense values utilized when it counted, however. They stayed soft and comfortable the entire time and it didn't give me the appropriate mood for some of the situations. Your orange felt great and was that mood we needed to have for a lot of this comic and I really wanted to see more of that utilized in this comic, because it was a very necessary feeling to help translate action to me, but it was used only on a few pages and that was kind of disappointing.
Your art and people look good, but I have a couple hang ups. Chiefly, backgrounds are definitely lacking. A little can go a long way here and not giving any texture or development to the buildings really did hurt it my enjoyment of the visuals. Your punch lacked a lot of impact also. The pose seemed alright, but maybe you should take some time to study fight scenes in comics you like to get better examples.
I wasn't terribly into how this story turned out. It felt really unnatural to me to forgive him the way he did, if only because his girlfriend has just been eviscerated by this guy and I feel like he'd want to maybe do more than give him a single punch to the face. He's very willing to just talk to the attacker instead of going for some street justice on Beo. It just feels sort of wrong and out of order to me. I could accept the 'nice' ending more if we saw Hunter going to Grey and holding her or whatever. The problem is that from our point of view, he ran immediately after Beo instead of hanging around Grey and making sure she was safe. Leaving her to bleed out in the graveyard when she is in dire need of help and chasing her attacker across town. Maybe we didn't get to see the scene of them together before, but these small trips in telling the story just sit wrong with me.
Overall, I want to see more of Hunter and I want to see the repercussions of this story on Hunter. I'm very interested to see what will happen next. You did a good job with this comic. Can't wait to see what you do next.
Kichi: Good to see you doing more. I feel like you've got story stuff with Beo you want to explore but you're just at the cusp of explaining it and/or making the story about it. I kind of would like to see you do more to explain whatever that past history stuff is so we can be put into his place more effectively. I think there could be a lot to explore regarding whatever history he has that's hurting his mental state that he needs his necklace to help keep control with.
I'm uncertain how I feel about the first two pages. On one hand, I think the idea is in the right place with the 'unconcious memories' flooding back in and you had a good set up with that, but I think they're paced wrong and could have been revealed or shown in a more interesting manner. I liked the faded hazy memory panels on page 5, as well.
I sort of wish your colors were a in a similar range of hues instead of being done just stock character colors, especially since it takes place at night when a whole wealth of interesting colors and coloration on these characters could have been used. Maybe try coloring out of your comfort zone next time and play with coloring for mood, because I feel like you're completely able to push yourself more and achieve more in the art you're doing.
Overall, it's always good to see you do finish stuff and make it look completed. I hope to see you do something again soon, Beo or otherwise. Nice job.
Stormcrow -
I think you could've gone a little more dramatic with your value range. The soft greys are really pretty, but this is someone confronting a person who might have murdered his love, and he's doing it in a dark alley at night. Like the only light source is that one streetlamp, and maaaayyybee some moonlight. I totally think that realism needs to take a back seat to mood, but the mood here actually is quite dark. You never let the shadows on your characters get even as dark as the stuff in the backgrounds, and that really minimizes the impact the environment has on the encounter.
And speaking of environment pleeaasseee pleeeeaaaaase give them some more love. Not only will it help you create interesting shots and framing elements, but it also really enhances and describes mood in a way that can't be substituted. Just a few small details and texturing can go miles. Instead of saying in your head "An alleyway" add just one more descriptor " An alley behind a bar" or "An alleyway someone lives in" or even just "a dirty alley". Give yourself something to springboard off of, something to start you asking questions about the world.
Your art is very clean and solid too, so you can definitely work some great stuff into the world. You definitely have a VERY solid grasp on the fundamentals, and I think you could just start being crazygonuts and really push yourself out of your comfort zone. Your strong technical skills will totally keep you aloft no matter what you try.
My fav part was definitely the black shadow on the wall, so cool!
Nothin -
I'm not really feeling these colours together. They're a little dark, but they don't really read "middle of the night" and together they don't really create a mood. Remember, nothing HAS to be any colour. Stuff varies in colour so much in real life, and even outside of pure realism, your readers will usually accept any colour for anything without breaking the reality of the story. All that matters is that it makes them feel something.
You characters emote reeeeaaallly well though. There's alot of great intensity but also subtlety in their faces. They're not just "I'm angry" or "I'm scared" there's alot of variance and richness to whats going on in their faces.
ok well im clearly biased since Gray is bleeding to death in both of these and thats awesome so automatically thats points from me for angry hot boys mourning unsettlingly smiling ghost girl XD Its amazing you wrote such similar stories! It kinda does read like Pyras said like Kichi's is part 1 and Crow's is part 2, hell maybe you should say its intentional XD I guess I do kinda agree that nota lot actually happens, these were all high emotion without a lot of payoff. Kichi, you appear to be doing a BB now so hopefully that will finish up the story. I do like your last image of Hunter and Gray as birds, and the flashback begins and interesting story I'd like to know more of. Crow, gosh you draw so pretty~ XD but your action lacks impact a bit... i think you maybe need like, motion lines, or hit sparks, or even a big indent in Beo's cheek on the panel where he was hit cuz i know it happened but i dont FEEL it happened. also you and i should just like.... do a BB together and finish the story lol. Anyhow, I dont have much to add that hasnt been said, *I* liked them but i was in them so theres that XD Cant wait to see more comics from you guys!
Both: Y'all need a payoff. As has been stated, pretty much the same thing happens in both your comics. Not much. I feel like you're both building up to something happening later, but the problem is, not enough happens here to make it feel like it was worth reading. Even if your stories are meant to lead into something else, you need to have something happen here. Every comics needs its own story, or nobody is gonna care when you get to what everything leads up to.
NOTHIN: Your angles are kinda weak. None of these shots feel like they carry any weight to them. THe big reveal for Beo to realize he's attacked Grey is so visually identical to the panel ahead of it, I legitimately thought it was just zoomed in when I first looked at it. If you want us to feel that uncomfortable, gut wrenching realization with Beo, you've got to really shove our faces in it. Pull it in tight, show us the details Beo is focusing on. Put us in his shoes. Also, you pull a big no no from page 5 to 6. You've got Hunter grabbing Beo from the left, but then on the next page Hunter is on the right. It's jarring, but not in the way that his appearance after the flashback sequence should have been. It feels less like I've been pulled out of the flashback, and more like I've been pulled right out of the comic.
And then your backgrounds are pretty weak too. This is a cemetery but it feels more like random rocks shoved into a field. Details like a fence in the background, maybe small walking paths, something to make the place feel real. Don't be afraid to look up some references for your settings.
And then honestly, This ending on that, "what did you do? Why?" is a poor choice. We already know what he did from the previous battle. It feels less like Hunter vs Beo, and more like a comic about what happens BEFORE Hunter Vs Beo.
STORMCROW: MOOOORE BACKGROUNDS. You've got a really good night scene, but right now it just feels like a night scene in a bunch of grey squares. Add some brick work, some windows, some gravel, something to make this place feel more real.
I'm honestly not sure how I feel about your blocky cell shading going on. I have nothing against cell shading, but these squared shadows kinda jar me. They don't feel like they blend well when they're against more curved features, like Beo's face on page 2. It just doesn't sit well for my eyes.
Your pacing also needs some work. Like, the beginning is super energized. It feels like everything is in a rush, which is good, the characters feel tense and ready to go. The problem is, it all completely diffuses by the end with nothing to show for it. There's no real high stakes moment to match how intense these characters feel to diffuse the scene, and yet, all the tension is just dropped , yet kinda still held limply? Beo's face in the very end makes me think there was supposed to be more. I clicked again when I got to the end cause I expected Beo to attack or something, but instead found the comic was over. It was a really weak finish unfortunately.
Congrats to both of you finishing your comics, and as always I look forward to what each of you do next!
Reading Stormcrow's comic again, I gotta say, the backgrounds don't bother me quite as much as others have said, but some extra detail in the buildings (or any, really) would've prevented them from being an issue at all. That said, the smoothness of the graytone cel shading really is lovely, and makes me want to give the look a try on my next comic. Also, despite a lack of juicy revenge action in this entry, Hunter's last line resonated a lot more with me upon reading it again.
I wonder if Hunter means to exact his vengeance on not just Beo, but all of Void...
I'll be honest, it doesn't make up for a lack of substance in this battle, but it does make me excited for what he could do next.
I think Beo's comic is supposed to be Part 1 and Hunter's comic is Part 2?
I guess I'm in the minority, I liked how Hunter's comic ended, but there's 15 pages (when you combine both comics) in front of it that could have been told in far fewer; essentially, this is an extremely small story for a 3-week battle.
Hope to see you guys give it your all next time!
Alright. Critiquing time.
STORMCROW: You made a smart move by going for greyscale plus a splash of color. As always, your linework is solid and I like that you're varying up your camera angles AND having the characters actively move so it's not just two talking heads. However, like most everyone here indicated, the ending felt a bit on the abrupt side and your backgrounds could use more detailing so that it's not just a city of cubes. Maybe you could've also thrown in a splash of color on that necklace to highlight its importance too.
NOTHIN: I like that you're playing with Beo's shaky memory and how he's freaking out over what he just did. The emotional range you're displaying on both Beo and Hunter read well too! That said, your comic ends even more abruptly just when something interesting is about to happen, and the huge amount of black negative space makes all the darkness look less stylish and more like filler. Like Storm, there's not a whole lot of background work on your end so there's no real sense of place going on here. Since you only went with bright base colors, I can't tell if this is supposed to take place at night or not.
In the end the both of you told the same story and halted it just as everything was about to get interesting. It's a shame since we really didn't get to see how you could've taken this setup and put your own twists into it. Nothing really memorable happens and it's more or less an average comic on both sides. Good luck, and we all hope to see what the both of you will have in store for the future.
I'm gonna have to agree with Dino. Nothing at all happened on either side. This wasn't a boiling battle, or even one that was a cold bath. It was room temperature. A tepid soup that leaves you going "meh."
STORMCROW- I got really amped with all the hype and intensity you prefaced your comic battle with, and even your first page got me primed for some really awesome action. I mean, Beo is running, there has to be something really formidable going down to make a voider break out into a run. I love the build up that culminates into page 5 with a pretty intimidating Hunter finding his quarry. Coming out of the shadows like that is pretty awesome. I *think* Hunter throws a punch on page 7, but I can't really tell as there's no sound effect or impact indicating anything happened. Even the panel following it showing off Beo's face and pose leads me to assume it was more of a love tap. I wish you'd really committed. Make that punch intense! Carry with it Hunters panic that he found his girlfriend disemboweled in a graveyard. His expressions and actions thus far just seem like he's mildly irritated. I also notice that while Hunter is imposing and drawn really awesomely, it doesn't do much to disguise the fact your backgrounds are very bare.
It just seems so anti-climactic for Hunter not to do a thing to Beo. Not even in spite, grief, or righteous fury. It seems so impotent to just hand back his jewelry and walk off to...well I dunno. Take Gray to a hospital? Scream into a pillow? Anyone in love knows its temporary insanity, so seeing your loved one messed up I feel would elicit an intense response. This just felt so...meh.
NOTHIN- I felt you told the exact same story as Stormcrow, but with less words. There was this hype from both of you where it seemed Beo's actions would make Hunter and him real Nemesis, but this was just..eh. I'd sooner expect the pair of them giving each other the silent treatment than come to epic blows.
Though, I have to give you credit for showing off a wealth of emotion between the two of them. Beo panicking over his monsterousness was great, and the flashbacks to his grisly exploits had me wanting to go back through your battle archive to check those out. Hunter pulling a really tiny sword and crying as he demanded answers was even more great. You really get the sense this guy is distraught over his lady. Its all building up to this fantastic confrontation and it ends with a 'to be continued'. Are you going to battle Stormcrow againl? Do a beyond battle? Were you pressed for time and couldn't get the fight scene in? These are the questions to a comic shrouded in myyyysteryyy.
I'm just really thrown that three weeks produced (when you really count them) five pages of content that was really stymied by a 'stay tuned!'
Stormcrow: This comic is beautiful, the spot oranges (I love orange so much) are brilliant, especially page 5, which is just a badass splash.
Nothin: Your characters act well, but your backgrounds are really sparse here. I really like the image on the last page though.
Both: Exactly nothing happens in either of these comics, in exactly the same way.
Storm: I think your limited colour palette and the use of texture really complement your Grayscale. It really makes me feel like it's the middle of the night on a smoky/foggy night the way you've treated the light sources. That being said I do feel like some of your background work was a little lacking, it was definitely pretty to look at, but a little sparse - passable but not great from page 4 onward, 1-3 are looking snazzy as heck. I really like the continuation of the last battle between Gray and Beo and tying Hunter into it (he is so head over heels and I love it) plus the irony that he thinks he's not being changed also.
Nothin: My favourite part of this comic is the smirk on Gray's face as she's bleeding out on page 3. Even in so much pain she's so happy to have brought about Beo's bad side. You also seem to have had a bit of an issue with backgrounds, through all of your pages there are only four panels with a full background in them and they're pretty sparse as well. The comic does look finished, so I'm thinking this is how you planned it out? Don't be afraid to add more, there's a lot of close-ups too and I don't think they're necessarily wrong, they fit and they do what you were intending to (in my opinion) but I feel like there's just too much of it and we would really benefit from seeing a few more varied shots. Your colours are also very bright, so I'm not 100% sure when this is happening in terms of the time of day.
Shit, okay, I managed to find a laptop and submit my pages, so here goes nothing! Kichi, I'm so sorry for this looking so rushed-- there was more I wanted to do (and probably a followup when I get back home) but deciding to do a battle while also helping my friend prep for a wedding was a MISTAKE, lol.
I really hope it's alright, and I'm so sorry for the lack of hype. I'll be home on Thursday to post the wordless version of the splash page for you, and thank you again for battling me!
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