First off, I think both of you guys need to focus on your line work. Mainly, lift your pen of paper. Unless you are pristine about the way you contour your shading, the fast back & forward motion tends to look a bit messy.
fish- I'm not really a Seuss guy but I appreciate what you were going for here. I think something got a little lost in translation though when you tried to cop his style of illustration. This goes back to what I was saying up top. But maybe a little more so because Seuss had a very distinct heavy crosshatch that was kind of a big part of the way he shaded things. Sure, his angles got a little messy, but they were single, overlaying strokes. it's one of those subtle things that you ought to look at when trying to do things in a specific style. in yours, you just seem to scribble in the shading & it makes the art seemed rushed & haphazard. also edit your text. I think kozi mentioned it too. if you're going for a story book style, it makes them all the more glaring.
orion- The only place where I liked your line art was the offset of the sound coming from the tv. It made sense & gave it kind of a snow on a tv/digital glitch kind of gritty effect. But that was your only style of line throughout. It kind of killed me that you only used one pen for everything, & had to rehash over already drawn lines to thicken them. And if it's pen & this is your inking process, don't stop mid line. That sketching to feel the shape out is fine with pencil when you're roughing things out, but makes finished lines look gnarly & gross. Gain the confidence to keep everything as single strokes. I'd also like to see you show more variance in faces. Sure, we only see Andy but the shape of the head & features don't seem dramatically different than the way you draw your own character for me, & this was a perfect opportunity to make your characters seem less homogenous. Also that weird Mac Tonight middle panel on the second page is kind of killing me.
i know fully well we all work at different speeds and have varying levels of commitment, experience and ability but both of these look like they done in less than week instead of three and that you are still holding yourselves back emotionally and practically....this is not anything new for either one of you....nor the first time it has been said
Fish: you show good instinct and planning here and have a good story but you need to practice drawing a lot more and gain the confidence it will give you to do the actual drawing out and presentation of that planning and story....and then spend the time and energy doing it
Orion: same deal....just not enough there man
I very much want you two to both practice more and thereby get over whatever obstacles are getting in the way of your improvement...if its time practice will make you faster and more efficient...if it is habit, ability or confidence than practice will fix that too
ATOMICFISH- This was so unexpected and lovely- and submitted so close ot Dr. Suess' birthday. Definitely a touching homage to the greats work. I think you captured the art style of his books really well, as well as the whimsical silliness of the funny inventions your opponent made. I Especially dug the Otis soaker, even if Otis himself didn't seem too happy about it XD
My only complaint would have to be your typos. Always good to proofread and doublecheck so it all looks groovetastic! I also feel some verses didn't really rhyme, but really its super impressive you banged out a 6 page comic that had a melodic tale to tell. That's no mean feat!
I really dig that you're always thinking outside the box and coming into battles with unique stuff like this. I really hope you continue this trend of trying new styles and experimenting with your stories. :)
ORION- I really want to rent Lone Wolf now. Dramatic greaser werewolves? Yes please! This was a pleasant mix of funny and spooky. The changeover from the movie to that creeeeppy television scene was great, only to seamlessly hop back into a deadpan punchline. Admittedly short, but I don't think that took away from what you were trying to do here. :)
All in all faboo effort from the both of ya's. Keep up the great comics!
Atomic -
Oh my god rhyming! I can't even imagine how hard that was, I have enough difficulty just writing normally dialogue without thinking about rhyme schemes and meter. You did a great job with it! It was a little awkward in the early pages, but as you go it gets better, especially once you get to the list of stuff David makes.
I don't really like your lines in this comic, they don't feel expressive enough for me and I think your textures and hatching feel a little tacked on and rushed.
Orion -
I didn't even realize it had been that long since you did stuff here last, welcome back!
There are certain spots where I really like your hatching, like the first shot of Andy's pajama pants and the face in the TV. In those spots you exercised a little more control over your hatching. Hatching is great because it gives you a chance to describe texture and internal form, but you can't show that stuff when you just throw it up carelessly. Like, that first environmental shot looks really scribbly. You often just totally ignore texture and just use your hatching as a shorthand for shadows, which I think is totally a waste of what could be. I mention him too much, but check out Boulet if you aren't familiar with him, he does amazing things with hatching.
Also, be careful about depicting stuff head-on, that TV looks super flat. Even if you can't see the top or bottom of the set (which I don't think is a great idea) you should be able to see the width on the inside lip where the box meets the screen. It's annoying, but small things like that really make a difference.
I actually thought the story was totally okay! I wouldn't have known it was unfinished if you hadn't said so, haha. It's a great normal moment, with unique details to make it interesting, and a nice twist. Also, it completely fits Andy, I imagine she deals with stuff like this everyday, and that's how she reacts everytime.
Atomic: your comic was cute and I liked it overall :D I think you could have used more saturated colours to bring out the mood of the comic more, and I can't quite put my finger on how you could make the style of linework work a little better... maybe if you tried some coloured lines instead of just black?
Orion: It sucks you couldn't finish, what you had set up seemed pretty interesting! page 3 has to be my favourite, I feel the scratchy lines worked the best with the dark speech bubbles.
Britt- This comic is adorable!! Doing a rhyme/Dr Seuss is a good idea and you did it really well. Awwwe all of the cameos are so cute and I love your Bender. Your drawings are energetic and Birch looks good in that style. The scratching looks nice to me- it looks like pen drawings and that's a cool detail. Uuuuh I guess the only thing I could think to improve this is that some of the lines look like they're sharp?? It's just in some random spots. Other wise keep going!!
Orion: NO I LIKED THIS IDEA! Wish it was longer ahhh I like how you drew him in the TV so much! It's so perfect that she's just "No." Also I wanna watch whatever show/movie Andy is watching. Sorry you didn't finish but I'm glad you've come back to Void!
Orion- Im kind of sad this doesnt have an ending- or a middle, really- because it was looking really cool, I like the angles and composition and the staticy, scratchy feel of it. Im not really sure how to critique just the beginning, though? I would have liked to see more of this!
Fish- okay I LOVED the rhyming! what an adorable way to tell the story, and the Seussian style works well with your cute art! I can see you're experimenting with scratchy lines and I cant tell if it works- maybe it would look a little better with a little line weight variation? I'm having trouble deciding how I feel about it. Some backgrounds would do well too since its mostly just blocks of colour. But I love the cartoony style, I enjoyed this comic a lot!
Atomic: good color, rhyming and in jokes. This comic is pretty solid I think. I especially like the panel layout on page 2 and 3. Good stuff!
Orion: I like your layout so far but wished we could have seen what happens next. Also it might be a bit of a missed opportunity to not have Andy sobbing at the sad scene of the movie which I was hoping for a bit. Keep at it!
AtomicFish: Awesome rhyme and sweet ending!
Orion: Dude this was looking cool! Shame on you for not finishing! D:< I've been watching your stuff outside void so I know you've been improving but I'll just say it again, this is a big improvement!
Just finished uploading and not a minute too soon as I am about to leave for work in an hour. Thank you for taking me up on this challenge Atomicfish. This helped me get back into battling after a 2-3ish year hiatus (I know doesn't feel that long but it has been) and really jumping back into art making right after college and getting a new job.
Honestly it feels great to have had made this comic and to have actually had something to turn in that I can say I am proud of, even if it isn't gonna be as grand as I had planned and it certainly not a grand triumphant return but its an improvement I feel and a new standard for my comics in the future and somewhere to start.
I for one look forward to seeing what you did and hope you feel likewise. :)
Now we wait for everyone to kick the shit out our comics. :D
Fern:
So exctieeee its happening so soon
Prepare for disappointment. I just uploaded mine and...it's not great. But I bet Orion's got a nice comic coming up.
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