Thanks so much for all the critiques everybody~ I'm really glad so many people liked it, even if I only had about 1/4 the time I expected to work on it. You've pointed out quite a few things I could have done in places and while some of those were simply not considered due to time constraints believe me when I say I appreciate you bringing them up.
My first page and it's backgrounds obviously get a lot of love since it's where I start the comic and the establishing shots. I've wanted to try working inks backwards so that my pages start off rushed and eventually end with the slowest most detailed stuff. Not sure if that's the best solution though. hehe. Remembering to draw more solid blacks is just something that isn't second nature for me yet, and if I can, i'll try to focus on it on the next comic. Same goes with bodyframes, I'm so used to Tsumi that anything besides her can throw me for a loop. But that's the benefit of being here on void, having to draw my opponent instead of just Tsumi by herself. ^_^
And thanks for the comments on the transformation sequence, I tried really hard to make it look like he was shape shifting instead of just "growing muscle" as just about every reference I could find was obviously people actually getting stronger, hulk style.
Admirable effort from both of you for a weekly comic.
Elge-
I'm not sure what we're seeing on the background of your pages, it seems to be images bleeding through from other pages. If this is a result of scanning make sure there's nothing behind the images or at least put a solid sheet. Or is this the result of erasing too much? I can't tell. Either way be wary of how you present your pages.
Foundation is important when building. You should think of drawing in the same way. Concentrate on the underlying skeleton of your people and build upon that structure. Your people are inconsistent, but consistency will come with practice. Work from reference when you can.
I'm not sure what to say about the backgrounds because you yourself must be aware of how sparse they are. Next time please show us what you can do.
For your word balloons, work on centering your words more. Make sure there is enough space between them and the edge of the balloons. They aren't touching but they're too close and a little awkward looking as a result. Either make the font smaller or expand the balloon.
Your skills as a storyteller are evident and you've got a good grasp of emotion. For a lot of people that sort of thing tends to come later rather than sooner so you're on the right path.
Tsumi-
You obviously put a lot of effort into your first page. But some of the lines seem rushed and pixellated. It's a good beginning and attempt at perspective and could use some more tightening up and detail if time were to allow. The last panel very much loses the perspective though. It's all over the place but I applaud you for trying a difficult angle to work from.
Continuing to speak about your backgrounds, they begin to get less detail as the comic goes on. All of the detail goes into your people and I think you need to give equal consideration to both of them. Detail your backgrounds as you would your people. Give texture and make the backgrounds look less like sterile boxes. I once raised this issue about a different artist who also relies on the digital to create detailed backgrounds. If you rely on your digital tools too much, you will have a technically good and accurate perspective but it'll always look sterile and unnatural. Reality is not so neat and orderly. I think the lines you use in your rushed backgrounds are a better indicator of the lines you should be using to draw your backgrounds as it meshes better with your style.
You've got a good grasp of muscles and it's your forte, and a decent grasp of anatomy. There are issues here and there more evident on thinner frames like Joey's. You have trouble keeping proportions consistent when it comes to smaller and thinner characters and that's something to work on so you'll have variety in body types in your work. Your faces, expressions and poses are excellent.
You are also a good storyteller and that's evident here. Telling such a complete story in a week is a mean feat. And it's an entertaining punchline as well. Your linework is impressive, never cluttered and always clear.
oh my gosh sugha you draw the most adorable faces in this, they're so cute and flustered!! My thoughts pretty much are the same as the others, you drew a cute, complete comic here in one week. its got some inconsistencies and some parts where its a bit incomplete but i think this is a fine welcome-back! Don't be so hard on yourself!
tay oh my god BEST transformation sequence, I laughed out loud so much in this XD Minerva's embarrassment and that flirty scene at the end were hilarious ! I don't think I can add much the others have't said, you've got nice inks as always and I loved the last page.
Great stuff for a one-weeker, you two! i'm very happy i got to read these!
elge: i agree and think you should develop your pencils more... you might be keeping things light so you could ink them later but some more developed hatching would be easier especially in a week... you could have worked on those backgrounds more but i still understood the setting with what you have.
taylor: I like the conversation between the characters it all feels very natural. Your line work is very strong and i'm impressed by your panel placement and how and when you break your panel borders. The backgrounds got a little sparse in the middle, but overall a great improvement, and a great punchline!
elge
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You know, your camera angles are something I usually consider a weak spot for you, but I thought you've done a nice job here. It looks pretty good from what you've done in the past. You play it up more and in my opinion that's a direction you should try to push for story telling purposes. It's really easy to fall into a loop where you're showcasing only from the shoulder up, especially in a dialogue heavy comic. Example being page 3's final 2 panels. You have Lesdai's head in the same direction; I really wish you had taken his face from another angle in the previous panel, to make his downcast appear more unique and less of a 'pasted' look? (Obviously not pasted.)
I also think your posing has improved, it feels a little looser now than it had in the past, so I think you're making strides there. Still, you have some inconsistencies, mostly with drawing the same character page to page it seems. Tsumi becomes broad shouldered in one panel, but it narrows in others. I get she's bigger, but I don't feel her weight, I guess. Her hands and arms don't strike me as being that much stronger than Lesdai's.
Biggest disappointment with this comic is that it seems like still you're only able to produce pencils. I don't know the cause or circumstances, if there are any, but I think you can push yourself harder. If all you're able to use is pencils or that's all you can put out, there's no reason you can't do more with the pencils. Try experimenting more with them. You might be surprised.
It's painfully obvious you're capable of using more with the medium, too. Looking on the last page, you utilize some shading through it that we don't see anywhere else in the comic and that's a shame because it doesn't look bad at all with your style. There's also no real excuse for lack of details in the background, either. You've utilized digital line tools to make straight lines and buildings, but why not just try your hand at ruler? I think you could accomplish more that way if you tried buckling down on the pencils when you know you're incapable of doing more for the comic.
On the bright side, totally complete story. Simple, sweet, nice for a week comic. Overall, this is cute, despite the unfinished nature. Maybe set a longer deadline for yourself next time if it's needed. Good job.
otakutaylor
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I really like this. I thought it was a funny comic in general and I'm impressed with what you've done here. There's definitely been a lot of improvements over the year for you.
I can appreciate the week deadline here, but just a few adjustments and choices would make your world feel less empty. I think you should try incorporating some solid blacks into your setting. There's so much open lineart that you could fill up with black space to make the art look more detailed. Page 1, you could just slab a solid black one one side of the buildings and it'd be enough to be more visually interesting, especially if you don't plan on adding colors or can't add colors. Sure, it's a little more work, but it's a big step up in quality I think.
I do really wish I saw more of it, too, because looking at Minerva in the 3rd panel has the little bit of shadow-work around her neck and I could only wish I saw more of this throughout. You've got kind of a boring background going on as a result so it just feels kind of utilitarian, like a Jeep. Your angles are all very strong and the dynamic posing goes a long way in keeping my attention off of the background's sparseness.
All your characters look great. Really nice pose work, really good anatomy control, good expressions. They're not really stiff, it's great looking. My only complaint is that Lesdai has a case of lady thighs going on in page 3 with that first panel. He's supposed to be a sort of spindly, right? Not a big thing, just be mindful in the future.
I thought your story was pretty funny. It was really entertaining and that last page is a great punchline. Definitely great work for a week, good job.
Hehehe, Thanks for the battle elge. Tsumi looks adorable all flustered about being called pretty, even though it's obvious bothering her at work is not the best place to do it. I'd love to take some time, with your permission, and critique some of the paneling, anatomy, and perspective. But I can't right now due to RL stuff going on.
I hope you don't mind my picking on Joey on my side. ^_^
TAYLOR- I expected hawt rippling muscles and I got waaay more than I bargained for! Holy wow. Dem dragon pecs. Leik ahmagaw. XD I dig that the two of you went for pretty much the same thing but in completely different ways. Joey's Sonic ring plumping him up to beefcake status was a clever trick and his flexing was totally hilarious. The fact he was all show and zero actual strength by having a near asthma attack jogging with Tsumi was a great laugh. SO MUCH REGRET.
All in all, short n' sweet comic for one week. Talkin' bout impressive there, taylor. Keep it up!
ELGE- I'm gonna have to echo Pyras' comments. Hearing you downplay your hype and offer apologies before your comic even went up left me really worried we'd get a whole lotta nothing, so I was surprised to see a fully realized story, and in just one week! you draw Tsumi super adorable, and seeing her all hot and bothered for demon hawtness is pretty amusing. I mean, who could resist those puppy dog eyes he's making on page 3?? You shouldn't be so hard on yourself- especially when you deliver! I really like your fighter and am always stoked to see a battle with him in it, so I certainly hope this battle is a sign of good things to come on your end. :)
Elge this is a complete, coherent and charming story. I'm sure you were aware many of us were worried whether you'd turn anything in at all. So I consider this a milestone and you should to. Just don't regress and you're gonna do just fine, so congratulations!
Critiques later~
Uploaded.
With 30 minutes to spare.
Might as well count as a default.
Sorry, otakutaylor. I know you pulled me off my ass to get to work but I just don't know. I'm too rusty.
I am also sorry if I butchered Tsumi much.
yeah, no extra time on a one weeker. Hehe, I'm pressed too elge, I planned on having 4 full days to work on this, and ended up with 1. But that's part of the challenge~ Seeing what you CAN do in a week. Namely. seeing if I can ink all these gosh darn pages over superbowl weekend.
btw, extentions are earned for every completed comic, not just victories. Anything but a default or a Beyond battle earns one.
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