Thank you so much for fighting with me Mintley I loved your story and Ms. Clean has her own drink that's too cool!!!!! Maybe Clean and Bartender will one day meet again...
Shen - Yeah I wasn't very clear about the plans with the rats were, when I was writing it I didn't think it was very important but seems to have distracted a couple people so I'll try to be more careful in the future about what I include, if somethings mentioned I should give an explanation. And thank you I really trying to improve my backgrounds >< I'm happy you could tell :).
Fred- I'm glad you liked the rats! I felt weird doing 2 comics in a row that included rats but for me it was a storyline I 'thought' I could pull off in the week. I agree with the Bartender not having enough emotion when he gets attacked. Which is a hame cause I love drawing expressions, I think I was afraid to over do it but in the end just ended looking unimpressive.
Fern - Thank you for the kind words! I definitely need to work on my story-telling abilities. It's a hard struggle for me. I think I need to go simpler or at least give myself more time to pull them off. Plus I need to stop laughing at my own jokes that no one understands because I don't give enough background...
NRG- It is now painfully obvious I should have used a reference for that panel. May I learn from my mistakes!
Harkill- YAY! Thank you for blessing our battle with your first comment! I'm glad you liked our backgrounds it's always been hard for me. And I'll have to delve deeper into the rat mystery in a future comic perhaps... And I'll definitely push my expressions more thank you!
Thank you everyone for your helpful comments! I really try to work on your suggestions and it's all very much appreciated!
I can't believe how back and forth that was, thanks again for the amazing fight Deathly! Congrats on the win, your rats swing a mean punch haha
@Shen Thanks so much! I really want to try and put more in and leave less space bare. I'm glad the story left you wanting more because there's definitely more to come!
@Fred I totally get where you're coming from. I uploaded this, went to bed, woke up and re-read it and reaized that I had forgotten a whole line of dialogue - or more precisely I had spontaneously changed the first two panels of page 4 and my previous dialogue no longer fit as well as it had. After changing the dialogue to suit the new panels my mind kept filling in the missing piece and I forgot to work it in for better clarification. Whether or not that would have helped my situation we'll never know!
@Fern That basement on page 3 was previously a fully drawn and inked background, but then I got the idea for the skull being highlighted on the wall and the only way I felt to make it fit was with that solid black darkness (sicne shading a single panel would have also felt out of place). I didn't even consider that it would make the page stick out from the rest as it definitely did. Thanks for your feedback!
@NRG I wanted to greyscale when I set out to do this, however by the time I finished cleaning up some lines and adding text, I only had about three hours to the deadline. I totally agree with you on both counts, it's not as strong as it could be.
@Harkill Welcome to void! As funny as that sounds from someone you're critiquing :P I have been scared to use black and white because of loss of detail, and how tedious it may be to add that back in, digitally. Then again I now have five pages to play around and do whatever I want with, so time to get testing!
Thanks again everyone for your comments!
Hey! I thought I could try to say something the other people didn't(And this is my first comment on entervoid ever, so we'll see how it goes! *newbie*). First of all I think you're both really great at backgrounds and making a sense of environment, that's always my biggest struggle. I like how you both use perspective confidently, that's great! You also both use a good mix of close-ups and more zoomed out.
To Mint I have a more technical tip. When you do work traditionally and scan it in, I recommend to adjust it to black and white, even if it's done with ink only. Usually when you scan things, a yellowish tone usually magically adds itself around the lines, and you may not notice it, but you will see a difference when you adjust it to black and white! It just makes it look cleaner. I also think you could benefit from trying to add more solid black as someone else mentioned, or textures of some kind(Either digitally or traditionally) just to make it a bit less flat. Don't be afraid to go crazy! Usually it'll look better in the end, even if it was a bit scary to do. But considering you only had a week to do this, I think it's fine the way it is :)
For Deathly I think my favorite part is the rabid rats. Even if it didn't really make a lot sense(considering the girl says the rats are useful? Unless that was her plan all along when I think of it.. but then I wonder why? To scare the guy? Or is there really a more morbid thought behind it???), I just love the part where the rats are opening the cage, haha superman-rat, and their super angry expressions. Would love to see a rat with that expression. For the expression on the guy when he's attacked by the rat, you could go a bit more crazy. Don't be afraid to exaggerate, look at yourself in the mirror and do an overly dramatic expression. what does it really look like?
Mint - I kind of felt that this comic would've looked a bit better with some kind of shading, at the very least. It might just be me nitpicking, so feel free not to pay attention to this part. I couldn't really understand the story much, as much as I hate to admit it.
Deathly - I'm not an expert on poses or anything like that, but Bartender beating on the door didn't feel too much like he was beating on it, more like he was jogging while touching it. Also, the ending felt a little anti-climatic, and could've used a clearer conclusion, as to what happened to Bartender and the rats after Clean closes the door.
A good effort from the two of you. Keep it up.
Mintley - it would be nice to see more of them solid blacks. I think when you just look at thumbs page 3 stands out. I kinda like the story it feels complete, but I am dying to know what was in that basement (my guess is dead bodies because of the skull thing). Or is it? Has the Bartender got some dark secrets hiding? ;) I like the coctail at the end as a nice touch, although I feel it doesn't particularly blend with the comic. Maybe draw it outt next time? :D
Deathly: I like the effort you put in drawing. Looks pretty good! Although I also found the story a little confusing and a bit of a non-end. What was on with those rats? I wanna know ;)
Both of you - well done, I am well impressed with them overall! One weekers are sooooooo toughhh. :D
Those were both pretty alright, but I feel like there's a bit of a point missing to them, I get what's going on, and I get what you guys were trying to do, but at the end, it's not satisfying. In bartender's, the door is mysterious and all, but there's zero clue as to why, and I get that's kind of the point of a mystery door, but it doesn't give any resolution, it could still be mysterious and also have more of a wink to us to know what's what, and in Clean's, the rats are super great, but you don't go far enough with them, they're kinda crazy but understated when they should be getting just straight up crazy.
Also, deathlysilent, the rats have great expression and stuff, but the others really don't, at least when having emotions; bartender has zero sense of panic or anger in his face and body.
deathlysilent i think i am a liiiitle confused what ms clean's plans with the rats were? I don't really get the ending. Art-wise your expressions are fantastic, and you have a much better environment than the last comic of yours I read, so great job on the backgrounds! And I like the shading!
Mintly, so mysterious your comic was! I want to know whats in the basement! This is a nice little story, and the art is great, I love the establishing shot on the first page- in fact you have some great backgrounds all around,if sometimes a little bare, and the faces are cute!
glad to see you both doing comics again!
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