Pyras -
I think you'd benefit from trying to get your linework to feel a little more organic. You seem to create shapes out of mostly strait-ish, fast lines, and use several when you need to create larger curves. I know I'm really bad at when I'm working digitally, and I up doing that alot too, but try creating your curves with one long unbroken line rather than multiple fast small ones. When you have these sharp kinks everywhere, it changes the material things appear to made of, and reduces the effectiveness of any subtlety you put in your linework.
I really love the first city background, and I hope I get to see more of that stuff dude. It's kinda tilty and odd, but I actually think that just makes it feel interesting. It feels less like a mistake and more like a cool visual choice. You're doing a great job transitioning to comedy! I like the idea of Sanari as the strait man to the ridiculousness of Void and her father. I think it'd be great if you kept her whole martial artist thing out of it, I like her more as an Andy-esque regular person who tries to solve problems without Voids most popular solution, violence.
Sabu -
I don't really like that weird digital brush texture you put on some stuff, like the cliff faces and the carpet. It feels almost like the spray paint brush from ms paint or something. You have such lovely line quality and control, I would've much rather seen you draw that the textures for the rocks and the floor out by hand. Btw that demon is just, amazingly drawn, oh my god. I seriously love him.
I liked the grayscale, but I felt like you had too much white on your page. Your background was often very white and kind of uncoloured, and your best pages were those where worked in different tones throughout the page.
Pyras: If you're trying to make Sanari's comics into comedy skits I think you're using the wrong kind of comedy. You'd probably be more successful if you focused your comedy around Sanari and her dad rather than Sanari interacting with the insanity of Void.
Sabu: You know, this comic is like 300x funnier if you read it out loud and give Abbas an indian accent.
Animeshen: Thanks, glad you enjoyed it!
Le Fred: Thanks for the critique, I'm happy I was able to at least get you giggling. I tried to thicken lines for objects closer vs objects farther, in some of the pages, I'll work on that more. I think I know what I gotta do for far-away backgrounds.
A Bad Idea: Thanks for the critique, I know we went over most of this on chat, but damn I usually try to be careful about the 180 rule. Which page/panel did this happen?
noir0083: Thanks for the critique. I'll work on those tangents~
Having read none of these characters before and only knowing the basic knowledge of each. I have to say Pyras' comic entertained me the most with a few lols, straight forward story, and pointing out of the "Voiderus" was great.
As for quality, both comics were drawn well! I docked a few points on Pyras' end for tangents and the random nit picky, but overall comprehension was good. Same goes for Sabulive. However, it does not seem done to me? Whether its is or not, I dont think its uploaded and making deadlines is part of the battle style match and I cant score an unfinished comic higher than average in quality. Sorry :<.
PYRAS: You seem to be aware of most of the art problems, so I'll just nitpick a bit. About the triangular panel at the bottom of page 3, I had to double back to figure out what was supposed to be going on, and I think the biggest problem about that is that most of the visual information I needed to discern that was cut off; I only see Johnny's knuckles, so I don't know that her fingers are holding the gun, and the thumb comes in from offscreen, so I don't know that it's connected to her hand. For the amount of pagespace it took, I think you could have been better served by a regular square panel. Also, on page 6(7?) there's a rather harsh 180 break.
Now, the writing. I feel like the 'Voiderus' subplot you introduced early on suddenly vanishes after page 6/7 without any real resolution, and the Abbas-Makes-Brute-Talk punchline just kinda flies out of no where, completely unrelated to the rest of the comic. The comic would have tied together better with either a different punchline relating to the Voiderus, or you spend the earlier parts of the comic introducing the "Brute = Horse" subplot so that Brute's line in the end is relevant to an established subplot. If you key in on your primary plot, you won't need to shoehorn in any off-the-wall punchlines, because oftentimes a strong plot will write its own conclusion.
SABU: I apologize that I don't have a lot to say, but I really enjoyed this comic. You seem to be familiar with everything you need to improve artwise, so I'll just move onto general heres and theres. I absolutely love your character gestures, they bring so much life and attitude to your characters and it really brings the comedy out. Your depiction of Sanari and Abbas is hilarious, really cranking up the uptight-father/upset-daughter tension to the max for amazing effect. It's really a shame that you weren't able to get that last page in, but even unfinished, this comic was a great read.
Haha, good stuff yo.
Pyras, be careful with how you think up your expressions, sometimes it seems like you just throw expression element onto a head template and it doesn't exactly fit or mesh. This is especially a problem on Sanari, who is almost constantly victim to this lack of structure here. You're already aware of the lack of backgrounds, but even if you did make them for every panel, then you would have run into the problem that all your lines lack variation and everything would have been overcrowded. It's not too bad here for the most part, but be sure to know that just because they're talking, doesn't need to be a close-up. I'd say the biggest flaw in your storytelling is how structure it is. It's a bit like 'A thing happens, and then that jokes happens and then that other thing' and doesn't have quite a natural flow. It's a bit on the nose and while it's also a part of your style of humour, you could stand to be just a bit more subtle in your delivery. And while I say that, I'm still giggling at some of it, because you definitely got some good ideas. Overall, it's a really fun comic and I'm excited for the adventures of Sanari and Dad.
Sabs, while you have exceeded the backgrounds of your opponent, the panels where they are lacking are also felt that much stronger, because you don't fill it as much. It works very well for effect in the very last panel, but not so much when Dad starts monologing (love the monologue) or with the black dude. Your expressions and flow are totally great. It took me a while to understand what was going on in the 'last' page, because Dad getting hit by the tail is kinda hard to see (the compostion goes foot>dino head>Flying dad, and he's a bit lost in the gray) and then it looks like a laser is shot NEXT to him. I get now that he flew through all that and bounced off the wall, but it's kinda hard to read that way. I think he should be seen SMASHING the wall instead, and the bounce would have read properly in the next panel. Also, if he was bouncing off the wall after that, he probably wouldn't be bouncing in front of those containers? I'm also sad that the last page is missing, there's a little tear running down my cheek.
these were hilarious!! I love Dad's reaction to the dinosaurs in both, he just does not care lol! pyras I love your tongue-in-cheek little poke at the Void community lol and I think you do a great Johnny! the last page was hilarious! got a double page though, whoops. Sabu i wish I could see your last page cuz it looks like it was building to something great, but you depicted a fantastic father-daughter relationship! the chemical warehouse is great! Funny comics both of you, great showing!
Rockin'!
Bent One: thanks for the critique. If I had more time I woulda added a few more backgrounds, unfortunately I was stupid enough to ask for a one-weeker during the busiest month of the studio I work at so gotta make do with what I could 8D
Sabu thanks for the battle for sure! I love dinosaurs and I love Westerns so battling you was definitely on my list. I love how Sanari and Abbas came out in your style!
And totes, we MUST see the last page(s) you've got!
*SHAKES FIST*
I WAS JUST ABOUT TO UPLOAD MY LAST PAGE.
This was actually a great way to loosen up after the tag team battle. If it hadn't been for work (WHICH I MAY ADD released their unchangeable rosters 2 days after the battle went up) I would have had a more completed entry. But hey, things were learnt in the process in which I learn the perspective tool, new brushes and maybe sticking to two weekers XD
Thanks pyras for the battle!
Pyras: I love the past page. So much. MY ENTIRE LIFE HAS BEEN A LIIIIIIIEEEEE
Good pacing, and lots of expressive poses as usual. But you gots to add more backgrounds! It might also be nice to vary your panel compositions to include more long range shots.
Sabulive: I would love to see the last few pages of this, I'm sure there was more comedy at the end as well as a badass dino vs djinn fight. Overall, your pacing and layouts are good. PAGE 3 feels a bit awkward. Always remember to structure the page so that the reader will have to move their eye across the art and the word bubbles in a natural left to right pattern. PAGE 3's layout makes me want to just go right down the left side of the page. I think you could have taken better advantage of the opportunity to really show off the interior of the warehouse. After PAGE 2, it feels very anticlimactic to show a huge empty space. PAGE 5 is the best one here. The OH SNAP moment and the reaction are perfect.
Basically just put some more time into the composition at the layout stage.
Great job, both of you!
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