Guess who read this comic for the first time while listening to Vcast episode 36? ABI, that was really really fun to read; the read-along was just icing on the cake. I'll definitely have to come back and read the rest of these, but I just wanted to say GOOD JOB!

neens

•

All-Rounder

•

11 years ago

jong, good! sometimes your characters look like the heads are too big, or other weird anatomy errors, but overall looks sharp! dan, starting with two pages of text? :I that first page is ugly and immediately turned me off from wanting to finish. on page 5, the two girls are.. smiling?? and looking in two different directions? it's really bizarre looking. you need work on anatomy and posing. speech bubbles could use some help as well. GPS, sucks that you lost so much! in the future.. I think you'd be better off creating your tones in a different way. the straight hatching really flattens things, and it makes any variation in the lines super obvious. also there's a lot of same line width, which isn't helping. I'd suggest ink wash if you have waterproof ink, or grey marker. OR, put in more black. if you wanted to venture into the digital world you could easily add comic tones or greys. it was a nice story though, short and sweet. ABI, your rendering is really carrying you here. I think that aspect is great, though reading through crit I agree it could have more/different textures in the future. your figures need work though! I know you draw more female figures overall, and it's showing with howling and drednaut looking awkward and stiff in almost every shot. even the ladies look off at time though. idk if the last page is funny or serious? either way though I didn't care for it.

Jong - Goddamnit jong. what.the.fuck. Why is your stuff always so lovely! Why aren't you selling out to millions of screaming fans?! I love how you're working from a middleground with the brown paper, and the way you use your white is glorious. You use it for so many different things, a multitude of textures and lighting and effects, it's so versatile and perfect. And the writing and characerization really grabbed me dude. Kids being brave, adventures and mystery, so good. You're just amazing at telling a story, both your literary and visual narrative mesh so closely. Literally the only thing I don't like about this comic are the yellow speech boxes, they burn right off the page in a really unpleasent way. Normally that colour is reserved for subtitles and stuff, cause it clashes with pretty much everything. DrawDan - Your neutral and subtle expressions are okay, but louder facial expressions come off kinda stiff and odd, especially your smiles. They look more like caricatures than anything else. Like you have some sort of shorthand for smiling that you use. The problem is it ends up a little too realistic when you contrast it with the stylized look of the comic, and they also feel sorta like canned expressions. Like it's just the expression "A Smile" and there's no subtlety to it that makes it fit the scene or whats being said. They're never "a determined smile" or "a wry smile". They just end up being a sort of blank smile that you'd give a camera. I think your pencils are really nice, but I think it'd look better if you were a little more clear and hard edged with your shadow forms. It's actually hard to tell the difference between smudges and shadows in your comic, because the shadows are just so soft and the page is a little messy. You could also try messing with your levels a little, at least so that there are some very white, clean spots on the page. The lack of real white anywhere on the page is what makes your bubbles feel so jarring and out of place. Also, try to keep all your text the same size, unless you really really wanna make a point about the volume of a characters speech. A few times it gets so small that it's kinda uncomfortable to read, and it's weird seeing it shift sizes all the time for no discernible reason. You have such a strong, action oriented style dude, very superhero-y. It's cool seeing that school of comic making pop up, there's not a whole lot of that around void right now, haha. GPS - Your story is so moody and dark that I think it would've really suited it to have more dramatic lighting. You show a few shadows here and there, but it's pretty neutrally lit comic. Besides that, great stuff yo! If someone hadn't said you lost everything and had to figure out something new, I totally would have never known. You did a great job working with the time you had, you always do. I always look forward to your comics dude. ABI - Ahahahahhahaha, Dreadnaughts teeny tiny little head! So great. Man, this whole comic bleeds cool and oozes polish. The action is amazing and flows super well. I love the shifts between colour pallete to create different moods and scenes throughout the fight. Seriously those transitions! I really can't say enough about how much I love the narrative/visual flow of this comic. It's so frenetic, but natural at the same time. A truly great action comic. Also, Baku is an amazing character, she exploded her way into my heart. My only bit of criticism is that you sorta render everything the same way. Like there's no difference in texture/material between metal, cloth, hair and skin. Still, amazing!

Great work Jong, and congratulations on the win!

Jong- Addy is positively darling. Really lovely mixed medias evocative of the gritty, grim dypstopia you establish in your narrative- which is incredibly well told and accomplished in your paneling and pacing. I truly admire and am envious of your inklines and tonal effects, its such a lovely and rare stylization- TEACH me your ways Sensai. Paneling and posing are tight though the quality takes a hit at the end, you delivered a comic in spades. The black market supply line, wolf cult and family search is a deep and complex plot point that you totally delivered on in a total package kind of way. You truly made the other characters your own and featured them with equal screen time. Rawking good comic, yours are always a rare treat. DrawDan- No doubt you can wield a pencil and have painstaking care in your linework and deft paneling. While it gets a bit smudged in places you make up for it with lovely values for the most part. Your sense of environment and scale are nice and detailed and the scenario is palpably horrific. The explosive action on page 6 and beyond are the best bits- wish youâ€™d carried it forth and not invested so much in the rats up front so youâ€™d had time to cover the rest of the tale cuz your renditions are gorgeous and anatomyâ€™s impressive. Really felt like an Age of Apocalypse angle and I dig your influences, including the world building bits but I wish they pertained more the situation at hand. Those word balloons hurt but I understand the pains of being a traditional worker and having to go that route for times sake. Geep- You packed alot of quality and care into just a few short pages- way to keep your storytelling tightly wound and to the point- very 2000AD mag of you and a skill we could all bear with learning when under the gun of a deadline brother. I love seeing how far your inks have come in a short while. All your squiggles are just a bit busy and sort of dilute the otherwise impressive sense of black-white-grey value triangulation we so desire. Parcel those out a wee bit better and youâ€™ll be on the next level. I love your squiggles regardless. You also succeed in story flow with elements guiding the eye about the page effectively. Barely featured your opponents and still managed a kickass introspective comic. Props. ABI- DAYUM dude, this is an impressive package, all the bells and whistles in production value. Totally dig the blurbs for each character, and the shading style throughout- very Borderlandsesque. Your palette is divine and the animation quality of the speed lines and framing is so well accomplished I can practically see its move. I also really enjoy your renditions of the characters, the diversity of proportion is very charming. THose elemental and weapon effects are out of the control. Altogether its a fun romp, I just wish more could have been done to develop the characters or Bakuâ€™s first foray with more depth but the premise and tone youâ€™ve accomplished here are perfect genre work and nigh well pro quality. Quality work you all, keep it up!

Shen speaks the truth in that at about 2 weeks in, I literally lost everything I had done, and reworked my script and everything so that I could still turn in a complete comic on time. I realize character interaction is lacking, and it really pained me to sideshow my opponents characters, but I had cut out a lot of stuff in order to make it doable for me. Not an excuse, just the reasons for what you see (or don't I suppose).

GREAT JOB EVERYONE! JONG: -Lovely shading, and color washes, as usual! -Great story set-up--diving right into the action and letting the characterization drive the story. -Great suspense/tension as the girls descend into the cave. -I enjoy your take on Howling--a very different role for him, but it suits him well! -Overall a very nice, complete tale, as usual. Very well done. DAN: -Intriguing intro! I like your story set-up. Information like this I think is actually better when not right at the beginning, however. It would have been such an engaging opening to start with that mutant! -The text is too small to read on Page 4 - the text in general is small and unattractive. Be careful that the words work *with* the art, not detract from it. -Body anatomy is pretty good, especially when it comes to adult forms and more muscular bodies--you seem to have that body type down quite well. The anatomy gets weak when you're drawing the girls--for example, Page 5 and the first panel of Page 6. On Page 5 the girls' heads are awkward compared to their bodies. On Page 6, it's their arms and hands. Their faces are pretty rough throughout, but I don't see that issue with Dreds. -In addition to the shading, I like your use of texture and small details! GPS: -Nice textures, and the lineworks is strong in general. -Very clever bit with the thumbnail/claw! I think your characterization for Greg was really strong throughout. -I would've liked to see more of your interpretation of the other characters' personalities, though. -A nice short story about the snowpocalypse! ABI: -Hellyeah that LOGO! And all the titles throughout are such a great stylistic touch. -Not a big fan of the general text font--I know you've used it before, but the more I look at it I just don't like it. -Dred's anatomy looks really off in the last panel of Page 7. I *think* his ribcage should be a little wider, so his torso tapers as it nears his waist. As is, it's more like a straight column. -Great rendition of Adamantine. The fight scene is really cool, and the perspective on her gun is really nice on Page 11. -Such lovely fire effects. I really appreciate how you paid attention to the fire's ambient glow, and how that reflects on the environment and other characters. -Great place to leave your character's story *hanging*. Very excited to see what's next for Baku.

Jongbom, yours actually had a bit of a sweet ending, thats so nice! It was a great little story and i enjoyed the whole thing! The artwork is pretty with these nice muted tones. Entertaining, great expressions, an excellent comic! Plus, werewolf cult! Drawdan, I really like your pencil work and the way you fill a page, the comic had good composition though you have a weird way of drawing girls, but Drednaut an Howling looked like badasses. Kinda confused what happened at the end? GPS oh man dude that was DARK! I gave you like full marks for entertainment cuz that shit sent a chill up my spine. I know you lost a lotta work and had to start over so maybe in the other version we'd have seen more character interaction which coulda been fun but your "its the end of the world and I am all alone with myself" story was just fantastic as far as I'm concerned. I always liked your use of black and white too. ABI, I really like how you draw all the characters, everyone looks so cool in your style! The titles under their names were funny too, reminded me of Borderlands! Plus I didn't know Baku was so punny! So thats a bonus! The colour palettes work really well for this story, makes it look like a grimy underworld, and the action is superb! Always love to see comics from you! Great job everyone! I'm so happy everyone turned something in, and they are all really good!!

Well, wasn't that just awesome. Jong, you are a rockstar and you have little girls knocking down copious amounts of moonshine *swig swag* it's totally great. Your composition does get a bit cluttered at times, but I notice it's when you've got text, so mayhaps you just need to plan text integration a bit better. Honestly, some hand-written text would go a long way for that and to make it blend better with your beautiful organic drawings. That's my only little beef though, super cool comic yo. Dan, why would I ever bother reading those two first pages? You have great pencils at first glance, but then it falls apart when you try to put emotions on faces; Baku and Adamantine smiling are fucking creepy. For some reason your text is kinda blurry, so it's a bit unreadable when it's smaller. GPS, I was really curious how you'd go about handling this with your short and sweet style, and I'm totally happy with it. It is sad that we don't get any character interaction, the victims really could have been anybody, but beyond that, it's an interesting, subtle comic. I really like how the nuclear winter causes him different problems. Bad Idea, I probably laughed more than I should have at those character introduction name things, and yet I did. The action is of course very good and exciting, but be careful with you colours, they can be nice, but they can also get muddy, especially in the beginning, where everything is green and lifeless. It's not a big deal, but it makes it a bit less dynamic and a bit more flat. Also, Drednaut's head in page 7. Overall, looks greats, and a fun read. Good job you guys!