Woah lots of comments!
Hats - As I've said before, I think the writing you've done is super. You nailed my character's schtick. It definitely seems like you were heading off into a story when it suddenly ended, but better to submit a few good pages than a lot of scribble ones! I got nothin' bad to say about your art either -I love how animated your characters look. The splatters around the edges of panels were a nice extra touch. Tanks for the battle!
On my story - I think it's interesting that you guys are so divided on the storytelling. When I write I usually make a lot of things implied, but I can never tell if it works outside of my own head or just seems super vague. Also it leans on the vs Zedan comic as well as Wizzie's recent BB's. If that helps at all.
And thanks y'all for all the crits! It's super nice to be drawing comics again.
Ransom:
I really like the way you've integrated your writing with the speech and sound effects. It works really well with your style! I definitely agree with otakutaylor on your panels; that texture plays so well with all your details and hatching. Also, that tree on P.7 looks fan fricking tastic. I loveeee all the line work you did on it!
There are a few anatomy errors but what was really blatantly obvious were the hands. They've got those tiny little hands! I would also recommend playing with your line variation. You've done some thicker lines, but they look overly thick and out of place... they don't really flow well. Nothin' a bit of messing around couldn't fix! Lastly, I agree with Pyras that the magic folk hate is kind of vague but I think we all catch the drift.
Great job on this dude!
MyHatsEatPeople:
Suck city for not being able to finish :/ But such is life!
What you have though looks amazing. I love how well you've articulated not only everyone's expression but their body language to match. Like srsly, Scrump's face tho. Ffffffff <33
I think though from what's here, your background's need a little more love. That's pretty much my only gripe. Because damn this looks fantastic.
Ransom - Very interesting panel compositions and a lot of cool effects on the backgrounds to give what would have otherwise been blank grey panels a lot of flavor.
Hats - The way you play with faces and still get the proper emotions across still blows my mind.
Yeah, I don't think it's super useful to critique peeps for their choice of genre. Each of us want to learn how to be effective telling the kind of stories we want to tell, not the stories other dudes think are interesting.
RANSOM -
And that was good storytelling. I love how you really set this comic in the middle of everything. It totally feels like a small slice of this dudes world. I don't know who Red is, why they're so upset at Moss, but it just feels great. Like I'm learning about Moss's life. Wizzie's drunk, one-sided conversation with Flip is so awesome too. Storywise I've got nothing to say but great things, I really loved this comic. You have great economy of dialogue. Dudes don't say anything in a way that's sort of generic, their speech is totally their own. Everything they say tells us about who they are.
Art wise it's kinda rough, but rough in a way that seems pretty intentional, and suits the story well. I think it'd be nice if you experimented with adding light and shadow to your stuff though. One of the nicest things about greyscale I think is how lovely and dramatic lighting can look, and I think it'd do a lot to help you heighten and accentuate the atmosphere. Help the reader get lost in the moment.
I think Wizzie's power sticks out a little too much as digital. I think it would'a been fine if you had actually been colouring something on the page underneath, but you're sort of creating shapes with the digital colour brush, and it sticks out like alot. You gotta be careful combining digital and trad stuff.
Dude, this comic totally made me a Moss fan, and a fan of you. I'm totally watching out for your stuff now.
HATS -
Artwise, totally the best comic you've done. I'm really enjoying the looseness and attitude. I think you're finally getting some sexy ass Mahfood in there, it looks sweet as hell. Especially those bottom 4 panels on the first page. So dang nice. And maaaan, Scrumpy's facial expression in the fucktards panel is so good and solid. I totally studied it for awhile to help me work on a drawing of Scrumpy, it's that good.
Storywise it's hard to critique, cause itseems like you ran out of time and ended it early. It's like you were just about to get into the idea of feeling directionless, and then the story ends. Those feelings don't really crop up prior to Moss's final line, so it feels sudden and new, not something to wrap up the comic with. Your comic basically feels like the start of what would've been a really interesting story.
Great work, both of you guys!
No no, I didn't mean to imply anything like they were slacking. I know hats had stuff to deal with and like I said at the end, I still appreciate Ransom handing in a completed comic. I'm not trying to crap on slice of life in general either, I just had a higher expectation from this match up, that's all. Sorry if it came off like I hated it, cause that's not what I wad trying to say.
"Slice of life doesn't always mean to just take a breather and do nothing, there's always room to have some sort of progress or something"
"Bonding over few beers is nice and all, but nothing was really developed character-wise for both battles."
Whoa ok, wait a second. Just because the world doesn't blow up in a comic doesn't mean these guys are taking a breather. I hope no one is implying that these guys are slacking (obviously Hats didn't finish, but what she had was lovely).
Developing relationships between characters isn't nothing. Crafting conversations between characters isn't nothing. This particular genre isn't always about major character development and story progression... it's a look into every day life. Saying a slice of life comic didn't have enough major plot development is like saying a romance comic didn't have enough uhh, explosions. I'm bad at analogies.
But, yeah, it's not a genre that everyone enjoys, but I'm really sad to see lovely, complete (Ransom's) comics on Void get pooped on. Especially since we are seeing so many defaults and scribbly comics at times. I'm really glad to see diversity among the comic genres in void, and I'm REALLY happy to see people producing comics that I think look great.
I'm sorry I disappointed you both, the story is actually unfinished and would have been more of a drama then a slice of life and it was going to build up. Personally I enjoy Slice of life comics like Ransoms but that is my taste in comics. Hopefully when I return to do some more comics I will be able to impress you instead.
I'm going to have to agree with Kura on this one sadly. Though both of you have an outstanding style and quality to your pages, it's not enough to save these comics from falling flat when it came to story or character development. Slice of life doesn't always mean to just take a breather and do nothing, there's always room to have some sort of progress or something; Ransom had some, sort of.
It's a shame because I totally love these two characters to death and I was honestly expecting a little more from this battle. At the same time I can understand the situation on hat's side, and I can appreciate the complete pages from Ransom. I just hope to see a little more next time is all! Hope to see you guys battle more soon!
Ransom: You're real good at filling up the pages, kudos on that, and you've got a good handle on expressions. I would say you should work on your body anatomy a bit more, that's probably the one thing preventing me from grading higher. I like the interaction between the two. However I feel like there's something I'm not quite getting about Moss and magical people, I guess I need to read up on earlier issues to understand it 'cause I see the Marked Guard and Zedan Dromer in this so~ I am guessing that he doesn't trust magical people and bonds with wizzie, and then finds out that she's part of the same demographic he gripes about, then drinks his worries away? Am I right on that?
Hats: Bitchin' art, the one major art critique I have is that I think Wiz's eyes are too close together on panel 1 of page 3. It's a shame you couldn't finish the story, of course I would've loved to see what happens next. My favorite part of this comic is the last panel. I love messages of self reflection in stories. Those remarks are interchangeable with situations we find ourselves in life. It's deeper than it lets on really.
Cool time guys, keep it up~
These are exactly the type of comics i am tired of reading on this site. In both sides, Moss and Wizzie get together and drink without anything really happening. Bonding over few beers is nice and all, but nothing was really developed character-wise for both battles.
Maybe I'm biased against slice of life, but if the slice we are seeing doesn't have an amusing event or a conflict to overcome it's just boring.
Wauughh I really liked both of these. Ransom, I thought it was a lovely story and I really enjoy your stuff. I think your level of detail is amazing... and you have a way of drawing that seems loose, but not sloppy. Really nice!
Hats, I love love LOVE your style here. Obviously wishing you got to do all you had planned, but so glad that you uploaded what you could. Your expressions are so GREAT, especially Scrumpy's oh my god.
Lovely job, both of you. A+++ would read again.
Uploaded mine! Since otherwise I'll be tempted to keep reworking stuff when there's work to do..
I hate reading my own comics. Because of looking at it for so long my sense of pacing is confused.
OH WELL. Cheers Hats!
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