G.LO- oooh lawdy. Aurora is one sassypants wino! I like the literal tongue in cheek page where we think something, but then something else happens. Such usual comic fae, but in your comic, I think it packed a punch considering your opponent. your fighter definitely catches the eye and I'm glad to see she's well no the way to VOID. I especially loved the splash of color on your first page. Here's hoping your next battle lets us see color throughout
OTAKUTAYLOR- Oh me oh my. Mystery! intrigue! Danger! You really have a handle on leading your readers through your story at a scenic route pace. From the opening warm up where Tsumi looks drained you just know there's something up. Also, its a treat to see a different take on encountering your opponent apart from the usual 'encounter! lets fight!' formula. I know I said this already, but your inks in this battle are really smooth. It goes really well with the choice of sharp clean grayscale you decided on. You never fail to make an interesting battle and also further your fighters storyline while juggling a 'battle' with your opponent and thats no mean feat. I applaud you, mang.
G.Lo: Your word bubbles irk me with how wide they are. It would help your paneling if you could condense your text into boxes with rounder word bubbles instead of the flat pancakes that they look like right now.
Taylor: I'm starting to think you need to put less detailed greys on your background objects to make the characters pop out more. Page 6 panel 4 is an example of your characters getting lost in all the equally saturated greys. Gotta make the important stuff pop out more.
otakutaylor: Congrats man! And thanks again for the battle <333
Animeshen: Thanks for the love! :D And yeah, I was afraid of the word bubbles being confusing, so I plan on revisiting them as I color. Thanks for the crit!
Puzzle: Ahh thank you so much! I had soo much fun and was interesting working with a deadline. Here's to many more battles <33
I... didn't even think about using videos for reference. Note definitely taken, thanks! Haha, and I *did* have a close up shot of Aurora's face on 7 but that panel got too wordy so I cut it out. I plan on redoing the bubbles anyway though, so maybe I can squeeze it in. Thank you so much for the crit, I will definitely be taking all those things into consideration <33
G.lo -
YOUR FIRST BATTLE AHHHHHHHHHHHH, SO EXCITING! Amazing work dude!
After your first page, your backgrounds get a little dull and hard to understand, which is a shame because it's just strait up lovely on that first page. You show enough care and consideration of your setting to turn something that could've been very boring, a rock quarry, into a unique and interesting place.
All of the lifting action on 2,3, and 4 lacks real weight and tension. Like, Tsumi is in a position for lifting, but there's no real sense that she's straining against some massive weight. Arch her back, press her against the rock, stretch her shirt over her straining muscles, give her fingers some actual purchase on the rock, stretch and pull her body. Either find a video of someone lifting heavy objects or ask someone you know to do it in front of you then exaggerate. Push things just a little bit farther than they go in real life, because you don't have the benefit of all the little things in real life that sell the action in a persons body.
I would've liked to have seen Aurora's face more on page 7, because you could used her expression to sell the ulterior motives of "round two" earlier, strengthening the joke.
Again though, it's amazing work dude, and totally impressive for your first time working under the cruel taskmaster that is the Void deadline, haha. Your character's are so lovingly articulated, and you really spent the time trying to get them down. Like I love the absolutely gorgeous way to mix solid blacks and hatching. Your dudes don't feel rushed even one bit. Probably my favorite is Remus, he has like the best expressions, and it's amazing how well defined a character he is without any words at all.
CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR FIRST FIGHT! YOU DID IT!
OtakuTaylor -
Damn yo, that's a lot of comic.
I like the hatched edges to your rendering, but I think they should move partially along your forms rather than just strait across them. Your poses are still a little stiff, and it doesn't help that Tsumi is so blocky/beefy that it's going to be difficult to get action in her poses anyway. Unless your careful, it's so easy for her muscles to break up and slow down the lines of her arms and legs. You need to take advantage of every trick you can to get her poses feeling more natural and dynamic. Trying doing some gesture drawinngs and focusing of the fluidity of your lines, and the action of the poses, rather than mass. Because your totally doing great with mass haha.
There could be a little bit more of a party going on, if it really is supposed to be some crazy thing that's been going for 9 hours. Crowd shots are totally a pain though, so I understand if you didn't think you'd have the time. Even just a horrible mess would've been fine though, remember that your background can tell just as much story as your characters.
That's really all I have to complain about, it's wonderful polished work, and it's exciting to see you move your story forward. You always work so hard dude, and turn in such great complete work. You're range is amazing, you put just as much energy and love into a down-played, emotional story as you do your fight comics, and that's wonderful to see.
TAY WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO TSUMI
She cant get sick Tsumi will never die we will find magical doctors and cure her AUGHH!
No but really that was a great comic, very heartfelt, Tsumi looks like shes just so tortured right now that I want to hug her! (we need to have that Gray/Tsumi battle cuz now they just need to hug each other lol) anyhow, as always great lines, nice action, a fantastic comic! and GLO, WOW, the background on that first page! I like your linework and your expressions (especially on Remmy, Remmy has great expressions lol) although I think sometimes your word bubbles are out of order? It got a little confusing, though I got the gist of what was happening. glad to see you battling, Aurora is a neat character!
::heart explodes from joy::
Thanks so so so so so much G.Lo~ I absolutely adore your comic. You don't know how happy it made me to see my big girl with some serious muscles on her, I'm jealous~ I've been so curious how you'd "handle" Tsumi and you did so magnificently. Plus, I rather love the way you drew her hair. Gonna have to see if I can draw that myself, hehe.
I hope I did enough justice to Aurora and Remus because you sure got Tsumi down pat. I had a smile stuck on my face for hours when I first read your comic, and i'm still giggling at how "close" the girls got in each of our comics. Hope to see more of your satyr and dragon on void soon!
REMMY & DRUMSTICK 5EVER.
OHMIGOD.
REMMY & DRUMSTICK 5EVER.
Taylor - Woooooo you blew my wimpy comic out of the water. Thanks again for battling me! Sorry it was so crazy, but your comic came out fantastic! I really enjoyed the storytelling and was a little sad panda at the end with the medical record. It was nice to see some Tsumi development, too. I love everybody's expressions! My favorite is Tsumi's on page 10. There's a ton of emotion not only in her expression but in her body language and you can just feel the tension. Although her post kiss dafukwasthat look is pretty awesome too. I really like al the different angles and perspectives you've done as well, lots of great shots going on.
Awesome, awesome stuff!!
I'm really curious on Tsumi's development now! I can't wait to see more :D
You even beat me to uploading! hehe. But I'm not too far behind, and I hope I can say the same when the votes come in. ^_^
It's been a pleasure (see frantic stressful worried craze) working on this comic, and I can only hope you and everyone else enjoys what I did at least half as much. I've been so scared yet curious how this battle is going to turn out, it's such a relief to be done.
Uploaded!
I won't have anymore time to work on it today ;; Everything was going smoothly up until a week and a half ago - and then life took a poopy on my schedule, so I didn't get to finish coloring. I was really excited to color though, so after finals this week, I'll finish up and toss it up on Tumblr! Plus maybe a bonus page, cuz I couldn't make up my mind how I wanted to end this. :x
This was really super fun though, minus the whole unable to completely finish thing. Thank you for popping my battle cherry, taylor :D I'm super excited to see yours :DDD Hope life's been treatin' ya goodly!!
And thank you, Puzzlething, for being so encouraging <33
Less than 4 days left and 4 pages to go... then all the words and formating ::shudders:: I'm really hoping what I've got for you will be enough. I've been so dang curious how things are going on your side G.Lo. I hope life hasn't been too crazy busy for you!
The first fight is always the hardest dude! Just keep telling yourself that you need to tell this story, it has to get out there! Just keep pounding it out, you can do it!
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