Jilsuri- I dig your inks and pencils, tho they could use some refinement and the anatomy is a bit stiff. Your cinematic paneling and well spotted blacks get the job done. Some of the impactful moments could be better chosen, tho seeing the Void Arm at work was cool. You've dealt a quality scar and I'm interested to see the Revengeance arm collecting go down.
Jiisuri: I don't know what that door/hole in the last page is. I really love this character, he is so badass. But I have my own little nitpicks, and if you want to take this idea go ahead but if not I'm sure you have your reasons. When you chop off someone's arm clean, you need to make sure it looks chopped off. This monster obviously is full of muscles, so when you chop chop that arm, make sure some muscles are flaring out and blood and the bones are visible. Make it rain blooood! And like William said, the toothbrush dipped in ink can do miracles. And this monster is huge, so he'd probably have blood spraying at that Clyde's face too. And if the arm lands on the floor, it'll be one sick bloody mess, so make a better puddle for that. I can see you either used a small black marker for the blacks, or when you drew this comic it was large and you had to use more marker. My tip for you is to dip a paintbrush in black ink to fill in those heavy blacks. It'll save you lots of time and money, and will look sleek and cleaner as well. When shading with a pencil, use the SIDE of the thing instead of the tip of the pencil to get more coverage. That or get a graphite pencil.
The Bent One: Short and cute, although seems a bit rushed. Sorry I don't have much to say ^_^'
Thanks for the feedback, y'all. Will take note of all of that for the next one.
I'd also like to think of this one as more of a quick first battle introduction of sorts. Future matches won't be as curbstompy as this, that I've planned for sure.
Jiisuri: William Duel already did a good job talking about what you need to do with your art, so I will talk about what you need to do with your scenes. Your character is in a unique position of having an end-game weapon. One swipe from that arm and its pretty much over for a great majority of opponents. This means that in action scenes you're going to have to be more creative in making them engaging to read through. Having Clyde say/do cool expressions then finishing fights with a swipe is a good way to bore the audience. What might have been a better scenario, and one you'll hav to play with in the future to keep things interesting, is putting Clyde in a situation where he can't immediately end the fight with his arm. For example, what if the Beast of Void was too aggressive, kept attacking too frequently and prevented Clyde from unbuckling his cast? Or what if the buckle jammed, and now Clyde had to both avoid attacks while simultaneously trying to fix his buckle? Both scenarios would make for a better payoff when he finally gets to use him arm to end the fight. No matter how calm or cool a character is, your action scene will always be more engaging if there is a bigger stake to lose. I don't know if I worded that sentence right. But keep up the work, I'm sure we're all interested in seeng where this void arm strays to.
Bent-One: I actually like this alot, it would make for a cute funny lil animation. Even with just one page, the gag was good enough to make me smile.
Oh man Duel, look at all that crit! Duel's (The Black Stripe) suggestions for dealing with your blacks in post are great, and you could also try switching to darker ink, like India Ink. I also think your panel borders are a little thin, and you could stand to beef them up.
If you want to keep using those gray lines you needs to be less haphazard with them. Every line you add should help describe the shape of the object in 3 dimensional space. Make your lines as though you're moving along the form of the object, like you're carving it out of wood. Making lines like that not only helps your objects feel better, but makes them feel more dynamic. If you want to get rid of them and just use screentones for flat shadows, you can just add them digitally. I've never done it myself, but I'm sure if you check/ask around the forums, you'll get some great advice.
Speaking of internal lines, you should use them more often. Like folds. His clothing never folds, even when he's hunched over on page 4. Try to keep in mind the form of Clyde under his clothes, and how it would bunch up and hang on him. Using internal lines well helps make the figure appear more dynamic and they help illustrating movement, compression, tension, all that good stuff.
I agree with LeFred, for an action comic there was a whole lot of standing around. Like, why is The Beast just looking at him? Instead of that staring competition in the middle, you could've had Clyde avoid attacks while on the phone. You get to do the same exposition, but the pace of the comic stays up.
I loved that shot through the hole the on the last page, it's definitely my favorite panel. It awesome seeing you jump into a battle so quickly dude, especially a 1 week scar match. You're keeping it hardcore over here! I can't wait for you're next fight!
EDIT: WHOOPS, totally forgot to crit TheBentOne
It was fun! I actually prefer this quick 1 pager to something unfinished and longer, but it sucks you got held up dude.
Bent One, I don't really have too much to say in regards to your page. The color and the style were enjoyable so it might be nice to try a full comic in this style. Otherwise it's too rushed a piece to really go indepth about.
Jiisuri, you're gonna have to work on your post production editing skills. Are you using Photoshop to edit your comics?
Off the bat, your blacks aren't black enough. They have undesirable sketchiness and white spots which gives it an unfinished or rushed feel. If you're scanning them in, scan them in as pure black and white images. Naturally this will get rid of your pencils so you may want to think about that.
If you want to keep the grays using pencil or some other media, then think about using curves or levelling to darken the blacks though keep in mind this may degrade line quality.
Your action sequences are dynamic but hindered by rushed line quality. Never be afraid to use a ruler to plan out either your scenes or the speedlines in the background. Use patience to measure these out. Or better yet, if you dont have these get a T-square and a triangle, these will aid you greatly as an artist.
The beast is a bit inconsistent in his proportions but I attribute this to being out of your comfort zone. As with all anatomy, be aware of the underlying structures and support as not only the beast but your character doesn't always deal well with shifts in poses.
When the beast's arm is cut off, think about more creative ways to create splatter, it'll be more visually appealing that way. You can dip a toothbrush in ink or a brush and flick it, you can drop small drops from above, there are any number of ways to try to depict it so stretch yourself a bit. If you're gonna just do it by hand, think of drawing more flowing gestures and lines to depict liquid.
Think about switching up line variation to create depth between your figures.
Otherwise this was a strong first showing and you admirably went the distance in tackling action, perspective and backgrounds. These are all elements that we all are constantly trying to tackle and improve. You've got great potential and I'm interested in Clyde's potential as well. Just strive to make every comic better than your last and you'll do fine.
Jiisuri, an entire arm, lol damn you do not back down! XD harsh! it looked pretty good, kinda sketchy and rough but I know there was only a week or you may have been able to clean that up more, I could still read it just fine. I too don't know about your interpretation of the beast.. I don't think he looked I guess scary enough? Not so intimidating I guess? but that Void arm sure as hell is lol! Can't wait to see more from you!
Ben T, bummed you didn't have time to do anything. but I did laugh for what its worth ^^;
Ji, Your lines feel a bit scratchy, but clean enough that I can know for sure that they'd look pretty good if fully fluid. Your interpretation of The Beast kinda bugs me, the face particularly. It's kinda too... manlike, and looks odd with the body. Your story is very straight-foward, but I can dig it if you have some good flowing dialogue or action. In here, you have the dude 'one day, THOUGH, he became like this. We, THOUGH, blabla.' That kind of repetition sticks out, so watch out for that. (and god knows I can relate with that problem...) Your action is alright, but if you're doing an action comic, I'd like to see more fighting and less posing. I'll agree with Red, take a longer deadline, I'm interested in seeing what you can really do.
Good job, anyway!
Ben, I... I kinda liked it, actually?
The Bent One, you weren't aware of the project before taking on the Scar Match? I would assume these are kind of a big deal, despite the fact that the character was made solely for Scar matches.
Meh, well I look forward to seeing what you do with him from this point on.
Jiisuri:
Thanks for the comment, red.
And then, just as I flip through this, I discover a panel where I drew the Voidarm on the wrong side.
Excuse me while I smash my head on the wall.
I totally didn't notice haha. I always do that ... I make a bunch of silly mistakes, but I don't say anything and no one really notices hehe. It's ok!
Thanks for the comment, red.
And then, just as I flip through this, I discover a panel where I drew the Voidarm on the wrong side.
Excuse me while I smash my head on the wall.
Jiisuri - Not bad for your first fight. I prefer your comics in black and white, actually. The story was ok, I'm hoping that you expand on him more in the future and it doesn't fall into this formula each and every time. I find it kinda hard to critique 1-weekers most of the time because time is obviously a huge factor. All I really have to offer is my encouragement ... I was surprised at what you were able to do in a week with your first battle. I hope you do longer battles soon so you can show us some truly awesome stuff :)
Ben - Really? Come on dude, don't do VOID stuff when you have important school stuff going on. Bad choice!
Uploaded mah shit.
Be warned, it's just 1 page. I have a giant final project for school looming over me, and I couldn't give you all the show I had planned.
BUT IT'S A GODDAMN FINISHED PAGE.
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