Congrats to Pockets for a well deserved victory!
@JongBom: I'll look into the issue with the accents, perhaps something a bit more subtle could be just as effective? I will find out. Anatomy is another thing I have to work on. Thanks for the crit man!
@BoboJo: I think line quality is something I have to work on, it is certainly one of my weaker aspects. Sketchiness is something I do like, but if too messy it can be unreadable. Sticking to my model with the characters is something else I need to work on, overall it's a consistency issue I think. Cheers for the thoughts man, much appreciated.
@AnimeShen: Lips are getting weird in there at some point. And I'm proud of the clothes! Many thanks~
@AnTinWoodsMan: Holy jesus dude you went all out there. First of all, thanks for all the kind words you threw up there. I don't think I was intending to do everything you attribute to me, but if that's what comes across then all the better!
You bring alot of good points up that I could have done differently. I will be sure to keep them all in mind in future projects.This was certainly a learning experience!
@Pondicherry: WELCOME TO VOID! Thanks for the thoughts! Anatomy has been brought up several times and is certainly something I need to work on.
@Tofubeast: Glad I managed to keep your interest "oh god this could be boring" was my major worry with this comic. I need to work on making the poses more organic though, valid point.
Thanks for all the kind words folks, hope to see you all soon!
@Thresher: Plotwise, i found the conversation between Tabris and Merrick to be interesting since it reveals the deeper thoughts of the characters, even though superficially it doesn't seem to go anywhere. However I find the accents of these characters to be annoying. It isn't fun to try and decipher what characters are trying to say when you already know what they pronounce would be the exact same way they would pronounce the words if you didn't write the words accented but normally. Artwise, you have great ideas of the angles the shots take place and panel composition, but the sketchy line quality and scribbled color look (even though the colors themselves are decent) drops the quality of your art and the reading experience. This actually wouldn't be a huge problem if your figures were more anatomically correct.
Overall, good depiction of a conversation, but anatomy needs more work.
@Mouse: Plotwise, while the sequence of events themselves were interesting to look, but we have no idea what are the motivations of your characters and a lot of why's are left unanswered. I had a similar problem with the dialogue of your portrayal of tabris in regards to the telling of the story, in that the latin language she speaks in seems to compound the issue of unanswered questions, which gives the plot an air of mystical intrigue bordering on unapproachably dense. Artwise, your use of bleached colors in conjuction with chiaroscuro type lighting is remarkable and easy on the eyes. The sequence of events were easy to read however you do make a few baffling angle shot choices, such as alternating between a normal shot of Merrick and then a bird's eye view on pages 4 and 5, which i found to be a mildly disorienting.
Overall, good art but your plot lacks clarity.
Thresher: Already been some great comments, so I won't add too much. I really enjoyed your storytelling and pacing. It felt like a little slice of life from a movie or something. I felt like the backgrounds, while really nice in certain panels, were mostly forgotten, either completely blank or just not very detailed. On one hand, that helped keep the focus on the characters and created a great mood, but on the other hand, it felt a bit unfinished. Actually, your style in general feels unfinished to me. I don't know if that's a personal preference (I'm a bit OCD about clean linework like Kura), or if you actually ran short on time or whatever. If that's just your style, then no worries; it works. The other nitpick I noticed was that, as much as I love how you played with angles and body language, a lot of the heads looked really wonky when you put them at certain angles. Several panels seemed kind of stiff because of that. I'm sure with practice it'll get better. I really had to get nitpicky with this because it felt like very solid storytelling overall. I can't wait to see more from you!
Pocketmouse: Don't worry, I didn't forget about you!
Okay, first off, I canNOT read whatever is on that first page. Or maybe I can. But since it's in another language AND a weird font, it's a little hard to tell. Other than that, I love, love, LOVE your style, the colors were beautiful, the blacks created an excellent mood, and the use of Latin (I'm assuming it's Latin anyways) was really great. It looks like you may have run out of time or something, because the comic felt unfinished to me (the ending wasn't very resolved for me). In other words, I WANT MORE!!! :) Thanks for the great read. Both of you.
Thresher your lips are a little weird sometimes but I like how you draw clothes and crowds and you've got great storytelling!
Pocketmouse your style is so beautiful to look at! ...but I'm not really sure what happened at the end there?
Tinman pretty much covered everything lol but I loved both of these, they looked great!
Thresher: You've got some great angles in here, I'm not sure if you're striving after a more photographicly correct yet stylized look like Sean Phillips or just a cinematic storytelling. The transitions between panels are accomplished with nice guidlines and forms, like Ehren's arm directing the eye down to the next panel on the first page for instance. More of that, subtle but effective. You pacing is the most played up aspect in the comic, cutting out time for each awkward pause, or jumbled words, contemplative moments and the short burst conversations of flirting and finding out. Very conversational, very articulate. You rendition of Void feels like another universe, more introspective and your art style accomplishes this. That rotoscoped tabula rasa expressionism, that allows for reflection as your audience seeks to identify with that bonding feeling of loss and disconnection. The notion of the Void characters not all being aware of each other, or seeing each other as legends gives the 'verse a larger life. You attempt to answer questions most comics never even ask.
You palette obscures small flaws but also denies us of important information. Discerning the flipped car or the waitresses approach shouldn't be a chore. They get lost in the dark masses, for how experimental your panel setups are, you could almost have just let them as more defined white silhouettes since they're basically the focal points of silent panels anyway. Page 5 is of particular interest, your wide margins for your borders and circular motifs force the reader to be stuck lingering in those moments, pondering the abyss of Void. Double stacking them is odd but you've got the right idea. Cramping the reminiscent glory of heaven and the darkness of hell into those tiny corner panels smashes the effect, she's separated from those places but their memory haunts her. Perhaps a white border around her form but the heaven/hell backdrop still filling the 1/3 panel around her? The chrono and rifle gear dominating the page is odd, letting them exist in the bleed usually means its the main event of the page, tying all the events together. But its just objects floating in space, so it calls so much direction to itself but probably should have been a flashback panel of his coming to Void or a formative tragedy. Breaking the reminisce with the bottle slam and words floating in space is very effective however, should have been a page topper. Cliffhangers at the end of each page, exciting new instances at the tops of new ones. Overall very good introspective character examination, wrapped up in a neat little package. Your conversational comics thrive on pacing and well crafted dialogue. If you're not going to have slam bang fights, better expressions and cleaner anatomy should be working points but your poses are great. Looking forward to where you take Tabris from here, want to see those wings in flight.
Pockets: First and foremost I adore your high contrast comics, glittering thread of color peering out from the jetblack masses and boldly defined characters haunting this dystopian world you've fashioned. Its a far cry and tonally so invigorating compared to most. Your moody flatwash colors evoke Moebius, but your characters are merely suggested from the blacks. Your rough style is very inky, I think playing up some more shading techniques- pyramids, some detailed hatches could draw them out better because you shade your characters like your settings. Your panel arrangement and pacing are most especially compelling, the parkour staircase drop and the three pack of the Angels and Merriks meeting is especially well timed. The ending may be abrupt but you've planted the seeds for a future storyline here and its not like we don't know Tabris makes mincemeat of the foes.
Its interesting to see both your art styles as somewhat similar, squiggled lined humans and subdued palettes. Your aesthetic influences must be shared to some degree. I'd like to see a list of them, because it feels like British comics of the 90s. Like 2000 AD books. Its the stuff I came up on, so I thoroughly appreciate it.
FIRST COMMENT ON VOID EVER
I agree with a lot of what's been said C:
Thresher: I really enjoyed your comic - it was a nice read and the dialogue felt very natural. There were some problems with anatomy, but some of the posing you did was actually pretty difficult C: (like, when Merrik is tilting his head back over the chair, the transition from neck to chin to face at that angle takes a lot of practice) but keep on drawing it'll get there!
Mouse: I saw you ink this in the studiooo<33 The colours are really nice! Especially on that staircase. I agree with Tofu though, it does end pretty abruptly (but then I know how much work we all have at the minute haha). If you look through all the comics you've posted though, it's really awesome how much you've improved C: The clarity of the imagery in this comic is some of your best. Now you just have to do your uni work haha
love~xxxx
Yay, they're both uploaded!
Thresh: I do like the interaction between all the characters, and the use of body language. However, I think that some gestures might be drawn a bit awkwardly (Merrik's mouth on the last panel of page two). Aside from that, it was a cute little read and still managed to keep my interest even though it was just them talking.
Mouse: I love the color scheme and the color job you did! Tiny nitpicks: the bubble where Ehren's talking isn't quite pointing towards him, and it kind of ends abruptly, but I did enjoy reading it!
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