Orion: From what I've seen of your art recently, you're really showing improvement in terms of anatomy. Keep that up. You really need to manage your time better though because 2 unfinished pages in 2 weeks is kind of ridiculous. Lovetank: I really enjoy your style on this. Even though it's just in the pencil stage, it's still cute and concise. The only issue I see is with your anatomy at times. Particularly on page 4 panel 5, the foreshortening on David's arm makes it look incredibly short. I liked your story as well, made me giggle at times, and in the end, feel a little bad for David. Looking forward to your next battle!

Kozispoon

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All-Rounder

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13 years ago

@ORION- Bad luck man. Well, happens to the best of us. Don't let this getcha down though. There's always the next battle @LOVE TANK- I was a little leery at the pencil work upon hitting the first page, but you really made me love it. The simplistic, yet rough graphitey style grows on ya. I would've liked to have seen bigger contrasts such as maybe filling in the mud so we could distinguish it from David's face. The story was appealing too (and OMG I want Lexie to make me breakfast. SO GOOD). Nice quiet and chill slice of life sort of deal. I'd love to see more of that as opposed to the 'meeting and fight!'

@love tank: I adore the way you draw hands... So natural yet stylized! @orion: Any chance of posting the finished piece as a bb? It would be sweet. Hope to see more from both of you in the future <3

I would have loved for there to have been more to Orion's and I would have really loved to see Lovetank's inked. It has potential!

The BenT One: Yeah, I tried to change up box shapes and lengths - my favorite part is the three-panel cooking sequence. Thanks for the crit, btw.

love tank: I guess my layouts were a bunch of squares, huh? :P Most comics are. it only works with certain typed of stories, like the famous 9 panel grip in Watchmen.

The BenT One: I agree. I wanted to put in something about them bonding despite their differences, but I was running out of time by that point, so I just wrapped it up. I will amp up the story next time around, and try to get inking done as well. I guess my layouts were a bunch of squares, huh? :P Orion: Enjoyed the characterization of Lexie! (Hope I didn't mangle David too much). It had a fun vibe, but wanted more pages (to see the impending doom, for example!). Great body language from David and Lexie.

Orion: You need to budget your time better! (although I'm the last person on the site who should say that) I liked where the story was going, but there NEEDED TO BE MORE. More pages, dude! I like your character and I want to see more of him, but you gotta be realistic about what you can get done and when. Lovetank: This was a nice comic. I feel like you could have pushed the panel layouts a bit more to make it intertesting, and there should be more variation between closeups and mid range shots. I liked the beginning, but that scene in the end seemed like it fell flat. there was no spark to the conversation, and it kind of just ended with them being like, "dead end jobs suck. you know? Well, fuck it." Stories need more SPICE, man! Also, I'd love for you to at least ink next time. PUSH TO YOUR POTENTIAL, PEOPLE!

And the same to you, Orion! (: I'm bearly able to handle these puns.