But seriously, don't listen to him. No one should tell you how to make your story progress forward.
I like to make my characters developpe by dying, you make them developpe by kissing. You must have much happier characters than I do XD
XD yes they do. But to me, so did the big monster.
Anyway, don't listen to what Fred says. He hasnt slept much and doesn't know what he's talking about. I liked the comic and the surprise kiss at the end made up for whatever he felt was lacking.
(or something)
I'll join with the Revolver Protection Group.
As much as I used to hate that kind of story, now I love them. Very simple, light, cute. Gives you a smile for a bit. Not memorable, but like a good day in life, it was a good comic.
Pyras, pretty good, but I was disapointed when the monster started chasing Arena... because then I knew she wasn't getting shot. I mean,you bring the tension up to that point, you make Revovlver refuse, you make us think he's ordered to kill Arena, he buys super-duper-bullets(tm) that make us wonder how the hell Arena can survive AND THEN... he kills a big monster. Maybe I'm the only one to be disapointed, but whatever. XD
I think it would've been cooler if you had found some way of making her somehow survive. Whatever how. Rebornationing, reality hopping, I dont know! But I was waiting to see what and didn't get it. Poor little me. ):
I'll go cry in that corner over there now, if you don't mind.
Pyras, I really like yours. Its a good example of Anime influence but not anime cliches. I definitely see an anime influence in your work, and this felt like an anime episode. But it was an anime I would watch. No one gave long monologues with their backs to the camera, no one screamed someones name really loud for a long time, a tiny pop up box didn't come up to explain the bullets, and there was no talk about people's "power level." The people felt real and their actions made sense.
I do like the explanation page, it is a little bland, but honestly I don't have a problem with that because I know time is tight. If your were publishing this I would encourage you to do something with it. The font is really bland, you might add transparent images of the previous episodes behind it or something. I agree with everyone else's comments about the character juxtapositon in the panels, I would just say keep working on anatomy and perspective, definitely start using perspective grids, if you don't know what that is, just let me know.
I like the innocent/deep simplicity of GR's comic as well, it's a nature of his comics I really enjoy.
I just wish Arena's stature didn't seem so short, lol
'greed with Alberto, the writing and intention in Harris' work was simple enough to even be fewer pages than it did. At that point screentime is hardly and issue when the simple premise is: Pyras attended Ghost Revolver's class and found buddhism. [unless its something else, im never good with eastern religions]
and yeah my vote is shifting towards harris' side because tone and execution worked out well. Pyras's was filled, yes. But it got busy and a bit too ambitious, leading to unfinished panels here or there and looking incomplete. For now thats my general take on it but I might come back and give it a full root-through once I finish.
Wow! I totally disagree with you Phillip C. I thought Michael's story was solid on storytelling, quite simple and to the point.
I felt the shift totally went to Arena and resolved her flashback issue... and in only five pages.
My vote went to Mr. Harris
Thanks for the crit Phil :) however, 'alot of people like the 'gray with moments of color' scheme I use, myself included. But I'm glad I'm improving to a point where less problems like anatomy, perspective And backgrounds are becoming as noticeable as before
Michael: Dude... do me a favor and watch this to get my impression on stories where nothing fuckin' happens. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JHVqxD8PNq8
You know what, this is exactly what NOT to do with your comic. Have SOMETHING happen! Yeah there's a guy from City of Heroes talking and spouting some BS science that doesn't fucking exist, but other than that? A vision comes to Arena which hardly does anything to her here, she hardly interacts with the teacher, he barely bats a fucking eye at this even though he's in the middle of a fucking lecture and she's leaving HIS CLASS. Oh... one girl does shout out "SUBTRACTION!!". But yeah, Arena has a flashback to things she's done, leaves the class without anybody reacting, then goes to the bathroom.
...
TOTALLY GENIUS WRITING HERE MICHAEL! Why don't you just do yourself a favor and leave the second character out of your next comic since it's obvious that Arena had no business being in your comic here. On the plus side, the comic is consistent and finished. I'll give you points for that, however, you should consider taking writing classes, you need it, badly.
Pyras: A bit cliche, but entertaining. I'm going to argue that since your comic is mostly in gray tones, it should be kept as such, so lose the colors and stick with the grays unless you intend to go with a mix of gray and one single color (Like Sheldon's work for Kill Audio, all grey and red hues). I didn't have very many problems otherwise, it did seem like you ran out of time towards the end, work on your time management better in the future. Vote went to you by a wide margin.
michaelharris - liked your easiness in story telling, loved the pacing and use of backgrounds.
PyrasTerran - I love your devotion to the battles, but your inconsistency in your art could be due to rushed work at times.
Thanks for the crit :)
Haha, I think you're the first person to disapprove of my prologue pages XD I started putting those in to keep people up to speed with my character's goingson, and you're right; I could come up with some more creative way of doing this, but since most people supported the original idea, I just kept rolling with it.
As it stands, I still need to manage my time properly (and not go into a pathetic pussy-fest when someone I don't know but admire dies), but when I feel comfortable finishing the story's art from beginning to end, then I will try something new with the prologue..!
I'm glad you find my story interesting :D
I liked both of these. It's a little difficult to compare something with a more subtle, character-driven climax and something with chases and giant explosions.
I didn't find michaelharris' boring, though I think for something so quiet you could certainly ramp up the tensions you have available. This would have been richer with even more characterization (and please don't think I wasn't impressed by what you already had--I knew something about every character who showed up, by the end). I have no formal art training, so take this part with a grain of salt, but I think you should try weighting your lines. Making some of them thicker than others creates a sense of depth that this comic lacks. And I really like how the book shows up at the beginning and the end--that kind of unifying thread is something many writers forget.
In fact, both of your comics have a clear plot arc. PyrasTerran's has more professional linework and more creative, dynamic camera angles, but kuro pointed out some of the weaknesses already--I also suspected you of coming up with cool-looking layouts and then cramming parts of the story into the panels instead of thinking about how to convey the story and then making panel layouts that would best portray it. I have had some formal training as a genre fiction writer, just a little, but it's been enough to convey to me at least one concept I think you could have used here. The first page, with the white text on black background recap, would have been better in my opinion as a series of labeled flashback panels, or a news report, or pretty much anything but a dry prologue to your extremely interesting story. I don't usually read past pages like that in a comic because I don't trust authors/artists to tell a story if they can't show me it happening instead of summing it up.
These were both entertaining, even with fake science and weird Russiany fonts. Thanks for sharing :D
Sorry, to clarify, I meant you should consider handwriting everyone's. Leave hers but perhaps get a tighter brush or very neatly write out everyone else's dialogue/text differing from hers, that way her's is still kept distinct, but there's not such a jarring switch.
Also, I thought Mikey's jests were a little too harsh given some of the shenanigans he carries on with. Figured I'd get in on the harping. That's all.
PyrasTerran:
were William and michael really fighting?? o.o I thought they were just messing with each other, the topic is too ridiculous to argue over so vehemently..
If you bond 4 sodium atoms then you're asking for trouble.
Thanks for the crit; the running scenes did give me trouble, I'll look towards the feet next time.
I don't always give every character different font anymore, but I wanted to try something soviet for GR, I may change his font to keep with everyone else's in the future..
but I've no intention of changing Arena's font, sorry ^^;
But I will work on the sizes of the font and word bubbles!
thanks again :)
Also...
were William and michael really fighting?? o.o I thought they were just messing with each other, the topic is too ridiculous to argue over so vehemently..
I'm sure if the proper chemistry jargon was in CoH, Mikey wouldn't have any issue swiping it then.
Will bastardizes comics? No. The guy puts forth honest effort. Now, taking your characters straight out of pc games? THAT is a bastardization of the medium. Will called you on some shit, own up to it instead of trying to turn it around.
Also, your side of the battle was monotonous. And please don't try to chalk that up to intent. You often try to do that. Even if that is the case, who really sets out to make comics that bore people?
Pyras, you crop action strangely sometimes in panels & then seem to draw everything to fit the panel. When that happens anatomy gets compressed & squished sometimes. Case in point, the panels that the fifth & sixth thumbnails come from. Why only show an upper body to denote running? That's mostly in the legs. Draw to fit the story, don't fit your story into a layout. Also, I don't like the font for each character thing. I'd say just go handwritten. If you want to give Arena some variance over the other characters you could still capture that in a handwritten way, but the transition between your handwriting & the digital text doesn't suit the art well. Also, your balloons & captions are HUGE! Don't be afraid to shrink them down some because you're covering up way more of the page & the art than need be.
No I'm not letting you off the hook that easy. H3Na4. What the fuck is that? You're calling it a chemical compound but that doesn't exist on it's own in reality. Hydrogen and Sodium do not make any fucking bonds to each other. If you forced such bonds together it'd be really fucking unstable. And this is supposed to be Chem101? Listen here because this will be my crit, anime is what pisses you off? Well what pisses me off is people pulling nonsensical shit out of their asses and calling it fact. Shows like House, really dumb things down, but it's cool because it's entertaining and at least believable. But if you don't want angry geeks calling your bullshit, next time, just pull the shit off the internet.
I try not to let my nerdiness go out of check but I'm pretty irate right now. As a man with a Biology Degree, that utter nonsense you have Revolver writing on the blackboard is offensive. Jesus, if you're going to fake chemistry at least use a reaction that makes sense in reality.
PyrasTerran:
Ya, uhmmm..
I've been following the character bio that says Kali contacts him through his phone.. and today I just realized that the picture says that he lost his phone and gets calls by dove now.
I already kinda finished the page that concerns this :X
OH GOD! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!
Ya, uhmmm..
I've been following the character bio that says Kali contacts him through his phone.. and today I just realized that the picture says that he lost his phone and gets calls by dove now.
I already kinda finished the page that concerns this :X
Comments (39)