pyras:
i want to get at yur comic first since thats the order and you are new and need the feedback. i like the others liked the color palette you used, so i wont bother bringing it to the table much.. yur perspective was off especially on the establishing shot of P2 running through the construction site. but again that was touched on. and we all to some degree struggle with perspective from time to time. all tho the city scape in the first page didnt bother me at all.. was kinda funny to me.. reminded me of the samurai jack kinda styling of what a city would look like.. BUT if thats how the cities look style wise its gotta be consistant. the tech font was an awful choice i agree... the helicopters didnt bother me actually.. doesnt need to look like a modern chopper.. as long as theyre all consistant style wise and look decent. didnt know what the hell the P2 ninja thing was about. and didnt remember the ninja guy in the last comic you did either so i just pretended not to see that....
i didnt even notice the very last panel of yur comic until i re read it. and have no idea what that was for.. if it was supposed to tease to something else or if it was just some dude watching on TV or what. the prologue woulda helped to some degree figuring out what the hell P2 was rushing off to.. yeah it said gotta get to angie and hope Foo is holding up or something but no ref to what hes holding up against with out that. and my fight with angie was so long ago no ones gonna remember that with out a little help im sure.
art wise you seem to be improving and taking crits well.. so just keep at that :) good luck in yur next match up.
Felle:
sadly i didnt even know this fight went up yet until i saw the arena half on DA.. sad i missed it when first posted. yur color work is tighter in some spots than others but we both know its one of yur stronger points.. one thing that erkz me is P2's skin tone... you are pretty good palette wise with everything else but P2 is getting more and more simpsons yellow in each comic it seems like. even in simpsons the black people are brown homes.. give P2 some melanin please..
story wise i guess i knew sorta what was gonna happen.. cant squabble there.. think you maaaaybe coulda done better with getting across what P2 was rushin toward also... you showed their pics but again that fight was forever ago. so there coulda been a little more internal monologue about what was goin on there.. the scene in which P2 collapses the building i agree could have been way more clear.. i didnt know if he was standing on the building he was collapsing.. if it was moving back and forth in time.. what the deal was... that was the most confusing page in the whole fight.
also feel like yur last page was almost un necessary being that there was no wording at all and it seemed like it was intended to have some. and the girl at the end with the symbol on her head.......... is that a ref to something??... is she relevant?... i dont get it. but im not as active as i once was so maybe i missed something and thats my fault.. dunno.
in any case i enjoyed both fights quite a bit and cant wait to see the next ones from both fighters.. thanks for the entertainment at 6am
-FoO
Felony-
This comic was exceptionally weak. Some very nice drawings sprinkled throughout but your progressions are borderline indecipherable. The dialog... what there is of it is fine, I suppose, but you did an awful job of establishing a sense of place. Where the hell are these people? Going back to your progressions, there are several times where I figured the pages were out of sequence because the elements are so severely disparate.
It's typically a good idea to either a) telegraph in a previous panel what's about to happen or b) once a large action's taken place, give us some idea of how that action's fundamentally changed the scene (i.e. craning the camera out, giving a bit of a decompressed reaction shot). Still, not bad looking, I'm sure you'll get over on style for quite sometime, even though substance is somewhat lacking. I just think that you should develop your storytelling skills, that way a lack of substance is a problem you won't ever have.
Pyras-
Your comic's fine, I suppose. It follows a lot easier than Felony's. It does, however, lack impact and the teasing of action halted by your 'to be continued' frame kind of comes off as a cop out.
Late to the voting scene, but I've been waiting all week to say this--
P2, your colors are gorgeous as always on every page... except the last (which is still lovely, just not breathtaking). Very creative compositions. I love the sand-splosion on page four. It's a difficult action to convey, but you pulled it off like a pro.
I'd love to crit your backgrounds or lack of debris, but I honestly didn't notice 'til I read the comments.
Pyras, I'm really fond of the color scheme you used for this. The black/white with limited use of color was... surprisingly effective. The action was clear, I have no complaints there.
I want to beat your backgrounds with a ruler. It doesn't take too much time to tighten up on those things, and it really would have added quite a bit to your comic.
Wonderful submissions on both sides, anyway. It was a pleasure to read.
Micheal: Yea backgrounds i'm slowly bulking up on but still is a weak point. I'm also trying to stop myself from using shortcuts so I won't be tempting to leave it blank as much either.
I agree on the damage ,this was a new attempt for me since i pretty much never focused on area/bg damage since arma.
but i will take it up a notch next fight i do
Thanks for all the crits.
I don't know how well I'll be able to implement them in the upcoming comic(coming out this weekend) since it's almost done, BUT I will definitely try to do so for my next comics after :)
XD michaelharris, I'm on the same boat; I really want to see her not being crazy, too. The next comic is going to facilitate this, and hopefully, she won't get in so many random battles afterwards.
P2: The colors are really pretty in this. I still wish you would put more time into your backgrounds, I see you use a lot of clever ways to avoid doing them, but I think it would enhance the pages a great deal. The story seemed a bit cliche but that may not have been completely your fault since it was a two part story. I do agree with rtv, if you are doing super hero stories the damage factor should be a touch greater. The last page seemed a bit unnecessary and awkward too.
Pyras, It would have been nice to have a "Part one" on the first page. I stopped reading P2's when I read the "part 2" and then I got to yours and thought, "well I *hope* this is part one." Backgrounds, backgrounds, backgrounds... Go on google and look up cityscape, then copy it. The rectangles with glowing boxes on them don't quite cut it. I think the main problem is that you aren't using reference. You should look up what a helicopter, cityscape, and construction site look like. That way you don't have to make them up out of your head. The fonts didn't work well either. The regualr speech font was very large and overwhelming, the "techno" font was very hard to read.
storywise, I really want to see her not being crazy. If she runs around misunderstanding everyone and attacking them, we will never get any kind of character development, just constant random fights. If thats what you are going for awesome, but I would like to see some personality from her.
The Void comedy central got a bit too much for me. Finally a "FIGHT". Yay yay!
No matter how short it was, i liked it.
Felle i'm liking the dynamic improvements on yer poses. However, the damage feels really stale. Like too little debris for so much damage. All you have to do is add more debris, bricks or glass. It makes the damage more vivid. It takes less time than colouring (find the loophole my man. copy paste) ...and you're hearing that from a motherfukka with even less patience than you.
I love the nightime/neon stuff going on with the pink/blue combination. Stirred up some Jack Cross memories.
It feels as if there's a page missing though. On the other hand, time isn't always on ones side.
Pyras
I'm not too familiar with your fighter since i've been dead and gone for a while and i'm loving your poses. In particular all panels on the left on the first page. The gray shades combined with limited coloured items work well with your style. The angle where Arena is facing the VCPD helicopters is TIGHT! Nice. That font you used for the VCPD dialogue is pretty hard to read (for me) I used it for a cover in caps and in comics doesn't flow too well as most people read pretty quick.
Too bad ya ran outta time, but i liked what i saw and i'm not gonna nitpick on silly details.
Oh...and..you're on my Hitlist now, don't run.
Overall short and sweet guys. On to the next!
One more thing I want to comment on Pyras that I sorta glossed over before, the backgrounds. They serve their purpose composition wise but definitely need lots more details. Very bland and boxy.
I'm curious felle: Was there anything that you were thinking of having P2 say or think in the last page? It feels like some of the layouts set up for a possible word bubble.
I know *I* had problems with the last page myself; running out of time for the deadline, I actually scrapped the background sketches I had in the 1st two panels.
As some of you may have noticed, the narrator's voice isn't even present in this comic XD had no time to add him in.
yea the different color gutter was a mistake,my base color was that and i forgot to throw black ontop of it. I'll have to work better on double checking before submitting next time
but thanks
PyrasTerran, cool beans. There are obvious anatomical issues here and there, like P2's arm length is variable at times and head shapes are odd here and there. Your comic is...very digital. I'm not sure whether or not to say that's good or bad. But it's a certain hallmark of the work I've seen you do so far. And as such, I feel your linework could be stronger here and there. I see it as being shaky every now and again. I especially notice it around P2's head, probably cuz of the white.
Felle, your comic is pleasing to the eye but I don't very much like your gutters. I feel like they're too thin or something. Page 3 seems odd to me. That the gutter is a different color than the rest which is black. Aside from minor technicalities you've got a very refined skill set and it's cool to see you battle when you do. I think of P2 as being the Void Superman so this was cool.
since the prologue I wrote apparently didn't make the deadline in time, I'll write it here,:
ARENA
Having been assaulted by an assassin
with a white headband, Arena went into
a berzerker fury that resulted in many
injuries and a new target on her head
by the VCPD. She has been located and
confronted by a VCPD helicopter unit.
P2
P2’s revenge on the Butcher is cut short when
Mize alerts the White Jackets of fellow
team mates in danger. P2 now races
against time to try and save Angie and
Fooray from Foo’s psychotic siblings.
I'll have to contact Toast, I don't see anything wrong with the file and it worked in the admin section since I made a thumbnail for it, so when it switched folders something weird must have happened. If you can email me your page I'll let Toast know.
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