carlito: I like what you're doing with the brush, looks nice. You got some cross-hatching going here and there; I think you could have even worked that in a little more? Some panels looked empty.
The text was very hard to read here, much too small. Actually, if you are going to work with brush, I think it would look very nice to hand-draw the bubble outlines.
I also thought the speed lines were a little too much... they could have been rendered in a simpler way without so many lines.
Chia's head is still kind of warping shape from panel to panel in a couple of instances, but mostly is very consistent.
The gray tone fill on the last page was never used in any of the earlier pages, which is jarring... I would have not used the fill and just tried more hatching or something.
Darius: nice story... dialogue felt very natural, which for me is refreshing to see in an action comic, ha...
Using different fonts for each speaker sometimes can work, but I think it was unnecessary in this case. You used a script font for dialogue... I think a script font would have been better limited to Corry's journal, it just seemed like too much when you also use it for dialogue. And I also don't think it worked when you used a completely new font for when Corry started speaking Chinese... (especially typewriter font.. makes me think he's talking in a robot-like voice)
Generally, I think different fonts works best when used in only a few special cases. Like in a lot of comics when they use an evil-looking font for when a character is possessed, or whatevs. I'm just not seeing the purpose for every character having his own font.
Chia:
whatever your inking with here, keep using it, because it's the best lineart i've seen from ya. you r getting a better level of detail with the art, I think it's almost there, you're just missing some texture, add a bit more texture and I think it would be nice. just keep drawing figures, etc.. also. would have liked sound effects or something during the fight to give the hits more impact. story... eh.. think it needs more characterization for Chia, I think Ace had more personality. Basically, I think Chia is covering the same ground here that he has before, he needs to get over his emo period and move on to his next goal, because people are only going to be interested in his moping for so long, we need to get the idea that he is going to do something about it. Try and think of a goal that might cause run-ins with others and confrontations, it might lead to more believable and interesting setups for conflict.
Mr:
Your story was a pretty good read, and you depicted some believable internal emotions with it. The jumping around through time kind of confused me though. If your art had been more finished it would have been really great. Despite that, I actually like this art more than some of your other fights because you have less photoshop madness going on, that stuff like from your patent fight, is really rough on the eyes. I think if you take what you have penciled here, throw down some inks and practice your spot blacks, it would look way better than all those digi-tricks.
[quote]
Phil- I just couldn't understand your scarmatch, how Chia got scars from a fight you didn't even show, that had no motive, and that the character he didn't end up having the fight with, didn't even do.
He has to wear these scars the rest of his void life and it was super trivial... So, I thought about it, and it made sense. Phil took the fight, but didn't fight it and got someone else to do the work for him. You didn't show what happened before or during the fight, you really didn't show anything... so I thought maybe that was it. Boring, melodramatic, and trivial... but you won, and it's over, and now that I did this comic I'm good with it too. I won't be using him again.
Understandable, but you see, I left the fight out because I thought the viewer would supposedly fill in the blank with how the fight happened having the journal clue the reader in that Redblood Phill had nothing to do with the fight in the least. I found that way out of character because I've always shown that my character may be hot headed, he's still a good guy, and due to the inner monologue that was going on in my story against you, the notion of fighting for no reason at all was the wrong thing to do for redblood no matter what, and walking away without doing ANYTHING would be the right choice, which he did since you failed to notice that apparently. Had it not of been a scar match I could of left it at that without having to throw in the "necessary scar" and assume that he never got into a fight.
But if you insist on calling that boring and trivial (which is begging the question on what you think is good)... I could make a comic to fill in that part of my story to make it more exciting, my original idea was that Chia started all the shit himself due to the fact that you've made your character a highly paranoid, angry, and violent. Seems more plausible to me rather than having Redblood Phill be some sneaky underhanded rat who pays off people to fight for him.
carlito- this is probably your best installment to date. there seemed to be a progression of story which was good, and you definately upped the dialogue.
however- you need to work on those back grounds some, it's not neccesary to always have a backgroud for each panel- but a whole page with 3 or 4 panels and no background and people start to notice.
also- and this is just me being nitpicky here- but when your drawing a street with sidewalks or buildings use a ruler, gotta have those straight edges.
overall though, your def. improveing.
Darius- your dialouge continues to get better with each installment, and your figure work particurally with the fighting scenes has improved. however what's killing you is the "unfinished look". stick with just the minumun amount of pages and ink em. or pencil them really really hard and clean. unfornately what your ending up with is some really nice starts to pages that just don't look done.
Carlito and Darius- i know you both probably want to get in as many "fights" as you can to get your art exposure and thier's nothing wrong with that. But rushing your pages to get them online really only results in the pages not looking finished. having the bare minumum of pages and having them fully rendered with backgrounds and everything is, in my opinion, more impressive than haveing 8 or 9 and having them not as finished as they could be.
keep in mind- while professional comic book artist often do draw a page a day or more, they are paid to do that, and they don't have to work day jobs or go to school, or etc.
alright, that's my two cents worth. i'll shut up now.
carlito-I liked your more looser style, it seems you were able to be a bit more consistent with it. Be careful about the distance between eyes, there should only be 1 eyeball between the two in terms of distance which is a problem you've had a lot in the past. Story wise I wasn't really feeling it, I don't really understand why Chia-hui was all I'm not gonna fight randomly any more than he fights.
Mrnoitaull-I thought the story was pretty good but I want to see a totally 100% finished and refined battle from you sometime. You're getting better all the time but it's a shame that we don't get to see stuff where you have given it 100%.
mos def saw improvement from you carlito,and hope you keep pushing it forward.
Darius i like where u was taking and wished you would of had a chance to slap some details on it
WOO took my gun drop me off the character list and now got a story featuring paytent at the end of an awesome story. Liked it alot Darius, Carlito it was kinda basic but ok i guess. Looking forward to more stuff
I think a longer time limit would benefit you greatly Darius.
Carlito: Well it's nice to see some more consistency with the art this time around, but I have to say, in my comic against you, Redblood was an asshole, but he wasn't a scumbag who was paying people to fight. It seems to me that you've still got quite the chip on your shoulder right now seeing as how you're focused on making my character even more of a bad guy than he really is. Yet you admit that your fighter is the type who fights for stupid reasons and is so hot headed that he's almost unlikeable at this point in time and has no personality other than angry ex-monk, but wants pity from the audience cause he was completely wronged in the worst way possible.
This comic to me is clinging to a grudge which should of passed ages ago, I don't want to read about your grudge anymore and I don't appreciate you making my character something he's not (this to me is you being totally disrespectful), I want to see you improve, and pulling out this "pity my character" thing just comes off as a poor excuse for writing yourself into a corner and leaves a foul taste in my mouth.
Darius: Not bad, but more time seems to be a must right now, you've still got a lot of the same problems going on in this comic as with your previous comics, nice figure work, but they're awash in a sea of negative space. Your establishing shot is a good example of this, it's got a good perspective and the figures look fluid, but there's just nothing around them. Tell me, what would a camp like that have? Personally I would of put in some Supply Boxes, Ammo Crates, weapons that are being tended too, a bonfire, canteens, food supplies, unworn boots, barrels of fuel/water, spare tents, get where I'm going with this? You need DETAILS! You gotta ask yourself when drawing a background "What would there be in a place like this?". Practice drawing a kitchen and put that thinking process to it, think about what your character would have in this kitchen, and draw accordingly.
Other than that, the story was OK for me, I'm glad you made this comic readable, but give yourself more time in the future.
Vote goes to Darius.
mrnoitaull- definitely your best post. Maybe you should forgo coloring and finish your drawings more. Considering your schedule, I was surprised by the quality of the post.
Yeah... 5 pages in 2 weeks: not a good look for me, and you'll see.
I def started at like the 8 day mark (stupid school).
But I wasn't going to default on you, Carlito...though you deserve better.
Please appreciate what you can
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