Joshua-Was pretty good for a first battle and I'm impressed that you managed to finish in the time limit. I really liked your inks and layouts, especially on those first two pages. I didn't like how abruptly it ended though since it felt like the comic had no purpose and you ran out of time.
Jetaime-Again, I loved how this felt like 20th Century Boys. I didn't mind that this was rougher than your usual but I do agree with Jho that tightening things up a little could have been even better. Story wise this was probably the only entry where I was thoroughly entertained. I was glad that you make it seem like this comic had a deeper purpose than being just a tournament fight comic. Please keep this up, I want more comics from you!
Jetaime....Fuckin-A youre god...ahem...Good...I have no formal critique other than ....your storytelling makes me cry that I only have the ability to tell dick and fart jokes...10 pages and you gave me every emotion...nice...
i'm gonna choke SOMEONE
proper comment later, but jetaime, damn son.. if you tighten up a bit in several areas (particularly big panels) you're- ah fuckit, you're just good. damn you!!
josh, nice lines, a tad short though story wise
MORE COMMENT LATER
I liked how both of you set that your characters up in a way that they didn't directly kill each other :P
Josh > For a first battle, it was decent and quick, but there's plenty of room for improvement mang- You've got in some interesting establishing shots, beginning, and BGs here, as well as great solid inks -- though I wish you went further into the story and let Kirin have more screentime before she went! Nice paneling layouts though. Would definitely like to see what you can whip up with more weeks!
Jetamie> Your tendency to write and pace in a very grasping and humanly believable way makes me envious. You seemed to have utilized a moral theme to the whole Sentai event that makes it so much more meaningful. Others may say it was a step down artwise from your last but you only had a week - I actually figured the delicate lines and differentiation of the usage weight in places worked for what you were aiming to get across with the battle, feeling very spontaneous and movie-like. I'm curious on how you'd work light colors in with it.
ChrisAdrift:
Soo...is there any one story for this tournament? It seems to me like different artists are just coming up with different reasons for the fighting...
There is no set story on Void, everyone is welcome to do their own thing. Although there are people that have linked battles, no one is forced to follow a certain story.
Joshua-- Nice art. The ending, well, I laughed, but it was also kind of abrupt...poor Kirin
Jetaime--I think the cuts work nicely here, actually. Some excellent art, really like the look of it.
Heh..love how you did Kirin's transformation there..and Gibson's, actually.
Soo...is there any one story for this tournament? It seems to me like different artists are just coming up with different reasons for the fighting...
mellanie: eat your green vegetables!
baratacom: you're an extremely good guesser! besides making him like 20 years older, i also tweaked his backstory a bit so that he and kirin would have a lot more in common.
jv7x: skipping to the end of the fight was one of the big cuts i made---the other one was skipping to the end of kirin and gibson's conversation. i'm pretty glad about cutting the latter... it would've been a lot of extra work just for the sake of boring you guys to death. cutting the fight was more of a "CHRISTTHISTHINGISDUETODAY" kind of decision, and though i was initially worried that it would seriously hurt the pacing, i've come to terms with the results.
squid: i hear you. i resorted to hatching everything because i thought it would make the process a lot faster (there's a few places where it didn't do that at all). i should've laid down some watercolor or ink tones, but i seem to be incredibly slow with stuff like that.
everyone else: thanks for your comments.
jetaime, I think why this battle's artwork feels like a 'step down' is the lack of darks. It makes it look unfinished. God knows we can't expect you to make all your battles look like the first two pages of your last one of course @-@ um but maybe more solid darks as well? I dunno, somehow it just felt too sketchy I guess. Like too much white space? I know, I'm just throwing stuff out there.
The drawings themselves looked great to me, though. And I love what you did with Gibson. Nice stuff. ^^
joshua, I liked it okay. I liked your artwork the best of the two comics personally. one gripe is that, while the wobbly Shiele-like anatomy is fun, sometimes it just looks goofy, like Kirin's legs in panel 2 of page 3. and really, the artwork just felt to me like it needed something more, more darks again, maybe. :I I think the temple on page one is the best part.
I hope that helped some. -. -
Josh: I very much so like what you're working with, but I do agree that it was a bit anticlimactic.
Jetaime: I love the foundation that Kirin is built on story-wise... Having seen your stuff in the past, I expected nothing less from you. You delivered.
Good job you two.
Josh: I liked what you did here. My biggest qualm would be that the ending was a bit anti climactic. She got taken out way too quick.
Jetaime: How do i put this..... you are the master of awesome. your pacing is peeeerfect and i liked your take on the characters.
Josh: Your pages looked good and are way better than what I could do in the same time but this entry was way too skimpy. I too am in awe of artists who can crank out 10 pages of gold in a week but that's part of what makes these tourney's so telling. Short as it was, I liked what I saw and I love Heaven and Earth as characters.
Jetaime: I think this is my favorite entry this round! The art was top notch and the story was great. You did a great job of breathing life into these characters with their actions and words. Really a great read! I would have loved to see a bit more of the battle and not get so quickly to Kirin getting beat down, but that's just being nit-picky. I'll stop there, just short of gushing and say that this comic made me a big fan. Also great song choice, CCR Rules!
JV
Joshua: Art-wise it was really cool, but the story was a big let down, felt rushed or something, especially with Kirin briefly appearing and dying almost instantly without even actually doing anything at all.
Jetaime: Very cool story, guess there's not much to say that hasn't been said already, except perhaps that I loved the "crudish" ball-point look. There is just one thing that painted me weird here: Gibson. Not sure if you spoke to Jackster or not, but his character seems personality-wise really different from how he was in his comic, there he is more of a egoistic guy who is not much of a hero, here he seems more gloomy and ashamed of something, but still a hero at heart.
Forgot to mention, Jetaime, cleaner lines would be nice, and it loses you one point of quality for me, but other than that its a perfect score from me.
Josh-I like your style and creativity. Awesome battle techniques, but I would sugest working on your background perspective.
Jetaime-fantastic art, story and detail. Really excellent, I love it!
Josh: This was a great comic. It would have been better if it was longer(to get your story across) but the art is great. I loved it! Great battle dude. You only gave yourself a week. Your speed will come, just give it time. I have faith in you;)
Jetaime: Your comic was very pleasing to the eye. I liked the story too! Keep up the good work!
Kon:
sorry you were disappointed, i wanted to do more, but I am too slow, I will push harder next time.
I don't know how you guys get so many pages done in 1 week!! I am fucking impressed!!
Everyone else:
Thanks a ton for the crits, etc... I am taking notes....
Jet:
HOLY CRAP WOW!!!
That was a great read Jetaime!! I really enjoyed how you portrayed my team, their cold cryptic attitudes, tandem fighting style, and the temple was siick!! And the Kirin flip-o-change-o and fighting were awesome!!
You have a great sense of life to all your works, the characters drawn seem really motivated from within.
Also, I like your approach to the storyline of having Kirin look for help.
Thanks for the feedback too. I enjoyed drawing Kirin, sorry she had to die in such a generic way...I just had to keep condensing the story in order to finish on time. Totally learned alot about working fast and it was a fun challenge! I think you handled things quite well through "economizing" your style enough to tell a complete, good looking narrative within the time limit.
crit-wise all I see is a bit of white out on page 6 and that's being extremely nit-picky, your work is just badass, you put a lot of love in there.
It was certainly an honor to battle you, I hope we can fight again someday after I build my skills up!
kon: i'm going to have to get much better before i can live up to that kind of hype. i really appreciate your enthusiasm, though---as much as i hate high expectations, they really make me work my ass off.
angie: as soon as i started drawing gibson, i thought, "this guy is kenji!" that's why i ditched the ponytail and went for the messy look.
zeph: i can see what you're saying. i'll have to try that.
craqued: yeah, this is the first time in recent memory that i tried hatching to this extent. i need to get the hang of it more to minimize that muddled-ness.
sawbones: i'm glad you liked the story---there were two or three really big cuts in here that i thought might hurt it, but i'm starting to feel better about them.
dawg: i used microns to ink this battle, so the lines are thinner and lighter, but they're also more precise. i used to think the drawings in this battle were superior to the last one in every way, but i don't feel that way as much the more i look at them.
josh: your comic doesn't feel incomplete if you consider that it's the beginning of a much larger story. the art was clean the the story was easy to read. watch out for page design stuff like page 2: kirin is such a dominant image in that page that i'm compelled to read that first instead of the other stuff.
i love the blaster design you gave her, very sentai-looking. i actually have a few blaster design sketch that i made for her, but none of them seemed to fit with the character, so i just omitted it from the design sheet.
josh: art wise, it was really rad. the story was ok, but imcomplete.
jet: I think the art was a step down (still it was good). the way it started out seemed like more of the same, but it ended up having things happen, and was entertaining.
Joshua - it wasn't awful, but it was a little confusing. I don't know what it is about Void entries and being confusing, we must all be horrible storytellers or something. I can only assume.
Oh god, jetaime, on the other hand, you did this right. I guess the art could have been a little more finished, but you conveyed a great sentai story without it needing to be super finished. Fantastic.
jet, that was gorgeous, your pacing and your skill in human figure is so great. also your girls are all super cute! some of your speedlines were muddled here and there because of hatching on the character but all in all it was superb.
josh, fun panel set ups, it flowed nicely and was fun to look at. you should use more black to seperate foreground/background and shapes to better balance the composition, everything was mostly the same line consistency and there was a lot of white. keep it up!
Jetaime - I think your art looks great, except one thing, when you have an object that's moving, you usually want the full object (for instance leg) where it ends up ( i.e. other person's body), and have the blurred form of the object where it started, otherwise it looks like the leg is moving away from the body instead of into it.
JoshuaEliGilley - Art is decent, but I felt the story did not really connect the characters together, and the conclusion was not related to either of the characters either, it didn't seem like there was much thought put into it.
Jetaime> Je t'aime. Seriously, your comic has an enormous power. I had tears in my eyes. You might be one of the only artist on this site that deserves some 3^10. THIS WAS INCREDIBLE.
It was perfect art wise, storywise, entertainment wise.
Joshua> When I saw you joining the tournament I was like: WOA HE'S THE GUY WITH THE RATS. I REALLY LOVE HIM. I think this was a bit too short and poor to be a good entry. It wasn't bad but it wasn't spicy enough. It was like... rushed.
I'm a bit sad because I know you could do WAY BETTER.
UPLOAD D ED ED ED
Hope it works, will have pc access for a bit, let me know, it seemed like it uploaded fine.
JET!!!! hope you like it, wanna read yours like---NOW!!!
I brought it as tough as I could!
It seems people are having issues uploading battles at the moment. If you have problems, email your pages to me and Wei. You can find our contact info here http://entervoid.com/board/index.php?topic=3218.0
Jetaime is hard to kill. But Joshua, your character makes me hard all day. BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF JETAIME AND YOU'LL BE A GOD.
JETAIME BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF JOSHUA AND YOU'LL BE THE BEST EVEEEER.
thanks so much VOID for letting me in this awesome tourney!!!
Jetaime! You are a badass! I can't wait to see your comic!!!
I vow to bring it as hard as I can.
SHIT! I'M GONNA DIIIEEE!!!
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