Airlight- hey thar, wonderful job on the overall comic. It was a fairly entertaining storyline. I do like the choice o' hues you've used throughout, it works nicely with the overall mood o' z' comic.
Nibbles- Sorry to hear that happen, I hope things will get better soon.
Jesus I'm getting way more feedback than I ever expected to receive. YOU GUYS ARE TOO KIND AND TOO MUCH.
Briiiiiiit> Neon blue is the best kind of neon color there is :D. WE HAVE TO CLASH ONE DAY. PAINTER VS PAINTER.
Victoria> Cheers! I may use the painterly style more in the future!
Jetamie> Since it was slapped together so fast with practically no prior planning asides from vague notions of what I wanted to write, I kind of went with the easiest paneling layout there is and I didn't bother doing anything fancy or complex with it. I guess the priority is to just simplify and don't overdo it with panel layouts trying to make it interesting but instead confusing it up. Thanks for pointing it out!
Ari > Thank you! the integration of multiple stories was a difficult aspect and may have ended up frustrating people getting through the story.. but painting is not a secret.. just practice and work hard! Was Rob inhuman seeming beforehand? I'll think about what I can do as far as toning the coloring for the characters down, HIGH FIVE!
Chris > Ha! Cameos are fun. But the coloring itself, while time consuming, is not the main reason of why I ran out of time. But you make a good point about keeping flats from page 5. The robot interior wasn't supposed to be so vague initially, either. Again a time issue. I'll search for that equilibrium that will help me keep the coloring steady throughout. Thank you!
Airlight--That was a lot of cameos :)
And some preeetty coloring, too. Which I'm betting is why you ran out of time..
I like the sort of old school, Don Bluth-like animation style you have going for page 5. Not sure if that's faster for you to do or not with those backgrounds, but if it is, I'd suggest using it for the whole story next time when you don't have time to render the whole thing as thoroughly as you did those first few pages.
I can tell what's going on, but I feel like the robot and its interior get a little too sketchy, harder to tell where characters are. Except, you know, for ...holy crap...the last panel of page 9.
Maybe render the robot like you did the characters instead of in a similar style to the backgrounds.
All in all, even the sketchy colored art is nice, just seems like you ran out of time because you spent a little too much time on all the coloring. Just gotta find that happy medium that helps you get the whole comic done by the deadline. Though, wow, is it nice lookin'
And I'd say something sarcastic about you actually having a comic, Nibbles defaulting..buut..no clue why she defaulted, so I'll abstain.
hahah oh Light I loved that. It was nice to see so many void chars and their stories in one battle; made it seem more real and part of the community. The jokes were clever and subtle; it didn't come across like you were trying too hard, and that's what you wanna do. I really liked the story in this one and to me, it had a bit more storywise than your other battles. Nice job on this one. I will never know how you do your paints. That machine at the end really impressed me; i had to stare at it for a while! haha You're getting better at humans too. Everytime we see Rob ( i almost said 'Bob' haha ), he looks better and more human. Maybe it was just me, but I rather preffered your flat color figures than the one that were shaded and such. I think maybe you could still tone it down a bit with that..? But yeah, the characters are looking way more clean and crisp with your inks now. I say stick with that C: Highfive Riley, highfive.
Nibbles: I hope everything gets sorted out ok for you and your family. We'll all be here for you when you get back~
i know that last page was just kind of slapped together at the end, but i can't help but think that the paneling in it is better than in the first nine pages. it has a lot of personality. maybe try to bring more of that into your next comic?
My head hurts. It's 5 a.m. here. And everyone else said what need to be said...I'm sure.
Heather Snugglebooboo-kins: I (still) love you.
Riles: I died when I saw the bottom part of page 9. I can't wait to have a neon blue battle with you. Cuz, you know, Jack's gonna need a hair cut 'n' color like whoa when he comes back to the city. Hyeah.
Phil > I appreciate your consideration for the incomplete state of this fight. I did actually have an extension for this battle but that only helped me a little bit. Page 9 was supposed to be pretty huge for the epic impact though, but I'll consider the reasonable sizing issues -- Nevertheless I'm glad you enjoyed the story! Thank you.
Nibbles > Procrastination is only a part of it, I actually am fairly busy outside of VOID! But the breakdown sounds like a great method to go through with. After a few more successful and shorter battles, I'll consider tackling it.
Mellanie > Oh you :3
Angie > Yeah, shorter comics for sure! It's good that my lines (that were finished) looked better, so I'll just keep building on that I guess.. and keep that palette! I'll eventually learn to manage my time better, thanks!
Dai> Yes, I'm definitely watching panel layout for next time. It was an afterthought right here hence the confusion because I was only focusing on getting the work done but not arranging it nicely. As for him sitting on the alarmlight sphere pole on page 4.. he's balancing real well. Let's go with that?.. unless you were asking how he got up there.. and he probably jumped onto it. Thanks for the comment!
Hux > Dude if I were you I'd probably be able to pour a trillion more details into my work all OCD-like. Definitely shorter stories!... and I'll look into flat coloring more. Is it the lack of flamboyancy in the colors that stood out to you? I kinda like how flats and dulled down stuff look myself. Gotta experiment!
air: who do you think you are, me?! oh wait the sketches weren't accompanied by assloads of text. sorry haha seriously though man, i know. it's tough. and i'm in the same boat. but shorter stories! i do have to say though, the one page that just had the characters colored flat? i kinda dug that a lot over the neon-y stuff. the greyed bits as well
@nibbles: sorry about what happened, hope you have better luck on your next battle.
@Air: dude, this is great stuff man! I see improvement in your line work and story telling. :3 I really think the panel layouts were kind of confusing though, I was like "whoa, which panel do I look at first?" hmmm, I agree that your backgrounds can be pretty cluttered so perhaps just have some more simplistic backgrounds in some panels.
aaaand I know this isn't really important, but.....how exactly is Robert siting on what ever he's sitting on on page 4 the first(?) panel? Sorry, just sort of had me wondering for some reason XD
Too bad your weren't able to finish, but this was still a pretty nice comic; the first 4 pages are awesome though. as well as that huge robot on page 9. :3
Sweet work!
I hate to hear that Nibbles, I hope everything goes well :(
Air-As usual your colors are wonderful and I liked that for the mostpart you went with a more subtle palette than usual, it worked very well for you. Your lineart is looking better until page 6 where I guess is where you started to run out of time. It may help you to try doing some shorter comics for a little bit at least until you get a better handle on your time management. (I know from experience it's very hard to not plan big but if you can't handle it, it's best to back off until you can)
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I don't have much to say. I think Kara critiqued for every single user on Void! (Bit long there... I think you should cut it down to basics and not panel by panel XD Though it was nice to see someone taking that much time to crit.)
Yeah... I didn't realize it was that long until after I posted it >_o Ill try to be shorter next time.
Air: Always with the colors! Why you! <3 u
Nibbles: I really Hope things go okay with your sister. My thoughts are with you and yours.
I don't have much to say. I think Kara critiqued for every single user on Void! (Bit long there... I think you should cut it down to basics and not panel by panel XD Though it was nice to see someone taking that much time to crit.)
Air, you told me that you have problems with procrastination when dealing with a long deadline--perhaps you should break your work into stages and set each stage a deadline of it's own. (It's what I did with my battle with Odd, and didn't do with this one.) Like first week the pencils get done, the second ink, third color, etc. As long as you meet your deadlines you shouldn't get too far behind.
'Course, I guess I really don't have room to talk on the issue, being a defaulter and all.
Phillip, as for what life dumped on me... My older sister was recently diagnosed with breast cancer, she's getting a double mastectomy tomorrow. I visited her over the weekend, and will be again soon (I'm not exactly sure when).
Aw, nibbles, what happened to ya?
Air: Lots better than your last one and I'm liking your interior shots, but I think you could of benefited from having an extension or something. Some pages were a bit hard to follow, and I think you should of shrank some of the pages (Bottom panel of page 9 could of looked lots better if the page was smaller). It's a shame that you didn't finish this as you wanted as it looked great and the story was very well constructed. Give yourself a bit more time in your next battle.
Kara > Very well made points!! It took me awhile to digest all that information but I completely follow what you're getting at in terms of location, and I only subtly realized this problem and never thought it too big of an issue because no one had pointed it out nor told me how i should fix this - All this clarification is great, I need to go back and study those technicalities in the future. Some of these positioning and paneling mishaps were again caused by lack of time because I had to mash some of the art up together with gutters without thinking about the natural flow of the reading eye. Spacing out panels out better is definitely a must, and making the scale of their location clearer with establishing shots, and the focusing in some areas. I appreciate your diligence with writing the specifics. Thank you!
Joshua > YAY I'm glad you DIG the massive cameo! I thought his sinister motives and intentions of grabbing more riches would work all too well for the storyline I had in mind especially after Eighty Eight's last fight, so I threw him in. Thank you for your comment as well! I'll keep action clarity in mind!
Faux > Appreciate the kind comment! Next time I hope to manage my time better.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!
GODDAMN AIR! thanks for the massively epic Oinko cameo!!!
bastard! now my fights will look like shit by comparison to this :(
I really get a feel of void city from your comics and like that the shit is crazy fast with all the lights etc.. lots of cameos and things going on all around. I eat that shit up, it's great. Some of the action was a bit confusing but I got the basic idea of what happens, it didn't pull me out of the narrative. I like how you transfer from one storyline and another having them intersect later on. Saw a couple pictures you snuck in there, but for the most part you make it mesh well with your style.
everyone else critted you good, I got nothing else.
Kick-ass read dude!
Eh oh well. Anyway I think your main problems are paneling, establishing location, and establishing a focus.
Okay first, space out the panels. The cluttering makes me want to stare at the artwork rather than follow the story, and sometimes I don't know which way to go. Like on the second page when he's sending out his rats. If you had the bottom panel with eighty-eight in it lowered more, leaving more gutter space, then you'd have a nice rhythm or pace to follow. And when Jack is thinking about Robert, that should probably be spaced in it's own area too.
Page four is nice too, but if you moved the panels where the camera is taking a picture down more, below where he's focusing the camera, then that would help with the pacing there. Now that I'm re-reading the page this is actually the first time I noticed Robert's eye on the right. The flashback on page 7 definitely needs some pacing, as it just seems like you kind of threw it in there. Give it its own space on the page. And on page nine, one of the other reasons why I love it is because there is a rhythm in the spread of the mecha. When Robert is chopping him up at the top the viewer follows the lines around the mecha body and then down to the bottom.
Establishing a location was what I think lacked here, because I just kept getting lost. When your characters are standing still, it's pretty easy for you to accomplish. Some notable points are the blinds in the office, I knew where every character was in the room simply because of where the light from the blinds hit them. The next is that bus stop Jack and eighty-eight are at. If you had used it in the background when Jack was running away, I think that would have helped with the pace. Finally the dam in the last part was okay... but I really didn't notice it till the third time I looked through the comic. I also think you forced the reader to make a difficult closure on page 10 with the water. My initial reaction was "whoa, they were fighting over water? When did I miss that?" Then I noticed the dam, and connected it to the water. Next time get a shot of the water below them and itd would be easier to establish where they are. Another useful establishing point would have been when they were freerunning. I didn't know where the ground was, so making that clear would have been nice. Oh and the umbrella outside of the restaurant balcony.
My final iff is your focus. It took me a while to notice the rats were coming out in the third panel that they were in, because they're so small, and so many colors are in that shot, that the only way to realize that they're there is by looking at the white bridge-thing that they're on. When she's losing control of her jet pack over the city her orange trail got mixed in with the lights of the city. I would suggest adding smoke, or having her lose control on the side of the city that's not being hit by the orange sunlight, or maybe to get her trial caught in the shadow of a lot of buildings. Also the white gutter space totally throws me off against your bright coloring style, and also deters me from reading the word bubbles because they're so bright too. Maybe try black gutter space?
Sorry if that was a bit long, I started remembering stuff and adding them in random places as I go along. Hope this helps.
Nibbles, although I'm rather disappointed that you ended up not turning in your comic in the end, I understand what problems life has given you and how hard it's been taking care of what you needed to when you told me about it. Don't worry about a thing and look after yourself because life is first priority. I'm at least glad you enjoyed what I had to offer, and appreciate that you attempted to challenge yourself with this despite. I hope next time you fight, everything will be easier and smoother on you!
Kara > I actually did the bottom portion of page 9 ahead of schedule.. the top portion was added later as the timer was going down. Yeah I figured the reaction transition would be very strange though.. 10 was also very last minute. My general incompleteness was just due to RUNNING OUT OF TIME, basically.
Kon > Thanks a bunch mang! Next time I'll just have to learn to manage the downs of life better for serious.
Jong > I love you too man.
Pigeon > Nice for a first crit, thanks for your compliments - I realize the text bubbles were smooshed in areas but I suppose I had no mind to figure out where else to place them. The inconsistency again derives from my lack of time management. I was running out of time to color the pages like the rest.
Dure > Time management always bites me in the ass, man D: I think it's been my biggest problem as of late with my most recent battles. I realize that the pages that weren't as fully polished do stick out a lot but I couldn't really do much about it. Thanks though, I appreciate the heads up and crits!
Ledes & Ronin > You guys are too much XD
AmazingDavid> Dude thanks for the props on coloring-- I realize that the writing can get awkward at points and difficult to follow and I should have revised it a bit so it wasn't as overwhelming and more streamlined storywise- I'll try harder next time with spacing out things and removing clutter... and keep in mind that tip for inconsistency. I'm going to look up this Ladronn person now.
Squidman > I'm glad you found my storytelling has improved!- I'll learn to trim dialogue and I've got personal gripes with the panel placement myself, and I'll just have to sort out the positioning better. I'll try to cut down on excessive neon too whence its not necessary, thanks!
Rara > Hhaha, DON'T GIVE ME THAT MUCH CREDIT. I'm still trying to figure out a coloring style that's not so distracting, but thanks for your support and encouragement!
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFAND YOU DOUBTED YOUR AWESOMENESS!?! RILEY, THIS WAS AWESOME. <3 ITOLDYOUITOLDYOUITOLDYOUUUUUUU!!!! <3 YOUS GUYS, HE WORKED HIS LITTLE HANDS OFF FOR THIIIISSSSSS!!
Alright, but now to get serious! (Kinda. xD)
Riley: YEP YEP YEP. Pure awesome. Wonderful style, wonderful coloring, wonderful wonderful! Even with time working against you, you're still GODNESS. XD The only thing I can say is... Yeah, colors are always so MUZZAH! IT DOES get distracting, I have to admit, but you already know it's not colors alone that make it to the top. You make up for it with everything else, anyway. :)
Nibbles: Aww man, no entry! D: I was looking forward to your side as well, you've got an interesting style~ :D Better luck next time, ja? Can't wait to see what you're up to next! <3
Keep doing stuff like this, Air. XD
Your storytelling is improving, I think... I enjoyed reading through this, very different from earlier comics of yours that I found hard to read, due to confusing panel layout or just too much information, I'm not sure. There were a few instances where panel placement didn't seem to make sense, but it was not too bad. There was a bit of awkward dialogue that I felt could have been trimmed a bit, too. And for the overall story, well, I still think you might be trying to cover too much... I still really think that it would help to focus on shorter time frames and see what you can do with that... hmm :I
I don't need to say much about the artwork it seems. but the one thing I could point out is the lighting is still a bit too neon-y... for the city scenes, I could see that it was early morning, so you have got the feel of that... but I think maybe the blue was a bit too intense.
Thank you Air, I really appreciate it. Sorry to you all for not giving you an entry. This was my attempt at a 'spontaneous' challenge, obviously I didn't do very well. I made a load of critical planning errors right from the beginning, and then life up and took a gigantic dump on me (some of you know about it, some of you don't). There is literally no amount of time that would've allowed me to give you anything that didn't deserve to pissed on and burned. I don't know what is wrong with me, but I hated every page I drew after I did it, and wound up drawing a few multiple times.
Next time I challenge someone I'll have a more concrete plan I actually *like*.
Air, I found your entry wonderful and very entertaining! And thank you again, for battling with me.
The only Im going to say about the coloring is that you already know that everybody is going to like it...because it's fucking good....But it's sooooo fucking good that its distracting. I often found myself just staring at the art and not even reading..you are packing so much information into each panel that you are never giving the reader a chance to rest. Which I think is necessary I was thankful for the inconsistencies...in fact you were consistent with being inconsistent...the problem being if you make everything GLORIOUS it becomes mundane. Your work reminds me a lot like a digital version of Ladronn (from hipflask) And think the same about his stuff...there is so much congestion that it turns all into mush. I would advise you in the future to include those lapses in consistancey...it made for a better read visually...at least for me...and it allowed me to salivate over the gah gah pages like the huge ROBOT!!! fuck that page was good...yeah..you could have just put that page in and I woulda still rated you highly...
as for the writing...meh...not my cup of tea...it was kind of liek the art..fast...frenetic...all over the place...it wasn't bad just not the read I wanted...
overall though good solid work...all you need now is monthly with a huge publisher...
Dude, Air XD you know how good you are. But as usual I wished you put a bit more thought into time management and slowed down a bit :3. I feel like you tried to fit a bit too much into the story, which looked cool, but it prolly distracted you from the really important parts of your plot. I'm glad you're spending more time on your inks before going into color, now you need to do some consistent quality all through out the battles, even if it means cutting down on the page count a bit. Mind you, most of it was beautiful, but that made the parts that weren't stick out like a sore thumb.
Man >___< you make me feel so old tho, you're like, half my age and can already kick my ass.
XD This was a fun comic to read! Too bad there wasn't one from Nibbles.
I'm still new at critiquing, but I'll try my best! ^^;
For the most part I really loved your coloring and your sense of depth in your environments. I found your comic easy to read and the action was pretty fun too!
Probably the only thing that bothered me was some inconsistencies in the coloring of the characters (they were sometimes flat and sometimes painterly...was that on purpose?), also it looked like the end was rushed (I assume you ran out of time?). Also make sure that your text has some breathing space in the bubbles. Some were coming close to the edges.
Other than that, good job!
I can't help but wonder of the top part of page nine would look like if you had finished it, unless you did that on purpose. Because the bottom was superb. It was the weirdest thing to feel dissapointment on second and then see awesomeness in the next, literally. And was the last page suppose to be weird and scribbled for some humorous effect? Or did you just run out of time?
I'm pretty sure this is a mistake and Wei did the wrong thing. There's been no word from Nibbles on if the uploader gave her problems or not. No you guys don't have an extra week, this battle will be going up tomorrow.
Man that's so wierd...did you guys end up re-challenging each other?
Sucks that the uploader was cracking up, but at least you have a little more time to tune up stuff.
Since every single battle that was due last night is all defaults, if you haven't already, please email your pages to me and Wei since it is my hope that Airlight wasn't the only one who couldn't get the uploader to work
Ookay looks like I've got midterms rolling about this following week and other things are hitting me hard. Everything's going pretty slow so far, too. Don't be surprised if I end up asking for an extension.
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