Souless-HUGE second to last page made it difficult to read, other than that, I like the banter that you have and the personality you gave your characters. Nice angles and perspectives. More detailed BGs would be cool.
Carlito-I would like to see a faster pace from you. It seems like those pages could have been put into one and still gotten the point across. Cool perspectives, and use of solids.
nice round guys
Overall quality was fairly mediocre, but the story-lines were good.
I would like to see a bit more background within action from you folks.
Where were the backgrounds? Where did these take place? And both of you should really take the layouts & angles of your panels into better consideration.
and soulless, if you're so rushed, consider lower page counts.
knightcrow:
@soulless.... that character of yours is a dude... come on you won't find a girl that doesn't have any breast like that.....
-knight
I think my friend says it likt there are hills, mountains, and valleys (these don't have any cushion and kinda go inward and then out at the nipple). In fact I think Keira Knightly is pretty flat.
@Knightcrow: Well... we'll see. Hey, I have to admit I'm a little flat-chested, LOL. I have some plans for Hanon anyway, and I'm not saying it yet, until the time is right. xDDDD; (TEKA, parang kilala na kita ah. *went to your profile* >8D)
@marinduquenio: Salamt po talaga kuya, but since this was really rushed (during the exams, WTF), I don't know if I should be proud or what. Sana nga lang di ako nagkasakit sa isang buong linggo bago mag-exams, then I would've enjoyed what I was working on, like you said. @_@ But... I have to admit it. This entry's art was KINDA better than before, but I sometimes find myself saying "... meh", along with the storyline. xD;
@soulless.... that character of yours is a dude... come on you won't find a girl that doesn't have any breast like that.....
anyway, about your entry... well it's good but i think the hair is a bit messy, well anyway that's your style.
But don't i believe you'll improve ^___^
-knight
Carlito, I giggled A LOT in your entry, really. I had a feeling Dr. Fab would say that, AHAHAHA. xD
Hiemie: Ehm, I thought it would give the idea after Phil met up with Chia-Hui, ehehe. ^^;
I knew I would get these time management crits. Believe me, I knew I would, but I don't want to let carlito down. I knew I had 3 weeks to finish the whole thing, so I had a week to plan, but the week after, I got sick. So I only had a week to finish, with exams on the loose. I thought I would finish my entry in 2 weeks before my exams anyway. X(
Anyway, I knew this isn't a good excuse, but I'd rather lose to carlito than to default.
But thanks for crits everyone. I'll be taking note about them then.
carlito- very good and funny. Would have like a background though. BUT! on the other hand in our battle i'm really not going to rip you backgrounds when at time i'm slacking on mine sometimes.
Hanon- just very standard didn't grab me. But it was ok.
Carlito nice unusual story, greatjob!
Soulless, try upping the contrast all the way before you fill in the blacks in Photoshop. That will get rid of the halo effect when you fill in the blacks. And, as always Anatomy > Anime. I wasn't a fan of the story, it was kinda cliche anime and I think you just didnt have time to finish the words on the last half.
Carlito: Honestly, I loved this. You got good scores all around from me. This is some very nice ink work. The lack of backgrounds is a little distracting, but at the same time, they're not important to the storytelling. The focus is on the faces and Hanon's semi-ambiguous body parts. You might wanna practice fitting in more backgrounds in later comics, but I really like this one. You did well. This comic told a story very clearly, and looked pretty good at the same time. My complaints are the placement of objects can get a little spotty in panels, like the spin the bottle circle on page on can easily fit on the page or be expanded to obscure a bit of everyone. Something so not just Agent Black is cut off. The bottle should also be in the center of the circle. On page 2, Hanon's off kilter post sort of adds but detracts from the composition. If you would have gave her a slight tilt in addition to not being entirely unsettling, it would have added to the sense of uneasiness that you want to have Chia experiencing. Something more to tip off "Something here isn't right" in a subtle way. In addition, you really could have worked some cast shadows in this comic where you could see things touching the ground, like where they close up on the stopped spinning bottle, and in the circle of people. One more thing, and this is just nitpicking: In the panel where Chia is finally asking of the gender of Hanon, I think that panel needed a little more something to make it just pop with something to contrast the slow somewhat quiet feeling panels of all the previous pages to make it seem like someone yelling in a monastery or something. You've been improving with pretty much every comic.
Double Ess: Sorry, I really couldn't get into this. This is simply too standard anime for me. Those inks look sloppy... are you trying to just blacken your minimal pencil work? Actually, in some spots it does look inked, so that's kinda ambiguous. In contrast to Carlito's comic, the lack of backgrounds in this is distracting and ruins the composition. Speaking of composition, everything in your panels are awkwardly placed or cut off strangely. Any shading you tried to work in seems just rushed out. The whole comic in general screams rushed out. You had three weeks to do this. You should either be less ambitious with your comics if you think you can't finish in the time given, or use your time better. Yes, you turned in a 10 page comic, but it really isn't that good. I woulda rather had a developed, nice looking, and fun to read comic than a 10 page, rushed, scatterbrained comic. Sometimes it's difficult to tell what's going on, even with the lack of backgrounds. Also, please put your speedlines tool away. To be honest, a lot of these problems just seem like a time management problem. One of your pages wasn't even sized right, for the second comic in a row. You should always double check your pages. I can tell you can do better from some of the better drawn points of the comic, like the hand at the bottom of page two, or hell, your intro comic in general. Take some time to sit down and just practice everything you want to practice. Keep doing it til you get better at it, and when you can duplicate that quality from your practice, start trying to get those results faster and faster. I don't wanna throw the general "Anatomy and Backgrounds" suggestion that people seem to toss around, because it's sort of a lazy way out. Those are just artistic basics. You're probably already practicing those. You should read more. Watch some award winning films. Research things outside of your normal spectrum of things. Pay attention to these in depth. Do some studies and literary criticism on them. Actually... everyone should do this. Work on your stories, because that's the important part of comics.
lol@"rip on you"
Carlito: I see you're attempt to not burn yourself out but still remain entertaining...which was cool, but it left me kinda shorthanded. I admire you being the first to illustrate a scenario that was bound to happen,but after seeing your past fights, so much could've been done with Hanon's abiblities.
Soulless: I see you cranked them out in fear of the deadline...but the rush is obvious.Take it from someone who learned early, do what fits the deadline effectively.
Wow... Carlito, Soulless, I'm kinda disappointed here.
Carlito: Level down here dude. You're still showing the same flaws here that you've shown with every comic, Chia hui goes from looking extremely simplistic in design and young looking, and in another panel he suddenly has crows feet in the corner of his eyes. There's absolutely no backgrounds here, and your anatomy seems to constantly shift in quality from decent, to MSpaint. You seriously and desperately need to learn consistency, if your character's look changes more than once on one page from simplistic inks to heavily detailed, you've got a huge problem that needs to be fixed (also don't get me started on the "story" here either).
I suggest that you take a break from void and start sketching things for yourself (and sketch every day), focus on making your characters more consistent both up close and far away, especially their faces (Rule of thumb for ya here dude: The more lines you add to a face for details, the older they get and I'm not talking about crosshatching). Focus on anatomy, and draw more backgrounds AND don't just copy your backgrounds from another source either... that's lame. If you've got to reference, draw the reference once to get a good idea of what it looks like, then draw something similar without said reference.
Soulless: First I thank you for the cameo, but I'm still gonna rip into you. First thing you need to do is figure out when you have time to draw. If you're busy and don't have the time to do void comics, the best idea is to avoid them until you have some proper time to draw out a good comic. Speaking of which, I felt that this comic was pretty decent despite not being entirely finished, but it seemed rather drawn out and a few things could of been cut for time. Like Carlito here you need more backgrounds, your characters are swimming in a sea of white here and speedlines aren't the solution.
But overall, what it really comes down to is the time put into this I guess, I suggest shorter comics for the future, doing 10 pages in 3 weeks doesn't sound like a challenge but believe me, if you don't have the time or motivation, planning a big comic could end up biting you on the ass in the end.
Overall... meh, I was kinda generous with my vote, but I think Soulless deserves the win here.
UPLOADEEEED!!!
I thought I wouldn't make it... after losing hours of sleep... *dies*
Just so everyone knows, my entry takes place after Hanon VS Stranger and before Chia-Hui VS Phill.
Alright, I'm off back to class, cuz I'm late now. I'll be seeing your entry soon, carlito. See ya! ^_^
*rushes back to class*
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