Table for Two / Ma, Mr. Murder, and Harvey

Table for Two — Ma, Mr. Murder, and Harvey


693 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5




Critiques & Comments
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Crocostyle
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15 comments
# 7   Posted: Sep 15 2018, 03:32 PM
Gonna admit, I can't add anymore crit than what is already said.  I was very confused throughout the whole story, and both the dialogue and visuals were too vague for me to really follow.  Like, what was the whole bit about "turning into stone"  if that didn't or wasn't gonna happen (chekov's gun)?  Why did the syringe pop off like that?  Is that a tinted window behind Ma? or can he see through walls?  And did Mr Murder teleport through the glass? it seemed like it since we're not shown how he gets in.  Anyways, you get what I'm saying because it's been told a bunch before.  But I do really love the coloring, dynamic shading, and several well-done panels, like the ones showing klepp's gritty features, the borderless elevator exterior.  So be proud of that, guys!

William_Duel
Community Manager
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885 comments
# 6   Posted: Sep 15 2018, 11:53 AM
I enjoy seeing more of these collab bbs pop up.  You guys did a nice job.  The colors are great and this is a neat little setup.  Though I agree with what seems to be a recurring crit that there is a lack of clarity in the visual storytelling elements especially on pages 2 and 3.  While I'm not 100% sure of how your process went, I believe some of this falls on Corn because I have noticed in the past that this is an issue for you.  There is sometimes a bit of difficulty for you when it comes to transition sequences and keep clear what comes next.  I recommend taking a look at this

https://understandingcomics177.wordpress.com/about/1-2/2-2/

It discusses some of MCCloud's ideas about the different types of transition scenes found throughout most comics East or West.  

One more thing I'd like to add is that the font is pretty thick.  It could be a bit smaller and still be clear without needing to be so large.  

ArtsandGoodies
Artist
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79 comments
# 5   Posted: Sep 13 2018, 12:41 AM
I really like the colors and art in this comic, it has a very stylized feel that I enjoy.
In terms of story there are two big things I wanna mention that have easy fixes and would help improve this comics story.
on page 4 the scene change between panel 3 and 4 should have taken place on different pages. scene change in the middle of the page, these types of scene changes need much more space than what you gave in this comic. Time is a confusing thing that we can't really establish too much in comics, however there are two intervals of time we do have control over without the use of any narration, those are panels and page breaks. The time between page breaks will feel longer than the time between two panels. So when you have a scene change in the middle of a page it can be disorienting and confuse the reader because their sense of time gets thrown off. The establishing shot being one of the smaller panels also leads to a bit of confusion.

The other easy fix that would improve the story is the line of dialogue "things are comin' together, aren't they?" The problem in this is mainly "things" and the fact this is way too vague. You should have given "things" a name as this would have helped build up more hype for the future events as well as give more reason as to why Harvey's blood was needed in particular. Things is too vague to get hype for since it can mean so many things, but if you give us a name that gives us something to think about and be interested in as well as a direction for the next comic. On top of that a name could have also helped connect this to why he took Harvey's blood, or even a small vauge line about what he was going to use the blood for.

Here's a quick example of something to do for more dramatic foreshadowing "This is more than enough fuel for the Hair Trigger" This example gives the reader a name to try and figure out the purpose for, a reason for why Harvey's blood was taken, and the reader just enough questions that they want to find out more. The problem with "things" is that it has too many questions and too many possible directions that the reader won't even bother trying to guess or figure it out. However once you give something a name as well as a reason for why they took the blood, the reader will have enough facts that they will want to try and guess what happens next and theorize. Once you get people to theorize you get them more invested in your story even when it's just build up like this comic.

Both of these things are small things that are important to keep in mind to help make the comic more seamless and build up hype for future comics.

Camel
Artist
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51 comments
# 4   Posted: Sep 10 2018, 03:12 PM
starting off, I love how you drew Klepp here, with those bulbous eyes, you totally nailed his character and body language. Harvey's body hair patterns are really great, especially on the first page, and speaking of body language, this has some fantastic drunken poses in it. Now, it does seem like you ran out of steam here, what with the first page having such a nice palette and great details and the last page being a bit more barren, but personally i always have a hard time critiquing comics like this because i'm sure you're aware that you ran out of steam as well, so dwelling on that fact seems fruitless, so rather i'll say; I think the dialogue coud've used some beefing up, things are very brief and staccato.

Although this may only be a setup comic for Ma, i think it's still faithful to the characters involved. And i did appreciate the TTT callback, lol. Good job.

Heathen
Artist
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208 comments
# 3   Posted: Sep 10 2018, 01:07 PM
Quick and dirty critique:

1.1- I love the floor being on top of an aquarium. That panel should be flipped so our eyes scan across the scene to our main characters, taking in the scenery. Putting them on the far left gives us no reason to look at anything past the dialog, and makes the panel read way too quickly.

1.2- 180 break. Not a terrible one, but could have been avoided.

1.3- Klepp’s eyeline is jarring because Harvey was laying his head on the bar in the previous panel. We see he stood up in the following panel, but he should have started that action where we could anticipate it. Can’t have characters moving around suddenly, it doesn’t ruin the storytelling, but your brain catches on it for just a second and it breaks the spacial continuity in their head. Gotta telegraph when your characters are changing their position in a scene.

2.3- I love this exterior drawing of the elevator.

2.5- this would read more clearly as a wormseye shot of Mr.Murder dropping through the square of the maintenance hatch.

3.5- I’m not familiar with Harvey’s abilities/condition, so I don’t know what’s happening here. He got stabbed with the syringe, and then the wound explodes? What is the piece that flew off from the syringe? Mr.Murder still got the blood sample, so it didn’t seem to affect anything.

4.2- I get it, but this could have been illustrated better. It doesn’t look like these characters are being thrown back by the impact of the elevator.

4.4- I really have no idea what I’m looking at or how it relates to the following panel.

Page 5- Who needs backgrounds?


Desichan
Artist
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134 comments
# 2   Posted: Sep 10 2018, 12:46 AM
Hmmm... This comic is interesting persay. First thing I'm gonna put out there, the backgrounds on your first page are excellent... Except where there's solid lines. The lines in the background actually seem void of any depth or pressure sensitivity and its a bit distracting since they also seem prone to wobbling and having bizarre messy spots that were not cleaned. The character art tells a different story, though I'm having trouble determining if that was solely because of the massive amounts of spot blacks, which in some places appear to be used as a crutch of sorts. That aside the coloring job specifically works on these backgrounds, making it seem like there's more to them, and making the situation feel less empty.

After the first page however, most of the backgrounds devolve towards extremely empty which causes your scenes to look dull in unimaginative, and really sucks most the life out of what the first page made seem to be very promising in the background department. I have some qualms with the coloring of the characters as well if I'm being honest, this way of shading doesn't appear to be utilized in a way that can more appropriately bring out depth and form in the characters, and the color choices used can kind of fit with a surrealish feel, but instead they kind of seem to make things muddied, and fail at bringing out enough contrast to add some much needed depth. In this aspect those spot blacks help but, I recommend experimenting more with colors that are more contrasting, since sometimes the colors for shading feel like they're really just a big change in hue, but no darker or anything of the sort.If you have to look really close to see the difference in shade with shading, it tends to be a bit too subtle to make much of a difference.

The story alongside that took me three reads to figure out exactly what happened since everything seemed to fade into a blur while reading. I really like your guys's work, all three of ya, but there's definitely some stuff to work on.

For who was doing the lining, especially for backgrounds, but also for people. (I'm not sure if the artist is the same but this advice applies to both either way) I recommend working on your line width, working with that could pave the way to add way more depth and energy to your art. We can see spot blacks being used, but they seem a bit off since else than the spot blacks, all of the lines feel really thin with little to no variation. With these crazy spot blacks being used, it feels a bit bizarre and makes stuff look out of place, and mismatched.

For the person who plotted out background. Great job on the floor plans on the first page, but the later pages definitely need some more love too. Remember detail helps, if you have something as empty as that room on Page four for example, think of details you can add to bring it to life. Most walls have  a trim that runs beside the floor, so places have patterns on walls, if you want it empty, make some sort of texture and use emptiness to easier illustrate the feel you want in place. You can even make signs of wear and tear.

Coloring: The ground and window on page one, look absolutely amazing, like literally no additional critiques from me on those parts, however everything moreso enclosed in lines is really muddied. You're good at picking out palettes for the mood, but I highly highly highly recommend playing with your contrast levels more, and trying to shape the regions you shade so it gives off a more 3D sort of feel for depth's sake. When there's lines and you dont have shade working to enhance them, for example folds in clothes, it can make it feel almost as if the art is really flat due to the lack of it, and I definitely recommend working more on some of this stuff.

Story: I am crap at story critique, but I feel like this story went by so fast that it made it immensely difficult for the reader to keep up, and I hope future works can improve upon stuff like that.

I'm rooting you all on, and apologies if my review was a bit critical. Please know I love all of your guys's work, and you guys as people and I really just want to see you guys get better and better, and good luck okay?

SirJellyRaptor
Artist
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33 comments
# 1   Posted: Sep 9 2018, 08:06 PM
Ohhhhh schemeing. I wonder what happens next.as far as the story goes there's not much. Yeah it's a fun little read but this only really works as a set up to what Ma is going to do next. The characters don't get a chance to really be the characters here and Mr. murder could have been swapped out with any other hired assassin here.

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Sep 16th, 2018
Votes Cast: 12
Page Views: 241

 

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