Fawn Nightingale vs. Cassidy Madson

Fawn Nightingale vs. Cassidy Madson

Fawn Nightingale vs. Cassidy Madson


265 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3



246 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3




Critiques & Comments
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PyrasTerran
Community Manager
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1375 comments
# 9   Posted: Aug 10 2018, 05:09 PM
Desichan: yes good! I'm glad you're moving away from sparkles everywhere, these pages are feelin' better~ if you MUST go with hand-written lettering I would take more care with them, there's some places in page 1 especially where the letters get sloppy and hard to read.

MrPr: Watch out when you have your background colors so close to the same shades as your characters, some of the characters start blending into the background. Practice more with your lettering placement, page 3 panel 1 is confusing to read

Good job both of you for making finished 3-page comics~

Happy August 19th! -Reecer6
Artist
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212 comments
# 8   Posted: Aug 8 2018, 08:19 PM
Desi: Yoooo, visually, this whole comic is super striking and leans super comfortably into your style! There are still places where placement feels a bit flat or sloppy, but for instance page 1 panel 5 is real strong in showing volume. What I WILL criticize is that the comic ends very suddenly and out of nowhere, and also we really don't understand who Detroit is at all or what he does yet? He feels very arbitrarily plopped in, while I was expecting at least a little explanation for him.

PR: I appreciate that you going for pixel art has morphed into basically just aliased brush work, because I love aliased brushes! It's weird though because on some panels, I feel like your style is super tight and conveys exactly what you want (e.g. page 1 panel 4 or page 2 panel 2), while on others it's failing for me, I think generally where there isn't as much line width variation. The appearance of the assassins and their incongruous designs is a bit too lol so random for me, though, they don't read as anything until Fawn says they're "goons." I'll also criticize the fact that reading order on page 3 is very unclear, just in general? Like, both between panels, and also just within the dialogue of that first panel, I can't figure out what way I'm supposed to read that even in hindsight. Still a good comic!

Flutterbyes
Artist
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143 comments
# 7   Posted: Aug 8 2018, 04:39 PM
Desi: The way you drew Cassidy was a lot of fun, and she makes a good visual contrast. The more these deep colors have a chance to show up in your comics as a counterbalance, the more the pastels really shine. You're also getting better at placing the characters in environments. I have to say that I didn't realize what was happening the first time around, I think because I didn't realize that Cassidy was making a robot (the framing just made it look like any piece of machinery).

MRPR1993: In which Cassidy is the villain, but winds up accidentally being the "hero." The more I look at that gang the more I crack up. It could use a bit of work on the perspective, and on the environment, but even without much environment there are still fun things going on in the background that are visually entertaining, even if things are kind of stacking up in a way that can be confusing at first.

Shen
Global Moderator
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1211 comments
# 6   Posted: Aug 6 2018, 07:44 PM
Desi: The backgrounds are so much improved! especially on page 1, theres way more of a sense of space and depth! Cassidy's colour theme works really well into Fawn's bright, snowy world and you draw her so adorably sinister! Their collab candy robot was adorable, i kind of want to see way more of fawn and Cassidy since they play off each other really well! My biggest note would be to keep in mind the overall flow of the page as sometimes i dont know which panel comes next and which word bubble to read first, especially on page 1.
Mrpr: The end of this was my favorite part, I love the idea of cassidy not knowing what to do with friendship tokens! I think you could have made the palette a bit brighter, these two are pink and purple and red its so bright but the backgrounds are a bit grimy. The shades you used themselves arent bad but maybe some brighter accent points to match the characters better. You gotta treat the backgrounds as part of the story a little more.
CAN THESE TWO BE FRIENDS I DEMAND MORE PLAYDATES

Astrodile
Artist
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46 comments
# 5   Posted: Aug 5 2018, 11:42 AM
Great comics, great stuff indeed!

Desi: Others have already mentioned the text, and I do agree that both your background and just your art in general has been improving! But one thing I do wanna mention is that you wanna have a bit more control on character/object proportions when they're at a distance. Examples of this is the difference between panel 5 in page 1 and panel 7 in page 2. Panel 5 looks perfectly fine, but in panel 7 which effectively takes place in the same environment: Everything in the background looks bigger then Cassidy, with exception of the door she's exiting to that appears to even be smaller then she is, because of the considerably thicker line width and also because the background of this panel effectively seems to be more haphazardly about it's previous details. In the second panel of page 3 as well, it's entirety looks a bit more flat, especially when the objects and background surrounding are at an angle/pointed at a definitive horizon line whereas the main focus of the panel isn't.
Otherwise, good story and good art! I certainly enjoyed it.

MrPr: I certainly got a chuckle from this comic! Same with Desi's, it was an enjoyable read. I don't have much complaint that others haven't already mentioned besides how even though the fullbody of Fawn in the first page is a nice way to point at who the target is, the angle at which she's walking from/towards is completely different from Detroit's and thus really messes up the angle of the background, and the way she's interrupting three entire panels can real distract from viewing them. That aside, good stuff good stuff!

These are great 1-weekers from the both of you, and the interactions these three had were a pleasant read. Cheers to the both of y'all for finishing!

ArtsandGoodies
Artist
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66 comments
# 4   Posted: Aug 4 2018, 07:45 PM
Good job both of you with this comic and both stories were nice, I will say one thing you both did in a panel where the word bubble tail gets caught under a panel border which is a bit confusing and next time it would be better for the bubbles to supersede the panels.
Desi: Your background are such a massive step up, in particular panel 2 on page one is super good sicne you could have just had the window be like blacked our or something but you didn't and it looks amazing, so very good job on that panel in particular. Also I like how you mix up your panels and I think it overall works pretty well, though the inconsistent font size is a bit distracting. There are some sites where you can make your own font for free so I would recommend looking up one of those and making your own font cause your hand writing is a pretty cool font thing.

MRPR: The background character you put in this were pretty cool but I do wish that the background was a little more solidified. My main issue is that all thsoe characters appear in a place where there was a building location wise in the previous panel, and that building just seems to go away when the characters show up. If they showed up like on the reverse side this wouldn't really be much of an issue, it's just the perspective of these panels results in that building going away and the characters just being there. besides that this was a pretty silly comic that was enjoyable.

Bobo
Web Dev
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860 comments
# 3   Posted: Aug 2 2018, 12:32 PM
Spoiler: Desi • show
OMG the way you portrayed Cassidy and Mr BOT is SO GOOD. I was cracking up with literally every bit of dialogue from them XD. And the red tinted windows are a nice touch; those little details add so much! I absolutely LOVE the interior design of that room, too! I love how creative you get with your decorations, and I feel like the level of detail and polish on this comic is higher than they've been in previous comics, so that's awesome to see! I also just love seeing all three of these characters' personalities and how they interact. Cassidy being all bossy and grumpy, Fawn being completely oblivious and just happy to have fun with a new friend, and Detroit taking Cassidy down a peg with that milkshake (or was he just being mean for the fun of it? Guess we'll have to keep reading your comics and see!) were all so fun and made me laugh the whole way through. Your dialogue was so sharp and added to those unique personalities so well!

If I had to give you advice on something to improve, I think the main thing I'd say to watch out for is visual clarity. This might actually be more of just my problem since I tend to get overwhelmed when there's a lot going on and have trouble focusing on one thing at a time haha. But there were some places where stuff overlapped or was really close to art in other panels or just other elements within the panel, and my scatterbrain sometimes had trouble distinguishing panels and characters. It's really not a huge deal, but if I had to pick something to work on, I think that would be it. Your text was a little hard to read sometimes, too; I'd recommend making a font of your handwriting maybe? I think the way you do dialogue is really fun, so I'm not sure what the best answer is, but I guess just make sure all the text is easy to read and the speech bubble tails are easy to follow.

Anyway, with those little nitpicks out of the way, I just want to say again how much I enjoyed this comic! I think your use of dynamic panelling was incredibly fun and really well done! I honestly expected you to have more trouble with that before you got really good, but I feel like you have a good natural sense for dynamic panelling! The colors are lovely, as always, and I loved the somewhat subtle yet clearly apparent difference between the pastels of Fawn et al vs Cassidy's darker, more saturated evil villain color scheme haha. I love those little details like that that you put into this comic! It's hard to say everything I liked about this comic, because I keep thinking of new things haha. I think my main takeaway from this is that you really did an excellent job of making your characters' personalities shine and made their interactions perfectly entertaining! Can't wait for your next comic :)

Spoiler: MrPr • show
I laughed so hard at the "desu" girl XD. Having an attempted kidnapping turn into an accidental protection of Fawn was a silly and hilarious twist, especially with the juxtaposition of the off-screen hyperviolence and Fawn's innocent and naive friendliness.

One thing I'd definitely recommend is to spend a little more time pulling out far enough that there's more room around the characters for the background to shine through or just for speech bubbles to have more space, etc. Everything felt kinda cramped, and it kind of felt like you were zooming in partially just to avoid drawing more background. I'd say don't be afraid to pull the camera back and leave more empty space in your panels.

That out of the way, I love your wacky sense of humor and I love Cassidy in general. This match was such a great pairing, VOID's favorite evil child next to VOID's favorite pure child. You worked that in your favor, and made a hilarious comic using that personality dynamic! That ending was so perfect, too; Cassidy just like "WTF is this?" and Fawn giving her a "present" that's literally just a piece of paper with some stuff on it XD. Really fun comic, and I hope you keep making stuff with Cassidy because I love her sm

Desichan
Artist
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127 comments
# 2   Posted: Aug 1 2018, 02:06 PM
sUBMITTED AND HYPE TO READ YOUR COMIC MRPR

Astro Sean
Think Tank
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280 comments
# 1   Posted: Jul 30 2018, 08:43 AM
HYPE!

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Aug 8th, 2018
Votes Cast: 14
Page Views: 330
Winner: Desichan

 

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