RETRIBUTION / THE BEAST OF VOID vs. The Smile

RETRIBUTION — THE BEAST OF VOID vs. The Smile


429 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4

tags: retribution, scar match, the beast of void, The Smile

by Heathen


427 points
Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8Page 9




Critiques & Comments
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The Bent One
Artist
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564 comments
# 17   Posted: Aug 28 2018, 01:24 AM
“The NVCPD extends it’s condolences to the families of all the brave men and women of our SWAT unit who gave their lives in this opperation. A great evil have been taken off the streets of our city.”

      Edited Aug 28 2018,  01:24 AM by The Bent One

Heathen
Artist
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222 comments
# 16   Posted: Aug 28 2018, 12:57 AM
Good fight, Bent! That 3-panel sequence on page 1 is just sick, man, grats on the win.

Next we meet, I’ll bring my A-game. These bars won’t hold me for long.

The Bent One
Artist
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564 comments
# 15   Posted: Aug 28 2018, 12:09 AM
This has been the closest battle I have ever seen on the site, voting wise. I just want to thank everyone for the critiques and comments even though both of us didn’t deliver on what our original visions were for this battle. I learned a lot about time management and believing in yourself. Stay tuned for the future adventures of The Beast...

Energy
Artist
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116 comments
# 14   Posted: Aug 27 2018, 10:38 PM
Bent:  Nice pencils, though it took me another read to figure out what Beast was doing to Smile (skinning half his arm and face off).

Heathen:  May the 4th wall rest in peace.  That was way too funny.

ArtsandGoodies
Think Tank
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97 comments
# 13   Posted: Aug 27 2018, 12:23 AM
Bent: You're pencils are amazing and also the scar you gave Smile was super brutal and awesome. In terms of clarity the the panel at bottom 2 is a bit confusiong and i'm not sure how it got from there to panel 3 but if it was change to something showing more clarity it would make the whole comic more smooth. Overall really good for the limited time you had.

Heathen: This is one of my favorite unfinished comics I have seen on void. I love that you were able to adapt and when you realized you didn't have time for your original plan you went with a completly fun off the rails idea. I gave a bunch of creativity for this since most people would just continue with their idea or even prefer the idea of defaulting than submitting something incomplete. but you changed your idea and worked with it to make your unfinished comic feel more complete in a sense, which is also why I enjoyed it a bunch.

Heathen
Artist
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222 comments
# 12   Posted: Aug 23 2018, 06:17 PM
Oh, and without going fully into a whole “this is the comic I had intended to make but didn’t” spiel, I would like to note that the “halo” Saint refers to is a head bomb. The original idea was that the beast of Void brings Vilelinko to Saint Corp, they strap him with a bomb and make him work for them. Something, something, mistake.

Honestly the Beast is so much fun to draw, I won’t rule out a rematch down the line where I can do good on the plot I had for this battle.

Heathen
Artist
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222 comments
# 11   Posted: Aug 23 2018, 06:12 PM
Addressing Desi’s confusion on my first (second) page, just in case anyone else is scratching their head, I replaced all the dialogue with bullshit comedic dialogue at the last minute because when I went to letter the page, I realized I had made the panels too small to comfortably fit the dialogue I had written. The only page that has the original dialog on it is page 2 (3) in the Saint Corp medical bay.

Thanks to those who have taken the time and energy to write up critiques. I know it’s hard to really critique an unfinished comic, or one that goes this far off the rails, as the case may be, but I welcome everyone to go hard on the two pages here that contain story, especially page 1 (2). If that sequence isn’t clear without having to read the dialogue, I’d love to know what doesn’t work about it, I’m really trying to improve my storytelling clarity and layouts the most.

Desichan
Think Tank
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145 comments
# 10   Posted: Aug 23 2018, 02:52 PM
TheBentOne:
Okay this is an amazing comic, especially for two days. I will agree with others that its a bit of a mess, but despite that I found it immensely well made. One thing I do wonder is whaaaat the heck happened in page 3. So looking up your chara more I see his arm does things, but there's barely any clarity here on what the heck just happened, and this part left me confused and I keep looking at it unsure what to think. Alongside this I have no clue how this affected Smile in a way to become that disfigured but that may be because I have no clue what exactly is wrong with him, else than parts of his body are super disfigured. Your first two pages are the strongest in my eyes, but overall this comic is very entertaining, and I love how you portrayed your opponent, he looks so cool in your comic, and overall this comic was neato

Heathen:

Haha, I'm just gonna say I didn't expect this, i mean I expected the rednose because weeeeeeell lemme just say thumbnails are your friend when you have such a notable surprise in your comic. I'm gonna echo Hellis and say that yeah the cover is definitely the most impressive part of this comic which is kinda sad to say. Imma start with I have ZERO clue what happened on the first page (or shall I say second page cuz there's a comic cover) I just assumed this was comic making advice but I have literally no clue. After that however i find it great how you just descended into complete and utter madness with a very meta comic, I don't think Smile is the character I expected this from. Looking back at your last Smile comic on Void, Imma just say even though this is super rough you can see amazing amounts of improvement so kudos, man. The way you drew your characters is amazing, though I only wish there were some backgrounds to highlight this. All in all, good job, and also if you win, Beast of Void may end up being Beast of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. XD


Good job both of ya!

Hellis
Artist
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162 comments
# 9   Posted: Aug 23 2018, 01:19 PM
Heathen: That cover is beyond dope. Unfortunately, I have to wonder if you had spent less time on a cover, and more time on a more clean and finished comic, I would have given you the edge here. Your first page is pretty dope, the use of spotblacks lends it a heavy, oldschool feel. The second page has a good, interesting flow. Third follows recently well.But then I ma just lost, and the pace is essentially conveying nothing with the end being that of a clown nose?

Beast: I would have loved to see this more clear and easy to read. What i see I like though, and I enjoed the cutaway to smiles in a prison cell. A neat little comic,.

The Bent One
Artist
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564 comments
# 8   Posted: Aug 22 2018, 07:36 PM
Astrodile:
Out of curiosity, since all of these panels were done traditionally did you do each panel on their own individual piece of paper and then combined them into panels on a page digitally?

Ultimately since you were on a very short "I only had the weekend" time limit, I'd say having at least one or two of the panels zoomout would've been nice, or having more beyond the 3-4 panel average demonstrated in these pages. Hell, even some small panels could give some smoother leeway into each forwarding page; such as Beast suddenly popping up in page 2, that could have been explained with a spare panel that shows the reader where exactly Beast is in relation to Smileys act of murdering the NVCPD officers; Beast noticing the slaughter; or a visual of Beast about to give Smiley the jump. A gradient or something to indicate time transition between page 3 to 4 would make the jump in pacing not as risky of leading the readers into confusion. Small things like that.
Quote

I do these thumbnails all in the same small page layout. I find that working at this size gives me good control over the gesture and composition. I can do the same thing digitally, of course, but I find that doing the thumbs traditionally keeps me focused on the size and the use of space of the page.

I agree that this needed extra panels, or even 2 additional pages to fully tell the story. It would go like this:

-Page 1.5: Beast waiting outside warehouse. Barcus on coms with him. Internal infrared spectrum vision in Beast’s visor showing The Smile standing over the dead bodies. Beast drops in through the skylight.

-Page 3.5: Smile is laying on the ground with a ruined arm. Beast shrinks back down. Barcus stands over him as he slowely gets back up. NVCPD medics treating Smile. Helecopter back to HQ.

I can tell you I’ve learned a good lesson about what my capabilities are in a pinch, and I think I can apply that to my next battle.

      Edited Aug 22 2018,  07:55 PM by The Bent One

Astrodile
Artist
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69 comments
# 7   Posted: Aug 22 2018, 01:07 AM
Critiquing this is gonna be difficult knowing that you two had to do these comics with time restraints, so I'll try my best to critique acknowledging the little time you two had. Also if I have typos or my sentences sound confusing: it's 1AM and my brain is strained.
Overall: God the stark differences between these two is going to make it hell for me to vote, and I mean that with positive connotation! These were good comics from you two, and I've been struggling all day with thinking about who I wanna lean my vote towards. Even with the constraints y'all had, this is some real killer work, pat yourselves on that back for submitting rather then backing out.

Bent: Pray do tell how powerful your comics would be if you finally got the free time needed to add lineart+coloring, because this comic and your previous one even in their sketch forms have been mighty fine works. It makes me happy that you're doing what you can to get back into void with the seemingly busy lifestyle you have! Out of curiosity, since all of these panels were done traditionally did you do each panel on their own individual piece of paper and then combined them into panels on a page digitally? Either way, I find the scarring performed on Smiley and the final result of it quite interesting!
Ultimately since you were on a very short "I only had the weekend" time limit, I'd say having at least one or two of the panels zoomout would've been nice, or having more beyond the 3-4 panel average demonstrated in these pages. Hell, even some small panels could give some smoother leeway into each forwarding page; such as Beast suddenly popping up in page 2, that could have been explained with a spare panel that shows the reader where exactly Beast is in relation to Smileys act of murdering the NVCPD officers; Beast noticing the slaughter; or a visual of Beast about to give Smiley the jump. A gradient or something to indicate time transition between page 3 to 4 would make the jump in pacing not as risky of leading the readers into confusion. Small things like that.
I'mma say this again, I really like your sketches, especially panels 2-4 of page 1 and panel 2 of page 2. The visuals get muddled altogether in the pages here and there, moreso in page 2, but it doesn't take much away for me rather then has me staring at the page for a few more seconds to understand what's going on.

Heathen: God. Ok. This dialogue. I read these comics the moment I woke up this morning and I really thought that I was just so tired that my mind was misreading to the /max/. And then I reread it and I was wrong. This dialogue is just some good humorous shit. As much of fan of the sketch work done here as I was a fan of Bent's, to the point that I sorta wish you stuck to that traditional for this comic as opposed to the digital. But hey, that's just me, and I love the rough n' dirty works as much as I do clean. The dialogue in the last panel of page 2 and the entirety of page 3 were my favorite, by the by. I know you threw out the grandiose plot you had intended, which I suppose explains the traditionally written dialogue of page 3 sticking out like a sore thumb compared to the rest of its now comedic sort, so omitting those boxes in white would have helped in terms of not making an audience anymore confused with what's going on within this "Man fuck it, let's take a new spin on the comc in short time" shtick.
Also, admittedly, it feels as though the first and second pages of this comic hold a similar atmosphere to Smiley's comic against Matilda, wherein it starts with "Smiley is injured, oh shit what do.", and when you slipped out the cover on discord, I was worried that this comic would have followed that story's vein. Ultimately it does take a different path from the battle against Matilda, from what I'm piecing together, but I just wanted to point this out so that this sort of beginning of the comic doesn't happen a third time/get repetitive.
I don't know if it was you or someone else in the discord who mentioned that they dock points from a comic if the cover has the most effort put into it compared to the rest of the comic, but I'll be following that suit in terms of rating the quality.
Nice gams, Smiley.

Heathen
Artist
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222 comments
# 6   Posted: Aug 21 2018, 10:15 AM
Fuck yeah, Bent. I know we both ran into some production problems on this one, but you knocked out a killer little quickie here! Unless the wind shifts, I will bear that scar with pride.

Proud a’ you, boy.

Astrodile
Artist
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69 comments
# 5   Posted: Aug 20 2018, 10:52 PM
No lie, I'm very hyped to see both of y'alls comics!!

The Bent One
Artist
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564 comments
# 4   Posted: Aug 20 2018, 09:33 PM
Got my pages submitted. Hoo boy, this might have been the one month of the entire year I should not have done a comic. I only had the weekend to work on this. Before you read it, please know it is supposed to be a silent comic.

I look forward to my new scar.

Astro Sean
Think Tank
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285 comments
# 3   Posted: Jul 30 2018, 08:44 AM
BONERS

Heathen
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222 comments
# 2   Posted: Jul 23 2018, 06:02 PM
RETRIBUTION


The Bent One
Artist
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564 comments
# 1   Posted: Jul 23 2018, 06:01 PM
Retribution

Comic Details -

 
Type: Scar Match
Drawing Time: 4 weeks
Ended: Aug 27th, 2018
Votes Cast: 25
Page Views: 745
Winner: The Bent One

 

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