Speed Resurrection Tournament 2018, Round 2 / Hyperion vs. Aleyjah & Sukri

Speed Resurrection Tournament 2018, Round 2 / Hyperion vs. Aleyjah & Sukri

Speed Resurrection Tournament 2018, Round 2 — Hyperion vs. Aleyjah & Sukri


339 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8Page 9Page 10Page 11Page 12Page 13Page 14

tags: aleyjah, hyperion, Speed Resurrection Tournament, srt 2018, sukri

by Golden


464 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8Page 9Page 10

tags: aleyjah, hyperion, Speed Resurrection Tournament, srt 2018, sukri



Critiques & Comments
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Golden
Artist
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29 comments
# 11   Posted: Aug 2 2018, 06:15 AM
Thank you everyone for all your votes and critiques! They mean the world to me and I'll defiantly take them to heart! ; 7 ;
AJ, thank you for being such a great opponent! I'm real happy you liked my rendition of Hyperion and I can't wait to see what you have in store for him!

AJ 武士龍
Artist
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58 comments
# 10   Posted: Aug 1 2018, 04:08 PM
 Golden: congratulations man! I knew it wouldn't be easy against you, your comics are top quality, the Aleyjah & Sukri storyline is particularly engaging and moving! Thanks also for the rendition you gave to Hyperion, man, it made my day! Good luck on the final, Senpai!
Oss!!

 Voiders: Many thanks to all who voted and specially critiqued extensively, I hope your hints will allow me to grow as a writer, my wish was to deliver a better and solid comic story, but one week comics are my Achilles heel, as bad time management and other life stuffs got in the way. Man one thing I regreted was not having the time to put in the comic all the script I intended to. I extracted a couple of lessons here...keep it simple, less is more...man, none the less I enjoyed a lot doing this comic!

Hyperion will be waiting for you on October Month of the Dead!
Thanks Voiders!

Happy August 19th! -Reecer6
Artist
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212 comments
# 9   Posted: Jul 31 2018, 02:07 AM
AJ: Your sketches continue to be super technically impressive to me! But I have to say, the general beat of events here was too high level for me. I totally understand what's happening moment to moment, but I don't get why or how Hyperion's searching this limbo, what it actually is, or why Fear's there, or that giant rock monster. And then in the end, Aleyjah and Hyperion basically don't meet at all, which feels pretty anticlimactic. I mean, you can pull that off, but they still need to have some impact on each other to feel relevant, and I'm not seeing that here.

Goldie: I am a SUCKER for how mortally rattling memory loss stories are, as well as the Nice and Hospitable Caretaker With Horrifying Means trope as I have just learned, so I'm suuuuper loving this comic. I'm imagining Hyperion felt Za'a leave him because he was suddenly a little chilly without his cloak. Can't wait for the finale, I suppose!!!

      Edited Jul 31 2018,  02:08 AM by Happy August 19th! -Reecer6

yarnwitch
Artist
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192 comments
# 8   Posted: Jul 29 2018, 10:45 AM
I struggled a bit with this, because they're both done with really good technical skill.
Ultimately, it came down to the fact that I was more emotionally moved by goldie's comic, and how the themes were used.
I feel like in AJ's comic, they may have been expecting to fight Fear? I don't really see why he's in there and it threw off the immersion for me.

PyrasTerran
Community Manager
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1375 comments
# 7   Posted: Jul 28 2018, 08:23 AM
AJ: I don't know how much of a fan I am of that border template, it sort of compells me to see the pages as a Work In Progress and I don't think you want that feeling from the readers; The stage setups are good, the story is kinda standard, the biggest problems are that your lines alone aren't enough to carry the pages and the words (and lack thereof in some places) I don't think can live on their own without some word bubbles; it's possible you ran out of time? Either way I feel like you might be on the cusp of your next level up but not quite there yet; I hope to see more from you this year

Goldie: Your determination to bring these two back to life is ingrained in every page you've done so far, there's so much polish in this comic and it's a real interesting story, even if the black silhouette characters are kind of a cheat for faster comicking, in this story they make sense enough that it honestly isn't worth fussing about. I can't wait to see what comes next

Heathen
Artist
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202 comments
# 6   Posted: Jul 26 2018, 04:51 PM
Really great point by point breakdowns, Shintari. To answer your question about the lady on page 6 of AJ’s comic, and to address something I actually wanted to but forgot about, that is Estrella de Muerte, who is indeed Death. She’s owned by the user Berto aka Ponbiki. She’s rad, and a cool throwback cameo, but I did intend to point out to AJ that he needed an editor’s note on who she is for the uninitiated. I recognized her, but I can definitely see most people reading this scratching their heads at that panel.

Your insights on Golden’s story are really cool. I see you only have a couple posts under your belt,  but I hope to hear your thoughts on some of my own comics in the future! I think you’re probably spot on with your interpretation of Hyperion’s fate here, but it reminds me of something I was confused by as well. Immediately after Sukri takes the cloak, Hyperion’s face is covered in blackness, which is what at first made me think he had head butted him and simultaneously grabbed the cloak, and some of his blackness like came off on Hyperion, but then Hyperion’s face isn’t black in the next panel, and then is, and it made me think maybe that was just a poorly rendered shadow or something. I didn’t notice Hyperion turn black in the end, I’ll have to give that another look. Anyway, whether your interpretation was the artist’s intent or not, it certainly gives me a better appreciation for the scene and some thematic details I may not have picked up on.

A minor thing I want to add in relation to the black soul people, Sukri included, is that they are drawn very cartoonishly, which clashes with Hyperion’s very well-rendered face in a way that I don’t care for. Stylistic consistency throughout a comic is something I also struggle with, and it’s just something to watch out for.

      Edited Jul 26 2018,  05:08 PM by Heathen

Shintari
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3 comments
# 5   Posted: Jul 26 2018, 09:56 AM
Goldie:

+ While I am amazed and proud to see that there was not a single sketch page in this piece (especially knowing your other comics), that everything was lined and even shaded, I have to say that the colors don't always hit their mark. I think the entire comic would have really benefitted from shades of gray that were higher in contrast. And by that I mean, make the dark stuff darker and the bright stuff brighter. As it stands now, the comic has WAY too many mid tone grays. Yes, it is still legible, and it still works for the most part, but a lot of the story relevant details are kinda muddled over and hard to see at a first glance. So yeah, either go with stronger contrasts in greys, or maybe try to add splashes of color here and there, just to aid in the visual storytelling. Like... color code the really, really important details!

+ I love that there is a very clear continuity to your Round 1. We get call backs to Sukri's chopped off arms. We get to see the black water that Aleyjah was walking on, yet everybody (including Sukri) were drowning in. We get a look at what is up with all of these blackened souls. Better yet, the very first page explains why the souls are black in the first place. Loosing one's identity is surely no easy thing to stomach, leaving each blackened soul helpless and defenseless. I also really like the visual of the black, inky water just swallowing everything up and staining the souls who get lost in it. No idea if that was intentional or not. As to why some people seem to stay "normal" and others don't I really wish I could tell. It seems kind of random at this point, but perhaps clarification is going to be given in the next comic?

+ As to what Heathen said, I agree on almost everything. Personally I thought it was very obvious as to why Hyperion didn't just laserbeam Sukri to... double death? All of these characters are established as being dead after all. Hyperion himself calls it the "Afterlife" and says that the soul he throws into the fire is destined to suffer for eternity, but that is only a small part of it. Hyperion has been calling Sukri "blessed" since the first time they met, which ultimately telegraphed everything that happened afterwards very nicely. Sukri stole the cloak from Hyperion and Hyperion screamed about how his Lord Za'a has chosen Sukri over him. Being the devoted nut that Hyperion is, it made perfect sense to me as to why Hyperion chose to scream and mope, when he felt Za'a ditch him. But that's the thing, it made sense to me. It has to make sense to every reader.

+ The theme in this comic is harder to find than in AJ's, but I can definitely see it. The thing that I find most interesting is, that Sukri, despite starting off with his clothing on, is basically naked in his blackened form. At first I thought that maybe this was a mistake, or something that was chosen for time constraints, but I realized that there is more to this. Clothing seems to signify power. Everybody who has been stripped of power, of their identity, has also lost their clothing. This thought becomes more clear when we see Sukri focus on the cloak, that Hyperion is wearing (which is shown to be worn by Aleyjah - a strong, powerful person, that we know has not been consumed by the blackness! And judging by the character design sheets actually belongs to her, and not to Hyperion), and extremely obvious once that item of power is taken away from him. So maybe it was the cloak that gave Hyperion his powers in the first place? In the last panel, we see Sukri holding the cloak and his chest is loosing the blackness a little, so maybe there is something to it? Or maybe he is just kind of remembering his wife? It's really hard to tell without enough clarification. I love the idea of this, but I wish there was a better explanation, or at least one that was easier to grasp. Maybe some extra panels could have helped with this. The idea is definitely there, and it is telegraphed, but I think it could have done with a bit of extra attention put into it. I'm sure this would have helped with the confusion as to why Hyperion didn't fight back too.

+ To be honest, I find this elimination method very unique and creative. Not only is it well researched (Hyperion's bio specifically states that losing his god/belief is one of his weaknesses), but it feels like one of the very few options that Sukri had to succeed? I mean, what do you expect a powerless, blackened soul, without hands to do? He did the only thing he could, he took the item of power away from Hyperion. The solution to this predicament was surprisingly good! I still wish that the panels where Sukri steals the cloak were... better? I'm sorry, I really don't know what else to say, but those three panels are really hard to decipher.  Maybe try different angles next time? As they stand it took me a couple read throughs to really get what happened.

+ On the topic of identity, memories and blackened souls. I really enjoyed that Hyperion's loss of faith and god lead to him turning black, much like Sukri did in the beginning. It really puts a connection between a person's identity and their status as a blank slate (as Sukri calls it later). I just really, really think that this detail gets lost in the mid-toned greys, like I mentioned earlier. I think this is a very important part of the story that is easy to miss because of the lack of contrast/color.

Overall decently executed, could definitely use some clarification in places, but I really want to know where this is headed.

Shintari
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3 comments
# 4   Posted: Jul 26 2018, 09:53 AM
AJ:

+ A lot of the visual storytelling feels weirdly discombobulated. It has this "and then this happened, and then this happened, and then this happened" kind of feel rather than an organic story that is being told. I think this might be because there is just too much happening in the entire story. You have Hyperion, Fear, random unknown Lady, a ton of demons out of nowhere, the mirage of Sukri, and a damsel Aleyjah. All of these characters seem to have storylines of their own that are only loosely connected. Next time I think it would heavily benefit the comic to focus on less characters and less story threads crammed up into one. Pick one story thread and make it nice and detailed! Your art style lends itself perfectly for detailwork like that!

+ I find the jump in story from page 4 to 5 especially jarring. The bottom panel on page 4 looks like Hyperion is about to engage combat with Fear, yet the first panel on 5 has him in this tranquil, meditative pose. The two poses/actions do not seem to connect visually or storywise at all. I think this could have been majorly improved if the magical looking energies in the former panel would have been made a part of the latter - even if only hinted at with minor edits and quick sketches. And perhaps adding the floating techno spheres into the former panel would have also helped.

+ While the story may not be the best, I really, REALLY enjoyed the overarching THEME. Fear. And I don't mean just the character. Hyperion allows his fear to blast his own ship into pieces. Aleyjah runs in fear from demonic pursuers. Hyperion loses his powers and experiences fear. And ultimately, fear is what makes him explode like that, annihilating everything around him. If Aleyjah's "death" had been fear driven, it would have been the perfect cherry on top of this thematic sundae. As it stands, she was happy when she was stabbed (which, let's be honest seems  little silly when one is already dead? but I digress), if she had instead broken down of fear, due to watching her beloved die, or something similar to that, it would have really punched that sense of dread into the entire comic.

+ I really enjoyed the splashes of color here and there. They gave the panels a sense of life and energy that helped the overall artstyle and feel. They came in just about the right amount on each page they were utilized in. I kinda wish that every page had those, because they really add a nice POW that's really eyecatching.

+ Astrodile and Heathen both made very good points that I have to agree with.
++ I think that backgrounds could have really helped the entire story, and the disorienting feeling that some panel jumps leave you with.
++ Having Fear pop in as a character was indeed a cool thing, but the story seemed to focus way too much on him. I have to be honest, the entire story felt like you were planning to face Fear from the very beginning and everything else just felt like an afterthought. Given that Fear wasn't your opponent, but Aleyjah and Sukri, you really should have focused on them instead. Or at least one of them. Actual interactions between your character(s) and your opponent's character(s) are very vital in a battle where both are involved, don't you think? I feel like in a format like this, the characters who are involved should definitely be in the spotlight. Cameos from other characters are absolutely awesome and welcome, but they should never be the main act.
++ Aleyjah felt very out of character. A strong, stoic, yet temperamental warrior was reduced to something that felt like a damsel in distress. This heavily adds to the "afterthought" effect I already mentioned. Especially since her appearance in the comic isn't just brief and pretty insignificant, but it also feels heavily misinformed. Alyjah in this comic does definitely not pass the sexy lamp test. I'm sure there was no disrespect intended here, but I am really confused on how much research of the opponent's characters and work was actually done. Either way, I heavily recommend really analyzing your opponents and trying to get into their heads. Putting yourself into their shoes isn't just a great way to deliver an authentic experience, but it's also a great way to come up with story ideas!

+ One last thing that had me really scratching my head. Who the F is the lady on page 6? She doesn't look like any of the other characters participating in the SRT, nor do I recall any other character on Void that looks like that, so I am really stumped here. It took me several re-reads of the comic to guesstimate that this might be the "Queen of Death" that the demons mentioned, but even now I'm having a hard time putting those two together. For some reason I felt like the demons were talking about somebody completely else. This lady doesn't really have any impact on the story from what I can tell. Nor do I find her interesting in this already overcrowded story. That is most definitely a sexy lamp test fail. Again, I cannot stress enough how important it is to scale stories and numbers of characters down to the bare minimum - especially if you are on a time crunch such as this. You'll save yourself a lot of headaches and time if you do.

Overall a comic that needs some improvements, but has an interesting idea at it's core.


      Edited Jul 26 2018,  09:56 AM by Shintari

Astrodile
Artist
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46 comments
# 3   Posted: Jul 25 2018, 06:58 PM
AJ: At first, when I read through this I had no idea what was happening, BUT maybe I read too fast because now I at least have a semblance of what's going down. A problem here is that, as Heathen said Hyperion and your opponents characters didn't interact outside of Aleyjah waving off the demons to Hyperion, but even in that regard Aleyjah felt more like a lost damsel then a somewhat-amnesiac who still has hella strength, flexibility, lit her previous tourney opponent /aflame/ (Even if by accident), and the courage to take challenges head-on despite her current condition for the sake of helping others. She's just sorta in the comic, and then out of the comic like a light. It feels like this comic was more leaning towards an acclimation of a battle with Fear, and everything else was just happenstance.
I have alot of questions about this comics writing, it feels like each open-ended conversation in this comic just added more to the confusion and took away from fully enjoying the overall experience, but overall it's still an interesting comic with some interesting visuals.

Goldie: Amazing visuals, loved the writing here, I love how this comic is now from Sukri's own experience in wherever-they-are! I'm a bit short on my words I have the same questions as Heathen here. I also have questions about this comic but they're more like "How did (x) work", things I feel like you'll probably answer in another comic or so! The visuals might've lost me for a moment when Sukri took the cape, but I'm still interested in how these two lovebirds chase for each other will go!

Heathen
Artist
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202 comments
# 2   Posted: Jul 25 2018, 02:06 PM
AJ: Backgrounds, backgrounds, backgrounds. You’re not making good use of all that page space. I like that you incorporated Fear into your comic, but the last half of your comic drops off as you clearly got into crunch time, and it’s difficult to tell what was happening. I’m not sure where Hyperion was in relation to Aleyjah, why demons were attacking him, or how that related to anything. And it was an odd choice to have Fear kill Aleyjah. You and your opponent’s characters never interacted at all. Having fear in there seeding uncertainty in the other characters and establishing him as an overarching antagonist is a really cool idea, but he should not have done much more here. Glad you got this done and in, but definitely didn’t nail the execution.

Golden: I really love your portrayal of Hyperion, his friendly demeanor at first lends an undercurrent of tension to the scene, and his sudden turn to wrath is appropriately scary. I’m not sure what Sukri did to Hyperion at the end, though. Did he headbutt him? At first I thought he was pushing him into the pit, but Hyperion didn’t seem physically wounded. I get that his cloak was stolen, but I don’t know why he just let Sukri run off with it. You know he can shoot lasers out of his hands. I dunno, it was a weird scene. Everything else, I really liked.

      Edited Jul 25 2018,  02:09 PM by Heathen

JayKat
Artist
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334 comments
# 1   Posted: Jul 24 2018, 02:16 AM
Can't wait to read this!

Comic Details -

 
Type: Tournament Match
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Jul 31st, 2018
Votes Cast: 21
Page Views: 383
Winner: Golden

 

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