Ashlan vs. THE BEAST OF VOID

Ashlan vs. THE BEAST OF VOID


421 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4

tags:


356 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3

tags: monster, nvcpd, the beast of void



Critiques & Comments
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Shen
Global Moderator
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1238 comments
# 16   Posted: Jul 28 2018, 11:23 PM
sorry short comments just wanted to say GOOD COMICS YALL!
Astro: HOLY SHIIIIT THAT LAST PANEL that is GRUESOME SHIT I love it oh my god! i LOVE your colours and expressions but the action sometimes is a bit confusing, maybe pull the camera out a bit more on that also fight me
Bent: WELCOME BACK I MISSED U! Art gets a bit jumbled in the pencils but i love the chemistry between the characters.
BE FRIENDS NOW

PyrasTerran
Community Manager
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1390 comments
# 15   Posted: Jul 28 2018, 08:07 AM
I dug these comics

Astrodile: I love the rendering, the quality of the action is top notch too, I really love this character and wanna do park comics with her. My major gripe is that the overall work is too dark and muddy, even when fire is introduced its brightness is pretty muted, and for the amount of damage it did I think you would really benefit from some bright as lightworks to show just how hot and dangerous that attack was; as beautifula s the action is rendered, I think you shouldn't be afraid to use motion streaks and swipe lines to help define the action a bit more (try using white instead of black in a dark scene like this so they show up). One example that pops in my head is the bottom panel of page 3; you want the eyes to really follow Beast flying across the screen from one end to the other, but with the motion lines only popping up halfway through you have a static segment on the left side of the panel that disjoints the pacing of that panel; if you had some motion streaks that reached the left side (and were a brighter shade that brings attention to them) then you can have the reader's eyes move from there to the word bubble to the crash. I hope what I'm saying makes sense

Bent One: Fun as this was, I do wish it was more finished so I can give you some more advice on it; it's serviceable otherwise... better luck next time!

Astrodile
Artist
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71 comments
# 14   Posted: Jul 27 2018, 05:13 PM
ArtsandGoodies:I have two things I wanna mention with the story. "Let's hope your attitude is real shit, brat" It gives off a lot of conflicting messages. Why would she hope his attitude is shit?
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Thanks for the critique Arts!! I just wanted to clarify this part haha, I guess it's sorta muddled but when she says that, I meant 'Real shit' as in, "Let's hope your bark has bite" kinda thing? Like when you see something cool, and you say "That's some real shit." In a positive connotation BUT ahdsbf it's understandable that this would've been confusing.

ALSO JUST WANTED TO SAY, THANKS FOR THE CRITIQUE Y'ALL!! <3 I'll definitely try to do better next time comic, I appreciate all the words y'all have thrown my way! And once again, thanks so much for battling me Bent. :>

ArtsandGoodies
Think Tank
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100 comments
# 13   Posted: Jul 26 2018, 07:48 PM
Astro: your art is fantastic and your colors are something to aim for. and the final shot was really gruesome. Though the action on page 2 was a little confusing I think it's because your starting panel doesn't show the entire thing. Because the legs are cut off it's hard at first to see the momentum and how she got into that stance. also the face reaction should be saved after a couple moments of action since we're still trying to process what's going on before thinking about how they are reacting to it, also at that point there's not enough going on for his reaction to be important for the situation.. Like the fact shot should be like the 4th panel of him reacting to his leg getting ripped off. If the first panel was a bit bigger and showed the whole thing with their feet I think this would have been fine.
I have two things I wanna mention with the story. "Let's hope your attitude is real shit, brat" It gives off a lot of conflicting messages. Why would she hope his attitude is shit? All i can think of is it would be a way for her to feel less bad about what shes about to do, but that completely goes against how she acts and talks. Also the end of the resolution with the bartender stopping this I feel like you may have wanted to have him pull out like a gun or something, since these are two fighters who are getting pumped from being in the middle of a fight wouldn't just stop because this dude told him to and both could easily knock him out of the way. However these don't really matter all that much and your comic was amazing

Bent: Even those these are rough they are super clean and I could read what was going on and tell at all points which is really awesome. I also really like the interactions between Beast and ash and how you characterized both of them. I do also like how set it up with the licensed fighter thing.

Minteh
Artist
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252 comments
# 12   Posted: Jul 25 2018, 08:52 AM
Astro: This was a visual treat to read through, it was pretty and the action flowed well, also that gruesome bit at the end did a great job showing how monstrous Ashlan is. I doubt there's many people, even in void, that can get through a face melting with barely a flinch.

Bent: Even with the sketchiness I think the story was relatively clear and easy to follow, a little bit of the action got muddy in page 2. I'm mainly sad the panel with Ashlan just tearing that guy apart wasn't finish because it's just so delightfully gruesome and rad.  Good to see you battling again and looking forward to more comics from you!

Julz
Artist
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339 comments
# 11   Posted: Jul 23 2018, 11:27 AM
Wowee these blew me away! Great couplle of comics! I can really tell you both worked very hard on them :D One weeker and all.

So anyway critique time:
Astrodile: I really dig the way the glass on the first panels pops its so pink and orange and pleasant. Page 2 I just can't tell whats happening. Did I miss something?  The fighting feels a little sudden, feel like a panel could have been helpful to show someone was gearing up to fight/getting pumped up, since the last panel was zoomed out and didn't really hint that a fight was coming so soon, unless I was meant to rely on the dialogue, but that didn't really clue me in either. I looove Ashlan's expression in the last panel of pg 2 though XD Page 3 panel 2 looks amazing, but then the last panel leads the eye to the elevator since the color pops so much, but that's not really an important variable here so it kind of distracts from the action you've worked so hard to convey. My eyes go from (1) the pink doors to (2) the figures ass? to (3) the dialogue/bartender, then FINALLY to(4) beast. So yeah, that's all I have to say about yours, it looks fantastic!! I am excited to see what you can do with more time and a compelling story arc of some sort since this was the obvious go-to barfight.

BENTO-As someone already mentioned, the clear word bubbles are very much appreciated.  I love how the licensed fighter tag sticks out- its so clear! Unlike everything else XD Everything here is *mostly* clear as far as action and clarity goes... so I don't have much to say on that. Wish it was tighter. Beast of void has a very dirty mouth. What does his voice sound like? When he says things like "woah...who the fuck is that chick?" I imagine like a surfer voice so lmao i dunno. Pg2 panel 7- How is beast a fur boy? I dont get it. NBD lol.  I loove that acid spray lmao. Right out the mouth. Is it acid or fire? I dunno, but it looks acidy. I like it. I lol'd about the kiss it make it better quip and how he "kisses it" xD Great work, great to see you back!!

MyHatsEatPeople
Artist
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392 comments
# 10   Posted: Jul 23 2018, 03:40 AM
ASTRO: No doubt about it, you're definitely one talented artist. You got good panel structure and shot compositions and some seriously gnarly visuals which I love, especially the last panel. My only real suggestion for a possible area of improvement is with the colours - the colours are lovely, and you've rendered the lighting/shadows well for time allotted, but I feel like this comic would benefit from some contrasting colours to be put into the mix to make elements pop (like you did with the last panel) as with all the browns, reds and purples, everything can get a little too blended and we lose some nice opportunities for having things pop. All in all, fantastic debut for Ash - pat yo'self on the back.

BENT: My dude, you have come back to us and what a fantastic come back it is. I enjoy your dialogue, its nice and slick. This is a particularly difficult entry for me to critique because even though the full story is intact (well done for that, btw) these are just pencils really so i know things could have gotten tightened up had the deadline been a little more forgiving (there's nothing forgiving about a week deadline) As I mentioned with Astro, the panel structure is great here, nice and dynamic I can definitely tell you're taking things more seriously, and even though we are just shown pencils here you've made everything legible. Again, sorry that I can't particularly give you any advice other than continue to move forward, it's great to see you back.  

Astrodile
Artist
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71 comments
# 9   Posted: Jul 22 2018, 10:08 PM
That last panel is grusome, that’s not permanent, right? That almost felt like a Double Scar match.
Quote

Thanks so much for the critique dude, by the way! I've said so many thanks to you I swear this'll be the last haha. I REALLY APPRECIATE THE WORDS AND YOUR COMIC THOUGH!!!
It's definitely not permanent! As mentioned in the comic itself, she'll be going to a healer, but she won't be 100% fine when another battle comes her way. (Healing is a process after all, even if magical!)

      Edited Jul 22 2018,  11:15 PM by Astrodile

Heathen
Artist
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225 comments
# 8   Posted: Jul 22 2018, 10:03 PM
Astro: Jesus, man, what's a scar match? Lol

The muddy colors and unclear fight choreography were my main crits as well. Aside from some bad proportions on the bartender, the art itself is great. Awesome gore and poses, just work on your shot choices, pull that camera back and give your action the room it needs to read.

Bent: Your pages look great in thumbnail, but suffer from feeling too cramped as well. I think most of your clarity issues would be remedied by clean inks and spot blacks. If this is what you can do in a week, I know you can nail the art and inject a bit of story on a longer deadline. I really like how the Beast kind of seems to look up to Ashlan here, as a fellow monster. I don't know if the beast's existence is a lonely one, but he seems to find some kinship with her.

Overall, two very solid 1-weekers here, I don't know how this is gonna go down.

      Edited Jul 22 2018,  10:24 PM by Heathen

The Bent One
Artist
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564 comments
# 7   Posted: Jul 22 2018, 09:52 PM
Just a note for anyone critiquing: this is not the style I use for pencils, these are my rough panel breakdowns. I’m aware these are super rough and the lines are chunky and confusing.

The Bent One
Artist
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564 comments
# 6   Posted: Jul 22 2018, 09:49 PM
I’m so disappointed  in myself for not working harder on this after seeing your art, Astro. The inking and the colors are GORGEOUS. The lighting is a bit too low and soft overall, and the pages seem like they could use more contrast. The action was a little hard to follow with how the characters were posed in the panels, or how that different beats of the fight went. I find it best to figure out what in the most important thing happening and devote more page space to that, or at least give it clear focus in a panel. Just some things to think about in future comics.

That last panel is grusome, that’s not permanent, right? That almost felt like a Double Scar match.

yarnwitch
Think Tank
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222 comments
# 5   Posted: Jul 22 2018, 09:19 PM
Whoaaaaa awesome job you guys!
I'm happy to see a fight from both of you and this is some GREAT action.
It was a hard vote, since the styles were going different ways.
I did find sometimes the style The Bent One was using to be a little unclear.

Heathen
Artist
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225 comments
# 4   Posted: Jul 22 2018, 06:48 PM
Anticipay-ay-tion is makin' me wait.

*Googles lyrics*

Those aren't the lyrics.

      Edited Jul 22 2018,  06:50 PM by Heathen

Astrodile
Artist
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71 comments
# 3   Posted: Jul 21 2018, 11:54 PM
Submitted! Honestly Imma be real here-- The story for my comic isn't all that great so I apologize in advance haha. Jumping straight into a one weeker helped alot with gripping how long the comic-making process is for me, so I enjoyed doing this battle regardless! AND I'M SUPER LOOKING FORWARD TO YOUR SIDE BENT!! Thanks so much for battling me, and I'll definitely enjoy reading what you submitted! Welcome back to Void dude!!!

Edit: And for anyone who asks, we both agreed to a 3-4 page limit!

      Edited Jul 22 2018,  12:56 PM by Astrodile

The Bent One
Artist
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564 comments
# 2   Posted: Jul 21 2018, 11:32 PM
I'm not gonna lie, this was a tough one to finish. I forgot a lot of basics when I started working on scripting this, and it bit me in the ass later in the week. it's not inked, but it should be clear enough to follow. It's good to get back in the game.

Julz
Artist
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339 comments
# 1   Posted: Jul 17 2018, 08:01 AM
Oh goodness i miss beast of void lmao hell yeah i cant wait

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Jul 28th, 2018
Votes Cast: 20
Page Views: 601
Winner: Astrodile

 

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