Hart & Might- Curtains! / Pita

Hart & Might- Curtains! — Pita

by Pita

Pita
329 points
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Critiques & Comments
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PyrasTerran
Community Manager
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1377 comments
# 12   Posted: Jun 29 2018, 09:18 AM
I really connect with these latino-inspired stories, I enjoyed the narrative very much!
Your character work is spot on, I can't think of anything to say on that front at all. Where I think your score suffers greatly is with the irregularity of polish with the backgrounds throughout, and (IMO) an unprofessional font choice combined with some equal irregularity/sloppiness with the word balloons. You can try challenging yourself with more dynamic camera angles and exaggerated perspective/foreshortening to give your world that third depth it sometimes tends to lack. When you have the impulse to have the camera at even level with each character's shot, think instead about tilting it in a different angle/direction (example:  page 13, you could get a far more intimidating/personal result out of the bat reveal if you had the camera low pointing up, as if she is looming over Millie, and that last panel, don't be so far away from Millie' face of shock and horror, get real close up in there! there's no reason for all that empty space. If you can't visualize this, hit me up and I'll redline you what I mean

So to recap:
-polished backgrounds from front to back
-polished word balloons from front to back
-more dynamic camera angles/compositions
-less standard eye level placement with characters

I enjoyed this prologue story, good luck with the tournament

Kozispoon
Approval Committee
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940 comments
# 11   Posted: Jun 28 2018, 10:16 PM
More toons! More plot! I really dig the fact your research of animation and real life codes and ethics mingle with the zaniness of animated creatures existing in their own world. Speaking of- I was hungry to see more of that world. There was such creative potential in the flower characters plant shop or the colorful almost other world of the latino district, but all your backgrounds felt so sparse. Like, it was clear you had an idea and vision, but it seems you dedicated more of your time to the rendering of your characters.
I feel my crit may have a bias as I know some of the characters already which bred some familiarity and answered questions, but it left me wondering if I was just some everyday voider going into this cold. How lost would I have been? What questions would I have had about the story, the characters and even names that would not be answered with this comic?
Reading this has me itching to see all of these characters on void, or see them expanded upon, but I know
A. Some of them arent yours
b. This is for another tournament
Which leaves me a bit deflated for more as well as a bit thrown as to what's what since the overarching theme of this, by merit of what it is, seems like a 'well you gotta be in this other tournament to really know whats going on.' It was admittedly a really cool peek, but I feel I flipped the channel to the middle of a story that only gets one episode and I crave so much more!

otakutaylor
Artist
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173 comments
# 10   Posted: Jun 28 2018, 08:04 PM
Wow, this is one heck of a plotline to be taking on, and it's great to see your expressions when the characters are really emoting their thought process.

To mimic the comments posted, definitely look up a few spacing and framing tutorials for word bubbles. So much of how your characters speak, and the spacing in the panel, is controlled by the bubble. Ricardo Rapido's tiny voice bubble is a nice use of bubbles, but since it was the first thing said on that page, it initially looked like a text size mistake for a moment. In addition, a few of the more text heavy panels bubbles seemed more to bleed into the next panel because they were too big, rather than with visual intent.

The comparative loss of line crispness in the background does catch attention, and while I'm in NO place to say so myself due to my character focus as well, it's important to set a stage when you have a new location. Page 11 is GREAT at this, with that looming ceiling fan shot, but it's dropped with the introduction of the P.I.'s office.

The Paneling choices are nice in a few places, but feel a bit monotonous as the comic progresses. and I can spot those very faint line bumps of the not quite perfectly aligned panels. Most of that can be alleviated using some guides, and cheeky paneling techniques though, and it seems like you caught it as the comic progressed, but hard to check with black borders. heh. Switching which side Might is focused on in a section works for showing a significant shift in her emotional state, but it gets lost a bit when the silhouetted table slam on 18 swaps their setup.

Seems like a lot to work on, but to sing some praises~ Your character work is freaking Precise~ Those inks are something to be jealous of. The emotions are excellent, and heartwrenching. It's such a difficult task to convey real fear, real anger, like that without going cartoonishly over the top, Especially with... well... toons! It would probably help to play with the camera zoom however, taking it back a bit to fit those larger bubbles would likely help show off the locations, but also zooming in. Hands nervously twitching, eyes fluttering, that kind of thing. You did it with the crunched card in her fist, just play with it a bit more.

It's a lot easier to nitpick in a crit than to compliment specific aspects, but if you need me to elaborate on what I've tried to say, give me a poke! and break some more panels! Page 16 could have had the bunny ears popping forward to show her really turning away in that moment.

Look forward to seeing where this story is going!

Dimension
Artist
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489 comments
# 9   Posted: Jun 27 2018, 09:59 PM
Interesting story. I like how the narrative flowed and the world is a neat concept. I really enjoyed reading this.

The paneling looks good to me, but at times some of your panels feel a bit too empty. Sometimes the background looks very flat, they lack depth to them. You may just  have to spend more time on your backgrounds.

The speech bubbles also bother me, your drawings are very clean so the bumpy speech bubbles don't really mix will for this style.

This was pretty solid overall though. Good work. I would def be interested in seeing more of these characters.


William_Duel
Community Manager
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885 comments
# 8   Posted: Jun 26 2018, 02:37 PM
Oh...I didnt realize Hart was the Bunny gal.  Thought it referred to Emmanuel somehow.

neens
Think Tank
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259 comments
# 7   Posted: Jun 26 2018, 12:12 AM
hey this rules! I want to bring up a couple things though. I think the most glaring one for me, as someone not on DA, is who the characters are. and by that I mean, Hart. simply put, she's in the BB title but not named in the comic at all. after reading through it I can take a reasonable guess to who she (the bunny) is, so it's not a totally mystery, but after my first read I was like waitaminnit and did another look through. just something to keep in mind for different audiences!

you also have some really great characterizations. good forms, poses, they're wonderful. your bgs could use a little more love though!

that all said I had fun reading it and I'm really looking forward to the rest! good job!!

Amaloo
Artist
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76 comments
# 6   Posted: Jun 25 2018, 02:59 PM
I enjoy the art style a lot! It suits well with the story of it being a 'toon' world. That being said, I am a little confused about the details of this world. This is the first comic I've read of this story and I felt like it wasn't clear what the issues were. They both have individual shows and if they are in a relationship it creates a problem somehow? Is the threat that the shows would be canceled? Or is 'curtains' a toon figure of speech for being taken out/killed? Does cosmetic surgery assist in the sense that people would not recognize her? A little more clarification for newcomers would be helpful.

Again, I really enjoy the art style! It is very bubbly and old-school, just love it. I do feel like the typeface in the speech bubbles doesn't seem to match the cartoony vibe of the comic. Maybe hand-drawn or some kind of warmer (less rigid) font would match? It looks like a default font and it's a missed opportunity to convey more personality. I did like that the mouse character had smaller type in their speech bubbles, more of that sort of thing!

I think your comic has great pacing, a good variety of angles and shots. I love the panel where she is looking up at the ceiling fan, it is very dynamic and engaging. Fab story, excited to read more.

William_Duel
Community Manager
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885 comments
# 5   Posted: Jun 24 2018, 06:05 AM
I like the overall story.  It's a nice blend of toons, history both real and cinematic.  It's well plotted and even I'm intrigued to see where it would go.  

Technique wise, I find the linework and lettering to be a bit weird.  I felt constantly thrown out of the story because of the inconsistencies.  The panel lines are a bit weird, I'm not sure how you constructed them.  And they're way too thin compared to the thick lines on everything else.  It's even weirder to me to throw in word balloons without borders.   I think as far as font it's just something you need to play around with.  I don't quite think this was the right font for this story but you'd need to play with it more.  And since it is a cartoony story, you could probably play up the emphasis of the words.

ArtsandGoodies
Artist
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77 comments
# 4   Posted: Jun 23 2018, 11:54 PM
The art in general is really good in this I like the use of limited color with the tons being grayscale and some of the environments being in color. Though for the text bubbles next time you gotta work on making them more consistent in shape and it seems like some are a different off white color than others but that could be just the backgrounds so maybe full white would be better. On top of that make sure to get a custom font, that looks like a default one and those are always bad for comics since it makes people feel like they're reading a paper and not a comic, which can subtle make it less interesting.

I do like the overall story and the stting and lore you built up for this toon city, it seems pretty cool overall. Though I do have one slight issue with the story. When he brought up the pictures of her kissing at the event and she was shocked about it saying how it was a private event. The issue I have is that this was such a huge party and she was at the center of it so she shouldn't be surprised there were pictures taken of her and that what she did was basically public knowledge in the town at this point since you made it such a big event and they were at the center of it. This twist may have worked better if it was like after the wedding when they thought they were alone, and not literally in the center of a huge crowd. Besides that the rest of the comic and story is good and all the characters had their own voices and made sense in their actions.

Camel
Artist
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51 comments
# 3   Posted: Jun 19 2018, 04:04 PM
very excited to finally see these two!

Pita
Artist
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131 comments
# 2   Posted: Jun 7 2018, 10:50 AM
This is also my first time using Clip Studio Paint for paneling.  I do prefer my panels to be straight angled, but there were some complications with achieving that.  If any of y'all could give me pointers about how to have more control over paneling, that would be greatly appreciated.

I already intend to follow Jackster's tutorial on speech bubbles for my next part.

Pita
Artist
icon
131 comments
# 1   Posted: Jun 7 2018, 08:49 AM
Few things--
- This is going to be a more polished version of the audition I submitted to the Technicolor Original Character Tournament on deviantART this year.
- The drawing time countdown is a lie.  It actually took me about 8 weeks to make this thing.  It's currently set to two weeks so I can have some additional time to do touch-ups, make a cover page for this, and finish up the last page.
- I would like to submit one or both of these ladies into VOID in the future, but for now I'm dedicating my time to the tournament.  Depending on the quality of the rounds I'm in, they'll either be cross-posted here with a week after round results are announced, OR I'll need a little more time to give these the care that they deserve.

Thank you for reading these notes, and I hope you enjoy this story once it's posted.

      Edited Jun 7 2018,  08:49 AM by Pita

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 2 weeks
Ended: Jun 28th, 2018
Votes Cast: 15
Page Views: 395

 

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