When Everything Change, We Stand Together / Kurt and Polterdot

When Everything Change, We Stand Together — Kurt and Polterdot

by Radji


407 points
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ArtsandGoodies
Think Tank
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85 comments
# 10   Posted: Jun 3 2018, 01:38 PM
Because you're such a great artist on a technical level it kind of shows your weakness as a writer a bit more. I'm not going to talk about the things other people already brought up but rather the core of the issue. When writing there are a bunch of questions you need to answer behind the scenes and find subtle way to convey the answers in your comics.

For example in my recent battle I had to ask myself the question, "Why is Harlow at the mall?" so the answer was "He went to a tool store to buy some hardware." I never had Harlow say anything about going to a tool store (since that would be out of place and be extreme awkward dialogue), I just had him carry a bag that looked vaguely like it came from a tool shop. So I answered a question behind the scens so no reader has to get distracted by asking that question. It's clear from your comics that you don't ask yourself nearly enough of these types of questions.

Also while I had a simple question i had to answer you are bringing up huge issues that will need very detailed answers. This baby is a huge deal since Kurt is the leader of a gang. The baby isn't just some status effect for one character, this is a huge element that is bound to change the landscape of the gang hierarchy. There are tons of characters all with wants and needs that drastically will have those changed now that the baby is a thing.

Here are some questions as examples, it may seem like a lot (with such a big change this actually isn't too many questions) but if you if it is work through them to be a better writer. How is Kurt going to change the way he leads them knowing there's a baby on the way? Will he be more protective and take less risks in the gang because there is a baby on the way, will he rely more on the co leaders of the individual gangs giving them trust as he lays back more to take care of the baby? Speaking of the gang leaders, which of the gang leaders are going to be happy and supportive for Kurt and want to try and be a godfather for the kid? Which of the gang leaders see this as weakness, and which ones will try to change the hierarchy of the gangs and potentially lead a coup? Since these are all gang members there is bound to be a bunch of unscrupulous ambitious individuals who see this as a moment of weakness for Kurt and will use this to take control which will lead to a bunch of interesting conflict. This is just the tip of the iceberg of the questions you will need to answer behind the scenes.

You will also need to take into account how other people's characters will interact with Kurt after this new development, here's a couple more ideas and things you will need to figure out. For enemies this will be a big opportunity and weakness to take advantage, what happens if the NVCPD arrest Jowee and what happens when shes in the grasps of some dirty cops? How Kurt will have to choose between the gangs and his love and future child?

Answering all these questions for all the characters involved (it is important you make sure to find out the wants and needs of all the other gang leaders at this point) will give you plenty of ways to take the story. Though one way you shouldn't do is baby death, I don't think you're strong enough yet as a writer to handle this heavy a subject and give readers the sense of tragedy you would want. From your other comics I have seen when you go dark it ends up being a bit to over the top and at worst, unintentionally funny because of how cartooney it is.

Generally when a reader is having to ask questions it is taking them away from the emotions you want to convey in your comic.However since you're such a good artist I'm sure once you answer these questions behind the scenes you will find good ways to convey them through actions and emotions rather than characters just saying what they will do. But you have a whole bunch of questions you need to answer behind the scenes that you are not even asking yourself yet. Also while the title says they stand together when everything changes, the most interesting stories will have some serious conflicts in the gangs from this change.

TL; DR Answer and convey the answer to a bunch of questions behind the scenes before readers have to do it for you, your stories will be much better for it.

Pita
Think Tank
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133 comments
# 9   Posted: Jun 3 2018, 06:05 AM
Well I guess Kurt's got that magic robot semen.

Shen
Global Moderator
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1223 comments
# 8   Posted: Jun 2 2018, 04:16 PM
Hes got a robot heart but the rest is mechanical, how is he generating living babyjuice if i were Kurt I'd be a little confused and concerned about whose baby that is unless hes actually a cyborg like Android 18?? i too am distracted by the "how" but like the others I also couldn't bring myself to care much about the story because i don't know Jowee at all so its sort of like finding out your friend from high school you only still know through facebook updates is pregnant. it actually might have been more improved if we'd seen Kurt's emotions more, focused on him since we know him better, see his fear and his joy and his confusion, see him vulnerable. But grats to Kurt my many questions aside and I hope you spend a little more time developing Jowee in the future!

Happy October 20th! -Reecer6
Artist
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218 comments
# 7   Posted: Jun 2 2018, 02:33 PM
look guys it's real simple. we already know kurt's got human organs in his robobody, for some reason, maybe i'd know if i did a bit of archive diving. it is entirely plausible kurt's got a robodick but human testes.

      Edited Jun 2 2018,  02:34 PM by Happy October 20th! -Reecer6

SirJellyRaptor
Artist
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35 comments
# 6   Posted: Jun 2 2018, 02:11 PM
I've been seeing a lot of similar criticisms about a lack of buildup tonthenlounge in this comic. I admit I started reading Kurt's archive a while back but didn't get as far as I would have liked, so I'm missing a lot of context here. What I can say is by the time I got to the end of the first page I knew exactly what was going on and in fact have gone through a similar scenario with one of my own characters. It's fun to play with these kinds of emotions but sometimes it feels like it's better for us, as the author, than it is to viewers. Even without the context that everyone else had, this comic was predictable and that, to me, is what made the emotional impact fall flat. Of course from a visual standpoint it's fantastic but that's to be expected from your work.

Also I keep finding myself questioning how someone can get pregnant from a robot, which might be distracting me from what's going on a bit

Kozispoon
Approval Committee
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940 comments
# 5   Posted: Jun 2 2018, 01:04 PM
I'll never get tired of the character you give your backgrounds. The old docks has to be one of the more recognizable and distinct districts in Void and that's all to your efforts. I can't look at ruins or a 'Drink Sodar!' ad without thinking of Kurts turf and his motely crew.I especially liked the subtle tint you gave your 'grayscale'- gives the whole comic an aged look  with a warm tone. You open with such an eye catching set of panels to back up the monologue- definitely surprised but intrigued this Beyond battle was narrated by Kurt's woman.

I'll admit when I saw this Beyond Battle was coming up, I got excited. Granted, you didn't have to follow the events or plot of the last battle you had, but considering the harrowing events that affected the old docks as well as our last battle and I hoped to see these two develop further based off a loss/tragedy due to it since they're pretty cool characters.

I see you tried to build that emotion in this, but it just didn't land. We don't really know Jowee, and in all the battles Kurt has had, I think this is the only comic where you have gotten opportunity to establish a rapport between them that didnt have to do with a fight. Hell, I didnt even know Kurt called her by pet names. I honestly thought Jowee was a trusted right hand than a romantic interest- and that's based on comics alone. I know you've said on the forums and discord channels they're totally in love and together, but in your comics (via the archives) it definitely doesnt show.

I really had high hopes for this beyond battle, and it looks stunning, but the writing is definitely something to look at. On the plus side, I'm glad to see your dialogue and English is on point. Great job getting fellow voiders to proof read.

Desichan
Think Tank
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138 comments
# 4   Posted: Jun 2 2018, 06:51 AM
Okay so I'm just gonna mention, I feel really similar to Sabu. I read this comic a few days ago and I was very underwhelmed by it. The story is carried out in a manner that made all the impact I was supposed to get, be lost to me, this comic honestly felt really long, despite being so short, because it just was done rather weirdly. The revelation of her being pregnant, felt more like a joke that came out of nowhere than an intense revelation, and I'm sorry to say but I was definitely not a fan of the story.

On the otherhand nobody can deny your art has clear artistic merit, and where the story falls flat, the art succeeds in my opinion. I don't really have much to say about that, but yeah.

I definitely agree with what Sabu said about researching other genres, because that could genuinely help you. How does romance do it? How does drama do it? These genres are some of the best when it comes to trying to figure out how characters and people could think in this situation and how these stories are more successfully done.

One thing I think could help make the pregnancy seem more weighty is if you had a few little hints about it happening. When people provide twists, they usually leave little pieces of evidence, so it doesn't feel like a twist is out of nowhere, but with nothing hinting it, it felt like a complete left turn from the story.

Anyway, I know you can do better stories, I've seen em, but sadly this is not your best. I hope to see you get better and better moving forward though!

Sabulive
Artist
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131 comments
# 3   Posted: May 31 2018, 12:36 AM
Ok so I will mention the good bits first:

Artwise, this is phenomenal. I love your inks and the different shades in opacity with a texture overlay; the poses are fun, the action is dynamic and there are enough little details here and there that really bring the world together. My only crits for this is when you do monochromatic comics, keep your speechbubbles monochromatic as well, and center your text a bit more. Lastly, maybe a bit more creative panelling would really make the comic pop.

NOW THE WRITING...

I'll be 100% honest here, I did not care for it. The climax was somewhat ruined by the fact there has been a poor build up of the relationship between Jo and Kurt in previous comics (just 4 u I went back and binged the Kurt archives). What you do show in previous comics is not enough to hammer home the fact Kurt is in deep with Jo. In this comic, its another bout of telling instead of showing so when the big Pregante reveal happens it falls super flat.

I think Kurt would have been better off not being here. No seriously, the comic would have been stronger if Jo was in the spotlight, showing her emotional turmoil over this new development (quite literally!) happening. There is no struggle and no point because the stakes were never high to begin with, because what we do know about Kurt is that he is willing to support and protect women, so we know he would say yes to a baby. And while we don't know Jo as well as Kurt, we do know she is willing to run into a fight guns a'blazin, indicating a brave personality who knows how to take care of herself, but none of that is shown here bc all we see of her is sadness and running into Kurt's arms for support, when in most situations when an accidental knock up happens, the woman has to be wary on how to approach the situation; the bravery button isn't turned off when you feel like it, it carries over to other aspects of life.

Writing an emotional comic is hard work, and while this is a very weak effort, Ima give you kudos for trying. I highly suggest reading different perspectives and genres that don't focus on action, and instead focus on people's inner struggles. I hope to see a comic where Jo is given a bit more love and attention!

yarnwitch
Think Tank
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203 comments
# 2   Posted: May 30 2018, 07:09 PM
This leaves me with a lot of questions. I apparently have NO idea how kurt works/exists at all. Time to backread!

Good comic! Congrats Jowee and Kurt!

Radji
Artist
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464 comments
# 1   Posted: May 29 2018, 09:47 PM
FINALLY DONE

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Jun 5th, 2018
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