Intro Story / Harlow Ironlocke

Intro Story — Harlow Ironlocke


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Critiques & Comments
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ArtsandGoodies
Think Tank
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97 comments
# 5   Posted: May 1 2018, 03:31 AM
Thanks for the cirts, this is my third try to get into void and I got a lot of advice on this one and changed quite a few things, as well as a lot of advice like on how to shade digitally and glad I finally got in. that middle section in the 3rd page was one that was adjusted and I had help with changing and I was still not too happy with the first of those panels but wasn't sure how to visual a different more action thingy of that.
Thanks for the advice regarding the backgrounds and just by doing more comics I will get better at my technical stuff.
In regasrds to the stealing thing that's kind of part of their society were they give up their inventions for the society, and Harlow refused to give up his own. It was hard to convey and wasn't sure what to do on the first page on those little plate thingies.

Energy
Artist
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116 comments
# 4   Posted: Apr 28 2018, 10:01 PM
Nice, you got him in.  Congrats!

A few things:
-  The clouds and the bubble have fairly "scratchy"/scribbly coloring.  Maybe look at some tutorials and/or some photos of clouds.
-  Maybe do some gesture drawing.
-  Love the perspective on panel 1 of page 4.
-  Pacing is pretty smooth.  Though I would be careful about how slowly things can move at times.  Case in point, page 3.  Between the first and last panels are three of him floating while firing his... err... "bubble gun" when you could have just one of him firing said invention and maybe another of him floating before he lands, but that might just be me.

Can't wait to see more.

Heathen
Artist
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222 comments
# 3   Posted: Apr 23 2018, 09:11 PM
I went against my usual tendency to read the intro comic prior to reading the character bio, and it’s really well laid out. It gives a great rundown of his key characteristics and gear, without getting bogged down in too much “head” canon.

The comic itself is a very good (presumably) first effort. You’ve got some nice flow in your action, and everything reads clearly. There are a couple of shot choices that work against your momentum, most notably the shot of Harlow grabbing the air gun mid-descent. Whenever the action is moving in a particular direction, you should try to avoid using static straight-on angles, because they break up the visual flow of the scene and feel out of place. Pushing the dynamism and energy and motion of your figures and shot choices isn’t easy, so just keep it in mind as you’re penciling, “how could this panel be more dynamic?”

Your efforts in backgrounds are definitely noticed, and everyone will tell you they’re the hardest part of making comics. The deck of the floating city is particularly nice. It’s obvious that you put a lot of time into the city skylines, but they look too clean. In your next comic, try penciling the buildings with ruled lines, but then ink them freehand, at least for the most part. And loosen up with your details. Sometimes the best backgrounds are the ones where the details are just indicated, helping to pull the focus to the foreground characters, helping your backgrounds look less mechanical, and saving you a lot of time and work, to boot. Also, if you’re inking digitally, there’s no excuse for lumpy moons. Use the circle tool.

On a story note, it’s interesting that Harlow is an inventor, but he steals the gun from what appears to have been a school science fair? Maybe the “congratulations graduates” sign misled me. Regardless, it makes me wonder if he made the gun or what. Some additional narration or bit of dialogue would have easily cleared that up.

Can’t wait to see where you and Harlow go from here. Welcome to Void.

      Edited Apr 23 2018,  09:16 PM by Heathen

Julz
Artist
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338 comments
# 2   Posted: Apr 22 2018, 05:19 PM
this looks very nice! I love the concept of the character and his scifi background. I hope to see more and what you'll do with him in the future!

Desichan
Think Tank
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145 comments
# 1   Posted: Apr 22 2018, 05:12 PM
You're amazing, we're all so proud of you!

I can't wait to see what you accomplish on Void!

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Ended: Apr 29th, 2018
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