Φη vs. Niles Khairi

Φη vs. Niles Khairi

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Critiques & Comments
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Astrodile
Artist
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80 comments
# 14   Posted: Apr 11 2018, 07:24 AM
Thanks so much for the comments & critiques, y'all! All of them are greatly appreciated haha, I'll try to do better next time. :>

Sabulive
Artist
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131 comments
# 13   Posted: Apr 11 2018, 03:27 AM
Small heads up: I feel that a lot of the other comments have touched on the issues much better than I will so this is a lil sparse lol

Geeps: My numero uno issue that I find in this comic is that your noses are long; they take up quite a bit of space vertically in the face which doesn't give the mouth a lot of breathing room (lol). Shorten your noses a bit and move the mouths up and you'll have a better face,

Monstro: I just want to say that I am so down for Niles/Saab's main story/goal to be 'how do I feed my weird cat and not get caught'  storyline. You can get a few gags out of it. I also really really love the lil 'tch' Niles gives at the end; the teeth look so gooooood.

Overall, you both did so good! What you both excel at you ABSOLUTELY EXCEL AT and its a joy on the eyes. Great stuff!

Happy December 17th! -Reecer6
Artist
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224 comments
# 12   Posted: Apr 10 2018, 09:54 PM
Goddd, I love both these monsterfriends so much, and seeing them meet and talk is so great! Especially with the whole "we're both horrible monster people so we can talk on equal levels," I CANNOT STRESS HOW MUCH I DIG THAT. Gets right at my heart, give me more of that wholesome clandestine interaction, man.

Geeps specifically: i thought the third daughter of beelzebub's wide collection of skimpy outfits was gratuitous enough fanservice but DANG THAT GORE IS PHENOMENAL, I LOVE IT. <3 <3 <3

Dechado
Artist
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222 comments
# 11   Posted: Apr 10 2018, 09:41 PM
GPS: Dang. I missed your comics, love the way you do your inks. I'm glad my stomach was empty, because that was some gruesome way of making someone "dissapear".

Astrodile: I fail to see how this was incomplete, thought it looked pretty tidy. And speaking of tidy, those two pages from (what I assume is) the hotel room were pretty gore-geous to look at. The pacing after that was really nice, and I enjoyed the casual conversation these two seemed to be having.

Good work you two, what an interesting matchup.

Camel
Artist
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62 comments
# 10   Posted: Apr 10 2018, 08:34 PM
GPS: Talk about a gorefest! This has gotta be some of the grossest and dopest gore I've seen on the site ever, and although in a way, it does make this a bit of a "spectacle" comic, what a spectacle it is. Also helps evolve the character a lot - in the intro, she ate a womanizer, but in this one we're getting a glimpse into how twisted, methodical and horrifyingly blasé Φη really is. As always, your black and white balance in these monochrome comics is impeccable. My crit is that, I feel that Niles doesn't have a ton of agency in this comic - pretty much just a witness. A little more involvement between the two would've been nice.

Astro: Really great expressions here, and I quite enjoy the naturalistic way you draw characters. I will say, your grayscale is really intense in the latter half of this comic, and I think it could've used much more highlights (I know it's a rainy night, some streetlights woulda helped). I really enjoy the first two pages, something about such a change from a transaction to murder is fitting in a Φη battle.  Also, I too was a bit confused with the ending.

William_Duel
Community Manager
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896 comments
# 9   Posted: Apr 8 2018, 06:59 AM
Void does have this "Warning: EnterVOID.com is intended for mature audiences. Art and other materials will very likely be unsafe for work or small children. Proceed at your own risk."   But I agree that perhaps it can be more prominent and that's something that might merit further discussion if people aren't aware of it?

But anyways to the comics at hand.  
Geeps: Though I liked your intro, I feel like this comic worked a little better to establish what this character is about.  But that being said it does feel in some ways like a rehash.  "Here is the intro but better"  I like it in the sense that it gives me another puzzle piece to suss them out.  If this had been SDT and we were somehow paired up, I would not have known how to deal with your character.  Some basically anatomy pointers, you have a weakness when it comes to lithe male figures.  The proportions are off and don't really match the head size.  You should work on adding volume to those chests.  Think about the skeletal structure.  The sternum doesn't come down in a straight line.  That whole pleural cavity is like a big rounded sac so keep that in mind when drawing chests.  Elbows should come down by the hips.  And that's something that applies to both males and females.  You get away with it a bit when it comes to female figures because of how long you draw the body but it's also off.  

I liked the gore, pretty nicely detailed.  The only part I'm hung up on is the skull bits.  So page 5, that closeup of her face is all kinds of weird, whether it's the nose or the fact that her eye socket doesn't seem very affected by the fact that the eye is now missing.  It would have worked better for me if the flesh around it, the eyelids were following the motion of the eye being ripped out.  

Otherwise your storytelling is excellent.  You've got excellent flow, excellent linework and good balance of black and white.  I would be a little wary of how close the text comes to the sides of the word balloons but it's a bit of a nitpick.  I believe this is one of your strongest comics to date and I'm excited to see more.

Astrodile: You've got an impressive page count here.  Your style shines through strongly, and like it's been said, you're great at hands and at expressions.  I am assuming the victim in the comic is the guy on the first page.  I think?  It's a bit hard to tell.  The dialogue leads me to believe this but the composition and panel layout does not.  If it is that Phi has eaten Nile's contact, then there should have been some indication that time has passed.  Perhaps an added scene of Niles just barely missing Phi in a corridor as she goes in, eats person and leaves.  Unless your intention is that the two events are entirely unrelated?  Just a bit too vague for my tastes.

 I really liked page 4, but my nitpick here would be having the blank word balloons look like the same word balloons that are present throughout the rest of the comic just to better establish that they're chatting.  

Page 10 is the most impressive and I really love Phi's face in it.  

But after that there is something missing.  Did you cut out a page?  There is such a sudden jump between the events of page 10 to 11 that the storytelling comes to a screeching halt.  The last couple of pages is just a very confusing sequence of events.  I will also echo that this comic is very dark in palette, which is a problem many digital artists have.  They don't realize that the brightness of their screens doesn't translate well to everyone else.  So I'd be more careful about that.  

At this point I have a good sense of your storytelling style.  In some ways it reminds me of Bleach.  Tite Kubo is fond of using expressions and quiet interactions between characters to establish personality and depth.  But the weakness of this, we get more implication than we do confirmation of what's going on.  It's not a bad thing, in fact I think your voice is rather unique on this site and there's a lot to be said about that skill in displaying mood and expression.  But you are weak when it comes to forward progression.  I am also unclear as to what your character's journey is and I feel like I have a better sense of your character in your opponent's comics than your own.  I'm still very confused about the dual forms, what it means, what the purpose is, what it means for the character's situation, whether the personalities are separate in each form or not and so on.  You threw us an odd bone in the BB with the introduction of another possible character?  Or entity?  For me, I feel like that confused things more as your character is not yet fully established.  I hope with more comics this will become better established as time goes on.  

Futreblot
Artist
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91 comments
# 8   Posted: Apr 5 2018, 10:12 PM
GPS, your composition and anatomy are better than I can critique, amazing work though I am not a fan of gore and would prefer if this website believed in content warnings.
I will point out that your first two pages could use a little less tell and a little more show. Maybe that would mean splitting them into more or adding one more scene, something. But I have always found dialogue and narration move better if they cooperate with the visuals or come secondary to them.

Astrodile, love that style, very sharp. I’m not really sure what is happening when she is sucking on the blobby thing, or what that blobby thing is. Perhaps it is from a previous comic and I simply haven’t read it yet. Regardless, my point is less about what it is and more about that it was a bit confusing to not see her getting it from the box and it pulled me out of the experience near the end.

Both fun reads.

PyrasTerran
Community Manager
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1392 comments
# 7   Posted: Apr 4 2018, 09:51 PM
GPS: Nice, great visual work all around! You should have kept the "this place is too loud" line for the punchline of the first page though, at first I thought you had forgotten to write anything for the comic. We definitely have a very strong sense of the kind of character Phi is between this and the last comic, next time I'd like to see a twist added to the plot to avoid being "nonchalant unstoppable carnage" for too long

Astrodile: The things you're good at you're really good at, expressions, hands, I would like to see you pay more attention to your proportions as they fluctuate pretty wildly throughout the comic based on how near or far the characters are. It's also really dark, it's a strain to view; be mindful of using strong lights to help build your compositions even in dark scenes!

Kozispoon
Approval Committee
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940 comments
# 6   Posted: Apr 4 2018, 09:07 PM
GEEPS- Blood! guts! Viscera! Who knew gore could be so nasty with no colors? Those inks really drove home your payoff scenes. Your references and surgery viewing seems to have done you well. I found myself wincing panel to panel! I especially like this thing you have going where we never actually see the consumption- just a tantalizing silhouette of a pretty lady doing bad bad things. I think, story wise, you had momentum, but it petered off by the end. I honestly felt more invested in the poor victim than I did your opponent as he does little more than play peeping Tom.
Still, your inks are a joy to pore over, and it was great to allow those of us on discord a peek at your process. Considering the size you work at, its no wonder each panel was sumptuously detailed.

ASTRODILE- I love your style of inking. Especially hands. PAge 10 has to be one of the standout moments for me where Phi just looms over Niles and gets more intense, all the while, her hands steeple and gesticulate. LOVE IT.
In one of your more compelling moments I find myself pulled out of the build up you have going because suddenly your word bubbles disappear. Your black text against such a dark background made for a super difficult read.
Storytelling wise, I'm not really sure where we went. I liked the journey as it was very scenic, but I feel your comics tend to have this theme of- at least for me- leaving me puzzled by the interaction of the characters.

Desichan
Think Tank
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155 comments
# 5   Posted: Apr 4 2018, 09:54 AM
Geeps: I definitely agree with the gore being expertly crafted, however I honestly don't feel like there was any real point to the story. It doesn't seem like it had anything that it really felt like sharing, and it seemed like the entirety of the comic was focused towards lets put in some gore, and make something we can do that with, than anything else. It seemed like you had a bit of an intro, but not really a proper conclusion, and that just was a bit disappointing. The art is absolutely great, I don't have any criticisms on that, but I definitely think the story-telling is where this comic falls behind.

Astrodile: Really really sorry about all the tech issues you had, that has gotta suck. I love how you draw your opponent and I feel like the interactions are pretty neat, albeit I'm not really sure why the opponent's character got upset, but it was cute! I had a lot of fun reading your comic, and the flats, and later lack of much backgrounds didn't detract from my interest at all. Your comic was super great and congrats on your first battle!!!

Astrodile
Artist
icon
80 comments
# 4   Posted: Apr 4 2018, 08:10 AM
Apologies on my behalf for having an unfinished comic, y'all! I'll definitely try better next time.
But GOSH, Geeps, your comic looks fantastic!! 8DDD The gore is so tasteful, and I just adore the linework. Thanks so much for the battle! She was such a fun character to draw. :>

GPS-Device
Artist
icon
124 comments
# 3   Posted: Apr 2 2018, 02:52 AM
Alright, all submitted. First time I think I've ever finished this early, so that's weird.

Kozispoon
Approval Committee
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940 comments
# 2   Posted: Mar 21 2018, 10:13 AM
the monster mash!

Happy December 17th! -Reecer6
Artist
icon
224 comments
# 1   Posted: Mar 20 2018, 08:32 PM
yoooooo beautiful monster battleeeee

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 3 weeks
Ended: Apr 10th, 2018
Votes Cast: 26
Page Views: 3093
Winner: GPS-Device

 

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