Love Child Tag Team Death Tournament, Round 1 / Ari vs. Johanna

Love Child Tag Team Death Tournament, Round 1 — Ari vs. Johanna


1152 points
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1284 points
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Critiques & Comments
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Bobo
Web Dev
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863 comments
# 14   Posted: Mar 14 2018, 09:55 PM
Spoiler: reecer/fred • show
Having a mute character is always tricky, but I feel like the two of you took that and turned it into a beautiful practice in silent comics. Rather than trying to make up for Johanna's lack of speech by having Ari talk a LOT, you leaned in and just showed what was going on in Johanna's head through excellent imagery and composition. The linework felt a little wonky in places, but I feel like it fits the genre to be less precise or mathematical with backgrounds and proportions and stuff, so it's not a major distraction here. I honestly can't tell who did what for the most part (although it's pretty obvious that Fred did the coloring, or at least had a strong hand in it, and it's a style of coloring we've all come to know and love so well), but between the two of you, you created a really beautiful, natural slice-of-life comic with just a pinch of humor sprinkled throughout and an excellent punch line at the end. This was super creative and a joy to read!

Spoiler: scarywaves/bang • show
PAGE 3 THO. OMG. This is gonna be spoopy! So, now that I've read the whole comic, I'm pretty blown away by the writing. The art was a bit sketchy, with a lot of the backgrounds lacking detail, but the storytelling overall makes up for a lot of it. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time! I love the sort of montage of events at the beginning (were those Holden's premonitions???), page 3 was obviously a masterpiece, and the way you framed the story with the families at home talking with/about Johanna and Ari was so powerful. Holden as a father is a powerful story point as much as he's a terrible father figure. Bugs talking about sex is gross. Worrying about two different girls, each of whom is in trouble in VERY different ways,
 is such a relatable, human experience. Knowing just how bad the situation actually is, especially the dramatic irony of it, is so powerful. And despite my complaints about the art being a bit lacking in places, it did an amazing job of telling the story it represented. The violence FELT violent. The quiet moments FELT quiet. The warmth of Ari's home and the coldness of Johanna's was palpable and real. Just... amazing job, you too! I really want to see this story progress. I mean, part of me wants it to STOP IMMEDIATELY, but most of me is compelled to want to know what happens next.

Shen
Global Moderator
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1236 comments
# 13   Posted: Mar 14 2018, 09:45 PM
Ari: Loved the art! You guys collab really well! I don't at all mind slower paced, slice of life comics, not everything has to be super epic but I think the issue here is that you both are really good at dialogue, and Johanna is mute, so you didn't get to write any. I think it could have been improved if you'd found more ways for the characters to interact with each other, maybe Johanna becoming increasingly frustrated as she has to keep saving Ari from premonitions of death, or something. i loved the pacing and your very cute character!

Johanna: It did take me a minute to recognize that the first page was a premonition, even with Holden saying it. I think what possibly might have helped is if you'd more like, repeated the panels from the premonition- we see her staring at her hands then looking up at "someone" saying "nice jacket", so you could have drawn it the same way (without the red filter) and it may have read a bit easier. THAT ASIDE I love how chilling this is, how wretched a girl Johanna is, also her cute brother lol. The pacing is excellent, I love the creeping sensation of unease that slowly builds. Spooky! Johanna is one of my favorites of the whole tourney, cant wait to see where she goes from here!

ArtsandGoodies
Think Tank
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97 comments
# 12   Posted: Mar 13 2018, 08:01 PM
Team Ari: I think the issue with this comic wasn’t that it was pedestrian but that there was next to no interaction between the characters. Most of the time they weren’t even in the panel together or directly interacting with each other, they were often just seeing what the other one was doing from a distance without really interacting with them. Neither character really affects what the other character does in this comic which I think is the core of this problem and the TL; DR of this crit.
Some things that could have been different is maybe Ari was trying to talk with Johanna but not giving her a chance to write responses thus making her get more and more annoyed till she just starts drinking the poison drink. Or she could have just ignored Ari and went straight for the fridge drinking the entire comic only finding. Another fun thing that could have been done is have Johanna physically hold up word bubbles she wrote out. Basically I think you both may have wanted to try and find ways to get more dialogue and interaction in this comic since that is the strong point for both you.
Also for these types of comics in death battles where one character just ends up dying anticlimactically the best example of this is Herself versus Cutiemark. In that one the death isn’t actually an important part of the comic since right from the beginning we know cutiemark was dying of terminal illness. Basically getting the death out of the way in the comic and us knowing how exactly they will die by the end is a good way to make it so the death really isn’t an important part of the story. Rather you can focus more on the character interactions and what happens and how they deal with the obvious death.

Team Johanna: I had to reread this a bunch of times to fully understand what was going on, maybe cause I’m slow I guess. So I think I finally understand the order of events. Ari goes out to go to a party, meets Johanna, runs from johanna to samantha’s party, Johanna is already there and killed everyone at the party, kills ari. The part that had me confused was all the stuff related to the party. How did Johanna get there first when she had no idea who samantha was or even where the party was besides being in district 8?  Why did samantha assume she was with ari when at the time she had nothing to do with her? At first I was thinking Ari was killed by Johanna before she went to the party and proceed to kill everyone there. Basically the whole plot point with the party added more confusion and when I figured it out i wasn’t able to suspend my sense of disbelief that Johanna got to this party she didn’t know about before ari to kill her, I also have a couple other questions about the scenario but that’s just being over the top and missing the point. The part with her getting to samantha’s party just felt like horror for horror’s sake. I think it may have more sense if she had run home and abandoned the idea of a party (I think it makes more sense to run back home instead of a party when you see someone over a puddle of blood) johanna was there and already murdered her parents with their conversation happening right before they hear a knock on the door thinking it’s Ari. I think it would have made the tragedy more impactful and the scenario more scary, Yea it would of still had the issue of how did Johanna know how to get there but I do think the impact of the tragedy and horror would have outweighed that. I’m being nitpickey but I think part of that is because I had to reread this comic a couple times to fully understand the order of events and when it took me that time to see it I noticed the parts of the story where it unraveled a bit.

PyrasTerran
Community Manager
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1386 comments
# 11   Posted: Mar 13 2018, 10:39 AM
Team FredReecer: You guys are among my favorite writers on the site but this comic felt quite tame and low energy even by Fred's regular slice of life standards. Even the death at the end got hit too hard with a non sequitur bathos amalgam (completely unrelated booze death, "cardiac arrest is such a drag") to take seriously or really feel much of anything when combined with a story where nothing happens. I think that's what it comes down to at the end; you guys have used these pedestrian and anticlimactic elements before to much greater effect in past comics, with stories where something actually happened of more particular interest. Maybe it needed more conflict between the two characters, or more bonding, just more of something. I really wanted to like this comic more but it simply lacked or was just a misfire concept.

Team ScarywavesBangarang: Hey i actually got a little spooked congrats~ The art's a little wonky here and there, try to see what you can do about melding styles in a way that stays consistent throughout, I do feel the "two artists working on different pages" feel from some of the content here and you wanna achieve "two artists working on all pages".

William_Duel
Community Manager
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894 comments
# 10   Posted: Mar 8 2018, 05:45 PM
I read the comics before the comments.  Not gonna crit right now but my gut wants to say that I actually liked how 'pedestrian' Team Ari's comic was.  Makes it different.

Fred v2.0.1
Artist
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464 comments
# 9   Posted: Mar 8 2018, 02:03 PM
Has nobody read any of our comics? How is this not EXACTLY what you should have expected from us? XD
Pedestrian and anticlimactic is our JAM, son, get with the program!

Alouisse Ver
Artist
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33 comments
# 8   Posted: Mar 8 2018, 01:23 PM

Team Ari:

The good:

+ I loved the colors and the way the linework complimented it. This comic had me feeling all warm and fuzzy with its looks.
+ The visuals are great! Not much to say there.

+ The two of you work well together, and with some more practice and working with one another, you two will be great.

The critiques:

+ I have to agree with previous critiques. If this was a regular battle, then this comic would be great. For a death tournament... there should be more UMF in the death.

There's not much else to say because others have already said it.

Good job overall!

-----------------------------

Team Johanna:

Spoopy.

The good:

+ I loved the feeling of suspense in the later pages. It definitely builds up, and you can really feel the impending doom for Ari.

+ I'm legit interested in Johanna and am curious in seeing how the rest of her story plays out.

The critiques:

+ Lettering. (Example, Page 4) I just wish the typesetting was done neater for this page, as well as just some tidying up for other speech bubbles throughout the comic.

+ There's also just the tidying of the balloon tails. Some of the lines stray farther than they need to within the balloons that should be erased. (Example, Page 5)

+ More consistency. I have to agree with the previous critiques on style fluctuations, but I'm hoping the workflow gets steamed out as the tournament progresses.

Kozispoon
Approval Committee
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940 comments
# 7   Posted: Mar 8 2018, 11:25 AM
TEAM ARI-I like this comic if it was a regular battle, but for the purposes of a tournament, it just didn't really jive. I may be alone in this, but a tournament, especially a death tournament comes with an expectation of something explosive. Yet of all the battles, this one seems slightly pedestrian. Even the cool smoky explosion of death and gloom on page 5 felt muted by the word bubble. I'm almost sure it was meant for comedic effect but I guess I was looking more for a punch.


TEAM JOHANNA- I like this slow burn. This building creeping of dread and spookiness you managed between the two of you. I personally liked the fact the world and people around Johanna was doing the exposition for us as the events played out meanwhile. While I agree there are some art fluctuations, its only the first round. I fully understand finding your feet and figuring out how you two meld together. Story wise, I think you're on point.
You really set the mood- I'm hoping if you go on to the next round to maintain it and make it SPOOPIER.

Jiisuri
Artist
icon
129 comments
# 6   Posted: Mar 8 2018, 10:26 AM
Team Ari:
Well. That happened I guess. Not really feeling this one at all, felt like a pointless comic of a sequence of events happening that became lethal for no reason at all. Art was pretty ok I guess, if a bit wonky and inconsistent in places, and I could probably attribute it to both of you being unfamiliar with team work between you two.

Team Johanna:
Yeah you guys need to work on the workflow between you two because wow that's quite a fluctuation of quality there. It is, however, a good attempt at building up an atmosphere and feeling of very grim tragedy that escalates over time. My only gripe is linked to the quality fluctuation that makes the comic hard to read at times. Nothing some practice can't solve though.

Desichan
Think Tank
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145 comments
# 5   Posted: Mar 8 2018, 09:07 AM
Fred and Reecer: Your guys's comic was nice, but I kinda agree a bit with Radji on the story seeming pretty ordinary. It was still neat, but it just felt like there was nothing super there to grab your attention and make ya look. The art was really nice though, this comic has a way of choosing palettes that seem like things I could personally never think of, and just pulling it off fantastically! I feel like if there's one thing I'd wish for, it's more varied line quality, I feel like most the lines have roughly the same width, and I feel like if you pushed that it'd be even greater than it already is!

Scary and Bangarang: Haha this is a comic I'm definitely not showing my parents. I feel like you did a great job showcasing this as creepily as you could, and I was super duper impressed with that creepy page. I wasn't 100% sure I'd read onward, because of that one panel near the start, but I'm glad I saw past it and did so because this comic was really neat! I loved how you portrayed Ari's daily life, and all the cute little background details were super nice! I feel like your guys's coloring could use some work, as a number of colors clash, but it still has this really nice charm to it! That end hints at Johanna getting a cute design change, and not gonna lie, I am curious where you'll go with that!

Radji
Artist
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468 comments
# 4   Posted: Mar 8 2018, 08:43 AM
FredReec: Death by domestic accidents gotta be the more hilarious way to go in a death tournament. But the two characters seemed... a bit bland. I guess the story seems to ordinary? But is that a bad thing?

ScrayBang: Yeesh what an unholy child. You two really played the psycho card. The opposition of the tragedy of Ari's murder is cherry on top of the blood pudding.

Desichan
Think Tank
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145 comments
# 3   Posted: Feb 21 2018, 04:44 PM
Good luck you guys!! >w</

Shen
Global Moderator
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1236 comments
# 2   Posted: Feb 21 2018, 03:53 PM
Witches an Buggos! i cant wait to see how this turns out!!

yarnwitch
Think Tank
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217 comments
# 1   Posted: Feb 21 2018, 03:16 PM
AHHHHHH I am so excited to see both these lovebabies in action! Good luck you four!

Comic Details -

 
Type: Death Match
Drawing Time: 2 weeks
Ended: Mar 14th, 2018
Votes Cast: 32
Page Views: 510
Winner: ScaryWaves and !bangarang!

 

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