Navy vs. Avery Mann

Navy vs. Avery Mann


563 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8Page 9Page 10Page 11Page 12



536 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3




Critiques & Comments
Please register or log in to comment


Bobo
Web Dev
icon
860 comments
# 12   Posted: Jan 22 2018, 08:44 AM
@rittzler: You definitely could have used some more time on this to clean it up, but you at least have some solid pencil/sketch work here. It's fun seeing Navy in such a mundane setting after seeing her kick ass with her sci-fi kit. I loved the moment where the bartender "went to go get" the owner, and Avery's being "extra" at the end. I feel like a lot of the story could have been trimmed down, however. With the minimal amount of resistance between Avery's request and Navery's acceptance, you probably could have just cut to the chase once they got inside the room, and you probably could have cut out some of the panels leading up to that. I'd definitely challenge you to look for ways to simplify your stories in the future to give them a bit more punch. Of course, there are times when drawing it out can add drama or a sense of time passing, but in general, try to edit down when you can. I love Navy and can't wait to see more!

@GPS: Sucks that you couldn't ink that last page, because it was visually quite strong up until that point. Your pencils are still good, though, and didn't take away from the story. I think I would have liked a bit more to the story, and if you win this battle I hope you follow through with more of this storyline in the future. I especially like the idea of Navy being part of a new wave of good guys in VOID. There's something exciting about a new generation of artists contributing to VOID's collection of heroes (and I know Rittz isn't _that_ new anymore, but I've been around since 2005 so he's new enough to me haha).

Looking forward to more from these two, regardless of who wins! I want to see follow-through on these plots!

Alouisse Ver
Artist
icon
33 comments
# 11   Posted: Jan 21 2018, 05:44 PM
First off, good work to the both of you! It's inspiring to see what works can be done within a week. I love that the two of you seem to be on the same page story-wise with Navy joining/helping the NVCPD.

Rittzler: Enjoyed reading your comic! I really liked the character interaction between Avery and Navy, and if you choose to pursue this storyline, then I gotta say that I'd be interested in reading more of this.

As others have stated, more variation in line-weight and just a little cleanup with the artifacts would really make these pages sing more.

GPS-Device: Short, sweet, and to the point! I really dig your linework. Incredibly crisp. Not much else to say. We already know the state of the last page. But glad you were able to finish the pencils so we could get the full story. :)

Good work to the both of you. I enjoyed reading this!

Happy September 24th! -Reecer6
Artist
icon
216 comments
# 10   Posted: Jan 20 2018, 04:40 PM
Good job on both of you for submitting nice, (mostly) complete comics!! Both for Geeps, working past that hand problem that I feel incredible sympathy for and I hope you can get something there alleviated soon ;_;, and for Rittz, because I know you've been having troubles getting yourself to complete something for a while now.

Geeps: Real solid linework and pencils! Don't have much to comment on, it's a very satisfactory comic! Props to making your stacking-small-panels-on-the-left so easily readable. The relevance of the first page to the rest is kinda tenuous, I guess? I assume Navy is a civilian who just sees this man and goes to help, but it's glossed over and could do with an extra line of dialogue if that's the case.

Rittz: Super impressive for just a one-week!!! I had to check to make sure this wasn't extended, but no, it is just a week. The thick lines and extensive utilization of spot blacks throughout the comic are a bit overwhelming. They fit in the middle of the story, but not really in the rest of it. On the plus side, they look very nice and swanky shrunk down in the preview images. The plot is essentially the same as Geeps', except with a very nice extra scene and the ability to run through your own storyline with Navy without really invoking the NVCPD much more, which I look forwards to, if that's your plan!

Radji
Artist
icon
463 comments
# 9   Posted: Jan 20 2018, 03:36 PM
Rittz: i will always be amazed by the amount of pages you're able to pull off. Liked the interactions between Navy and Avery. Good god the healing part i laughed so hard cuz i couldn't help but imagine avery then telling what happened at HQ and Marie and Gwen going : "you DO know we can heal too, right?"

GPS: NUUUUUUUUH not finished !!! aww, the comic had such a good start. I wanna see more of Avery.

Corn Of The Breads
Think Tank
icon
120 comments
# 8   Posted: Jan 20 2018, 04:56 AM
Man both of these comics were great and I am laughing at the fact they both end in a restaurant

Rittz you did a good job I feel the spot blacks are a bit fragmented and have some noticeable artifacts in some spots that I feel you were in a hurry to do more so than other parts of the comic, I feel with experience doing more comics you will find a range of page count you are more comfortable with to get done in lawded amounts of time and figure out where to push yourself. I think your strongest aspect is you showed a lot of actions of the characters about what they want rather than just talking about it.

GPS this comic looks amazing and these backgrounds look great! it is a shame you didnt get to finish the story has a lot of its fat trimmed which I think works to your advantage but the comic does feel low energy. Over all an Amazing comic

You both did an amazing job and this is one of the closests comic battles Ive seen in a long time.

Julz
Artist
icon
337 comments
# 7   Posted: Jan 18 2018, 08:54 AM
Rittz- your lines are very thick and there is very little variation in line width making your work appear to be muddy and sloppy. Could have been avoided by using a slightly smaller radius perhaps, or going back through and adjusting line widths and cleaning up.  Your poses, anatomy and expressions all look great, just wish you could have made them cleaner. Alot of the dialogue felt forced for conflict like the whole bit with the cigarette burn.  I agree with G.Lo about condensing pages down and cutting down. Less pages = more time to work on lines and cleanup. Try getting a friend to read the dialogue and see if they have any input. I also really enjoy Navy booty.

GPS: Not much happens huh. I like the new coat. Your dialogue is almost too short and a tad uninteresting. Wish there was more to it.

      Edited Jan 18 2018,  08:55 AM by Julz

G.Lo
Artist
icon
71 comments
# 6   Posted: Jan 17 2018, 01:21 PM
RITTZ:
You're stealing my heart with those blacks, dude <3 I really like how you stepped them up and really let the shadows convey your mood. On that note however, your outlines had no line variation so I felt like it detracted from your shadow blacks. I know you only had a week to get this done, so I understand it being rushed with that page count-but that leads me to my next point.

You and GPS essentially told the same story (which I'm totes fine with) except I feel like GPS was able to convey the same thing using only 3 pages. You gave us a lot of information that went no where because the point of this tale (that conveyed to me) was to establish their relationship.   I was lost with the zombie bit- especially when Avery hands the photo over and wE DON'T EVEN GET TO SEE. WHAT HECK. But yeah, that whole bit just seemed unnecessary to the story and ya lost me there.

This was ambitious of you to get this many pages done in a damn week, and I commend you for your efforts!

GPS:
Nice to see that you were able to convey this story in three pages. I always have a problem with cutting back on pages and I feel like you conveyed all the information we needed to know in this page count. I am sad that it isn't finished though- only being 3 pages.

I like your delicate lines but same issue with Rittz, you don't have much of any line variation so everything feels like it's on the same plane and ultra flat.

You did a fantastic job with expressions. I really liked them! I also really liked the pacing of the last page, too. The composition of it turned out nicely!

Great job guys!

yarnwitch
Artist
icon
203 comments
# 5   Posted: Jan 17 2018, 01:11 AM
Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. This is great!

rittzler
Artist
icon
8 comments
# 4   Posted: Jan 15 2018, 11:40 PM
don't expect anything cool ok

my eyes hurt

Astro Sean
Think Tank
icon
280 comments
# 3   Posted: Jan 9 2018, 08:25 AM
Oh fuck, this is gonna be a gnarly match!

JayKat
Artist
icon
336 comments
# 2   Posted: Jan 8 2018, 01:41 PM
YEESSS

Good luck you two!

Happy September 24th! -Reecer6
Artist
icon
216 comments
# 1   Posted: Jan 8 2018, 01:37 PM
avery versus navery

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Jan 22nd, 2018
Votes Cast: 30
Page Views: 446
Winner: rittzler

 

Add to Playlist -

 
 

Newest Comments -

 
Desichan icon

Nothin vs. Mister Kent
@ 6:58 PM Sep 21st

yarnwitch icon

Intro Story
Kot

@ 5:50 PM Sep 21st

BoogidiBzdo icon

Sumiko Nakatomi vs. Egg Dealer
@ 10:34 AM Sep 6th

 

Newest Characters -

 
KotSister KiteriaGhostThe Abominable Dr. HoangAshlanEgg DealerAstroleoAzu FloresSehemaThe ProfessorsTiffanyShmagic
 

Open Challenges -


Random Comic -



Latest Topics -

 
Challenges Thread 
Last updated: Pita - Today at 11:49 AM
Post Apocalypse Jam: Redux (CAUTION: NSFW 18+ INSIDE) 
Last updated: Hellis - Sep 23, 2018, 06:00 AM
All News, All The Time 
Last updated: Staff Bot - Sep 19, 2018, 10:18 PM
SilverBlaze's Incubation pod 
Last updated: ArtsandGoodies - Sep 14, 2018, 09:54 PM
INTRODUCE YOURSELF 
Last updated: MightyMayhem - Sep 14, 2018, 04:38 PM
 

Latest Members -


Users online -

 
17 Guests, 0 Users


Most Online Today: 76.
Most Online Ever: 1,050 (Aug 30, 2015, 03:43 AM)

 

Original site Copyright 2002-2017 Kevin Birtcher All characters and content Copyright 2002-2017 their respective owners Theme by SMFTricks - Modified by Brittney Scott & Jordan Bobo