Clash of the Chitin: Round 1 / Veevee Scoops vs. Hellgrammite

Clash of the Chitin: Round 1 — Veevee Scoops vs. Hellgrammite


519 points
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635 points
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Critiques & Comments
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Desichan
Artist
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138 comments
# 14   Posted: Nov 21 2017, 08:58 AM
Thanks everyone for all the helpful criticism, I'm gonna do my best moving forward, to improve as much as I can! Looking back, there was a lot I could've improved on, especially with the overall story, and layouts of this comic, but I think the 1 week deadline, and external stress really got to me.

One thing I will say is, I'm actually a bit proud of myself with this battle, I tried lots of new things, especially when it came to lighting, and I have literally never drawn anything close to as dynamic as a battle before, and while I feel like this could've gone a lot better, and I have a lot to improve on, I'm actually glad I managed to get it as good as I did. I hope that it was enjoyable for some of you to read!

I'm gonna do my best to get better! Thank you guys again for the critiques!

Congrats on your win, Yarn! You totally deserved it! >w<b Good luck in your next battle!

4P
Artist
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114 comments
# 13   Posted: Nov 20 2017, 09:40 PM
Desi:  I would probably suggest looking at some fight scenes from some action films or a more action oriented animated series, study them a bit see how they work and all that.

Yarn:  There isn't much I can say, but damn if that wasn't a more brutal end I've seen out of all of your comics.

Happy October 15th! -Reecer6
Artist
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218 comments
# 12   Posted: Nov 20 2017, 08:47 PM
Desi: It's cute, definitely, but yeah, I'd be echoing a lot of the previous comments! The action is ambitious, but it really requires being able to firmly put people in space and communicate that, which is something you've struggled with, as well as depicting and establishing motion, which I don't feel like you've had much experience at all with. So, definitely keep at it! I feel like this comic also have some sort of inconsequentiality to it that Yarn's doesn't, despite them both being isolated death matches, which doesn't feel the best.

Yarn: Yoooo, this is super solid! I especially love the water effects, even if I'm sure they were super simple to do. Everything's really nicely emphasized and paced in the action, except the springing from the water bit that everyone else mentioned which I was confused about at first.

Flutterbyes
Artist
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145 comments
# 11   Posted: Nov 20 2017, 03:38 PM
Desichan: In some of these panels, the colors and contrasts work nicely, and I love when you played with the colored lighting during the murder. In others, though, Veevee doesn't quite reach the eyes the way Hellgrammite does. Veevee looks great against a very dark background, but the more medium tones cause her to become washed out. I wonder if there's a way to go darker and higher contrast with Veevee and still maintain the feel of those colors no matter what she's standing next to. Also, the movement is a little stiff. Cartoony characters like these beg for strong action poses.

Yarnwitch: Personally, I find the "Death Tournament is actually a thing" narrative a little weird when it pops up, but for a race of toxic bug people who must earn their wings, I think it works, especially when it ends with taking the wings of a slain opponent! I love that ending. I think the staging of the action could be improved a bit to improve readability, maybe use the silhouette test.

zee
Artist
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122 comments
# 10   Posted: Nov 16 2017, 12:26 PM
Man, the colors in these are one of my favorite parts about both of your guys' comics.

Desi -
One thing that stood out to me is that in the first and second page the fish is nearly the exact same color as Hellgrammite's shirt. I would suggest you try using different colors for separate objects, especially ones that appear "in front of" the character, so that they become instantly readable.
You also seem to be set on using the speech bubbles with white line borders, which I am not against, but I think these could be done in a way that makes the borders less distracting. I'll message you personally and we can discuss.
ALL OF THAT ASIDE, great effort here! Your art is absolutely adorable and super fun- and you do a great job drawing the characters. I still looooove Veevee and hope we can work together on something in the future!


Yarn -
I'm going to bring up the "movement" in this comic since it's the only thing I can think to critique. Going directly from the last panel on page 4 to the first panel in 5, I think a shot of Hellgrammite LEAPING DRAMATICALLY out of the water at Veevee would have been a great way to kick start the battle that ensues. Keep in mind ways to get us HYPED for all that action! That, in my opinion, would really help with momentum. Also, in action panels especially, imagine the silhouettes of the characters. Your poses are usually dynamic and I love that, but sometimes limbs, props, and entire characters overlap in ways that make things slower to read (this is something I struggle with as well). These are the only things that break the flow that I can see.
I really like how you managed to give us a solid story set up in just the first page, leaving the rest open for the action, great way to manage the page count. I'd really like to learn more about Hellgrammite and this world she exists in, it's quite interesting so far!

Awesome job you guys, good luck to you both!

Pita
Artist
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132 comments
# 9   Posted: Nov 16 2017, 09:16 AM
DESI- Most of the advice I would give you has already been stated, so I'll jump right to the part that bugged me--pardon the pun.
Veevee's local color palette stands out from the rest of the comic, and it looks like she's disconnected from the action.  When you can, play around with palettes and see what you can get for a more unified looking comic.  Either incorporate some of her colors into the environment or adapt her colors, and I think your future comics with Veevee will look much nicer.

YARN- I'm gonna repeat Barrel's critique for a little bit here--the pacing was really quick in the time Hellgrammite was underwater.  You could use an extra page to extend the silence or be real brutal, depending on if you want your opponent to be confident in her kill (just walk away before the surprise attack), or double-tap (randomly stab the water with her weapon "just in case").

Hellis
Artist
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157 comments
# 8   Posted: Nov 15 2017, 11:03 AM
Desi: I am gonna echo Pyras here. Look into some action comics. Conveying movements and position is very important to make your action comics dynamic. But keep working on it. I love your designs and your sense of color.

Yarn: Welp. I have a favorite charachter for certein now. The quality of this was honestly better then I expected and I already had high hopes. You are clearly finding your stride with the digital, and man do I hope Hell grab more trophies along the way.

PyrasTerran
Community Manager
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1377 comments
# 7   Posted: Nov 14 2017, 03:25 PM
@Desichan: Cute and simple but maybe a little too simple, for an action comic it's really important that you make scenes legible, I recommend you read up on some action comics and research the techniques/compositions to better visualize what's going on. I didn't get to say this in the last comic you churned out but I think you are using too many shiny spots on characters. Don't forget these shiny spots are logically coming from a light source, you want to consider where that light source is and have a controlled set of shiny spots reflecting off that

@yarnwitch: This level of quality from you, after only a few pages from Miwesa battles, is blowing my mind! I don't know what you're doing to improve so incredibly but keep-it-up

Radji
Artist
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464 comments
# 6   Posted: Nov 14 2017, 12:18 PM
Desi: the cute maiac buggo has something going on for her, that's sure, but the action was a bit confuse, but i figures that it is something it should works on in a general manner, otherwise that killy lady has class

Yarn: That lil survivor has me rooting for her !! Third page was a bit confuse for me, I first thought she got her head pierced.

Barrel
Artist
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13 comments
# 5   Posted: Nov 14 2017, 10:54 AM
I'm so glad you two got things done. Both of these are pretty solid!! That being said..

Desi,

I love this little bug to death. You cranked out a pretty interesting round and the exchange between the two characters admittedly got a chuckle out of me. Related to backgrounds, I personally like using a small space and getting the most out of it and I feel you did it pretty well. I'd really like to see you start pushing your positioning in fight scenes like this. Give us some dramatic angles and don't be afraid to look up references from your favorite fights on Void and in media. Another thing is that I think giving your speech bubbles borders would have really helped clean up your pages a bit, and I'm not personally a fan of the dashes along the brim. Veevee is super cute, and I love that she hates bugs.

Yarn,

Lookit you go, Yarn. I wasn't expecting something so brutal out of you, not gonna lie. I think one of my main critiques is that the beginning is /very/ text heavy. I would have honestly stretched it out over another page and dedicated a bit of time to really show off those memory panels, because they turned out good! You also really like to make your text big, and I think you could shrink a fair bit of it down to make more room for the art, because you've got a nice style going on and I'd love to see more of it. As a fan of beetles, I appreciate the nod to their ability to breathe under water, but it threw me a little when she said 'time to wait' and is shown popping out the next page. Perhaps a shot of Veevee getting closer from Hella's perspective in the water. She rocks those wings, and I'm always a fan of taking trophies from your opponents in these things.

You both did amazing, regardless of the outcome and I hope you two keep getting into fights and causing trouble for everyone.

Desichan
Artist
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138 comments
# 4   Posted: Nov 14 2017, 08:52 AM
Asfhghgfgasl 10/10 best comic Yarn, omg that was super duper duper amazing! OwO///// I love the way you drew everything, and my character looked so cute in your comic! Ah that was really amazing!!!

Good luck with the tournament!!! >w<b And wow good job making something so amazing!

Desichan
Artist
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138 comments
# 3   Posted: Nov 8 2017, 07:42 PM
Agreed! >w</

Let's both do our very bestest!

yarnwitch
Artist
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203 comments
# 2   Posted: Nov 8 2017, 07:13 PM
This is going to be so fun~!

zee
Artist
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122 comments
# 1   Posted: Nov 6 2017, 05:49 PM
Two of the cutest bugs doing battle!!
I look forward to (with much sadness) seeing them murder each other!

Comic Details -

 
Type: Speed Death Tournament Match
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Nov 20th, 2017
Votes Cast: 30
Page Views: 434
Winner: yarnwitch

 

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