Under New Management 2017, Round 2 / Itami vs. Mol

Under New Management 2017, Round 2 — Itami vs. Mol


538 points
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by Radji


545 points
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Critiques & Comments
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Radji
Artist
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463 comments
# 14   Posted: Nov 8 2017, 12:04 AM
that battle took a lot out of me, and while it didn't really turn out as I wanted (what's with all the experimentation I did on that one) i'm still glad that it did pay off.
thx so,much y'all for your comments. and Big ups to ABI for this round, it was challenging to battle him

JayKat
Artist
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336 comments
# 13   Posted: Nov 7 2017, 07:37 PM
ABI —

Everyone’s already said their piece regarding the story. But I definitely agree that it felt like a rehash of the first round and Mol feeling like a completely different character altogether that she is just about unrecognisable. And the wine battle between them definitely felt one-sided with little to no risks taken to make things more interesting.

The scenery and colours were really nice and vibrant, and I particularly like how you rendered the cherry blossom trees and chilled grapes effect. Still there is that overly glossy look to the colouring, just something about it doesn’t sit right with me. It’s not easy to pull off a soft cell shade and sometimes it can end up looking plastic. And in this case, it did unfortunately. Maybe try out a simple cell shade without the soft brush look and see if it helps make a difference.

RADJI —

Likewise, the story didn’t grab me. And while I’m glad you took the time to explain what this potion’s really done to Mol and all, I kinda wish it was already done in the first round. That, and unfortunately I’m not keen on NPC Gale myself for reasons that the others have already mentioned earlier. But anywho, see where this goes next.

I really like the colour scheme you used, and the spot blacks are always a BIG bonus in my book. I’d love to see you try out more limited colour palettes in the future, experiment with it more.


Majikura
Artist
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461 comments
# 12   Posted: Nov 3 2017, 02:14 PM
ABI: Your composition is incredibly weak.  You've got a basic four tiered panel structure for every page except the second, which gives all panels equal emphasis and makes them totally undynamic.  The panels themselves have a lot of negative space that could have been used for more interesting panels (Page 3 is the worst offender).  That temple bell was supposed to be her winning strategy, but it's shoved into a tiny little panel squeezed within even more text, that should have gotten a whole page to itself.

Radji: Your panel composition is better than Abi's, but your story pacing is horrendous.  Your story is basically 9 pages of exposition to explain Mol's current condition, while waiting for the next comic to resolve anything.  I am actually getting sick of people using cliffhangers to justify not finishing their stories.  In order to leave people wanting for more you need to actually give them something, and the only thing you gave was fan service to one person.  Itami barely had any presence and the battle seemed to be more focused on Mol and Odin.  To pace this better There should have been at least two more pages of fighting, and no intervention from Gale so Itami doesnt have to fight for screen time against a cameo who got more attention (Gale even gets a full body establishment shot where Itami doesnt)

Rikun
Artist
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70 comments
# 11   Posted: Nov 2 2017, 02:55 PM
Not gonna lie I had a blast with both of these. That said, it's time to lay down the crits!

ABI: I'm enjoying the mixologist approach with Itami and I love seeing the ways you incorporate her kung fu into her mixing methods. I also feel that your drawing style and your sense of humor plays well with Itami's character so I'm happy to see you handling her. That said, a couple of the peeps before me already pointed out how predictable and repetitive the formula can get as well as Mol being OOC. I've been blasted numerous times for the same things, so if you move to the final round see how you can shake things up. Again I've been loving your take on Itami and if you ever want to expand upon it please be my guest. I hope you don't mind if in the future I incorporate some of your ideas into future stories!

Radji: It's interesting to see you develop a berserker arc for Mol and I'm intrigued to see where it goes next whether or not you move onto the next round. It's hard for me to say anything super-unique at this point since everybody before me has pretty much covered it, but it's obvious that you've got a plan going. I'm not quite sure how Odin translates to being a crazed sex demon or if it's just a case of Mol becoming a creature of pure instinct, so maybe you could've clarified that a bit more. Other than that, it seems like you're on your way.

No matter who wins I with the best for the both of you. And maybe if one moves on, the other will have a BB to work with! Good luck to the both of you!

Alouisse Ver
Artist
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33 comments
# 10   Posted: Nov 1 2017, 01:41 PM
Both: GODDAMNx3 Beautiful work in the art department. I'm floored with how much the two of you were able to put down to paper in just 2 weeks. Beautiful line and color work. Just freaking STUNNING.

------------------------------

By a Bad Idea:

You come to MY event. Trash MY wine, and not expect hands to be thrown? Honey no.

I'm saying I like the rivalry between the two characters. There's something about two characters hashing it out over something they're both passionate about that really tickles my fancy.

- Although Itami does dig into Mol real hard. I'm surprised Mol just ended up taking most of the digs into her on that last page without much of a fight or even trying to defend her honor.

- Three months time to create a pinot noir kept being repeated. So I'm slightly confused as to how Itami was able to create hers in six months. Unless there was just a quick slip in typing numbers. Which I totally get happens sometimes.

+ Overall, not much to say that hasn't been thoroughly dug into by Pyras or others.

+ Art was fantastic, story premise was good, and I enjoyed reading it :)

------------------------------

Radji:

 LOVE LOVE LOVE this! I'm in love with how you've drawn this. And even more so with this story. I'm INVESTED with it and I'm seriously eagerly waiting to know what happens next.

+ I seriously like the direction this comic is going now compared to the first round. Major improvement there.

+I love the color palette you chose for this.

+ I really don't have much to say but praise. I echo all the positive words that have been previously said.

+ Looking forward to seeing where this goes!

      Edited Nov 1 2017,  01:41 PM by Alouisse Ver

PyrasTerran
Community Manager
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1377 comments
# 9   Posted: Oct 31 2017, 06:17 PM
ABI: Damn I'm sorry I really wanted to like this comic but I did not... The comic fell for me hard with both the plot and the characterization.
plot: I'm ok with an episodic approach but there's very little from this plot that is different from the last, it's "Character: I know what's what about liquor // Itami: oh no you don't // character: Oh I guess I don't" Because the story is so deeply rooted in competitive anime tropes, once the wager was set between the two I knew exactly how it was gonna turn out, Itami would win out in one fell swoop surprising everyone with her flawlessly executed wine wisdom. With nothing left to guess of what was gonna happen next, the rest of the comic just dragged hardcore, and no amount of wine-making explanations was enough to get me back into it. Itami's physical exertion wasn't enough to make up for a lack of internal struggle/triumph against her opponent
characterization: I'm not saying it's bad to try new things with a character, but this version of Mol is practically unrecognizable; gone is the foul-mouthed, socially challenged deadbeat with 99 problems for this charismatic wine aficionado, it ended up being a bad surprise for me to see such a radically different take. Itami in some ways has it worse off though; after the wager I found myself rooting for Mol and I found Itami insufferable for the rest of the comic: Itami was rude AF insulting Mol's wine at her own event, overcharging liquor to rich snobs doesn't warrant that kind of takedown. What's more Itami acts like Mol put no effort into her cocktail, but she had to learn that magic spell on her own, and she had to learn that you could apply said spell into making a drink. That is some fine studying and effort put into conning the elite out of their money.. just because it's not god-mode in patience and ingredient appreciation doesn't mean it's not impressive in its own right.
Visually the comic has nice colors and backgrounds as usual and the hair looks terrific, you took the last notes to heart which I think worked in your favor
Sorry for how rough this critique may sound, I still enjoy reading your comics generally and look forward to your next

Radji: I'm not a fan of the NPC gale, you could have had them replaced with Kao5 and it'd be more interesting, and let Itami show off some more martial arts. Curiously even though it's Odin who's possessed Mol, you don't have some asymmetrical eye design going on, I think a missed opportunity. There's some good dynamic shots and posts but also a few places where the lineart and poses could have used more polish, like Itami's intro panel feels like it needed a bit more love. The limited palette overall isn't too shabby, though I would have preferred a more energetic scheme by page 6-8

      Edited Oct 31 2017,  06:23 PM by PyrasTerran

yarnwitch
Artist
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203 comments
# 8   Posted: Oct 31 2017, 11:40 AM
@abi - whoa your coloring is so nice and smooth. its just very pretty. i like the story, but i'm not sure how much this felt like mol, even if the story does show off the skill and cleverness of itami.

@radji - nice! actually i really like this sort of character development focus here for mol. The last comic was a little difficult, but having this padding inbetween this and the final round make the story feel more full and connected. I really want mol to come out safely, so i feel super engaged in this plot. your colors are really starting to grow on me as well, i like the desaturated (sometimes) and limited palettes so much!

Pita
Artist
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131 comments
# 7   Posted: Oct 31 2017, 11:22 AM
BAD IDEA: This was pretty dang entertaining!  Only thing I'm gonna point out is that the contest was established to be three months, and then Itami says "Did you think I couldn't come up with a vintage pinot in only six months?"  Is this a writing inconsistency?  That's the only problem I saw, the rest is absolutely fine

RADJI: I see you're continuing with this sexually charged arc.  Good to see an explanation of just what's going on, and I look forward to see what might happen should you win this round.

Radji
Artist
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463 comments
# 6   Posted: Oct 31 2017, 07:59 AM
Well, my french chauvinism was stroked pleasently with this story about Wine, especially Pinot Noir. I really liked the colors, and that Shokugeki no Soma thing you're having with this story arc is funny

Also Château Ambre Aliona is now official.

Radji
Artist
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463 comments
# 5   Posted: Oct 30 2017, 03:30 PM
UPLOADED
whew, i killed myself on this one

A Bad Idea
Artist
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320 comments
# 4   Posted: Oct 29 2017, 10:01 PM
Uploaded and submitted. Here's to a good fight!

Rikun
Artist
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70 comments
# 3   Posted: Oct 17 2017, 12:29 PM
Ohohohoho, this is gonna be good.

Shen
Global Moderator
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1217 comments
# 2   Posted: Oct 17 2017, 10:47 AM
now heres some bad bitches

Radji
Artist
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463 comments
# 1   Posted: Oct 17 2017, 08:50 AM
*crack his neck*
imma ready

Comic Details -

 
Type: Tournament Match
Drawing Time: 2 weeks
Ended: Nov 7th, 2017
Votes Cast: 27
Page Views: 656
Winner: Radji

 

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