Tyidid vs. Lang Zhujiang

Tyidid vs. Lang Zhujiang


430 points
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412 points
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Critiques & Comments
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William_Duel
Community Manager
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870 comments
# 9   Posted: Oct 20 2017, 06:37 AM
TDK: It's interesting to see you play with greys for shading as I think your true strength lies in black fills and strong contrast.  It's odd for me to see the thumbnail which looks like you did use black but not in the comic.  But then it gets sparse and that potentially seems lost unfortunately.   I see you trying some interesting things with perspective and I'd say keep at it.  The last page it's difficult placing your characters on that sort of perspective but use a grid to help orient your figures.  

Your fight scenes are ok, but could definitely use some more dynamic action and posing.  I'd say reference your favorite fight scenes and exaggerate the bodies as much as possible.  Look up the idea of a line of action.  If you think of the body as a line then the direction in which it bends exaggerates motion and direction which also helps compositionally.  Even so, I think this is a good example that shows your anatomy is improving.  

I'm wary about your faces.  Be careful not to scrunch them up so much.  The eyes should be a bit higher.

One thing I've felt like saying is that your character's concept confuses me.  I know you added in something about her beguiling men with her uniform but....It's an odd design.  It somewhat exposes her derriere which I'm sure leaves her feeling a bit chilly.  I think the only people she'll attract are fetishists.

William_Duel
Community Manager
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870 comments
# 8   Posted: Oct 20 2017, 05:58 AM
Hey guys, nice job with the complete entries in two weeks time.  I see better quality from the both of you all the time and it warms my hard cold heart.

Reecer: I've seen you push your art more in the short time you've been here and I'm glad to see such improvements.  So on the first page, I'm glad to see you attempt an establishing shot of the city.  There's a lot of great effort here to make it more varied and interesting.  But the issue here is the sterile and boxlike features of the city.  I understand it's hard to move away from those sorts of visuals and boxes are easy to learn on when you're learning.  I suggest working from reference while working more fantastical and varied elements into it.  It'll come with time and practice though.  On the other hand, I hate the shading.  It's squiggly and scratchy and stands out strongly against the solid lines of the buildings.  You'd be better helped by a solid cell shaded look.  Also, about the clouds, I recently learned this myself from a tutorial you can find on the Void tumblr, but clouds share perspective as well.  You can sometimes get away with using clouds in a 2d manner like that, but keep in mind that clouds are physical objects too and share the same properties of perspective and shading as any normal object would.

While I specifically talked about that first panel, everything I said about your shading and linework applies through the whole comic.  Work on practicing different forms of shading or on going back and giving those shapes more definite and cleaner edges.  

You have a basic idea of foreshortening but continue to practice that.

As always, continue to work on your underlying anatomy as a foundation.  Side views trip you up hard, remember that heads have more room than you're giving them.  Gotta fit those squishy brains in somehow.  

tl:dr Work on Anatomy, shading and perspective.

Pocketmouse
Think Tank
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91 comments
# 7   Posted: Oct 17 2017, 12:47 AM
Nice!  lots of pages from both of you for two weeks!

Reecer: YES love Tydid. These two had a good dynamic and it was a good way to show his conning coming back to bite him, but he swallows his lumps which keeps him likable. Great stuff! My only comment is to keep practising and keep up the hard work!

Tdk: great stuff! Your drawing is going from strength to strength. I know you don't like to colour, but the pages you added some shading look great. I'd be interested to see you play with screentones too next time :) Page 5 central panel looks immense, your shots were interesting to read and flow through!

yarnwitch
Artist
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166 comments
# 6   Posted: Oct 16 2017, 05:30 PM
@reecer - your anatomy is improving a lot and tyidid is really funny. this was a good read. the perspective on the last page was a good try! I think it'd be neat to see you practice more of that in the future. i love dynamic perspectives.

@TDK ahhhhhhhhh the first page was so good, i wish the rest of them were that contrasted. I did enjoy the win by liquor joke. I think in some of the comments, people had read that as her fighting random strangers, but since there aren't any bystanders laying on the ground, i assumed it was just a hallucination and her friends managed to pick her up. (those look like some of the other kung-fu girls?)anyway, it was cool, but i think the last panel didn't have enough impact. maybe it was trying to fit too much information in at once. (i still really love that first page though)

Camel
Artist
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46 comments
# 5   Posted: Oct 16 2017, 01:55 AM
Reecer: I must say, this comic is so effortlessly funny and charming, and the flow is so solid! I found myself laughing at every page, but the script never felt too stuffed. The chemistry is also totally on point, with Tyidid trying to maintain this facade, running the patience of this badass, no nonsense fighter - I was instantly hooked. For the art, I echo the previous statements, but beyond just pure self-improvement, I think you should definitely work on more physical comedy aspects, like facial expressions. You've given yourself quite a challenge with Tyidid's face, what with his lack of eyebrows and a mouth, but even with limitations I see you dipping into it - I love Tyidid's initial schmoozy pose on the first page, and the second panel on page 4 with that totally drained, miserable on his face is hysterical. Experimenting more with his eyes and his four arms will really add more humor to an already great script.

TDK: A solid, fun action comic. The brawl is very punchy and enjoyable to read, and I love Lang's posture, she just looks so cool and badass, which contrasts well with the gag ending. I will say, although a gag like  "accidentally fighting random bystanders" is a bit hackneyed, the fact that there's no clear punchline to the fight definitely saps the potential humor - it could've used a reaction from Tyidid or the crowd that doesn't take place inside Lang's hallucination, or maybe a consequence to her fit.

      Edited Oct 16 2017,  01:52 PM by Camel

Hellis
Artist
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133 comments
# 4   Posted: Oct 15 2017, 09:59 AM
Reecer: I really dig the direction you went with this and Tyidid is pretty hilarious. My advice for you is to start drawing a lot of poses and try to work on how joints bend and the dynamic of it. It should help with the stiffness of your charachters movements. Back to the strong points, I do enjoy your story quite a bit, you have a good grip of the more humerous aspects of comics I feel.


TDK: I feel like this could have been better if it had the time put into it I feel it was meant to have. But such is life sometime. Your action poses and panels are always solid. But the story was pretty abrupt and I felt it was missing something. Also, personally nto the fan of random rear shots, it always feel cheap. But damn, I need to learn how to draw poses like you do. You make things look very dynamic and fluid in a way that i really envy.

Wolfbaloo
Artist
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33 comments
# 3   Posted: Oct 15 2017, 09:44 AM
Reecer: I can see your strengths are backgrounds and color pallets since those are the two things I really liked seeing in your comic. And it shows that you put a lot of effort into it, which shows great dedication. Though I would like to recommend that you try to work more towards line art and poses: On some pages like 2 and 5, the poses look really stiff and don't seem to match what's going on with them. Like when Lang is getting hit with a huge statue, her body shouldn't be looking like she's still moving, it should look like it's getting hit. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but it's something I'd like to see you improve on. I think the line art could be cleaned up overall, keep it thick if you'd like, just having it more consistent would be nice to see. But overall I really enjoyed reading this one.

Ten: The action in this comic is really good! I enjoyed seeing the characters fighting and how you handled martial arts poses. But I also noticed that this seems incomplete, like pages one and two are shaded, but the rest are not. Perhaps it's intentional? I'd say even if someone is moving or doing a kick, they'll still have to shade. Also, this kind of bothers me but even adding a bit of the cloud in the moments where she was looking around would have helped keep the reader know where she is, which was a hallucination. Overall this was a fun read and really saw the effort you put into it, just could use some work in some areas.


Majikura
Artist
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455 comments
# 2   Posted: Oct 14 2017, 11:19 AM
Reecer: While your premise was fine, the stiff action poses and lack of impact killed a lot of the humor.

Teeds: I feel like your premise could have been improved if Tyidid had some involvement inside the dream sequence instead of random ninjas.

JayKat
Artist
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328 comments
# 1   Posted: Sep 22 2017, 06:40 AM
NOICE ~


Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 2 weeks
Ended: Oct 20th, 2017
Votes Cast: 22
Page Views: 279
Winner: Happy June 21st! -Reecer6

 

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