Intro Story / Hara and Huey

Intro Story — Hara and Huey

by Hellis


406 points
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Critiques & Comments
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yarnwitch
Artist
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182 comments
# 7   Posted: Sep 20 2017, 06:42 PM
This was such an interesting intro. Something you did that I really liked was the colored border around the speech bubbles. I also really enjoyed how Hara's eyepatch seems to glow. IS THERE SOME MEANING TO THE GLOWING LOTUS BLOOM? Cause I'm super excited to find out.

I also really love the alien script on the screen.

As far as the mentions others have made of "show don't tell", I think one place it would have been more impactful would have been the last page. Rather than the Helmswoman confirming there were no signs of life remaining, it would have been more interesting to see if display on a screen (if that's something their tech does, but either way they seem to be swimming in tech on that ship, so seeing more of it is a wish of mine.) I think all of the system check sequence could have fallen under "show don't tell" as well. display screens illuminating your crew members faces in the dark of space, and their captain knowing when they say there's an Ok to go, that he trusts them? Maybe he doesn't but at least they know what they're doing when it comes to their station. It would also show how efficient they are and how far they could possibly come because of it. Establishing that they are, in fact, a threat.

That's just me rambling though. I want to see more of them!

Bobo
Web Dev
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859 comments
# 6   Posted: Sep 20 2017, 02:41 PM
I like these characters just from this intro comic! The text was a little too small in some places, and there were a lot of dark colors against each other that made it hard to tell what was going on. The speech bubbles helped clarify the situation, but they also kept me from paying as much attention to the action. In the future, try to put some more effort into making it really clear visually what's going on, and maybe scale back on dialogue.

Looking forward to your first battle with these guys!

Radji
Artist
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460 comments
# 5   Posted: Sep 20 2017, 04:46 AM
i see potential in those characters, as much as the concept of another city than Void

Kozispoon
Approval Committee
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940 comments
# 4   Posted: Sep 19 2017, 09:46 PM
Here we go. Legit space captain on a stellar starship. We've reached void space and I'm loving it. Has void finally ill gotten a merciless space pirate as its galactic overlord? =0

One small note I'd mention is that I would keep a more discerning eye on your dialogue. Your very first page has a typo. Still, overall you are showing some wicked progress based on your last comic. the more you do, the better these comics are gonna get. I feel it deep in my socks!

Astro Sean
Think Tank
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273 comments
# 3   Posted: Sep 18 2017, 09:00 AM
This is such a vast improvement from your latest comic. Proper pacing and you're totally getting better with your coloring!

Fucking space, man! Can't wait to see these guys in action!

zee
Artist
icon
121 comments
# 2   Posted: Sep 17 2017, 11:47 AM
YESSSS
I'm super happy to see these guys in (and super looking forward to a battle someday, but you already know that).
Your colors (and everything else) are totally improving with each comic. You've also got some pretty neat ideas about where your characters come from, I can't wait to learn more about what all these guys have done to get them in so much trouble!

Shen
Global Moderator
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1206 comments
# 1   Posted: Sep 15 2017, 09:43 AM
this is SUCH an improvement to your last intro! better colours and light and shade! the colouring still looks murky and rushed, i think if youre gonna commit to this blended thing in your painting you should try different brushes so the strokes arent as obvious, watercolour brushes maybe, but youve already come a long way in a short time so thats great. also side note im going to marry captain hara.

Comic Details -

 
Ended: Sep 22nd, 2017
Votes Cast: 22
Page Views: 240

 

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