Wacky Races 2, Round 1 / Veronica Nightingale vs. Click Lyric

Wacky Races 2, Round 1 — Veronica Nightingale vs. Click Lyric

697 points
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709 points
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Critiques & Comments
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Community Manager
# 15   Posted: Sep 23 2017, 02:57 PM
Kura: So obviously there is a loose quality to yours line because you're rushing.  Of course I can understand that everybody in a short tournament does this but there is definitely an effect on quality.  Creating some fun scenarios and challenges is fun if not ambitious and maintains the video game quality you've been striving for.  But the focus on it has hurt your storytelling since it detracts wholly from the characters.  There are definitly some strong panels here showing how ambitious you were.
It's a lot of detail to accomplish in a week so kudos.  The thing that bugs me the most though is the faces.  Sometimes the mouths on the characters are so low as to be crowding the chin.

Technicolor: These are probably some of the loveliest and most accomplished pencils I've seen here.  It's easy to see you have very strong foundations and storytelling skills.  I feel like I'm looking at very animated storyboards.  It's a pity because I can imagine you've suffered a drop in your quality score due to the unfinished looking nature of this comic.  You were simply too ambitious.  

# 14   Posted: Sep 22 2017, 06:10 PM
Kura! Honestly you're an amazing storyteller. Visually as well. one establishing shot of Wuxia city and i totally get where we are. as always your comic is hilarious and weird (in the best way).

Tech! this is my 1st time seeing your work. there is REAL SKILL in your work. should you make it to the next round you will be a force to be reckoned with.

# 13   Posted: Sep 22 2017, 04:15 PM
Kura: This is probably the most unique plot I've read this round! The introduction of the angry oni was a creative way to spice up the race. A lot of people have been saying that they didn't like that Veronica wasn't the focus of the comic, but I actually didn't mind that! I see no problem with letting your own character take a back-seat to other action going on. However, I do think that the characters in-general lacked personality and interest. The environment has a lot of personality, but the racers just felt like they were there so that someone would be there to fight the oni. A more apparent character arc for Veronica would definitely have been one way to improve the narrative - in that way I do agree with the other critiques. It also seemed strange that it ended with Click rather than Veronica. Veronica was the character the comic started with, and so it would have worked better to end it with her as well, making her the "framing device" for the narrative. I did enjoy the tongue-in-cheek sense of humor here. The nipple piercing thing was hilarious XD

Tech: Your sketches are very readable and I was entranced by your story! I want to see a finished comic from you! Your comics have been very ambitious relative to the time-limits you've been given. You need to write shorter comics so that you have time to finish them on a tight deadline. Figure out what is absolutely essential to the story you're trying to tell and focus on that, and cut out unnecessary plot points that are increasing your page count, even if they're fun plot points. You'd be surprised how much excellent content can be fit into a manageable 6-10 page comic with a little precise editing. Also, your vehicle drawings are really amazing!

# 12   Posted: Sep 21 2017, 03:55 AM
Kura, I am always a fan of your action sequences and the way you establish the setting in a very concise and fun to read manner. But like Kozi pointed out, your own character wasn't given the actual time and focus it should have, and came off as the least interesting. That is always a problem when in a battle where she should be the main focus.

Tech: Your action and paneling is wonderful. And If this had been a finished piece, it would have been my favorite submission of the first round. But I think your ambition got the best of you, and it is a damn shame. It is a unfinished comic so I cannot give it the score it should have have, had it been a finished product.

Corn Of The Breads
Think Tank
# 11   Posted: Sep 21 2017, 01:39 AM
one of the most thematically jarring match ups in the race a true underdog story in the making here the most high tech aircraft vs one of the most simple ones.

Kura- You have some truly intresting ideas in here, but there is so little world or character building it comes off as sheer spectacle with little pay off, I remember in one of your videos mentioning starting off with the big guns when it comes to spectacles  but honestly there was no pay off past that it could have used for a slower burn, but we can all improve.

Tech- Tech I am not gonna tell you to not aim for the stars, I remember in the invitational you had to cut a lot of your stories and you lost interest in your own character. I feel you need to expand and learn your own limits, and I think this particular comic pushed you past them, but I also feel that is a good thing so you know where to aim fro next time and I feel as you do more comics and try to hone in on where you want them to be you will get better at making a complete product. I know for a fact you dont ink your comics, but Id say in this comic your lack of color definitely make the sketches a lot less solid, I think your colors give your work defined edges which this particular comic lacks which I think is what every one is noticing very loose edges to your sketches making it murky, but the over all story is amazing and has great character moments so in regards to a full story I think you made a very solid finished comic.

PS thanky for tiny cameo :O  

Approval Committee
# 10   Posted: Sep 20 2017, 11:09 PM
KURA- This was fun. Genuinely fun. You have a real knack for setting up a world in your comics like someone sets up a gameboard for play. I always look forward to seeing what pieces you're going to set out, or which mundane tells will turn out to be vital aspects of the game. This was no different. The ladybod smokescreen felt totally like Click and I actually laughed out loud upon discovery of the nipple ring portal. It's that kinda wackiness that I like to see in my comics.

Thing is, if the environment or structure of the wacky races was your character, you would've won this, but it was Veronica and by the last page, I plumb forgot she was even supposed to be in this comic. She was that forgettable. What little she contributed was lukewarm at best and admittedly overlooked on my part because I was having so much fun focusing on the wind oni and how the racers were going to get out of this jam.

TECH- I'm not gonna lie- I saw your thumbnails and sighed. Another unfinished battle. Which is a shame because you have some real breathtaking work when you have the time to really bring it begining to end. Still, I went in and clicked the first page, hoping to be able to perceive what was going on amidst the blurry scribbles.

And I loved it. Your story drew me in by the second page and I found myself saying 'wow' more than once wondering where this was gonna go. The expertly layered establishing plot, flashbacks, and present high flying wackiness was put together seamlessly. It was a really great journey page to page!

Your action scenes are really superb. I know I'll be taking a page from some of your techniques because I love the way you portray movement and action. Your work- from characters to explosions have such a toony chunkiness to them I really enjoy. Some panels were definitely stand outs like the extreme close up of Clicks plane on page 14. Speaking of pages, 19 is nothing to sneeze at. That's some ridic work, sir.

But this is still an unfinished comic, and for as much as I love it, it stands beside another battle that managed its time, rendered all their pages and submitted a complete work.

# 9   Posted: Sep 20 2017, 09:52 PM
Kura: Alright man, first of all good work on the inking. Most others here have covered stuff with regard to the art and all I can say about that is keep going.

The weakest part of this one, however, is the plot this time. Or more specifically how it ended. You set up the setting, you brought out the characters, you brought out the humorous obstacle. Then you had a coordinated team up with the racers who are competing with each other and had no real reason to team up with TotallyNotVeronica. And then you had Click zoom up going "SO LONG SUCKERS!" The setup and payoff do not go well together and end up leaving us with the feeling of "wait it ended there, where is rest of comic?"

I'll end with maybe a word of advice for the future because I do believe you are a good writer that could grow even more: remember to play around with gags. Like if say you had Click do the sexy cloud method and look like it would seduce the wind god but instead have him smack down Click because his cloud was an INSULT TO HIS CLOUD WAIFUS or something. Then TotallyNotVeronica can like react to his reaction by bombarding him and then zooming off. Just a little bit of defying expectations can go a long way. You know this, remember it.

Technicolor-yawn: Ayyyyyy 19 pages in a week and still in readable condition! You're pretty good. Just be warned tho, as the others have made known, that it comes at the price of presentable quality. Your compositions are solid and characters appealing to look at, but I simply cannot give a higher score to what looks like they were scribbled on large yellow post-it notes. Perhaps there is a method to make it look like a presentable piece while still being just pencils(or whatever you used). Anyway, either figure out how to make it look better for the amount of effort put in or trim down your plot to allow for that good quality you are capable of.

As for everything else I have not much to say. It reads well, the plot progression makes sense( if a little abrupt a change when it went to flashbacks), and the characters behaved enough as I think they would have behaved. Good work.

# 8   Posted: Sep 20 2017, 07:48 PM
@Majikura - I already went into it a bit in the hangouts, but I'll repost it here for reference too.
 I think mainly what you did was you put more focus on the race and its setup than on veronica's progress in the race. Her multitasking as announcer and participant kept breaking the feeling of consistency for me. As well, with the last page's final large panel focusing on another character's triumphant and confident declaration of continuance, it leaves us wondering if that story was about veronica at all.

All that said, I really loved how you went into precisely how the game worked, and all the features and such! The whole cybergrid thing was super neat and it made me kinda wish I could see more of the technical side of the race in future rounds.

@TECH - Yoooooo Okay I was fooled for a moment thinking these were actual pencils. I recall you work with Krita? Very nice. I would like to see some shading next time, but OMG YOUR STORY THIS TIME. So heartfelt! It really captured the excitement of the race. Every step of the flashback we got just made me more and more invested in Click's success. After all, its easy to get behind someone who is passionate!
I recommend next time, make the panels more detailed like the ones in pg4 and 16, you can see them from the thumbnails just how much more they stand out from the rest of everything. And giving more shading to the comic overall will really help.

Web Dev
# 7   Posted: Sep 20 2017, 11:05 AM
@Kura: You have a very strong voice in your comics, and that's a good thing. It can seem a bit superficial at times, because you love to make these comics with a big gimmick or gag at the end, but I still find them enjoyable. You certainly did not disappoint with the environments and unique obstacles you invented, either. And I always enjoy your style of grayscale art. I know a lot of it comes from manga, and there's nothing wrong with that, although I'd love to see you experiment with other styles or genres sometime. That's just a personal preference thing, though, but it would be fun to see.

My main issues with your comic are the lack of character development and inconsistency in proportion and form. Most of the comic was centered around Veronica's personality, with the others feeling more like cameos than major participants. I would have preferred to see Click Lyric take a more prominent role than you gave him. Your comedy style kind of lends itself to two-dimensional side characters, which is fine, but not necessarily the best choice. Some more depth in your characters, even if they're a gag character, would add a lot to your story. As far as art goes, first off this is amazing for one week. That said, there was definitely a lot of inconsistency between facial proportions and other forms from panel to panel. As someone who struggles with that myself, I'd love to know how to fix that. Maybe if you can find a good answer you can let me know haha.

Overall, this was a fun, lighthearted comic with an okay-to-decent level of finish that's nevertheless impressive for one week's worth of work. Adding some depth to your characters and giving your opponent a more prominent spot in your story would help your writing and be more satisfying as a comic "battle." Your gags are always fun and that last page definitely got a laugh from me. Keep up the good work, and let me know if you figure out a good way to keep proportions consistent even on a short deadline!

@technicolor-yawn: Before anything else, work on your time management and adjust your expectations so you can submit a complete comic, even if it's shorter. I loved your story, and you clearly have a very solid grasp on how to draw your characters and the many vehicles and mechanical parts in your comic. I think you nailed the personalities of the characters in your comic! You've made me fall in love with Click Lyric with this comic alone, which is something to be proud of in any single comic. Sorry my critique is so short compared to Kura's, but it's hard to look past the unfinished nature of it when looking for things to critique. You're a good writer and a solid artist, so you just need to manage your time and expectations better so we can really see your finished work and give you more helpful feedback!

Awesome job from both of you, and whoever wins, next round will be excellent!

# 6   Posted: Sep 19 2017, 10:57 PM
Kura: Your art is a good example of gray-scale that I will look at while doing my grayscale. Also the first page would be a great cover for the wacky races as a whole. While the dialogue is good and has a nice sense of characterization, the resolution seems odd, why did your opponent win? Maybe if he got taken out during the distraction and everyone else passed it that would make more sense?

Tech: I love your pencil work, it's all so nice and the different expressions you have for your characters is great, also it was a really cool complete story. The only thing I would say is try to get certain things like may the text to be darker and stand out. Like on page 4 you go really dark with your silhouette, I think maybe the text on all the pages should be that dark, or at least something on all the pages to help make certain things stand out more and also make it look more complete. Regardless of that issue i thoroughly enjoyed it.

Community Manager
# 5   Posted: Sep 17 2017, 05:03 PM
Kura: Good ambitious shots and you do a good job setting up this stage of the race with creative obstacles. The ending feels abrupt/rushed, or, that it could have used something more to resolve it

Yawn: Great read and real funny and dynamic action, I am sad that it's all sketches since this is a recurring trend with you and I hope that you can find a way to give us a 100% completed comic all your own one day

great to see both of you back on the pages

Happy July 18th! -Reecer6
# 4   Posted: Sep 17 2017, 04:50 PM
Kura: This was a SUPER unique setpiece that you chose, to give more of a concrete goal than "be in front of everyone else" to your comic! Definitely a very fun plot element (especially since my guys are there)! Unfortunately, it doesn't really serve much of a conflict between Veronica and Click—she's just there, and then Click does something different to stand out as your opponent. And then he wins? The ramifications of this comic are a bit confusing in terms of an elimination match of a tournament.

Tech: Big ups for this serious ambition! I really admire how consistent you are with your level of detail—every single shot of the Papaya Whip feels just as intricate and real as the reference sheet. Framing Click's entry with the actual race is also really neat! I'm not sure what it does to the narrative, but it FEELS right for the comic to do. Click and Veronica's battle was a great back-and-forth, and the whole comic felt very lively yet solid; I noticed afterwards that almost all the panel borders were perfectly vertical and horizontal, so the fact that you can convey all that dynamicism with only the content is impressive!

# 3   Posted: Sep 9 2017, 08:47 AM
Kick her ass, Mr. Postman

# 2   Posted: Sep 9 2017, 08:39 AM
old school in a new plane versus new school in an old plane

Happy July 18th! -Reecer6
# 1   Posted: Sep 9 2017, 08:35 AM
The styles between you two are such a mismatch at first sight, but I really get this feeling there'll be a great confluence of tone between these two characters, so I'm especially looking forward to this one!

      Edited Sep 9 2017,  08:36 AM by Happy July 18th! -Reecer6

Comic Details -

Type: Tournament Match
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Sep 23rd, 2017
Votes Cast: 34
Page Views: 525
Winner: Technicolor-yawn


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