Kazue L. Burns vs. Eighty-eight

Kazue L. Burns vs. Eighty-eight

by Energy


223 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8


by Nibbles


341 points
Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8




Critiques & Comments
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Nibbles
Artist
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192 comments
# 10   Posted: Nov 6 2016, 12:09 PM
Nibbles:  This was a sweet story of bonding between two odd magical types. I liked when the lighting effects came in. Come to think of it, the comic overall (except for the last page) doesn't look so much like it's in different states of doneness as it seems to go through different drawing styles.
Quote

I had to switch tablets toward the end of page two (new tablet pen broke) and I didn't manage to get pressure sensitivity back until page four.  I drew the last 3.5 pages in one day.  So different tools, different speeds... no wonder it's inconsistent!

The first pages are more carefully rendered, but the later pages have more oomph with their heavy line weight. You do seem to have some issues with hands and their size or how they should be holding things, but you're mostly there.
Quote

Yeah, hands gave me a lot of trouble--It's like I've forgotten how.

Flutterbyes
Artist
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145 comments
# 9   Posted: Nov 6 2016, 11:39 AM
Energy: Interesting stuff going on here, but it's a little hard to make out what's happening sometimes. Part of it is line weight and lack of tone, but the other part of it is how you use screen direction. I had a few "where are they now?" moments. I think there were some opportunities to condense the story, so you could focus more energy on fewer pages. Also, the first panel on page two, where the outline of her shorts seems to continue into the outline of the couch, is a textbook example of a tangent. Now you will never be able to unsee tangents.

Nibbles:  This was a sweet story of bonding between two odd magical types. I liked when the lighting effects came in. Come to think of it, the comic overall (except for the last page) doesn't look so much like it's in different states of doneness as it seems to go through different drawing styles. The first pages are more carefully rendered, but the later pages have more oomph with their heavy line weight. You do seem to have some issues with hands and their size or how they should be holding things, but you're mostly there.

Kozispoon
Approval Committee
icon
940 comments
# 8   Posted: Nov 3 2016, 11:33 PM
NIBBLES- Holy humongo pages. It took a bit of finageling to read, but I finally managed to scroll around the page to see what's what! I definitely missed Eighty-Eight. She's definitely one of the characters that remind me of old void waaaay back in the day when I first joined. It's a thrill to see her in battles again, so I definitely hope you keep going. :) You have such an interesting scratchy style of inking that looks light, but when you put it all together gives your lines volume and density. Granted, you changed inking styles here and there- page 5 really stands out.
The story feels like walking into a conversation in progress. There's context I as a reader wasn't privvy to between these two girls, a rapport we don't get to see established. We get this cool magical moment, but the chumminess is the bit I'm finding hard to believe. You got this pre-masde relationship with 88 and the black bunny in your opening, but then he sort of disappears. Did he go to the stationary store with her? Did he die in the explosion?

ENERGY- Right off the bat I'm bummed to see some missed opportunities. You have this great exchange in your word bubbles that doesn't reflect at all in your comic art. On page 4, the opposing magical girl has this witty repartee with Kazue and laughs- I feel that totally should've been broken up into more than one panel to not only get a feel for this character, but let her lord over the moment. Instead we get this static laugh pose that really doesn't punch the vitriol I think you were trying to get across. On that same page you have this body leaping from the left that left me wondering  what was going on until I realized it was eighty eight. Where are they? where is Eighty eight in comparison to their position?  Why not show her sneaking her way towards rthem as they're distracted by their conversation? You got a pretty siazable pagecount, so I'm confused as to why the bulk of it was used just to showcase all these characters just standing.

Nibbles
Artist
icon
192 comments
# 7   Posted: Oct 31 2016, 11:27 AM
PyrasTerran: giiaaaant paaageees D8
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*facepalm*  I completely forgot to check!

PyrasTerran
Community Manager
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1377 comments
# 6   Posted: Oct 31 2016, 09:54 AM
giiaaaant paaageees D8

Nibbles
Artist
icon
192 comments
# 5   Posted: Oct 31 2016, 09:01 AM
Nibbles i to like your entry all in all. You did point out your quality by yourself but i feel like you could do work a little on your faces. Right know it looks pretty generic while i believe you can do better. Also minor thin. Where 88 helps kazue up the hand posture looks a bit unnatural. Kazues right hand and 88s left works but i guess mostly people would use the same hands diagonal like a handshake
Quote

Sorry, nervous babbling...  Points taken, thank you.  :)

Elyan
Artist
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54 comments
# 4   Posted: Oct 31 2016, 08:17 AM
Dawe... both nice plots... i like the friendship theme.

Nrg this was quiet nice to read... as fpr the story i feel this a a bit forced... the scene in the house wasnt really that neccessary... ever thought about making use of a narrator? The actual interaction wasa bit blunt but enjoyable nonetheless.

Nibbles i to like your entry all in all. You did point out your quality by yourself but i feel like you could do work a little on your faces. Right know it looks pretty generic while i believe you can do better. Also minor thin. Where 88 helps kazue up the hand posture looks a bit unnatural. Kazues right hand and 88s left works but i guess mostly people would use the same hands diagonal like a handshake

Nibbles
Artist
icon
192 comments
# 3   Posted: Oct 31 2016, 07:23 AM
Given my hardware consistency problems (especially on 2 & 3)--I think if I had finished the ink in the last four panels and gray-shaded the last two pages it would've been a solid C+, maybe even a B.

But I drew 5-7 on Sunday, and my hand just went 'Nope!' at 3 hours to deadline.

Nibbles
Artist
icon
192 comments
# 2   Posted: Oct 30 2016, 01:01 PM
Good news everyone!  I'm not going to default this tme!

E.W. Schneider
Artist
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1041 comments
# 1   Posted: Oct 12 2016, 06:01 PM
Very exciting. Good to see you back in comics, Nibbles!

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 2 weeks
Ended: Nov 6th, 2016
Votes Cast: 18
Page Views: 341
Winner: Nibbles

 

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