Intro Story / Invyn & Jasper

Intro Story — Invyn & Jasper


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G.Lo
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70 comments
# 5   Posted: Oct 15 2016, 09:37 AM
Well theses guys look like a TON of fun and I cannot wait to see what mischief they bring to Void!

SO, I agree with DNO that the feathers look more like sparks than feathers, but I am an advocator of SHOW rather than tell, especially in comics, and since we're all here to get better at comics anyway, that's what we should do! When your conveying your hexes, think of various angles and information that would help the reader understand exactly what's going on without having to explain every detail. Let's take the feather fall hex. Instead of the one pulled back panel that shows what looks like pink sparks, maybe show a close up  Invyn doing some magic and then Jasper falls into a PILE of pink feathers with some outliers floating off to the side. The reader has seen that this pile of feathers weren't just sitting there, Invyn did some magic. We also can better make out that because it was a bit of a jump, Jasper would need something to not kersplash on the ground, so, boom feathers. So instead of blah blah here's a feather hex blah blah, you're now SHOWING it. Keep this in mind with future magic makin's.

Also make sure you gather up reference photos to figure out how to light scenary. It'll help build a color pallette with balance. On page 2, the only hint of possible light is the moon, yet it looks like someone set a fluorescent lamp outside the building because of the color and how harsh it is.

Keep on with these two! They have an interesting dynamic and I need more of their shenanigans!

Heathen
Artist
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180 comments
# 4   Posted: Oct 11 2016, 06:58 PM
Reecer6: @HFR, I totally didn't think there'd be any ambiguity in what the magic was doing, especially to the point of thinking that was teleportation. I guess that's my fault, with assuming magic didn't need as much exposition as it does. Basically, #1 was supposed to be the dissipation of an invisibility hex as Invyn erased the circle off his and Jasper's body, and #2 is a combination pass-through-transparent-things hex, as well as a feather fall hex (so they don't just hit the ground at terminal velocity), hence the feathers.

And I thought that was a clever visual hint too. :(
Quote

I thought the very last panel was him sliding down the wall, and sparks coming from his claws.  Looking again, I totally get the feather effect.

Honestly, your art isn't quite up to the task of conveying everything on its own, but it's perfectly acceptable, and probably just a good idea anyway, to just have the characters mention the spells in dialogue, or use captions to narrate the action.  This is something I struggle with, myself.

A slight lack of context and sparse backgrounds aside, your shot variety is nice, your pacing is good, and you have an interesting concept.  Battle on!

Happy May 27th! -Reecer6
Artist
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192 comments
# 3   Posted: Oct 10 2016, 05:18 PM
@HFR, I totally didn't think there'd be any ambiguity in what the magic was doing, especially to the point of thinking that was teleportation. I guess that's my fault, with assuming magic didn't need as much exposition as it does. Basically, #1 was supposed to be the dissipation of an invisibility hex as Invyn erased the circle off his and Jasper's body, and #2 is a combination pass-through-transparent-things hex, as well as a feather fall hex (so they don't just hit the ground at terminal velocity), hence the feathers.

And I thought that was a clever visual hint too. :(

HFR
Artist
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5 comments
# 2   Posted: Oct 9 2016, 01:11 AM
Well done character establishment! The resurrection circle explanation was a cool way to sort of maintain an "anti-hero" feel rather than portraying him as a straight-up bad guy. He seems evil, but not EVIL-evil.

There are a few panels though, where I wasn't really sure what was going on. Namely, the first two panels of page 2 and the final panel of page 3. Why was half of Invyn's head missing? What's up with the blue light/energy/whatever? What are those pink feather-things? I assume he was like teleporting or something, but I think it could've been interpreted more clearly.

Overall, good job and interesting characters~

Ishtar Dragon
Artist
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79 comments
# 1   Posted: Oct 8 2016, 07:44 PM
Ohoho! Those two make a really interesting duo! Can't wait to see more of their adventures in crime!

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Ended: Oct 15th, 2016
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