Intro Story / Ma

Intro Story — Ma


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Critiques & Comments
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Heathen
Artist
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178 comments
# 8   Posted: Aug 3 2016, 12:45 PM
I like where that went.

Kozispoon
Approval Committee
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923 comments
# 7   Posted: Jul 26 2016, 08:33 PM
This is giving such Hellboy and the Golden Army feels, you don't even know. Methinks we got a bit of inspiration here, no? I'm sure the previous comments have said so, but right off the bat- invest in a better font. While I commend uses of fonts at all, what you have now made for a difficult read. Something as bold and impactful as your inks should work well.
Also, I dunno if you were trying to keep it at just two pages, but I feel some really great moments in this story were crammed into tiny panels. Your work really calls for it to let it breathe, give it some primo page space, and hey if that means multiple pages, I don't think any of us will mind a more scenic route to get to know your character.

Speaking of- of all things, I gotta say, a sociopathic can of soup has gotta be one of the more out there ideas. Out there and I freakin love it. Looking forward to the dastardly deeds it gets up to!

E.W. Schneider
Artist
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1040 comments
# 6   Posted: Jul 21 2016, 03:39 PM
Very great new character. I'm very pleased you chose to do a villain, already a plus in my book.

I think you've got a great handle on your blacks and whites, I'll be very interested to see you continue to work on your inks, because they look fantastic overall here. Your backgrounds were solid, but a little sparse and empty looking. Adding some more grit and dirt here and there could do a lot for making your pages more visually interesting. Your people and your characters look very good. I'd really like to see you attempt to draw (on your design sheet or through sketches) what Ma's body looks like underneath the suit, just because I imagine that would be very interesting to see.

I really enjoyed the art, but one thing I really wasn't into was the color on the words. I understand it being utilized for noodles of the soup forming words, but it looks strange when the rest of your comic is in black and white to drop color like that. I also think another thing you could develop is making larger panels so we get a better sense of the space and area we're living in and experiencing your story from. There's a lot of cramped panels on this page and while I still enjoyed this comic, I really felt you could have allowed a little more breathing room and increased the tension by just giving us some more shots with more space and backgrounds.

Ma strikes me as being extremely eloquent, a Southern gentlemen, but I think you should brush up on the way you write his dialogue a little. Seeing 'ya' used as much as it was doesn't give off the impression of a Southern gentlemen as much as 'ya'll' would have. If you would have had reworded some of the phrases to incorporate more distinct dialect, it would help sell the character to me that much more. Obviously there's more to this than can be expressed in a critique and if you'd like me to explain in further detail, I have no problem doing so in a PM.

Overall, this is a terrific character and I'm very interested in seeing where you'll end up serving this bowl of sin. Welcome on board, great work.

InkyBrain
Artist
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24 comments
# 5   Posted: Jul 20 2016, 08:07 AM
I'm in love. The potential for creepiness you teased us with in this comic gives me all kinds of tingles. I adore your black and whites and the development of each panel. Can't wait for more, I hope I get the opportunity to battle with you!!

ZigZagaroo
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16 comments
# 4   Posted: Jul 19 2016, 04:30 PM
Way to go man, your intro sure came out great! I'm really interested in Ma's character, Void's had it's fill of brutes and brawlers so having a mastermind thrown into the mix is certainly a welcome change. Can't wait to see how your first battle turns out and who you go up against.

Corn Of The Breads
Think Tank
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114 comments
# 3   Posted: Jul 19 2016, 10:57 AM
KarmaLarma: Yesss, I was looking forward to this character when you showed it in the chat. Definitely an intense opening that shows off what it can do so I can't wait to see more of this.
In future comics though, you might consider using a different font than the black outline one. White with a black outline is good for sound effects but when the letters are so small, it makes it harder to read.
Quote

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my comic and give a helpful critique, unfortunately the comic was meant to be a tad bit bigger so I figured the font would not have been too much of an issue but sadly I was not prepared for having to shrink it so much for the site, Ill definitely look into better fonts and colors to help character's speech stand out. I am also happy the main characters dialog was not too muddled or small I tried finding a font that would look a bit like Alphabet soup and even matched the colors of his speech/thought balloons to the pasta and tomato soup in his ref.

      Edited Jul 19 2016,  12:32 PM by Corn Of The Breads

KarmaLarma
Artist
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48 comments
# 2   Posted: Jul 19 2016, 10:49 AM
Yesss, I was looking forward to this character when you showed it in the chat. Definitely an intense opening that shows off what it can do so I can't wait to see more of this.
In future comics though, you might consider using a different font than the black outline one. White with a black outline is good for sound effects but when the letters are so small, it makes it harder to read.

Radji
Artist
icon
452 comments
# 1   Posted: Jul 19 2016, 10:40 AM
YES !! A MANIPULATOR !!! YEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS !!!!!!!!!!!!

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Ended: Jul 26th, 2016
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