Light Speed Death Tournament, Round 1 / F vs. Puck

Light Speed Death Tournament, Round 1 — F vs. Puck

by Monday


1021 points
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1137 points
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Critiques & Comments
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Monday
Artist
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919 comments
# 17   Posted: Jan 24 2016, 05:27 AM
Thanks for the crits everyone now I can go back to doing my silly 30 page comix due next year :0c
[Or enter a bunch of characters till I get an action hero replacement :3c]

Puzzlething
Artist
icon
457 comments
# 16   Posted: Jan 24 2016, 05:13 AM
 Ahhhh, thanks everybody!

Miss Jetster Jay

PUZZLE: This was such a well put together funny story with really cute art and far out please teach me your ways with doing lineless art that looks so nice so quickly. With that said, I think that you could have used more contrast or simpler artwork in some of the smaller panels because there is a slight loss of clarity when we're in that close. The placement of speech bubbles also doesn't quite follow the left/right top/bottom - even on the first page, it starts off really well but we're forced to jump up from the bottom of the page to the top of the last panel.
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            Ahhh thank you!. Yeah, a few other people have mentioned it (including a not void person who I showed them too earlier) but I've always had a huge problem with contrast and keeping my value range large. The problem just becomes so much worse when I don't have outlines to help. I'm gonna try to push it harder next round, even if some dumb part of me think it looks weird.

            The speech bubbles also suck yeah, they ended up having odd placement because I was just desperately trying to fit everything on without cutting even more text.

GOD DAMN IT ROFLQU: Take the critique with a grain of salt. After all, this was done in 4 days, so before everything else, you guys did terrific.
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           Ah jeez, thank you so much! I'll probably make the pages larger next round. I wanted to try and do smaller, simpler comics, but I really really struggled getting all the story on the page. I ended up making F's speech so long-winded and overly proper, and combined with the fact I was having difficulty feeling like the "WHO DUN IT?!" page wouldn't be funny without alot of not-characters, I was just jamming stuff in there. When I finished bubbling the 2nd page I just stared at it knowing it was really bad but not knowing anyway to fix it at that point.

            Yeah, I didn't really like the speech bubbles either. I really wanna learn how to hand letter, but I'm not sure I have to time to learn it in the middle of this tourney. I think I might try a light coloured grey for the next round, a little more organic and hand drawn, with maybe a tiny drop shadow or scrabbly outline to keep it separate.

PyrasTerran:

Puzzlething: I love the conclusion to this comic! but I felt like it was a little wordy and I got a little confused with page 2 cause I felt like the "you call could be suspects" line would have been better suited further down, like I know it works where it is too but it gave me pause nonetheless.
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            Yeah, bubble placement most def got weird on page 2. I planned stuff out, but it just got away from me :c

Field Marshal Lionel Forsythe W. Underwood XIII, GBE:

Puzzlething, you know how to pique my interest with the road less taken as shown by what you've done here. I only have one thing to say: We at the Hercule Poirot Club adore this to pieces.

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      Underwood♥♥♥

Charlie:
PUZZLE - I feel like your art was very charming but your entry was definitely carried by the funny story. Don't get me wrong I loved the art in this but I didn't get very much visual information as to where they really were or some panels felt hard to read due to lack of contrast. Even then I still thought it was visually pleasant and the punchline was just fantastic - very nice work.
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         No I totally understand! I'm trying to do a thing I'm not very good at, so the art is def gonna be weird. I'm like totally relying on my story to not just die immediately (though I think I'm p much doomed in the 2nd round now)

ablob:
Puzzlething - This comic is hilarious. That is all.
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   Ahhhh thanks! It's nice to know that staring at a screen for 8 hours mumbling "i don't even know what funny is anymore" totally works

Kozispoon:
PUZZLETHING- I ha no idea where this was going, but when it got there, I loved it. This punchline/payoff was hilarious! You build up this super serious windy twisty whodunit and in the end I feel stayed true to your opponent. Not to mention added your own brand of silliness (honestly, who beats someone with a puppy??)
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    Ahhh thanks! Hopefully it didn't come off as forcefully monkey-cheese random, I just wanted to do all dog-themed murders the dog show founder.

otakutaylor: Light Speed Critique: Puzzle, the different colored panels did a great job of separate each accusation, but I didn't realize F's face was in the lower right due to the shading from the coat. Nice idea, with the blending coat, but the transition started too high up I think.
Quote

       Ah it was just supposed to be a lit section, not exactly a line of transition. it's supposed to be kind vague when a where it starts since I made F more like a silhouette than a solid person, but I think it just ended up being too confusing.

Miss Jetster Fukken Jay ❤︎
Artist
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148 comments
# 15   Posted: Jan 22 2016, 01:19 PM
MONDAY: It feels like this concept is one that might have been better saved for a longer comic where you could spend time building the concepts, but you've done pretty well introducing it in three pages all the same - it just feels that, as ROFL's noted, you get that world building at the cost of learning much about your character. I really love the composition and backgrounds on some of these pages which just set this great tone & atmosphere throughout, and for the most part are pretty clear despite the sketchiness from the short time limit. Would be great if the lettering is more in line so it's easier to read and your eye flows better - I think if anything's going to suffer cos of rush it should be how nice handlettering looks and I'd just go for a font rather than having some of the lettering squished up/floating in the bubble weirdly as you do throughout.

PUZZLE: This was such a well put together funny story with really cute art and far out please teach me your ways with doing lineless art that looks so nice so quickly. With that said, I think that you could have used more contrast or simpler artwork in some of the smaller panels because there is a slight loss of clarity when we're in that close. The placement of speech bubbles also doesn't quite follow the left/right top/bottom - even on the first page, it starts off really well but we're forced to jump up from the bottom of the page to the top of the last panel.

Both really awesome comics, this is a good matchup :)

E.W. Schneider
Artist
icon
1041 comments
# 14   Posted: Jan 21 2016, 11:04 PM
Take the critique with a grain of salt. After all, this was done in 4 days, so before everything else, you guys did terrific.

Monday: Really nice work. I think the most implausible thing about this is the location (who the hell would bring magic to Detroit? It's like someone who likes the Pistons, it's a terrible idea.) and everything else is fun. I like the idea of a mobile app game turned into violent murderfest, I think it's a fun concept.

I think my main issue is that I don't feel any attachment to F at all. I think I wish you had done more fighting between Puck and F instead of Puck and Ballman. I also think you may have tried to introduce too much and too quickly. I think you still have a good control on your art, but I feel sort of detached from the character. I think it's funny you ended up doing a pacifist win here.

I think it also may be that F isn't grabbing me. I really enjoyed Kid's Meal and how different he was to what you're normally doing. I kind of wish you would work more out of the comfort zone of guns and grenades and do more stuff like him, because I thought he was a likeable character with an interesting design. I think you should branch out and do more weird like that.

Overall, it was a nice comic, but I think for myself, it would have worked being better if you had done more of your brand of action for this comic. However, good job and I'm awaiting your next comic.

Puzzlething: As always, you're making great little comics in a wide variety of mediums and styles. It's so great to see you do stuff and I'm glad you threw in for this tournament. I loved your comic. I really did. You have these gorgeous and cute visuals. The warm tones, the expressions of these little fucking giblets that are just so sweet and marketable. You've got some great gags, some great writing, and the story itself is amusing. (The butler is a serial killer, but let's not hold it against him.)

But I couldn't read it the first time. All the text had my eyes glaze over and it took me out of the story. I ended up skimming your round 1 just looking at the pretty pictures (which are indeed pretty). I appreciate what you did and the story you tried to accomplish, because it's cute as hell. However, the combination of small images and large speech bubbles filled with lots of words makes it sort of flawed for me. I love the story, but I kind of had to work for that story. I feel like you could have accomplished this story by having less characters and more space for us to look at what's occurring. In that way too, the dialogue wouldn't have pressed against the outside of the boxes so much. (I'm incredibly guilty of this, I know the struggle to convey all the story.)

I would be careful in the future. I wonder if not increasing the size of the pages a bit to accommodate some of the text wouldn't have helped out more for readability's sake. I also think it would have seemed cuter had you done your own speech bubbles with warmer colors and fonts. It seems a little like they don't belong to this comic as a result? I won't ask anyone to handwrite in such a short time (shit is murder on the digits) but it does look a little sterile compared to the beautiful artwork you have going on.

Ultimately, it was a great comic however, and I'm so very glad to see you participating in this tournament. Great job.

      Edited Jan 21 2016,  11:06 PM by E.W. Schneider

PyrasTerran
Community Manager
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1364 comments
# 13   Posted: Jan 21 2016, 08:58 PM
great job guys

Monday: hey i got this comic pretty much on the first read, awesome! It's an interesting plot concept and as usual the art is beautiful.

Puzzlething: I love the conclusion to this comic! but I felt like it was a little wordy and I got a little confused with page 2 cause I felt like the "you call could be suspects" line would have been better suited further down, like I know it works where it is too but it gave me pause nonetheless.

Field Marshal Lionel Forsythe W. Underwood XIII, GBE
Artist
icon
136 comments
# 12   Posted: Jan 21 2016, 06:58 PM
Monday, you us presented a veritable action filled comic. If you managed to put a splash of colour in your entry it would have eased our journey as already evidenced by your previous work. Still, you engrossed us the sheer simplicity and yet engaging start of the story. Kudos.

Puzzlething, you know how to pique my interest with the road less taken as shown by what you've done here. I only have one thing to say: We at the Hercule Poirot Club adore this to pieces.

In conclusion, pukka work chaps. I did very well you lovely gentlemen you.

      Edited Jan 21 2016,  06:59 PM by Field Marshal Lionel Forsythe W. Underwood XIII, GBE

Charlie
Artist
icon
725 comments
# 11   Posted: Jan 21 2016, 02:30 PM
MONDAY - I actually really liked this setup. I was concerned when you first posted your character as his bio left me wondering how you would cram it all into 3 pages, but you changed gears and the mask collection, while a simple idea, is a good premise in which to do a tourney fight I think. It skirts the edge of being the typical "SDT tournament" type story but I think the idea behind it is just outside of that enough to feel different. Nice work, though I got tripped up on page 1 when that one character repeated "didn't you say you say you" because that made no sense to me haha. Nice job for the timeframe dude.

PUZZLE - I feel like your art was very charming but your entry was definitely carried by the funny story. Don't get me wrong I loved the art in this but I didn't get very much visual information as to where they really were or some panels felt hard to read due to lack of contrast. Even then I still thought it was visually pleasant and the punchline was just fantastic - very nice work.

This is another of my fave fights overall :)

ablob
Artist
icon
20 comments
# 10   Posted: Jan 21 2016, 01:58 PM
Monday - Great writing as usual! I love how you always manage to sneak in a bit of darkness into your comics. Your messy art style looks great, but it sometimes works against you. A few of the panels are confusing -- for example, on page 2, it took me a bit to see that Puck punched the bomb-thrower's head off.

Puzzlething - This comic is hilarious. That is all.

Kozispoon
Approval Committee
icon
940 comments
# 9   Posted: Jan 21 2016, 12:31 PM
MONDAY- This battle felt like an anime, but it showcased the elements I was never really a fan of. There seems to be more exposition than action/events going down here. Granted, some really creative ideas were being used, but it felt dampened with a built in narration explaining them. I dunno, its a bit surprising considering I know your work and its usually supah fab, but this comic wasn't really my fav.

PUZZLETHING- I ha no idea where this was going, but when it got there, I loved it. This punchline/payoff was hilarious! You build up this super serious windy twisty whodunit and in the end I feel stayed true to your opponent. Not to mention added your own brand of silliness (honestly, who beats someone with a puppy??)

otakutaylor
Artist
icon
173 comments
# 8   Posted: Jan 21 2016, 09:37 AM
Light Speed Critique: Monday, Page 1 Panel 2's Bomb confused me for a bit, since the word bubble covered up it's movement into frame. Puzzle, the different colored panels did a great job of separate each accusation, but I didn't realize F's face was in the lower right due to the shading from the coat. Nice idea, with the blending coat, but the transition started too high up I think.

Monday
Artist
icon
919 comments
# 7   Posted: Jan 21 2016, 06:10 AM
Fearn I just did concept work before the fights were announced [ie, different types of death games] and killed 3 concepts up till the 2nd day of the battle.  No real drawing of pages were done till the 2nd day, per se.

Fearn
Artist
icon
343 comments
# 6   Posted: Jan 21 2016, 05:57 AM
Mondayyyyyy - I like the mask collecting thing, that;s like some kinda grim pokemon style thing :P also is this the thing i believe you mentioned you drew on the first day of the tournament or did you work on it a bit more?

Puzzlething - marry me please? :P this is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo pretty. Though I felt it was a bit tl;dr at times, the ending... true beaut :P

Red
Council
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629 comments
# 5   Posted: Jan 19 2016, 10:59 AM
OH COME FUCKING ON.

Charlie
Artist
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725 comments
# 4   Posted: Jan 17 2016, 10:36 AM
oh Fpuck.

Good luck guys!

Puzzlething
Artist
icon
457 comments
# 3   Posted: Jan 17 2016, 05:48 AM
YOU THOUGHT YOU HAD TIME PIO

YOU THOUGHT THERE WAS ANOTHER MORNING IN YOUR FUTURE

BUT DEATH COMES FOR YOU IN THE SHAPE OF A TINY TEAL AND PINK TRASHCAN

PREPARE TO DEATH OR DIE TRYING!

Monday
Artist
icon
919 comments
# 2   Posted: Jan 17 2016, 02:28 AM
GODDAMMIT THIS IS GONNA BE AWESOME

Shen
Global Moderator
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1206 comments
# 1   Posted: Jan 17 2016, 02:25 AM
Im excited for this one! Cant wait to read!!

Comic Details -

 
Type: Speed Death Tournament Match
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Jan 23rd, 2016
Votes Cast: 50
Page Views: 559
Winner: Puzzlething

 

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