Bullet Princess vs. Adamantine

Bullet Princess vs. Adamantine

498 points
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Crit level: No preference

598 points
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Critiques & Comments
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love tank
# 16   Posted: Aug 25 2015, 07:15 PM
Majikura: You really sold me on the angle; I felt like I was just viewing this comic through the lens of a strategy game, and the pacing and presentation was spot-on for that experience - a bit over the top at times, and thus quite appropriate. That said, as other commenters have noted, I had some trouble tracking the movement of the board pieces. This is probably attributable, as you're aware, to the presentation choice (scrolling vs. popping between frames that occupy the same space in the browser). Regardless, I'm ignorant about these characters (and much of Void lore) but really enjoyed the humor and characterization ("the guns of Winchester are indeed impressive"!). Linework was consistent, and when you did throw in some movement, it was very energetic.

Choleric: Enjoyed your great use of blacks. Also some very satisfying scenes of movement and energy. Page five's wheeling and whirling, dodging and so on were well presented (I love the blur of the gun in the top left panel). On the flip side, I did lose track of who's doing what a few times (arms with guns!), but perhaps that's my Void ignorance talking. Enjoyed the visual touches; I could totally hear Larry's wheezy bray and accompanying flies, for example. The fact that you (either of you, really) cranked this out in a week is really impressive. More backgrounds might ground the action a bit more, but it was still a fun ride.

      Edited Aug 26 2015,  04:24 AM by love tank

# 15   Posted: Aug 23 2015, 03:03 PM
Kura: very interesting you went with the "Simple is Best" approach in terms of story and presentation. Still, I can imagine that it took you some time to piece this together. Nice change that you have BP gaining allies as oppose to simply offing enemies, thats a nice little tidbit of character development.

Story opportunities, I was hoping to see more growth as a leader, give her a few more flaws to overcome so she can be more relatable.

Presentation was cool, it felt like a storyboard for a scenario that's gonna be implemented in a game.

Actually let me touch on that for a bit, being that we're scrolling down on the pages, it's really counter intuitive that the action is upward on the map and you had to use your panels to indicate that the troops were progressing up. It would have been best if BP was upward and RP was down so you can reduce the amount of panels needed in just map scrolling.

The other option would be if all the action on the map was happening left to right like in the last battle.
In doing that, you could draw your comic in landscape format take advantage of the widescreens in or computers and make a comic that looks like a game on windowed mode.

Eric: I like that you had this cool plot about someone wanting to best the master and manages to do so with unorthodox trickery. You penmanship was pretty solid and your panel compositions were bold!
I do feel like you gotta tighten up on anatomy and foreshortening, grab all the panels that gave you a hard time and do redraws or maybe have your friend redline it with some notes to understand what to look out for.
There's not much else that I cna say after that other than that but great effort

      Edited Aug 23 2015,  06:14 PM by Coatl

# 14   Posted: Aug 21 2015, 07:24 PM
Choleric: So many parts of this comic were drawn so well! I really like the style. Some parts weren't finished but it mostly doesn't take away. I do see it's a week timeline so give and take. I really liked the plot overall.

Kura: I like how clean this looks! The drawings themselves are really nice. Like, what you have is great looking! However I do agree with some of the comments saying it's hard to read and get into. I feel like I'm looking at the same image the entire comic. I really like the parts where you cut to the actual action and I think more of those could have really helped. Totally get what you were going for- and I think you have a good idea boiling with this, but most of the comic is slight variations of the same couple of drawings. Maybe if you would have combined panels with the text changing as a gif it could have helped with cutting down on repetitiveness. Or like with the faces slightly changing just make it a two framed animation?? If you see what I'm getting at? Over all this looks nice but without any color or tone it all kinda blends together. You've been coming out with so many comics so keep going!

Global Moderator
# 13   Posted: Aug 21 2015, 03:32 PM
idk maybe im in the minority here but i liked the theme for kura's comic. i mean maybe its a "comic" in a loose definition, but we've seen animation in here before and that not comics either really, i dont see anything wrong with being experimental and i think one weekers are perfect for that. i guess maybe some parts were a bit tedious but it felt like a genuine game experience so if thats what you were going for then you nailed it. some of the art does get a little weak at times but i think its great you did a comic just because you thought it would be fun. ps my favorite part was the "Master of Disaster!!" Tagline for the Baku-Mandy teamup, i completely forget they were in that together!
jong i thought your comic was clever and charming! I like how you wrote BP and how she was like, supernaturally good at shooting and I liked Mandy's trick to defeat her!
great comics you guys!

Web Dev
# 12   Posted: Aug 21 2015, 01:31 PM
Jiisuri: Pretty sure this fits the bill for comic tho. Sequence of images that tells a narrative. Looks like a comic to me.

You're describing all sequential art, not comics. Though, I agree with the overall point. Kura's submission is definitely a comic.

# 11   Posted: Aug 21 2015, 11:37 AM
Pretty sure this fits the bill for comic tho. Sequence of images that tells a narrative. Looks like a comic to me.

# 10   Posted: Aug 21 2015, 11:21 AM
I gambled with a really weird concept in the face of overwhelming challenge because I tried to have fun with it.  There's no subtext or anything or meta story reason I did any of this. I just did it to see if I could.

Am I going to do something like this again? Hell no.

Community Manager
# 9   Posted: Aug 21 2015, 10:00 AM
kura, I've been struggling with what to say about this comic but because it provokes strong feelings in me I have to say it.  I mostly agree with neens but this isn't a comic.  There are many things that stretch the definition of a comic but this is a non comic.  Which makes me even more confused about the point of Bullet Princess.  You've always been hinting at a story without ever telling it.  I get that she's some sort of meta cross media franchise in Void but what are you aiming for?  At best I see this as some sort of self promotion for some sort of game idea.  Maybe you're making something on flash?  It seems to be strategy game with board game that has some rules that can be intuited until they don't matter.  So is that what this is?  Propaganda for a game idea?  It doesn't stand as a story on it's own.  You took the part of a game that most people scroll through, the cut and paste portion with dialogue and turned into a thing.  I play a lot of Super Robot Wars so I have to sit through lots of these scenes with a language I only understand half the time but the point is they basically give context to the action and super cool animations that are forthcoming.  This is context without payoff.  Like maybe if you had more variation, more going on, broke the video game mold to show us what was really happening up close.  Hell you could have animated it a bit and made it like Olympus Overdrive or Homestuck or something, comics that really incorporate that video game storytelling with sequential art.  So I think if you're going to try this again you need to think of more creative ways to get those dialogue portions across.  

Jong, this is fine for a one weeker.  Not your usual quality but far better than many people can do in a week.  A bit sparse.  

Approval Committee
# 8   Posted: Aug 20 2015, 06:03 PM
kura, this was really tedious to read through. the actual story parts of your comic could have been half the pages. I get what you're going for, but I don't think the video game format makes for an interesting comic- there's just so much reused material, it's a chore to scroll through the same thing over and over. if you do it again, I don't recommend the one panel per page idea. also I was discussing this with others, and a point was brought up by someone else and I agree- while you've definitely improved overall, it feels like your style has plateaued as of late. I think the tactics game idea isn't terrible, just implemented poorly in this case. instead of stretching it out, I think you should have focused on the main story and gotten a much higher quality short out of it- the pieces are all there!

jong- also not your best work. lots of strange looking hands, some big heads on spindly bodies, not many bgs to speak of, and some weird perspective. I do like the story, and the action sequence is fun and looks pretty nice! I just really wish there was more to the comic overall.

# 7   Posted: Aug 20 2015, 03:06 PM
...king MAGNUM...

# 6   Posted: Aug 20 2015, 03:03 PM
As far as page setup, I think it would have been perfectly implemented if each panel was its own page, honestly. And yes I know that means you'd have a ridiculous time uploading as well as a kaiju-sized pile of pages on the battle page here, but I do really believe it would have worked better for what you were going with. Sometimes, my eyes got lost as I scrolled down, trying to figure out what specifically changed on the battlefield map. If every panel is equal size and I can just press the arrow key or mouse button to progress the slideshow, that would have really sold it.

I made an executive decision against that, even though that was the original concept.  Were this a two week comic, I would have no qualms about fiddling with 88 plus pages.

Community Manager
# 5   Posted: Aug 20 2015, 02:13 PM
Kura: This is a really cool idea and I think more people should have fun with videogame-like storytelling! The quality of your talking head figures fluctuate (Baku looks to have been given less love, for example) and one of the nice things about this form of narrative in videogames is having really pretty illustrations, so you wanna make sure all your talking heads look equally good.

As far as page setup, I think it would have been perfectly implemented if each panel was its own page, honestly. And yes I know that means you'd have a ridiculous time uploading as well as a kaiju-sized pile of pages on the battle page here, but I do really believe it would have worked better for what you were going with. Sometimes, my eyes got lost as I scrolled down, trying to figure out what specifically changed on the battlefield map. If every panel is equal size and I can just press the arrow key or mouse button to progress the slideshow, that would have really sold it.

Choleric: What a beautiful blend of short and sweet! The gun battle in particular is incredibly drawn, the hilight of the comic! I was alittle confused with the water explanation of how she "hid" her little water gun from Triggerina though, it didn't register with me until later what you were trying to get at with that. I would have liked to see fewer pencil remnants, a cleaner product.

Great job you two, keep up the good work but I already know that you will~

# 4   Posted: Aug 20 2015, 09:02 AM
YEAH!!! I love your battle Kura, especially since i like watching 'letsplays" on youtube. Further comments pending.

# 3   Posted: Aug 20 2015, 08:31 AM

More intelligent comment to come after I've digested these two comics fully. Good duel tho.

EDIT: OK went through these a few more times! First off, good show you two. You both made good use of that 1 week you guys had.

Kura: Ok dude, I see what you did there and I am grinning mischievously cos it totally works in your favor. Because I can't find a problem with this trick you did, I'll be digging into your cut-in panels. Pretty sure you're aware of this but you're going to need to figure out how to fill out those backgrounds with more black areas to give it more depth and oomph. Learning where to fill out the black areas will also save time that would be spent hatching or toning and also achieve better looking results for more bang. Also, you may want to have chosen the FIRING LINE panel on page 3 as one of those money shots you put more effort on. But hey that's just hindsight. I liked the thing you went with and how the dialogue and actions flowed. Good work.

Jong: Sweet action bro. Also good work on the environments where they existed. Really love your inking work and the clarity of it even in hectic scenes. What you do need to do, though, is fill those empty whites with at least something. I dunno more speedlines or effects something, anything that can take like only a few seconds or minutes. Other than that, this flowed very well and is a nice simple plot. Good work.

      Edited Aug 20 2015,  09:06 AM by Jiisuri

Global Moderator
# 2   Posted: Aug 12 2015, 03:23 PM
oh my gosh!! do great you two!!

# 1   Posted: Aug 12 2015, 11:15 AM
i regret everything

Comic Details -

Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Aug 26th, 2015
Votes Cast: 29
Page Views: 932
Winner: Chimaeric


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