Visionary / Jane Blonde vs. Miyajima Minori

Visionary — Jane Blonde vs. Miyajima Minori


284 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3


by Jiisuri


419 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8Page 9Page 10Page 11Page 12Page 13Page 14Page 15Page 16Page 17




Critiques & Comments
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Jiisuri
Artist
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125 comments
# 20   Posted: Jul 30 2015, 05:58 PM
Thanks for the critiques guys. They've been noted for the next time. Also, think I figured out the thing that went wrong with page 7, might have been because I coloured parts that are meant to be the hovercraft the same as the borders. Also, prolly cropped it too much. Might have been better if I bled it out of the panel.

Anyway, glad you guys more or less enjoyed it. Let's see more meta-plot advancement, yeah?

Shen
Global Moderator
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1217 comments
# 19   Posted: Jul 30 2015, 04:51 PM
Jii- hahaha no way Xia is going to agree to that! I liked your very political story, moving plot pieces along. Some of your backgrounds are a little phoned in and some of your action lacks punch but theres good panel layout i thought, and I liked the way you coloured it. I dont have much to say but I liked it and good job, I know you worked hard! one thing that did bug me though is on page 3, Minori starts two sentences with the word "first" and its kind of awkward lol.

Kent i wish there was a little more to this but i like the inking and you draw a cute Minori?

E.W. Schneider
Artist
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1041 comments
# 18   Posted: Jul 30 2015, 03:06 PM
Well, we can't let this go without some more critiques!

Kent: All digital? That's new. Good on you for attempting something out of your element, I know you've always been inking traditionally, but this feels kind of fresh. (Unless I'm wrong, I don't remember ever seeing your lines looking this.) It's too bad we couldn't see more from it, but it's a really fresh start and I welcome your attempt at doing this again, I think it'd be really great to see. Just be a little more careful with your line quality next time, because that was the one thing that hurt the quality overall. Hope to see you soon.

Jiisuri: Nice work! You did good for the 3 weeks given. Pity this went up during the finale, cause you deserve some more critiques on it.

I think you had a missed opportunity on these pages to do something really cool with the characters. It would have looked much more dramatic and interesting if the characters' hair and clothing had fallen to the side in alignment with the real gravity. I know we got the whole hand wave thing going on with 'magic', but I just feel like it would have looked so much more interesting visually if you had that working with you instead of it just being a 'one off' panel where we see them sitting on the side of a building. You could have played with some really interesting visual 'gags' or intrigue by having tea/water being poured from a pitcher into a glass sideways.

I think the action scene was alright, but kind of congested and lacking a lot of punch. When the laser is aimed at Jane on page 4, the lack of visual explosion or action beyond 'tube light' is kind of tame and feels more like it takes place at night with a spotlight aimed down at them.

The Prisma Barrage panel also kind of bores me. It's just lacking in action and excitement I think, by being a relatively flat angle that doesn't show what she's firing at or something up close like at her hand to show the strain or effort being put forth. Jane's movements are solid enough looking on the next page, however, so that feels stronger and is one of the better "animated" pages. I'm not totally sure what happens on the next page, however. I think she bursts through the helicopter, but there's so many lines around Jane at the top I had to look at it for a while to distinguish through it, it's kind of muddled.

I really did enjoy the color changes based on the tone, I think that looked very strong. Hopefully next time you can do that tighter quality we know you're capable of! Good work.

PyrasTerran
Community Manager
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1377 comments
# 17   Posted: Jul 24 2015, 11:13 PM
critique added!

Also am I the only one experiencing this page strangely?

      Edited Jul 24 2015,  11:13 PM by PyrasTerran

Jiisuri
Artist
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125 comments
# 16   Posted: Jul 24 2015, 04:56 PM
Well it's showing 4 now so it might be a difference in either time or the way the site updates for each of us.

Fearn
Artist
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343 comments
# 15   Posted: Jul 24 2015, 04:30 PM
No but wai there was 3 votes and then 2??!! Or did skulls lie?

Jiisuri
Artist
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125 comments
# 14   Posted: Jul 24 2015, 04:14 PM
Yeah chill out guys. It's only been a few hours and the weekend has only just begun.

Coatl
Artist
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318 comments
# 13   Posted: Jul 24 2015, 03:45 PM
SRT only has 9 votes today its all good, we'll see as the week progress

Fearn
Artist
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343 comments
# 12   Posted: Jul 24 2015, 03:43 PM
But theres only 2 votes

PyrasTerran
Community Manager
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1377 comments
# 11   Posted: Jul 24 2015, 03:41 PM
It's possible some folks only got time to read a few comics at a time and SRT Final Round is SRT Final Round    :I

I'm sure more votes will come in soon enough

*hoping more votes come in or else I will totally look da' fool*

Cracking Skulls
Global Moderator
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339 comments
# 10   Posted: Jul 24 2015, 03:35 PM
So did SRT >:I

PyrasTerran
Community Manager
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1377 comments
# 9   Posted: Jul 24 2015, 03:34 PM
didn't this comic JUST come out like today though? XD

Kent: What the heck man! D:<

Jiisuri: I love anything that advances the lore of the void "canon" so I dug this story. I suppose this is a continuation of what happened to Veronica Nightingale last time with jane Blonde as well as a conclusion (or is it) to Upheaval.

Page 1 has some perspective issues, Minori's chair looks like it's gonna fall off to the side, so keep an eye out on that stuff. The panels for Page 7 are too small for the page, it's muting the action rather than giving it more impression. You probably should have just increased the size of these images to fill the rest of the page cause it's a little distracting. Pages 9-11 have alot of boxes for buildings, you then started filling in at least some windows scripples later so I woulda made sure to do the same for the ones prior. I didn't understand why Minori shot the catgirl.

What the comic suffers most from is this super sketchy look that, it seems, you're either  intent on keeping, or you keep running out of time with polishing your work. That's another thing I'd say to work on for next comic

Keep up the good work!

      Edited Jul 24 2015,  10:33 PM by PyrasTerran

Cracking Skulls
Global Moderator
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339 comments
# 8   Posted: Jul 24 2015, 03:25 PM
Im really disappointed theres only 3 votes on this. I know its a one sided  comic completion guys but at the very least have some time to read both sides and vote.

Coatl
Artist
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318 comments
# 7   Posted: Jul 24 2015, 01:07 PM
Jiisuru

PROS- Your renders pretty much save your art. The story is simple and straight foward so that works in your favor.
          Some cool action scenes here and there.

CONS-The ultimatum where Minori can be dropped if the deal doesn't go through makes no sense even after it was addressed by Jane Blonde.
        In terms of clarity, despite saying that your rendering saves a lot of your art, there were moments where things got too sketchy and unclear, layouts suffered as well
         You had a ton of Anatomy issues so please practice daily.
         Same with perspective.
        Some of your writing coulda been simplified where there were redundancies and if you need help proofreading, please go to your friends to help you out on that. There's no shame in having a second pair of eyes to look at your work and guide you towards improvement.
     
Miser Kent

PROS- You got something in there.

CONS- you didnt finish. Your character wasnt even in the comic. It's a shame really, but hopefully you get something done and submitted.

      Edited Jul 24 2015,  01:13 PM by Coatl

Jiisuri
Artist
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125 comments
# 6   Posted: Jul 24 2015, 11:04 AM
NOOOOO KENT WHAT HAPPENED!? D8

Jiisuri: Dude man tidy up those lines! I bet most people can't tell what is on page 9 panel 2 and you obviously should've refined page 16 moar. yousonnofabitch!

      Edited Jul 24 2015,  11:08 AM by Jiisuri

Majikura
Artist
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461 comments
# 5   Posted: Jul 23 2015, 02:34 PM
Gyuweh

Bobo
Web Dev
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860 comments
# 4   Posted: Jul 23 2015, 02:33 PM
So hyped!!!

Jiisuri
Artist
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125 comments
# 3   Posted: Jul 23 2015, 12:46 PM
Alright Kent. Bring it. >8D

Cracking Skulls
Global Moderator
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339 comments
# 2   Posted: Jul 2 2015, 07:33 PM
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH

(Good luck you two, I'm gonna love this)

Jiisuri
Artist
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125 comments
# 1   Posted: Jul 2 2015, 07:27 PM
The saga continues.

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 3 weeks
Ended: Jul 30th, 2015
Votes Cast: 23
Page Views: 660
Winner: Jiisuri

 

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