Intro Story / Holden Shark

Intro Story — Holden Shark


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Critiques & Comments
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Puzzlething
Artist
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457 comments
# 9   Posted: Mar 3 2015, 09:53 AM
  Aw man, welcome to void dude! I wanna echo everybody about your faces and characters, they're really fun to look at.

             Besides the story/text flow that peeps already mentioned, I think alot of what's holding you back right now is polish stuff. To me, the line quality is what impacts it the most. Kuro says he's sorta into how gritty it is, and I agree, but I also think the brush itself is really getting in the way. It has no anti-aliasing, so it looks reeeaaaallly unpleasantly digital. It also doesn't seem to have any pressure sensitivity, forcing you to go over your lines a whole bunch sometimes. I like those thin lines sometimes, like the scars and marking on your characters skin, but it looks kinda amateurish in your hatching. I think it's just a combination of how haphazard you hatch, and how pixel-y the line is. What program are you using for your linework?

         I think once you draw a few comic you'll improve like crazy dude, alot of this stuff just seems like unfamiliarity with making comics. Just judging by how nice your dudes are it's obvious you've got a great style.

Kuro
Artist
icon
581 comments
# 8   Posted: Feb 27 2015, 02:11 PM
Yeah. I both like & hate how kinda grody this one is. The text is abhorrent. Not only is it serif, it's got that weird muddy mess behind it AND it's never the same size or ratio, going from huge to MASSIVE in most cases, creating huge chunks of negative space, when it's not too busy running into itself. It's covering up a crazy amount of page real estate that could be art. Pick a typeface that suits your linework, keep it as tight as possible in order to cut down negative space, & only resize it for an occasional effect. And if you resize, whatever you do, keep it the same aspect ratio. Remember, text can convey important story info, but it sits on your page with the art & needs to be both clear AND pleasing to the eye.
Your perspective's off. In the little bit of background you give us, the angles seem to only sit on diagonals for the sake of trying to look like they're in perspective, rather than follow the way they should given the angle. Like the light through the bars in the windows or the bed in the next panel. also try to remember the 180 rule as those two panels come pretty close. In that same sort of regard the second page has flow issues in that the severe left facing profiles read a little like brick walls. As readers move left to right, they sort of act as a stop. You hit that twice. I think the second one works as it gets our eyes to shift down to the next tier. But it's awkward after that first one. Same goes for those lights in the next panel. The way they are, they form an tangential arrow almost pointing the eye further left, where as if you flipped them, you could draw more attention to the character. I think the smoke works well to lead the eye after that but then it gets lost with the panel sized balloons.
Also, the line art looks bitmapped. Like there's no anti-aliasing going on. It gives things a bit of a neat messy vibe, but at the same time, there are places where it's looking a little overboard with how scratchy things get. I don't know how intentional that is as a style choice, buy maybe varying the linewidth might help in certain spots.

Hobbittastic
Artist
icon
164 comments
# 7   Posted: Feb 27 2015, 01:01 PM
yeah other than the speech bubbles this was amazing! that second page is pretty gorgeous. good luck and can't wait to see more from you :)

!bangarang!
Artist
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31 comments
# 6   Posted: Feb 27 2015, 10:51 AM
speech bubbles, check. XD that seems to be the biggest complaint so I'll do my homework (of course!) for this battle coming up. :3 thank you guys for your help.

Fearn
Artist
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343 comments
# 5   Posted: Feb 27 2015, 02:59 AM
Wow, this is amazing! I agree with the other comments, the characters expressions are great and overall it looks pretty good.

Apart from one thing: SORT OUT YOUR SPEECH BUBBLES, looking at them hurts my soul. The serif font just doesn't look right in comics EVER. There are some amazing resources for free fonts i.e. this: http://www.blambot.com/

And apart from free fonts for your indie comics it actually contains a pretty good guide on how your speech bubbles should and shouldn't look like: http://www.blambot.com/grammar.shtml

OYEA AND WELCOME TO VOID OFC ;)

!bangarang!
Artist
icon
31 comments
# 4   Posted: Feb 26 2015, 03:56 PM
haha, I read Angie's comics right after I submitted and thought...oh.
thank you for the feedback! I dont think the incubator was loading right on my laptop so yeah, I bypassed it... ^^; I'm ready to hear any suggest ions for improvement, I'm very happy to be learning comics

Kozispoon
Approval Committee
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940 comments
# 3   Posted: Feb 26 2015, 03:47 PM
This is Angie and Wizzie's love child, I just know it. XD

Heyo and welcome! you must've bypassed the incubator over at the forums altogether and blasted off by submitting your intro pages outright. That's brassy and I like it!

I like your pages, but I'll definitely echo JBA's comments that your pages are on the crowded side. Especially your word bubbles. They seem too small for your font. Seeing as your page has a black gutter as well, there really is no telling whether or not the following monologue in the center of the page is in word bubbles at all.

I like where you were going for page two, but all the stars and sparkles really make your page pretty busy. Also, this might be my monochrome bias talking, but if you were to go forward with a look and feel, I think your page 1 is stronger. All in all though, I am intrigued! Looking forward to seein' ol' Shark prowling void!

!bangarang!
Artist
icon
31 comments
# 2   Posted: Feb 26 2015, 03:08 PM
thank you! :D the layout is supposed to be a little chaotic but this is my first time drawing a full length comic, so, there are some skills I can sharpen.

jba1987
Artist
icon
42 comments
# 1   Posted: Feb 26 2015, 12:49 PM
Ummm... this is friggin' awesome? Really enjoy your faces, you nail emotions well and that's rad; I can't for the life of me figure out if the general page layout/style is super cluttered and hard to follow or just super cool? Guess I'll just wait to see more!

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Ended: Mar 5th, 2015
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