Intro Story / Hyena Girl

Intro Story — Hyena Girl

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Critiques & Comments
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# 6   Posted: May 14 2014, 09:55 PM
Be careful when you photoshop out your mistakes on the borders, you made a little boo boo on panels five and bottom of panel seven. If you want to prevent some of those issues with borders, use rubber cement and paint the edges of the border. It's a cheaper alternative to masking fluid. When you're done painting over it, just rub the stuff off. Your toned tan paper is pretty stiff stuff, so don't worry about screwing the paper. I have a feeling that in some areas you overlayed/multiplied the color onto the paper, and I feel it gives an inconsistent texture to the comic (where the white on the lady is onviously painted, but other places have the exact same consistency with the paper underneath or no consistency at all. Washed out watercolors would do justice for that, or use another textured brush from whatever program you're using. Nice clean penwork, try using a dip pen at least once in your life. I think it might benefit for the kind of stuff you're doing. I see you like the scritchy scratchy, and i recommend you get a super fine liner (like .03 to .003) and make more variation. Those kind of scratchmarks are usually made by a dip pen, but i'm sure you can test it out. When you make scritchy scratchy, lines look thinner because you can compare it to a thicker line.

Regarding the story: The lack of line variation does not help the impact of some parts of the comic (like the pulling of the hair). You kinda got it down on the top three panels of the same page though; although the lack of grey contrast doesn't really push the leaves forward enough to realize what was happening until the third panel. I think it's hard to tell the story on the first read just because of the lack of emphasis on the borders of the speech bubbles.

Hmm...other than that, good luck with your future battles!

      Edited May 14 2014,  09:57 PM by Pennydox

# 5   Posted: May 14 2014, 05:59 PM
So awesome! Nice style! I likethat you go away from mainstream art! beautiful! Wanna see more! :)

Global Moderator
# 4   Posted: May 14 2014, 02:26 PM
ooooh, i like these style choices, this is great to look at! I love how fluid and expressive the Mountain Queen is, and the Hyena and adorabe! I think you may want to be a liiiitle careful having a brown hyena on brown paper so that she doesnt get lost- the Mountain Queen definitely stands out way more. But I can definitely read your handwriting now that you made it into a font so thats great! Awesome intro, can't wait to see you battle!

Black Spaghetti
# 3   Posted: May 14 2014, 10:26 AM
Really interesting style with an odd tone. The characters are funny too.  Lol, i like that the Hyena Is the straight man.

# 2   Posted: May 13 2014, 09:08 PM



I want to fight you.

Your style is adorable and I dunno, I've never been a fan of handwritten dialogue, but just like it was said in the Incubator thread, it complements your drawings grandly.

Hmmng. Hyenas.

Fred v2.0.1
Think Tank
# 1   Posted: May 13 2014, 08:53 PM
I really love the style and designs you've got going and the simple colors work nicely to just make things look clear. Good job, can't wait to see more!

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Ended: May 20th, 2014
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