Dao vs. Tsumi

Dao vs. Tsumi


319 points
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451 points
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Critiques & Comments
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Iced Tea
Artist
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59 comments
# 10   Posted: Jul 12 2013, 12:30 AM
Thank you everyone for your votes, comments, and critique. Getting a completed story up is a big deal to me, so when I got to page 5 and time was seriously running out I threw the dialogue up there asap and blocked in the figures after that. I'm definitely going to work towards being able to make shorter, better quality comics for such short deadlines. Puzzlething, the process I did for this comic was straight from thumbnail (enlarged later to fit the page) to drawing, due to the time constraints. Normally I'd spend more time on my base figures and refine them so that there is less oddities in the lineart. Thank you Kent for the advice about supporting cast; I had forgotten the lesson that even they need some thought in their designs so that the comic can be better overall. I'm gonna still work on that character posing. It's one of my biggest problems that I'm struggling with.

Thanks again Taylor for the match. I had fun. I loved your side of it.

Mister Kent
Artist
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937 comments
# 9   Posted: Jul 7 2013, 05:05 PM
Iced Tea - I like the ambition for a 1-week story, but I think next time you should plan for a shorter comic. That way you will have time to make the art look really finished. That said I thought the story was cute and you definitely can make an interesting tale! The character designs were attractive, but did not stand out as unique or interesting. Try varying some the figures once in a while, adding visual hooks like unique clothes or hairstyles (to the supporting cast I mean). I like how this continues on from your last comics, and I'm interested in seeing where Dao's story goes!

Taylor - Though brief, I thought your comic looked really polished and the colors were quite attractive! I think you've really advanced in terms of making your characters expressive, both facial and physical expressiveness. Luckily for a long fight scene, the action flowed really well. The characters in the foreground were great but I think the vehicles were too rough for my liking--but hopefully with a longer deadline you could work that out. For a one weeker, it was well done!

Puzzlething
Artist
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457 comments
# 8   Posted: Jul 6 2013, 08:32 PM
Iced Tea             -
       
                   I really like that green you chose for the line art. This was a crazy amount of pages to try and do in a week, and if anything I bring up is just cause of the deadline, just ignore it.

          Are the unfinished pages a good representation of what you put on a page before you start drawing? Instead of these massed out figures, consider starting with a more dynamic stick figure you can build off of, and use geometric shapes with general guidlines, like what you do with heads.  The only spot you seemed to try this was the bottom of page 8, when you were setting up a difficult pose/angle. Try to approach all figures this way, no matter how comfortable with them you might be.

         You also need more variety in how you shoot/pose your characters. You almost exclusively show dudes at right angles, and even then most of those shots are strait on.


OtakuTaylor                  -

                           Your rendering is often too soft and indistinct. Be more confident with your shadows and lights. You're working digitally so you can always just backstep if you mess up.

                        Your poses are still kinda static. You need to exaggerate the motion in your dudes more.  Check out the principles of animation, going back to that stuff always helps me think about action in my art cause I'm just strait up terrible at it. Have your character twist and throw themselves into their movements. Stretch and deform their bodies to accentuate what's going on. Establish a strong line of action  when you're first dropping the pose down, and follow it as closely as you can.

                      You're totally improving in leaps and bounds dude. Soon I'm not gonna have anything to say in these comment boxes, just awe-induced babbling.

PyrasTerran
Community Manager
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1345 comments
# 7   Posted: Jul 3 2013, 06:01 PM
It's cool that you both found clever enough ways of using Dao's situation to your advantage.

Iced Tea: this feels pretty rushed, and it looks like you ran out of time as well. The figures seem well enough sure, but since it's very loose lines the unfinished feel gives a serious dip in quality. BUT, I am very glad that you decided to fill out all the word bubbles anyway, because we still have a complete story here, and that gives you points on entertainment. Better luck next time!

Otakytaylor: WHAT THE SHIT MAN, in just two comics you leveled up over 9,000! This is a great improvement! your expressions and figures and just everything in general gets better each time, just keep it up and who knows where you'll be next comic! One thing you need to pay more attention to IMO is shadows. Since they're so high in the sky the sun should be hitting them with some good shadows that we see very very little of here.

      Edited Jul 3 2013,  06:02 PM by PyrasTerran

Majikura
Artist
icon
451 comments
# 6   Posted: Jul 3 2013, 10:07 AM
fai: a shame you couldn't finish, you may have gotten a bit too ambitious trying to do 12 pages in one week.

taylor: the lack of a defining shadows at your character's feet make them look a little floaty.  next time try making the shadow darker to help ground them.

Iced Tea
Artist
icon
59 comments
# 5   Posted: Jun 30 2013, 11:51 PM
Yeah, uploaded.

otakutaylor
Artist
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169 comments
# 4   Posted: Jun 30 2013, 03:25 PM
Finished, Uploaded, and finally going to bed. Hope it goes up ok!

Iced Tea
Artist
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59 comments
# 3   Posted: Jun 24 2013, 04:19 PM
SHUT UP TAYLOR IMMA OWN YOU PREPARE TO RISE TO THE TOP 1ST PLACE BETTER GET READY TO CHAMP

PyrasTerran
Community Manager
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1345 comments
# 2   Posted: Jun 23 2013, 04:31 PM
what's this reverse-trashtalk hullabaloo?

otakutaylor
Artist
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169 comments
# 1   Posted: Jun 23 2013, 03:41 PM
Ah man, I am gonna lose so hard. I'm fail all over the place and there ain't nothing you can do about it Iced. You gonna win by a landslide.

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Jul 7th, 2013
Votes Cast: 24
Page Views: 626
Winner: otakutaylor

 

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