Zedan Dromer vs. Sasha

Zedan Dromer vs. Sasha


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Critiques & Comments
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Crafty
Artist
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65 comments
# 19   Posted: May 16 2013, 03:02 AM
Man, I really like both of these. Bent, that is some beautiful linework, I absolutely adore all that detail. And Gallo, really nice writing and characterisation, and your art is really improving too. Good job to both of you! 8D

The Bent One
Artist
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562 comments
# 18   Posted: May 11 2013, 03:36 PM
nibbles: I'd come out of retirement (or motherhood exile, whatever you want to call it) to fight Zedan myself.  
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I wouldn't say no.

Nibbles
Artist
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192 comments
# 17   Posted: May 10 2013, 09:57 AM
I'd come out of retirement (or motherhood exile, whatever you want to call it) to fight Zedan myself.  

The Bent One
Artist
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562 comments
# 16   Posted: May 9 2013, 12:38 PM
GALLO: I wish I could write dialogue as well as you. I laughed out loud at Sasha's "Merry Fuckers" comment. Hillarious. Keep doing whachoo do. As for the actual writing, you NAILED Zedan's personality. NAILED IT. I hope you don't mind me saying that this is how I have wanted to write him, but I never knew exactly how. So thank you for giving me a good clean example to work from for future comics.

As for the art, I'll gladly repeat the old "practice anatomy advice" (although I made some pretty agregious blunders in that area myself in my comic). For some quick and dirty practice, pop in some of your favorite movies, and get some screneshots of scenes. Trace over them, but pay attention to the shapes you are using to build the forms underneath. That;s all drawing anatomy is, knowing what shapes go where and hoe to move/rearrange them to get the pose looking correct. Also, spend some time on DA looking though the stock pose accounts. There's a link to a collected list I compiled in the forums. Seriously, one session with really trying to copy the anatomy perfectly will have a HUGE improvement on your art.

Also, if you have access to photoshop (I think you told me you do), make an effort to do a comic in that. It can only help you with the drawing proccess, and there are SOOOOOOOO many things you can do with it that Flash can't.

I can't wait to see where you take this dream tattoo and the "open door" in future comics.
Never give up.
Never surrender.

KEEP DRAWING.

The Bent One
Artist
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562 comments
# 15   Posted: May 9 2013, 12:20 PM
Bobo: Ben: My first reaction to this comic was "I don't really believe you when you say 'Soon.'" I feel like you've promised a lot and not delivered very much. You got the Marked Guard started, and it seemed really cool, but then you defaulted, didn't deliver the BB you planned on submitting, and Zedan disappeared for 7 months. This comic makes it feel like you're trying to jump on the bandwagon of trying to destroy/take over VOID, except that you don't have the background of following through that will get me hyped up like Hiemie and Kura et al did. I've noticed that you like to get involved in a lot of stuff, and I think you're spreading yourself too thin. I know what it's like to be involved in everything and do all the good stuff you see, but you have to just turn down anything you can't actually do. I really hope we get to see more Marked Guard stuff and whatever this is (I'm guessing it's related, but I have no way to tell for sure), but you're gonna have to turn down some other good things if that's what you want to do.
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BOBO: Have no fear, I was mainly using this comic as a test of my digital drawing skills. I'm not going to battle with Zedan until I can get that original BB finished. It's a full 22-ish page comic, so it might take some time. Or not that much, taking my new drawing speed into account. Just gotta focus on anatomy more. Yes, you are right, I then to jump the gun and get involved in things that I haven't planned properly, but starting with this comic I hope to fix that. Expect some new Marked Guard stuff this summer. I mean it.

Also, I goofed and forgot to turn off my blue lines for the last page. No reason, just lack of sleep.

POCKY: I see what you're saying. I was focusing more on getting this fully inked, but now that I look at that part of the comic (top section of page 4?) I can see that it needs a better composition. I've never drawn kids before, so I'll be sure to work on how they are represented in my style next time. As for blacks, I'm still struggling for control with them. All I can say is I shall endevor to practice more with them in lmind.

PUZZLE: Now that I think about it, I really should have added one more page between 2 and 3 with some plot element like that. It does make less sense for Zedan so suddenly switch from fun lovind dream companion to nightmare overlord tormentor that quick. I guess that comes from none of you guys knowing who the "SOON..." guy is. But seriously, He will be coming to void, and a new reign of terror shall begin to spread through the sreets...

ANIMESHEN: I kind of jumped the gun introducing the "demon" character, but he'll be explaned/introduced very soon. I just goofed on the whole characterization process. Drep.
Animeshen: ffff I completely want to fight Zedan one day.
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YESSSSS...

      Edited May 9 2013,  12:24 PM by The Bent One

Shen
Global Moderator
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1217 comments
# 14   Posted: May 9 2013, 12:16 PM
ffff I completely want to fight Zedan one day.
Both of you drew your epic Dreamscape on page 3 and both page 3s came out awesome, I wanted to say. I liked the Castle in the Clouds Adventureland of BenT's and the chaotic building of a universe in Gallo's. They look impressive and also fun to draw!
BenT you have some great lines and some awesome surreal images but I'm also not completely sure... I mean I get WHATS happening but I don't think I understand WHY. why did that demon take over Zedan? Are you gonna take a Zedan down a bad guy path... or something? still, great art!
Gallo for all the flaws other people mentioned I feel like theres some good art here too. I like your uses of space and camera movement and even some perspective. I even like how you were getting experimental with your colours. Page five WAS a little TOO green but its good you are trying stuff. theres a lot of anatomy issues that need to be worked out but that comes with plenty of practice, maybe if you have a reference folder, just go through there and draw the stuff in it (not that I'm one to talk.) and I loved Sasha in her pretty white dress lol!
Great job dudes!

Bobo
Web Dev
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860 comments
# 13   Posted: May 9 2013, 11:56 AM
Ben: My first reaction to this comic was "I don't really believe you when you say 'Soon.'" I feel like you've promised a lot and not delivered very much. You got the Marked Guard started, and it seemed really cool, but then you defaulted, didn't deliver the BB you planned on submitting, and Zedan disappeared for 7 months. This comic makes it feel like you're trying to jump on the bandwagon of trying to destroy/take over VOID, except that you don't have the background of following through that will get me hyped up like Hiemie and Kura et al did. I've noticed that you like to get involved in a lot of stuff, and I think you're spreading yourself too thin. I know what it's like to be involved in everything and do all the good stuff you see, but you have to just turn down anything you can't actually do. I really hope we get to see more Marked Guard stuff and whatever this is (I'm guessing it's related, but I have no way to tell for sure), but you're gonna have to turn down some other good things if that's what you want to do.

Now, with that out of the way, I really love your art. The details you put into everything are beautiful and your line quality is very nice. I loved the dream quality to this comic and how you used your art to communicate it. I'm not sure why you left your blue sketch lines on the last page, but other than that I really loved the art in this whole thing. Page 3 and the top of 4 could have used a little more contrast to direct the eye. Anyways, I hope we get to see more from you soon!

Gallo: As always, your humor got me right where it hurts. Or something. I love crazy Zedan so much more than serious Zedan hahah. And Sasha's attitude is great. You get my points for entertainment. As for the art, are you still inking in Flash, or does OpenCanvas just have similar oddities when doing linework? Because it still looks off to me. I'd almost like to see something hand-inked, just to see the difference. Also, a lot of your backgrounds were kind of bare, most notably the top of page 5, which would have been way more impressive if there were something to look at in the landscape instead of just a big empty bunch of hills. Honestly, I'm not that impressed if all Zedan can build is a bunch of empty hills hahah. But yeah, just keep on drawing, work on your linework and backgrounds, and I will keep reading everything you do because I love it!

Inquisitor Galloglasses
Artist
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23 comments
# 12   Posted: May 9 2013, 11:33 AM
Apologies about the colour palette, I actually was experimenting in this one to emphasis the fact that it was a dream. I tried to give a surreal feel "This is too bright to be normal" although I kinda raped the green hills with the gradient a bit too much. Same thing with the bright clashing colours, since normally 99.9% of my colouring is usually dull versions of colours rather then bright. Also puzzle yes I do have an auto-smooth function on, but that was an evil neccessity this fight rather then laziness, as I had crap piling up and work making the idea of going through each line and smoothing them individually a practical impossibility in my case. Although that said, I do rely on it a bit too much in other cases. And pineapple is right, I have never been good with hands. Like, at all. I'll take the advice on board, I didn't notice Zedan had six fingers until you pointed it out.

Puzzlething
Artist
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457 comments
# 11   Posted: May 9 2013, 09:13 AM
  Bent   -


    I love the fairytale feel of this. The first two pages of the story really drew me in, I could totally read a whole comic of Zedan and Sasha's adventures in dreamland. I only wish there had been a little more of a "why" for that guy appearing and taking over Zedan.  Since you had the whole whimsical fable thing going on, you could've easily made it a fairytale type mistake, like Sasha touching something she shouldn't have.


   GalloGlasses         -

                       Seconding the dislike for your palette. You only seem to use one version of a colour, and it's always like the most intense, digital shade of that colour. You need to consider how the colours on the page interact with eachother, and what sort of mood you want to create. Right now, It just seems like you're thinking "This object is red, this is yellow, this is green". You should go mess about in some of the color help threads in the forum and get some pointed advice.

    I don't know if I should ask this, but are you using something that auto-smooths your lines after you put them down? Your line quality seems to kink in certain spots, and it changes in weight at odd times. Stuff like the bed and pillow on the 6th page remind me of the way flash can auto-smooth a line. I'm really really sorry if I'm being rude, it's just a question that's bugging me.


          I think you guys did a nice job using the time you were given. It's always great when I feel like I don't need to qualify my critique's with " For a 1 weeker". Your comics are consistent artistically , tell a complete story, and don't look rushed. That's no small thing, so you guys should feel pretty good about yourselves!

Pennydox
Artist
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230 comments
# 10   Posted: May 9 2013, 08:16 AM
hey hey, don't sweat it Bent, for a one weeker, more than three pages is already accomplishment. Not to mention there was an actual plot.

Bent: Little kids got to look like little kids. Their eyes should be squeemishly innocent and bubbly, while their heads a proportional to that and their body as well. I see you spent some time drawing the images. Regarding Sasha and the other pages, I won't mess with you and anatomy, at least you know it. But what makes it bothersome is actually the proportion from the character to the page. Because she's zoomed in so much/large on the image, it kind of takes out the mood from her and the comic. When you draw the character smaller in a larger environment, the character will look more doomed for their life (especially since this is an innocent childhood image of herself). And while you're playing with blacks and whites, try making some scenes have more contrast with more blacks. Usually black is associated with darkness, so when you've got more black in some of the scenes, it makes it feel even more darker.

Inquisitor: I kinda giggled when i saw a panel on page 3 where zedan had six fingers. Let's take a step back here, since I can rant on and on, and I'd like you to work on one thing at a time. Let's start with hands. I'd like you to make a fist with one hand, and draw that fist in different angles while you're posing. Then, open your hand up a little and draw the same pose in different angles. This is because you have the concept of what you want to draw, but doing it in your head seems to be a little cloudy because you don't understand what it really looks like (you're imagining how to draw something without knowing how the real thing should actually be). Also, figure out your color palate. the grass's color definitely looks too....green.

The Bent One
Artist
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562 comments
# 9   Posted: May 9 2013, 12:51 AM
Uploaded. 5 pages. (PLUS A SHITTY COVER)

I ended up drawing this all in the last 2 days, so there's anatomy issues all over the place.

ONE WEEKERS. NEVER AGAIN.

      Edited May 9 2013,  03:43 AM by The Bent One

Inquisitor Galloglasses
Artist
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23 comments
# 8   Posted: May 8 2013, 05:33 PM
Uploaded 5 pages, 7 if you want to count the title and end page.

The Bent One
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562 comments
# 7   Posted: May 7 2013, 02:57 PM
Inquisitor Galloglasses: Work is kicking me in the ass, so I may not get the full six pages done but I'll try.
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You can do it. I want to see it. NOW DRAW!

Thresher
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166 comments
# 6   Posted: May 7 2013, 02:51 PM
Get it done.

Inquisitor Galloglasses
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23 comments
# 5   Posted: May 7 2013, 12:46 PM
Work is kicking me in the ass, so I may not get the full six pages done but I'll try.

The Bent One
Artist
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562 comments
# 4   Posted: May 7 2013, 12:09 PM
I had something for school pop up, so I had to cut back on what I was working on. I'm going a bit more experimental with this.

Inquisitor Galloglasses
Artist
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23 comments
# 3   Posted: May 1 2013, 04:51 PM
I need to redeem myself anyway and I have a four day weekend coming up, lets have a go.

Bobo
Web Dev
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860 comments
# 2   Posted: May 1 2013, 04:33 PM
NO DEFAULTS

The Bent One
Artist
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562 comments
# 1   Posted: May 1 2013, 03:34 PM
I'm bringing it this time. I swear. LET'S DRAW!

EDIT: Got my outline done, gonna start writing and thumbnailing tomorrow. ON TRACK FOR ONCE.

      Edited May 1 2013,  07:46 PM by The Bent One

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: May 16th, 2013
Votes Cast: 27
Page Views: 691
Winner: The Bent One

 

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