2013 Tag Tournament: Round 1 / Scrumpy and Mammon vs. Gossamer Swan and Kojiro

2013 Tag Tournament: Round 1 — Scrumpy and Mammon vs. Gossamer Swan and Kojiro

by Rah and Magistelle


2704 points
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2036 points
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Critiques & Comments
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Kozispoon
Approval Committee
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940 comments
# 25   Posted: Mar 13 2013, 01:29 PM
BECHS & MAGISTELLE- Omigosh omigosh omigosh. I thought the mini previews during your livestreams showed off your pages rather well, but seeing the finished product is such a treat. The colors are rich, the action is boss and your styles and contributions to these pages are seamless. Honestly, I don't know where Bechs ends and Magz begins. You two are definitely a team to watch out for!

I have to give a nod to your work on that first panel, Bechs. your handle of buildings/environments is stellar. I also like how you use black to enhance a scene instead of using it to 'hide' certain aspects. As you for Magz, the fact you used alot of warm colors and reds really added an extra BAM to Mammon's battle rage. I seriously can't wait for what you guys do for round two!

BARNZi88 & AJ- Glorious title page. It really socks you in the face with the promise of an all out brawl- comic style! That said, it feels like there was a dip in quality once you get past that flashy page 1. Granted, I know this tournament is all about having that deadline breathing down your neck while still trying to submit quality work, but it is something I noticed.

I do like that your side of the battle isn't so matter of fact and direct. You include all sorts of elements involving other participants and really flesh out the world in which the teams are battling and even use said world to influence the fight! I got so into the tale that the sudden break of part two was really weird. It was almost like we lost a good bunch of footage from this comic only to come back in the middle of something else which was disappointing. The explanation doesnt even make sense as it mentions scrumpy and mammon 'stepped in their way', when the pages after clearly show that gossamer & kojiro fly over to them, land behind them and fists begin flying.

JayKat
Artist
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338 comments
# 24   Posted: Mar 4 2013, 01:08 AM
Thank you for the critiques guys, I'll admit they're really hard for me to swallow but I'll try to keep these in mind for next time. I really do suck horrendously at handling dialogue (or any story-writing), and to be honest I'm not too happy with the final result. But, oh well...

It's been really interesting battling you Team Teeth. So congrats on your win. Maybe in the near future we could rematch?



      Edited Mar 4 2013,  01:09 AM by JayKat

William_Duel
Community Manager
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885 comments
# 23   Posted: Mar 3 2013, 08:33 PM
Becs and Mags, you guys are truly the powerhouse team and I am truly jealous of you guys.  The cover is the most amazing piece of art.  Overall, there's very little to complain about.  Anatomy is the common factor and going back to the cover, for example Scrumpy's back and arm position aren't super natural and while there are other small weight issues throughout, it's something that will develop as you guys polish your skills (or whoever did the linework).  The backgrounds are great, the very first establishing shot is gorgeous, the flow of action is fun and the expressions are amazing.  I found AJ's face to be a bit inconsistent at times but it might be an understandable part of translating a character you aren't used to.  I would say just to be careful with that in the future.  I like the experiments in perspective but you guys can really push the envelope there, it's a bit too safe and not as dynamic as it could be.  I'd like to suggest as reference, a manga I find to be particularly good at this called Mushibugyo.  
http://www.batoto.net/comic/_/comics/joujuu-senjin-mushibugyo-r4380
An example: http://i46.tinypic.com/2yyqn9u.png

So to sum it up, keep pushing yourselves and experiment.  Your basics are already pretty strong and your colors are eyecatching.  You guys are gonna go far!

Barn Aj: AJ one thing I've always liked about your art are the very expressive and dynamic poses that are typical of Western comics, or more specifically Marvel.  But you are a dude who needs to pay more attention to backgrounds.  There's too much white space and while the action can be great, what you've got here is far too incomplete.  Barn, you are like AJ in that you detail the characters and neglect the background.  You also rely far too much on digital tricks to the point that it takes away from the art.  The demon word bubbles take away far too much away from what's going on, your digital lines are too loose and reveal themselves as such with sometimes sloppy shading.  The anatomy of your males is much weaker than your female.  Gossamer Swan looks great and because of that it becomes more obvious how flawed everyone else is.  That said, page 8 is probably my favorite because it is the cleanest and most well done in composition and flow.  My hope was that instead of trying to piece two parts together you guys would have shared the duties more and tried to soften each other's weaknesses.   Either way you guys did do a good job of turning in on time and having a more or less, if not anticlimactic, story.  Please continue to battle and make comics because I see your potential for greatness and you guys should push yourselves to fulfill it.  

Shojin
Artist
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92 comments
# 22   Posted: Mar 3 2013, 04:54 PM
Becs & Magistelle: Really awesome work here you two.  It doesn't even look like this is your first time working together.  The lines for the comic were great and I love all expressions, especially Mammon is extra animated in here.  It was a nice action story, though I wish you had established how they met, as it seems implied that they knew each other before the TTT.  The transformation of Kojiro's character into his demonic form is very nice, both drawing wise and use of color.  The colors used throughout the comic were stellar, you two have a killer team going on and whatever you two are doing, keep up the good work since it is obviously working really well for you.  I can't wait to see what you have in store next.

Barnzi88 & AJ: First off, glad to see you both back in Void. I like that you tried to establish how scrumpy and mammon were tied together as well as the beginning of the scene/conflict  in the story and even tied it to the Orphanage ordeal that seems to be a focus in this tourney.  I wished that some of that kind of attention was put to your team of Gossamer and Kojiro, though it is known that they are affliated via Arena's Entourage.  I had no idea that Arena had disbanded the team so I had to go back and check on what exactly happened so several questions popped up in my head.  Are Kojiro and Gossamer individually looking for Arena (which I'm sure they have their own separate agendas in regards to Arena)  and just happened to team up?  These sort of questions are in my mind.  The backgrounds can be a little more populated especially in part two where it seems backgrounds have been dropped completely.  It's unfortunate that it's been left at such a cliffhanger and that you didn't get to finish, but you guys made a very strong start storywise. I wish you both the best in your future comics. Additionally (this is just my fanciful wish) it'd be kind of cool to see individual or even another collab between your characters in regards to the fallout of Entourage D'Arene and their reasons for pursuing Arena. :D

Mister Kent
Artist
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938 comments
# 21   Posted: Mar 3 2013, 03:15 PM
Becs/Magistelle - Very solid lines and colors all the way through. No complaints on the art really. The story was nice for the action, but pretty shallow. Swan and Kojiro really didn't have any memorable characterization, and could've easily been swapped out for any other Void fighter. That said, if you can bring it with a more engaging story next time, I daresay you'd be quite unstoppable :D

Barnzi88/AJ - Love the cover and the expressions/body language throughout. I was disappointed to see it's not quite finished, and I really would've like to see the rest of the story. You actually put effort into your opponents' characterization, which was nice to see. Be careful about the backgrounds and environments, however, as they felt very sterile and blank. Try to make your backgrounds a bit more "lived in". They don't have to be overly detailed--just give them enough detail to convey a good sense of "place".

PyrasTerran
Community Manager
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1377 comments
# 20   Posted: Mar 3 2013, 12:47 PM
Bex/Magistelle: I agree with ROFLQU's assessment that you might be the team to beat for this tournament. I can't think of a note of improvement to give you beyond what's been said. Best of luck with your future comics~

Barnzi/AG: It's a shame that this was not able to be completed. The conversation in the Orphanage office could probably have been cut down by a page or two to improve pacing, but that wouldn't mean much without a completed second half, of course. Barnzi, you could probably use a bit more contrast with the sand storm in pages 7-9. The big error in the collab that sticks out though is that AJ, your comic doesn't connect very well with Barnzi's. Hers ends with them on the ground and team teeth attacking, yours starts with Swan & Kojiro landing from the sky and attacking team teeth first. Better communication on the script, showing each other sketches before inking, would have prevented this.

4P
Artist
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114 comments
# 19   Posted: Feb 27 2013, 06:22 PM
Mags/Becs - Looking really impressive.  I loved the story and the action.  Wonderful work you two.

Tatsura (Barnzi)/AJ - Personally, I think the backgrounds could use a tiny bit more work, though the perspective's pretty good, it could use a little improvement.  Also, I felt a little disappointed that this ended on kind of a cliffhanger, and it would've been nice to see how the whole fight ended.

Looking forward to seeing what you guys do next.

neens
Approval Committee
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259 comments
# 18   Posted: Feb 27 2013, 12:20 PM
becs & mags- really nice you guys! it looks like you two really pulled it together, and the blend of both people's work is really wonderful. it was also a fun read, can't go wrong with a simple beat em up story. I dunno what else to really say about this, so good job!

barnzi & AJ- sorry guys, not into this at all. I had a hard time reading through it all, due to art and story. I'm not sure what happened at the end but to be frank I don't care because the first part was boring. looks unfinished though?

Julz
Artist
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337 comments
# 17   Posted: Feb 26 2013, 11:54 PM
Mags and Becs: I'll drink to that! I absolutely loooved page 3 panel 2. The perspective was so believable I felt vertigo for a moment! And page 6, panel 4, hilarious face on mammon! XD Excellent colors (of course) and I'm totes jealous of them liiiines. Quality stuff <3
Barnzi and AJ, I felt like the backgrounds were empty, or just not detailed most of the time. Lots of gradient, but that doesn't really help show where they are. Also, page 8 panel 3? The horizon line seems to be cutting mammon in half or something. It just looks weird. Started out really impressive though!

Miss Jetster Fukken Jay ❤︎
Artist
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148 comments
# 16   Posted: Feb 26 2013, 09:53 PM
Becs and Mags: I love this comic and how tight it is. You guys did really well for 2 weeks and this looks near professional, great work. As others have said your consistency is amazing, and the change from the inks/colours from the cover to the interiors is really hard to notice. I'm in love with your lettering too, the way you've done it is really vibrant and fun, if a little too much at times - your action is really strong, and you could probably do without quite so much dialogue and SFX. The story is also really fun if a little simple - would love to see you guys pull something a bit beyond 2 guys in a Tournament bashing up some people. You've got some great conflict between your characters already that looks like it will be a lot of fun to develop, can't wait to see more!

Barnzi & AJ: There's a lot going on about orphanage so far, but out of the comics that mention them, this one probably does the best job of not needing me to know a whole lot of backstory. Your shading is pretty alright and most of the character work - their portrayal in your writing and drawings - is pretty good. The story has a great start, but it's really top heavy. It doesn't feel like it's going anywhere, and the lack of an ending doesn't help... Sometimes the dialogue is pretty over the top, and I think for the most part there's just too much of it. The dialogue from Scrumpy's demon is really hard to read at times (especially on that first page), I'd just remember that white text needs to be on really dark backgrounds to be readable. The figures are often a little stiff at the start, but it looks like you work into it and it does get better. In 'Part 2' you really need to watch sillhouttes though - not only are the characters really 'posey' (ie. it looks like they are set up for a picture), but in that second panel of the second last page, it is really hard to seperate Kojiro from Gossamer Swan. I think this comic could have been awesome, just needed a little more time than the two weeks, perhaps!

Great job guys!

Con
Artist
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90 comments
# 15   Posted: Feb 26 2013, 11:18 AM
Bemagi: I thought that you guys have one of the strongest style mergings in the whole tournament. The way the colours, lines, and writing was done I really couldn't tell where one of you ended and the other one began. I thought you guys also had one of the most consistant comics in the tournament as far as quality was concerned and it turned out to be one of my favourites. Nice work. It was nice to see the way your characters interacted, it seemed very natural, but it didn't really get very far beyond that. I know it's a very void thing though, so I definately wouldn't fault you for it. I just hope to see a bit more interaction between these two in the future because they're hilarious. Accents? Good, good. And a good old fashion beat down.

BarnJJ: I feel like your comic kept building up and up but never really came to any conclusion. It was nice to see you try and build a story and world for us to become invested in, but the pacing stumbles between the very slow entry and the fast paced jumble of meeting up with their opponents and trying to touch the overarching "koba" plot that I've seen here and there. That added up with the abrupt style change at the end and no discernible ending made for a bit of a jarring read. You did great focusing in on your opponents, but I feel like you needed quite a bit more time to reach where you really wanted to be. I would have loved to see what your characters can really do, instead of what they're involved in.

DragonHeart
Artist
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97 comments
# 14   Posted: Feb 25 2013, 03:06 PM
BecandMagi: page 3 panel 5 and page 6 panel 3 I didn't really get that that was Mammon shouting and talking. This may be my naivite about comics techniques but even so it was a bit confusing. I don't understand why you haven't just used a speech bubble. The page 3 one, I thought perhaps it was Gossamer and Kojiro shouting down at Mammon and Scrumpy maybe.
I know Becs did the linework and I think its all great, there is room for improvement in perspective though. It seems you only really did one point perspective for backgrounds and the already really great dynamic comic could probably be made even better by some more interesting 2 point or even 3 point perpective panels.
Compliments, it flowed great, all the facial emotions and body language was really well done (I particularly liked Scrumpy clicking his neck after the battle) and the colouring was beautiful.

BarnandAJ:
Out of the two comics this has a more engaging story and there is good characterisation coming through with the dialogue.
The two different sections of the comic done by you two were not very seemlessy integrated though, in fact it was quite jarring. I think at the very least you should have both used the same colour pallette/toning. The little pages to fill us in on details weren't really necessary, they take away from visual appeal of the comic as a whole and add to the seperation between the two parts. Also, why did dialogue stop after the change in artist?
I think you are both good at drawing but AJ, you need to find a way that suits you to differentiate things between foreground and background, for page 11 panel 2 the only thing that tells me there flying through the air is the size difference. Mark making, colout, tone, line width, those are all things that you can experime nt with, and probably loads more.

Great work all four of you. Really enjoyed reading them both!

Pennydox
Artist
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230 comments
# 13   Posted: Feb 25 2013, 10:05 AM
becs/Magistelle: Hey, this looks very beautiful, both of the drawings and colors blended very nicely, with a little touch of blur, which gives more depth. It's just a thing to think about, as no one would care to be very meticulous about it, is that if it was a real camera that didn't have an extreme fancy lens, when you focus up on something (say, the face), the blur effect is at different increments--the area next to the face would be slightly blurry, then the farther off from the focal point, the blurrier it will get. Because you have two eyes, it gets rid of this kinda issue, but because a camera lens is only one 'lens', focus is different. Check page seven, panel 5--notice how scrumpy's legs are so sharp, when your focal point is his arms and face? If you wanted to make it stronger, you could have given it a slight blur on the legs. The extreme camera angles are beautiful. Sound effects are nice, but I feel that a little more variety in font type might be good. Also, some of the sound effects overpower the visuals in the comic--with such nice, convincing pictures, you don't need to work so hard to stick words all over it.

Barnzi88/AJ: The text on page 10 made a good transition (otherwise I might have been a little confused). It feels a bit unfinished. Although the drawings on page eleven and twelve are nice eye candy, it could go with some more details and backgrounds. If the two main characters in this specific story were your own, I would have said it was a good establishment for the TTT, but you started out with Mammon and Scrumpy, and if you won/lost, it would have probably made it more of a challenge for the next round. Slightly confusing with Scrumpy's head talking in the beginning, but I figured it out after a few pages. Try not to abuse the 'stroke' option on fonts, because I feel the width size you used on the 'stroke' thing is a bit thick, and kind of overpowers the words itself (instead of looking at the words, it feels like I'm looking at the shape around it more). I think the sand thing was really cool though, it had that nice magical touch to the scenery. I am going to note that in the future, when you use computer gradients, try not to select a giant large area and put a gradient on it just yet. Sometimes different shades of black+white ratios will make shadows and silhouettes different--a more intense black will make things seem stronger, a very light gray gradient can give you a hint of depth, etc (you need to experiment here). Not sure if you were doing it, but when you use a gradient on top of a gradient, try making a separate layer for the gradient on top and setting it to 'multiply', so that the shade of the top gradient overlaps the bottom one, making it more convincing that one shadow is darker than the other one.

Congratulations on your first round, both of you!


      Edited Feb 25 2013,  10:06 AM by Pennydox

William_Duel
Community Manager
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885 comments
# 12   Posted: Feb 25 2013, 08:43 AM
AJ and Swan's entry seems to be slightly out of order.

Mister Kent
Artist
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938 comments
# 11   Posted: Feb 24 2013, 07:27 PM
So psyched to see these four in action :D

Rah
Artist
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57 comments
# 10   Posted: Feb 24 2013, 07:17 PM
All uploaded and ready to go! :)

JayKat
Artist
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338 comments
# 9   Posted: Feb 24 2013, 02:33 AM
I think I finally figured out how to upload my half.

Seriously, the new system for uploading comics is so confusing (at least to me). But my part's up now, thank goodness. Can't wait to see Becs' and Magistelle's part XD

Sabulive
Artist
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131 comments
# 8   Posted: Feb 11 2013, 08:13 PM
ERMERGERD, cannot wait!

JayKat
Artist
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338 comments
# 7   Posted: Feb 11 2013, 04:30 PM
DAAAAH SHIIEEET...

I woke up to this?? Oh well...let's give it our all!

Rah
Artist
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57 comments
# 6   Posted: Feb 11 2013, 02:39 PM
OH YEAH IT'S ON

Magistelle
Artist
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47 comments
# 5   Posted: Feb 11 2013, 12:24 PM
AWWWSHEEUT

Pennydox
Artist
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230 comments
# 4   Posted: Feb 11 2013, 09:59 AM
good luck!

Wolcik
Artist
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492 comments
# 3   Posted: Feb 11 2013, 09:54 AM
Street fighting!!

Bobo
Web Dev
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861 comments
# 2   Posted: Feb 11 2013, 09:08 AM
GO GO GO!!!

E.W. Schneider
Artist
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1041 comments
# 1   Posted: Feb 11 2013, 08:40 AM
Good luck you crazy kids!

Comic Details -

 
Type: Tournament Match
Drawing Time: 2 weeks
Ended: Mar 3rd, 2013
Votes Cast: 58
Page Views: 1303
Winner: Rah and Magistelle

 

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