Invitational Tournament 2012: Round 1 / Nyasuu vs. Udesuline

Invitational Tournament 2012: Round 1 — Nyasuu vs. Udesuline

by Julz


796 points
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740 points
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Critiques & Comments
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PyrasTerran
Community Manager
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1364 comments
# 34   Posted: Apr 16 2012, 06:36 PM
Julienya: This comic's kind of all over the place and it's hard to keep involved with it. I hope in future comics you can mellow out the story.

Chemicalnova: The textures are too hard on the rest of your work, sometimes it's really hard to see. It may have actually been better to have just the white. What IS finished looks nice, but this story also suffers since I can barely see what is going on half the time.

Hope to see improvements from future comics, you too~ keep it up!

TINMAN
Artist
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140 comments
# 33   Posted: Apr 16 2012, 08:26 AM
Julienya: I actually love your character and your pacing but this comic loses some steam for all the memes. The lines were a bit messy for how nice the colors were but you clearly put a lot of work into it. I would like to have seen more of Nyassu in combat, putting that bow and arrow to use but I understand its just something to look forward to.

Chemical Nova: I love your lines, you draw beautifully when time allows it seems, but time was not on your side this week. It began quite promising but fizzled out and I think the filters just detracted further from your lines and comedy otherwise. All the NSFW stuff isn't really funny nor provocative, I think more time could have been spent actually battling. I'd like to see more of your art, its quite charming- just lose the potty humor. I'll find a way to deal with the nudity.

Angie
Council
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1937 comments
# 32   Posted: Apr 15 2012, 06:48 PM
Julienya-Fairly nice comic and very cute. I noticed your coloring was sort of inconsistent, try to set an established palette and you shouldn't have any problems keeping things consistent. The story felt a bit random, like you couldn't control your pacing very well.

Chemicalnova-it has a nice start, but I think your use of texture was used as a bandaid to hide the unfinished nature of the comic. Texture is a nice tool, but it doesn't make things suddenly finished. It also hurt your readability because you had these very thin lines against this dirty texture, which caused your linework to get lost.

Shen
Global Moderator
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1206 comments
# 31   Posted: Apr 10 2012, 11:48 PM
well I'm not %100 on what exactly happened in either of these, they both seemed a bit rushed or disjointed and I got a bit confused about the story. But you both have a fun style, I would like to see more of these characters!

Julz
Artist
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327 comments
# 30   Posted: Apr 10 2012, 07:24 PM
Thank you for the feedback! Honestly, I'm learning more about my style and aspects that need sharpening than I ever would have alone. This community is really good about being honest and really has a focus on improvement and that is exactly what I need- a swift kick in the right direction. I've never been so critical about it. I'm serious about how helpful this is. I guess telling you all how much this helps doesn't mean much so I guess I'll just have to prove it to you >=3

      Edited Apr 10 2012,  07:25 PM by Julz

DelBarrio
Artist
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426 comments
# 29   Posted: Apr 10 2012, 01:04 PM
Jules: I got a good giggle from that! The story made little to no sense and you took a TON of shortcuts to get from point A to point B, then back again. Lines and colors could definitely be cleaned up. SO. MANY. MEMES. I'm honestly not completely opposed to including memes in comics- as long as they make some kind of sense in the context and aren't overused. Unfortunately, you overused 'em (as others have already pointed out, so I won't grill you on it XD.) I like your character- she's cute 'n spunky- and would enjoy seeing you develop her further.

Chemi: Gonna be honest- I didn't care much for this. Heavy texturing won't cover up the fact that your pages have no detail. The story was disjointed and everything about it just felt unnecessary. I DO however, really like how you draw your ladies' faces, when you bother to put effort into them. The pinups on the cover page felt really odd and out of place. Also, feet. If you're gonna draw bare feet, please give them toes- even poorly drawn toes look better than no toes at all. Use more line variation, work on your figures, more detail, less photoshop textures, and do not ever use videos for your comic. This is a comic site, not a video site. I didn't even bother looking for the link at the end. I really feel you have a nice character here, it would be great to see you work more on her instead of poorly executed toilet humor. In all, DRAW MORE COMICS. I want to see some improvement.

I'd love to see you both work with a longer deadline. Both entries are just sooooo rushed, haha.

Hiemie
Artist
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511 comments
# 28   Posted: Apr 10 2012, 11:05 AM
Julie: It looked kinda nice, but just felt all forms of rushed. You really need to work on positioning of characters within the background space. It looks awkward and flat. Also, you go from one page where she starts running, and immediately the next panel is her relieved she found the exit "finally." There was no conveyance of time. I have no idea why the frog was her weakness, why she threw her bow away and I generally felt confused at the end. It's sad, cause I enjoyed the fantasy adventure start. I feel as you were pressed for time and was unsure how to ration it. Keep on trucking though. You only get better by trying.

Chem: Jeez, I also had little idea what was going on here. Crying in the woods, vagina flashing, pooping, fish stealing. Also, I couldn't get the video to work, nor do I feel you needed to make one to end the comic. I really want you to start working on your clarity. I know you have it in you.

Kinu
Artist
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150 comments
# 27   Posted: Apr 9 2012, 10:41 PM
I found yours funny Julienya. (I laughed at the memes) But you should leave em out to keep everybody at peace. You just said you would so I'll stop being redundant. I liked that you took the time to color yours. Bravo!

Chem, my only problem is that it seems un-finished. Everything else I liked. (Including the titties)

Good work, ya'll. Lookin' forward to more

Julz
Artist
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327 comments
# 26   Posted: Apr 9 2012, 07:54 PM
There will be 100% less memes in round 2.

Popokoli
Artist
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16 comments
# 25   Posted: Apr 9 2012, 04:40 PM
Julienya: Ack, the memes bothered me to no end. Other than that, it was absolutely fine. The action was a bit... mild, with very little movement in the bodies, but it was great nonetheless!A few bits were anticlimactic, though, i.e. the fight scene. The quality with each panel varied to the point that I liked one bit, and then felt disappointed with the others. Keep up the hard work!

Chemicalnova: your idea was definitely humorous, although it clashes with the first part. I understand the time constraint, but spend a bit more effort on backgrounds and lineart! The choice of colour (or lack thereof) is a bit disturbing and difficult on my eyes. Nothing pops out, since there isn't really much shading or contrast in anything. Dunno why you didn't go ahead and colour all of the pages, but then again, there's time to consider! Also, sudden vag was sudden.

You both did awesome-ly!

Chemicalnova
Artist
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38 comments
# 24   Posted: Apr 9 2012, 01:08 PM
@ my hats i have a hard time seperating porn and comics(i spend too long drawing it the past couple of months) i've trying to break away from it but i always find myself drawing it again. hopefully next time i can cut it out.

since i dont think i did a very good job on my story i'll sum it up, udesuline is out in the forest, just awoken and remembering and exploring. second part nyasuu is stealing fish after just showing up in void (she is trying to use her outerworldly money. she steals a bag of fish which ends up being rotten/old. she has to use the bathroom because of the fish and thinks no one is around.

Julz
Artist
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327 comments
# 23   Posted: Apr 9 2012, 10:04 AM
Okay no more memes from me ^^;;;


      Edited Apr 9 2012,  11:18 AM by Julz

MyHatsEatPeople
Artist
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387 comments
# 22   Posted: Apr 9 2012, 09:52 AM
Julienya: If there's anything I hate more then game pop culture reference in comics it's memes. NO MEMES. They're not funny where they belong and they're not funny in comics. They're lousy and a lazy way to have a gag.
okay... Now I got that off my chest. Your style has potential but it's obvious you rushed these pages, and It's really confusing to understand what's going on at all, what you have of dialogue is boring and I can't really make out what story you were trying to put across. I do like your character's design. Your work has potential. I AM NOT BEING MOODY WITH YOU, I do want to see more of your work - honest.

ChemicalNova: Though I could sort of get a story at the beginning of your comic it started to fall apart later on. You have a nice style but you need to work on your lines a bit because they're a little sloppy in places. Also, why did I see vagina? why do did I see boobs? Are you trying to win me over with my sex-drive? As Fed already noted, keep nudity (and anything in that matter) in context with your story.

Good job from both of you.

      Edited Apr 9 2012,  09:52 AM by MyHatsEatPeople

maa703
Artist
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16 comments
# 21   Posted: Apr 9 2012, 09:49 AM
Julienya: YEEAAAAAHH

Chemicalnova: there is no such thing as unnecessary titties.

Julz
Artist
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327 comments
# 20   Posted: Apr 9 2012, 09:45 AM
hehe okay I'll lay off the references XD

Chemicalnova
Artist
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38 comments
# 19   Posted: Apr 9 2012, 09:40 AM
Sorry fed D: i just have grown so accustom to drawing them, i feel the need to insert them :_:

like 80% of my works contain unnecessary titties, its a hard habit to break.

Fed
Artist
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161 comments
# 18   Posted: Apr 9 2012, 09:33 AM
Julienya: Your story seems a bit messy, especially the last page which does not make any sense to me at all.. That said, your expressions are great and I like the vibrant colors. I would knock off the pop-culture references and memes if I were you, they are distracting I feel (but that's just my opinion)

ChemicalNova: first of all; I like titties as much as the next guy, but in the context of a story please.. That said I feel the story runs a bit aground, there is no conflict and no resolution.. Your art on the other hand is great, shame you didn't have time to color in the last pages, the texture brings a very interesting look to the comic

Chemicalnova
Artist
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38 comments
# 17   Posted: Apr 9 2012, 09:03 AM
Julienya: SHE's NAKED! Nyasuu takes her garments off I was surprised by the nudity. XD
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haha, i figured i'd warn people in the beginning since the last time i posted a nude in chat everyone foamed from the mouth with rage xD not really just got embarrassed in class looking at nudies, while their buddies next to them watched with one hand.

Julz
Artist
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327 comments
# 16   Posted: Apr 9 2012, 08:58 AM
SHE's NAKED! Nyasuu takes her garments off I was surprised by the nudity. XD

Julz
Artist
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327 comments
# 15   Posted: Apr 9 2012, 08:57 AM
o_0

Chemicalnova
Artist
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38 comments
# 14   Posted: Apr 9 2012, 12:36 AM
Click at the end of reading my comic..... http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10150637414611353

Chemicalnova
Artist
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38 comments
# 13   Posted: Apr 8 2012, 09:43 PM
Slagglle:
Chemicalnova: Man i  wish we could have thumbed out pages : O i had a cool idea with the black and white udesuline i did on the first page all drawn out long.
Quote

Don't let that idea go to waste now.

http://entervoid.com/index.php?topic=10587.0

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i cant email :< gmail hates me and - does too, i end up having to send files through Facebook.

      Edited Jan 11 2013,  12:04 PM by Chemicalnova

Slagglle
Artist
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61 comments
# 12   Posted: Apr 8 2012, 09:28 PM
Chemicalnova: Man i  wish we could have thumbed out pages : O i had a cool idea with the black and white udesuline i did on the first page all drawn out long.
Quote

Don't let that idea go to waste now.

http://entervoid.com/index.php?topic=10587.0


Chemicalnova
Artist
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38 comments
# 11   Posted: Apr 8 2012, 09:20 PM
Man i  wish we could have thumbed out pages : O i had a cool idea with the black and white udesuline i did on the first page all drawn out long.

Chemicalnova
Artist
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38 comments
# 10   Posted: Apr 8 2012, 09:18 PM
Julienya: did you submit it yet? 2 hours left =3
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yeppers, didnt get a chance to color it all though D: had a tough week babysitting then working :<

I keep laughing at my own shit, literally...this is sad XD

im so like, socially deprived and slap happy right now ehehe

Julz
Artist
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327 comments
# 9   Posted: Apr 8 2012, 09:14 PM
did you submit it yet? 2 hours left =3

Chemicalnova
Artist
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38 comments
# 8   Posted: Apr 8 2012, 09:12 PM
I think im finished :d

Julz
Artist
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327 comments
# 7   Posted: Apr 8 2012, 03:11 PM
Okay I'm all done submitting <3

Julz
Artist
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327 comments
# 6   Posted: Apr 8 2012, 10:58 AM
I'm not done submitting the rest will be in an hour or two.

DelBarrio
Artist
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426 comments
# 5   Posted: Apr 1 2012, 08:30 PM
HEEEYYYYYYYYYY good luck, you two!

Julz
Artist
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327 comments
# 4   Posted: Apr 1 2012, 08:07 PM
This is going to be so exciting!

Charlie
Artist
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725 comments
# 3   Posted: Apr 1 2012, 06:10 PM
GYUUUD LUCKK.

Chemicalnova
Artist
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38 comments
# 2   Posted: Apr 1 2012, 01:28 PM
RoflQu: Good luck, you two!

Chemicalnova, use your time wisely!
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:D i will try! day 1/2 starts today.

E.W. Schneider
Artist
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1041 comments
# 1   Posted: Apr 1 2012, 11:31 AM
Good luck, you two!

Chemicalnova, use your time wisely!

Comic Details -

 
Type: Tournament Match
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Apr 16th, 2012
Votes Cast: 48
Page Views: 939
Winner: Julz

 

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