Invitational Tournament 2012: Round 1 / Mammon vs. Primal

Invitational Tournament 2012: Round 1 — Mammon vs. Primal


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PyrasTerran
Community Manager
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1364 comments
# 23   Posted: Apr 16 2012, 06:31 PM
Magistelle: great all around, honestly. I absolutely love the playing with the lights, BUT, some scenes are too dark as a result. You ARE still in a city, the last panel where he's walking down the street should have plenty of lights from various directions, unless there was a sudden blackout during the length of the comic.

Keep up the good work!

Angie
Council
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1937 comments
# 22   Posted: Apr 15 2012, 06:44 PM
Magistelle-fairly solid all around. One thing to keep an eye on is your use of color. Try not to go so dark, because it can make things a tad hard to make out. That dark purple against dark green and dark black made things sort of muddy in the opening.

TINMAN
Artist
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140 comments
# 21   Posted: Apr 12 2012, 09:52 AM
DrkDys: My condolences. Maybe make some art to honor the man. Channel emotion to make something beautiful.

Magistelle: The most striking thing was your color scheme- the bold use of purple and green evokes a villainous vibe that presides throughout the comic. Your characters and lines are solid, your pages well constructed and as a finished product its hefty. There are little niggling flaws that betray that vision tho- the sense of place is lacking, even a solid garbage can or some brickwork would have lent itself to a page of backgrounds. The choreography needed some angle change ups or added impact. The macguffin of the crystal is sort of a cheap motivation for the brawl and doesn't say much about these characters aside from their greed. Can't wait to see more from you tho, as you're stuff is so polished.

Thresher
Artist
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166 comments
# 20   Posted: Apr 12 2012, 01:10 AM
DrkDysofDre;
Real life takes priority, looking forward to seeing what you'd gotten done.

Magistelle;
I'm impressed with your output especially seeing as you only had a week to get this done. Needless to say you've set a high bar for yourself and I hope you'll hurdle it next round.

The simple colour scheme works ok, but it merges with Primal's skin colour, and drags him into the background. The backgrounds are very lax as well, you'd be better off spending the same amount of time on less pages to get some solidarity there.

You seem to avoid using gutter space, opting instead for a solid black line. This makes the panels squish together, rushing the reader along. This works well in your fight scene, but not so well at the slower paced start. You also need to work on some of the poses you've used, the impact shot on page 6 is let down by Primals stiff anatomy.
The punching shots on the next to panels also lose alot of weight because Primal doesn't really seem to be taking much punishment from them, which is what you're trying to show.

On page 7, you have Primal too far away from Mammon, making him look like he has a super long left arm just how the perspectives worked out. Don't forget you can always check your own proportions with a friend or something if you're unsure.

I hope you use that crystal in later rounds, otherwise we'll be left wondering what the point was.

The last thing this comic lacked was a strong narrative, we're not really sure what's going on. "Here's a hungry dude, he sees a crystal, somebody else wants it (says it's his), he beats that guy up and takes it, but then tosses it". At the end of the story there is no progress for Mammon, he's in the same boat as before. We are given no reason for anything and it just sorta happens. This gives us little to no investment in the story, we're not shown much of Mammon's character at the start to pull us in.

Overall, a good entry! Hoping to see you do even better next round.

I like your expressions, they do good.

Magistelle
Artist
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47 comments
# 19   Posted: Apr 10 2012, 12:05 PM
Hieme, yeah, I'll definitely try to work on improving backgrounds. Also, yeeup, the gloves are removable. xD Sorry if that's not quite clear. But thank ya very much for the critique!

Hiemie
Artist
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511 comments
# 18   Posted: Apr 10 2012, 10:51 AM
Mammon: Your backgrounds are gradients and lines. It's just off putting occasionally. You also do a lot of angles of the characters as chest up shoulder shots. With that, you have a good grasp of lighting, and it seems you can do anatomy well when you do use larger shots showing more of the body. The plot is a bit basic, but it's still a start. As a note, does Mammon wear those gloves all the time? How would he even eat a hamburger when he gets it. It's a good comic, just don't depend so much on speedlines and gradients to fill your backgrounds. They still feel empty.

DDD: Condolences. I'll crit your comic when it comes up. Just take some time off to relax. This is a time for coping, not worrying about missing a deadline on a hobby site.

Kinu
Artist
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150 comments
# 17   Posted: Apr 9 2012, 10:47 PM
Magistelle, I thoroughly enjoyed yours. Your character is deliciously cool. (Probably cuz he reminds me of my fav character, Mugen from Samurai Champloo) Honestly, the only thing that I can complain about was the lack of legit bgs, but I really didn't mind them here. I liked the action sequence. Overall, I was impressed. Great job!

DDD, whenever you can, post some stuff up bro! I know you can put in the work!

space-aged
Artist
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26 comments
# 16   Posted: Apr 9 2012, 03:43 PM
Good job Mags! I love your action scenes. Your shading is definitely improving, now it's time to work on those backgrounds. C:

Also, I wanted to send my condolences to DrkDysOfDre. I look forward to seeing your pages  when you are able to post them.

      Edited Apr 9 2012,  03:45 PM by space-aged

slothvert
Artist
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71 comments
# 15   Posted: Apr 9 2012, 03:22 PM
Niiiiice colors Magistelle! All around a solid piece of work.

Sorry to hear about the reasons for your default, DrkDysOfDre. I'll keep an eye out for your pages post-voting.

Wei Ingnan
Artist
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597 comments
# 14   Posted: Apr 9 2012, 02:12 PM
DrkDysOfDre:      I apologize for not submitting.  My grandfather passed away last night so I've been scrambling around trying to get more information from Jamaica.  This tournament is a great opportunity.  I managed to do 7 pages and would still like if the material could be critiqued in the forums (If possible).  Magistelle I enjoyed drawing your character along with mine.  And hopefully we can go head to head again in the future.  Good Luck in the tourney.  When I get the chance I will redo my design sheet (more detail and color) and come back strong in Void.  Thanks n Respect.
Quote

just submit for a beyond battle and once voting for this over it will go up

Magistelle
Artist
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47 comments
# 13   Posted: Apr 9 2012, 10:15 AM
Aww, Drk, that's totally understandable. <:) No hard feelings man. And thank you for the luck! Hope everything with you goes smoothly. <3 Also, Hat, haha yeah. I need to learn how to background a bit better. x) But I guess that's why I'm here; improvement!

MyHatsEatPeople
Artist
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387 comments
# 12   Posted: Apr 9 2012, 09:40 AM
Magistelle: hell yeah! Nice fighting at the end of the comic there, nice character but I'd like to see a bit more background from you!

Con
Artist
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90 comments
# 11   Posted: Apr 9 2012, 09:36 AM
Good work here Magistelle.

Sorry for your loss, Drk.

DrkDysOfDre
Artist
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6 comments
# 10   Posted: Apr 9 2012, 09:28 AM
Magistelle great comic!

DrkDysOfDre
Artist
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6 comments
# 9   Posted: Apr 9 2012, 09:25 AM
     I apologize for not submitting.  My grandfather passed away last night so I've been scrambling around trying to get more information from Jamaica.  This tournament is a great opportunity.  I managed to do 7 pages and would still like if the material could be critiqued in the forums (If possible).  Magistelle I enjoyed drawing your character along with mine.  And hopefully we can go head to head again in the future.  Good Luck in the tourney.  When I get the chance I will redo my design sheet (more detail and color) and come back strong in Void.  Thanks n Respect.

Fed
Artist
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161 comments
# 8   Posted: Apr 9 2012, 09:25 AM
Magistelle: Easy-peasy-lemon-squeasy.. And the first actual "fight" I've seen in the tournament so far.. KO victory! Great art and color / shading.. and Mammon just looks frightening on the cover..

EDIT! DrkDysOfDre: My condolances, I am really sorry for your loss :\

      Edited Apr 9 2012,  01:53 PM by Fed

DrkDysOfDre
Artist
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6 comments
# 7   Posted: Apr 8 2012, 12:18 PM
Putting final touches on it...

Magistelle
Artist
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47 comments
# 6   Posted: Apr 7 2012, 03:31 PM
Finally have my end of the battle up and ready. Anxious to see what Drk's cooking up. :D

Chemicalnova
Artist
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38 comments
# 5   Posted: Apr 4 2012, 10:42 AM
*eats some kfc and watches the battle unfold* YOU GO GUYS!!

space-aged
Artist
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26 comments
# 4   Posted: Apr 1 2012, 08:43 PM
Gogogogo Mags!

Charlie
Artist
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725 comments
# 3   Posted: Apr 1 2012, 06:09 PM
Good ruck.

DelBarrio
Artist
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426 comments
# 2   Posted: Apr 1 2012, 05:21 PM
Good luck, you two! :]

E.W. Schneider
Artist
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1041 comments
# 1   Posted: Apr 1 2012, 11:30 AM
This looks like a fun one, best of luck guys!

Comic Details -

 
Type: Tournament Match
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Apr 16th, 2012
Votes Cast: 55
Page Views: 912
Winner: Magistelle

 

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