Doodle Dan vs. Knife

Doodle Dan vs. Knife


222 points
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264 points
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Critiques & Comments
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E.W. Schneider
Artist
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1040 comments
# 11   Posted: Jun 4 2011, 06:42 PM
Gracious, let's get some critiques in here!

PsychoSean: Wow, this looks a lot better since we last saw you. Your lines are looking a lot less random and scribbly and more controlled. I like this a lot better than your previous work and I think it's a sure sign you're progressing steadily. I like that Ziggy is utilized still here, too.

That knife throw on panel 2 is nice, but that stop when it reaches the first panel looks weird. I think it should have either not gone that far or shouldn't have broken the panel at all. I think you also need to spend time working on your backgrounds and buildings, because they feel sort of lacking here. You have this gorgeous Robert Crumb-esque picture of Doodle Dan and Ziggy on page 6 but I just see that blank and dead background behind them.

You really need to work on drawing women. She's looking ridiculously muscular here and I think it's because you do muscular for a majority of your people. Also, wrinkles. You add far too many wrinkles for regular people who aren't old. This one is looking better in that regard for the most part, but the problem is still there. I would take the time to draw people out of a book or look at how your favorite artists or other people do it. To make all those wrinkles and making every single line really doesn't work in your favor. If you have any questions about what I said, feel free to contact me and follow up. This was a good start and it's a real shame you didn't finish up, but I hope next time works in your favor!

ttnt: Welcome to the site. This was a good introduction to Knife. I don't care about all these other characters included in the flashback and a lot of it felt unneeded, almost like we're expected to know everyone here. I would rather have seen more action and interaction between Doodle Dan and Knife.

You need to get a hold on your blacks here, too. It's a little too heavy and has a lot of space that could have been utilized for stronger, more detailed backgrounds within or instead of that black. Your flashback sequence was a lot easier to read comparatively. Also, your panels have no gutter space of any kind to speak of and all the action is shoved in tight-knit because of it. There's no breathing room and it makes it a little hard to process everything at once.

If you're going to do handwritten for your comics, then work on your handwriting to make it more legible. A lot of it is somewhat hard to read. Take your time and slow down with it or start finding a nice font to use for this. Besides all the problems you've got, I think you're going to do just fine here. This was a good first showing. If you have any questions about what I said, feel free to contact me and follow up. Nice first battle, good job!

Sean Patrick Kelly
Artist
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117 comments
# 10   Posted: May 30 2011, 11:40 AM
To TjChrome, Hey man don't worry. I honestly thought I was making her too muscular anyway.

To Ttnt I'm glad you like my comic and i'm happy you like how i drew knives. About the gun, I did read her bio, i just assumed since she has a militant background she would still have some experience in guns. If I hadn't been lazy and finished the comic I was gonna have her switch to being conventional and use her knives again. With your comic the negative I have to give is just the writing. Much like me in the beginning I had trouble reading some of the dialogue mostly from the flashback pages.
Besides that I love your black and white style. I always love how everyone I've faced has their own style for Doodle Dan, and yours is probably the funniest looking. Nothing bad about, I find it hilarious how Knife is keeping such a straight face throughout this fight. I also love the idea of the flashback having light red or pink as texture. It gave it this hazy feeling like just rough idea of what she can remember. Another thing I like is how she sees his face and begins to talk her native tongue but i can't tell if it's fear or triggering a memory. Honestly I couldn't have see it with any other reaction. I would love to see you finish this and post it as a BB, if not then awesome fight!

William Duel thank for the critique, I didn't notice but yea it is really flat. But I am SO glad you mentioned Ziggy because the funny part was I  didn't mean to overdo it. But when i was inking him I just kinda spaced out and keep inking without thinking. Then when I was done I was like, " WTF " . Ironically Dan said it best on that page which made the scene hilarious to me.

Overall I'm happy with my comic and ttnt's comic, and I'm relieved nobody has complained about my writing. Still a bit sloppy but glad you guys can read the words. I just want everyone to know that whether I win or not, I'm gonna finished the rest of the comic and post it as a BB. Thanks again ttnt for the fight and you guys for always putting up with my crappy comics. don't know how to end this so Happy Memorial Day

William_Duel
Community Manager
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870 comments
# 9   Posted: May 29 2011, 12:20 PM
TjChrome: Il l'a sérieusement amoché ta Knife quand même c'est impressionnant on, Mike Tyson avec des Dresde Ôô
Bref, J'ai commencer à comprendre tes actions, que à partir des pages roses, la blague de fin était tirait par les cheveux (pour moi) par rapport à l'ambiance, que le style et la technique que tu utilise, donne. Mais elle est bien bonne. C'est vrai que vu aussi la technique et le style que tu utilise j'étais un peu perturbé dans la lecture visuel, un peu trop de masse noir posé on le sent à la va vite, j'arrête c'est ton first alors bonne chance pour le prochain fight, j'aurai de la chance si pour mon first j'arrive à plus de 6 pages en moins de 3 semaines.
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What he said.

William_Duel
Community Manager
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870 comments
# 8   Posted: May 29 2011, 09:47 AM
PSycho Sean, s'cool and all aside from the obvious not being able to finish, but in a work like this it would be good to vary linewidths or else it's kinda flat looking.  Ziggy is pretty rendered though so that makes him stand out more than the rest.

ttnt, good first showing, my problem is that you have the opposite problem most people tend to have, a lot of people when working with black and white will not use enough black, but you do it too often.  Add some gutters and strengthened panel borders to give the eye a rest.

Sean Patrick Kelly
Artist
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117 comments
# 7   Posted: May 29 2011, 06:17 AM
ttnt: well i think we're the same ^^'
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Well then, good luck (sticks out hand)

Sean Patrick Kelly
Artist
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117 comments
# 6   Posted: May 29 2011, 12:14 AM
Done as well.

...well almost.

JayKat
Artist
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328 comments
# 5   Posted: May 27 2011, 09:07 PM
I can't wait to see how this one plays out.

Sean Patrick Kelly
Artist
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117 comments
# 4   Posted: Apr 30 2011, 08:34 PM
Glad you excepted, may the best coming out swinging!!!

Minteh
Artist
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238 comments
# 3   Posted: Apr 30 2011, 09:54 AM
good luck on your first battle! make it a good one :]

Orion
Artist
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176 comments
# 2   Posted: Apr 30 2011, 08:10 AM
Alrighty! New kid versus Crazy kid! Can't wait. :)

E.W. Schneider
Artist
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1040 comments
# 1   Posted: Apr 30 2011, 06:51 AM
Hey, good luck ttnt! Can't wait to see your first battle!

Good luck to you too, Sean!

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 3 weeks
Ended: Jun 4th, 2011
Votes Cast: 15
Page Views: 648
Winner:

 

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