Drednaut vs. Velvet Starr

Drednaut vs. Velvet Starr

by drawdan


459 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5


by Qyzex


448 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4




Critiques & Comments
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drawdan
Artist
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294 comments
# 19   Posted: Dec 7 2009, 07:05 PM
I really appreciate all the crits, If I had managed my time a little better, I might have been able watch the anatomy isses a little closer.Though I do plan on taking Dave's advise and on my next battle embrasing my caricature and cartoon style rather than ignoring it.

michaelharris
Artist
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352 comments
# 18   Posted: Dec 7 2009, 03:58 PM
Dan, Like everyone said there were anatomy problems, most everything has been covered I just have a few suggestions. When a character changes costume(especially super hero costumes with face masks), it is usually a good idea to show them doing so. Its kinda like how in most spider-man comics they show him taking off the mask. When she changes I was sure, for a second, if it was a new character or not. I really wished you had cleaned this up too, there's a lot of photoshop erasing and a few areas where the text was inserted awkwardly. I wasn't a big fan of the Wicked Witch and Toto, I kinda wished you had given us info on them or just took them out. I did enjoy this, and itwas easy to follow, I do wish dreadnaut had been in it more.

Qyz, This was cute, a little too cute for me, but it was an easy read. I think the cartooning could be a little tighter anatomy-wise and the tones get a little out of control, but other than that, it seemed fine to me.

Darius Corry
Artist
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426 comments
# 17   Posted: Dec 7 2009, 10:07 AM
Dan- I love your work in the past, but you can def tell where you freestyled anatomy and where you used references ( as stated), but you had Velvet nailed! Hope we can battle up soon.

Qyz-Cute and quaint, can't really argue the simplicity cus action and flashbang aint always needed.Kudos.

Phill
Artist
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895 comments
# 16   Posted: Dec 7 2009, 09:13 AM
Not bad you two.


Drawdan: Pretty good, but the art is seriously lacking here, I won't go too much into the anatomy, but that does need more work done on it (small heads, big ass hands, etc...). The backgrounds need a lot more love, you had something good going on in the first page, but the backgrounds started to fade out towards the end and that really hurts you in the long run. I do however like how your pencils look, very clean and crisp, shame you couldn't ink and clean this all up nice and proper.

Now, what really bugs me is the story here, you've got two stories here dude, Velvet mistaking two regular guys on the street for thugs, and a super villain walking in on an autograph session. With the first one I was assuming Dred would come in, notice this, and deal with it in his style. That would of been a good story if a bit predictable, but when we moved to the super villain threatening the day. The first act was dropped and doesn't seem to have any connection with the second act, what really hurts in the end is the classic "To be continued" as it tells me that this just isn't a very well thought out story, that and again you don't have a finished comic.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chekhov%27s_gun  this can really help you dude. Read it all!



Qyzex: All I can say is that this was a very cute comic. Well, I can say more actually, for one thing the art isn't really your best, Drednaut didn't look like Drednaut, I realize you made him a kid, but at least give the audience a hint as to who he is aside from somebody saying his name (sunglasses, shaved head, whatever). The story however makes up for this as it's very simple, and too the point. I do wish you could of lengthened this comic though as I would of loved to have kept reading.



Overall these comics weren't half bad, work on your plots Drawdan, and Qyz, you really need to push yourself in these battles. Vote went to qyz.

alberto311
Artist
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349 comments
# 15   Posted: Dec 4 2009, 01:40 PM
Yep. I pretty much agree with all that's been said. Good job guy's.

amazingdavid
Artist
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441 comments
# 14   Posted: Dec 2 2009, 09:56 PM
Drawdan: Thx for crit Dave, some definate valid points. I am a professional caricature artists and cartoonist and that type of exaduration still tends to invade my comic book anatomy. I will keep on working on it.
Quote


Dude...why fight it...if you're a professional caricature artist...use your caricature style for your comics...I know personally I for some reason always wanted to be Joe Mad...so I tried to draw super tight anime-ish big musclely dudes but..that goes against m natural inclination which is to be a big more loose and organic...So if your natural muscle memory is to do caricatures...DO THEM...your comics will benefit greatly from that...

drawdan
Artist
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294 comments
# 13   Posted: Dec 2 2009, 02:55 PM
Thx for crit Dave, some definate valid points. I am a professional caricature artists and cartoonist and that type of exaduration still tends to invade my comic book anatomy. I will keep on working on it.

amazingdavid
Artist
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441 comments
# 12   Posted: Dec 2 2009, 01:09 PM
Quiz - I think I chortled at this comic or at the very least giggled...it was super cute..and I had thought I lost the capacity to like cute things, it hit the heart warming spot right where it was supposed to. So for entertainment and story I graded you high artwise this was pretty mediocre. The tones ween't really controlled or very descriptive the lines a bit wonky over all it just needed refinement it felt a bit rushed and haphazard...even if it wasn't. I think it needed more contrast..perhaps you could have fucked with the levels a bit in PS other. I don't think the first page was unnecessary it serves as a decent plot point to start from..."Hey there's someone that reminds me of someone else.." BA-ZING...story. If you think about some classics in literature they essentially have the same type of beginning, The Wiz, The Wizard of Oz, Alice in Wonderland, The Lion Witch and the Wardrobe....shit even Harry Potter... Mild or even extremely brief premise...then the bulk of the story is whatever the intial short premise set up...keep up the good work

Dan -firstly you need to really work on anatomical structure.  There is a clear distinction between the portions of your work that you used reference and the portions where you didn't. eg. The girl on the floor on page three with no heart...her anatomy proportion, perspective, everything is expertly done, and hte figure in the foreground just looks oddly malformed in comparison. Page one The first panel I have no idea what's going on with that pose ...it's just...wrong...the arms are too long in comparison to the torso...the femur is shorter than the tibia and fibula...she's weirdly scrunched...and these kinds of anatomical problems are pervasive through the whole comic...Page 4 in the line evveryone is a Midget...short fat arms huge heads long torsos short legs...perhaps you need to reference all your shots.  Tony Harris (the guy who draws Ex Machina) Greg Land, Alex Maleev, Alex Ross, reference every single one of their panels.Respectable talented working artists.  It seems like you can draw...just not from your head. And if you did draw that girl lying on the floor from memory and not a photo or model...then you really need to work on consistency. The story was meh...I don't think there was enough of a build up for the cliffhanger to matter to me. I wanted to like this comic cuz the jokes were pretty funny but everything was all mashy and abrupt and I couldn't get invested in it...

cheers
db

(Pi)
Artist
icon
475 comments
# 11   Posted: Dec 2 2009, 12:35 PM
dan, your lettering really shines in this piece, i hope you do more like it in the future. as for you lines though, it feels like you really rushed towards the end of the comic. proportions/anatomy was off a little in the beginning, but on page 4 it got really awkward and stiff. loosen up and try working some more poses. i know you really like the superhero extreme poses, but try doing lighter stuff too, it'll really improve your figures overall.

qyz, nice to see you back. like dan said, showing more of dreds' character would be nice, especially since it doesn't really match up with the character we're familiar with. art was cool, i like the variation in value a lot. the bright spots really "shined" when they were used.

Qyzex
Artist
icon
670 comments
# 10   Posted: Dec 1 2009, 06:37 PM
Haha, I got a good chuckle out of your battle, Dan. You got the vulgar Velvet down pretty well. (and to be honest, I had forgotten I gave her the Sky High persona... haha).

Thanks for the battle!

drawdan
Artist
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294 comments
# 9   Posted: Dec 1 2009, 12:38 AM
Hmmm.  Never intended the racesist thing, She beat on the two guys more because xhe was so hungry for a fight that she didn't bother to stop and listen. the spidey roof jumping was more extraplated from the fact that she is athletic and just took on the new sky high persona. When I read her bio I thought she was strong, fast, athletic, and showey. As far as dreds unruly entrance. I am doing a jump back and forth story. You will see dreds intro to the events leading to the convention center in the next beyond battle.  I wanted to focus this comic on velvets character and the intro of this new witch villian. Thnks fir the feedback, hearing new perspectives always helps.    

NeoIcarus
Artist
icon
115 comments
# 8   Posted: Nov 30 2009, 11:44 PM
Drawdan: Alright, that first panel hit me so hard I actually went back and read all of Velvet's fights to see where she became Spider-man. I'm guessing you were doing a parody but it sort of fell flat because there was no link between Velvet and Spidey that I could see. It'd work great if Velvet had a history of jumping on rooftops or fighting Venom or had ever came off as a hero. But even though that failed, you had more jokes that worked and I liked. Velvet's dialogue came off exactly how I imagined she was. And though its hard to tell in black and white lines, I believe you made her racist.

Now this set up of having her leap down and beating up minorities in the name of her own sense of justice would've been a fine openning but it ends abruptly and we're put into an entirely different story. One that seems promising, yet it doesn't really sync up, you know? Also, Drednaut shows up (literally out of nowhere) in two panels. I suppose you meant for there to be more pages but what we have here is 1.5 Velvet stories rather than a Dred - Velvet story. I think I'm coming off as harsh and that was not my intent. Your battle did entertain.

Qyzex: Pretty good for what's here. You gave Dred and Velv screentime which is a good thing. Since present day Dred and Velv don't ever meet up (say, at the end to talk about old times or whatever), you don't really need page 1. You have the 20 years ago caption to notify the audience so as long as the characters are kept true in nature or at least are believable kid versions of themselves, that should be enough. I enjoyed the GVSR you've got going there because, even though he has one line, I felt his personality shine truer than anyone else who showed up. It was a nice, quick Thanksgiving story though it did leave me wanting more, even if it was just a shot of Velv smiling at the end.

I'll be waiting to read more from you two in the future.

drawdan
Artist
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294 comments
# 7   Posted: Nov 30 2009, 10:59 PM
That's propbably it. I'm looking at it on my iPhone and that's when I noticed the lines.

drawdan
Artist
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294 comments
# 6   Posted: Nov 30 2009, 10:28 PM
I don't quite know why those blend and erase lines are showing up because I didn't see them in Photoshop. I'm going to take a look when I get home from work, because they shouldn't be showing. Quix, nice look on your comic. I really like the ink washes. Story wise- it wasn't much of a dreds battle considering his only involvement was to remind your toon of a memory, but that's ok- it was very Hallmark chanel heartwofming type story. I really ran with your charzcters bio, I hope I didn't write her TOO vulgar but I had fun with her. The conclusion will drop very soon, before Christmas if my buddy finishes his part on time so look for it. Thnks for the battle!

drawdan
Artist
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294 comments
# 5   Posted: Nov 30 2009, 05:07 PM
Uploaded. Looking foward to the battle. G luck Quix..

Qyzex
Artist
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670 comments
# 4   Posted: Nov 23 2009, 04:32 PM
Alright, since I wont have anymore time to work on my comic, or any other time to upload it, I have uploaded it now.

Hope people enjoy it when it goes up :3

drawdan
Artist
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294 comments
# 3   Posted: Nov 15 2009, 09:51 PM
Hey thx, for the open challenge Qyzex! I had a buch to pick from, but you were one of the few that wasnt battleing now-and I liked your character.Its beem a while since I have battled. I have been working passively on a Beyond Battle but my new job withe the Sheriff's Dept. has been keeping me busy. I sent you an email but I will copy it here- Good Luck! I  look foward to your comic.
email copy-
I meant to mention to you, though I have not yet updated Dreds profile, his old life has come back to haunt him. If you caught my last battle, you will see that Boots N Dreds has returned to Void City, which was Drednaut's original persona. Its a little complicated, but Drednaut 'outgrew' that persona. But now that the 2 kids that created him are back  and all grown up weilding an exact replica of his former self, you could tech. use Boots N Dreds in your battle instead of Drednaut, or both. You can find a refrence for Boots N Dreds in my last battle on this page- http://entervoid.com/comic.php?id=2308- and information about his background in my bio. Let me know if you have any questions

Angie
Council
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1937 comments
# 2   Posted: Nov 9 2009, 07:11 PM
Good luck you guys!

Qyzex
Artist
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670 comments
# 1   Posted: Nov 9 2009, 07:07 PM
Thanks for the challenge! I'll hopefully not be swamped with school work, and be able to upload it on time. If I can't, I'll be sure to finish  it, and post it for you. But I doubt it'll come to that. GOOD LUCK!

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 3 weeks
Ended: Dec 7th, 2009
Votes Cast: 22
Page Views: 850
Winner: drawdan

 

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